This might be too long for some peeps pls bear with me. I noticed this section is popular so I will put this hear. I finished school 2019 rounded up service 2020 and came to Lagos around this time same year. I'm 24 years old. I came over hear in other to further my career. Getting a good job has been hard and the other jobs I did get even tho slightly lucrative where not good for my mental health. Dealing with a toxic boss and senior workers was hectic.I feel they were threatened by my cuteness and some almost got physical amidst small alterations. I quit the other job because I was literally spending hours in the traffic going and returning. I'm kinda on the introvert side of life so I get overwhelmed spending roughly 6 hours in traffic per day.
So back to the heading, my brother is not being nice with me. He's putting too much pressure on me knowing I just came to Lagos and starting life. He has money but doesn't want to empower anybody. He's of the opinion that everyone should suffer or in his words hustle before they get anything. I have seen a family where one brother makes money and uplifts all his FAM either thru business or further education. I have dreams of doing my masters and achieving goals but I need space to think out ideas and figure stuffs out. Right now I feel he's choking me with constant hassle and the energy he is emitting just ain't good for my well being. I don't know why he feels I am not doing enough. Everyone mustn't do Yahoo or according to him "be in the streets" to make it. Everyone's path In life is different and I know I will achieve my goals but It will be tough doing so in his place. My environment influences me and I positivity and cheerfulness isn't present I tend to get drained. Especially now that I don't have a job and need to figure my steps with a clear head. I would have left his house but I don't have elsewhere to go unless I head back to my state Anambra. I was hoping on getting a job that comes with accommodation like a hotel so I can clear my head from there but its been difficult getting on around this parts cos some are even retrenching there staff.
Please how do I go about this. Considering this negative energy and toxicity should I still put up with it or head back home. I really value my mental health and calm head

PS. He has a wife and three kids. I feel the wife is crooked and not straight forward. I don't really blame her.

You need a serious help before it's too late blaming your brother and his wife maltreating is totally wrong!!!!! Haba! A man with 3kids!!! Do you know what he too is going through? What if you don't have any brother in the city If you could gather energy to write this episode, use the same energy to plan for you life! Pray to God to grant you good job. Don't destroy their home please, face your dear life.

Bola146:
You need a serious help before it's too late blaming your brother and his wife maltreating is totally wrong!!!!! Haba! A man with 3kids!!! Do you know what he too is going through? What if you don't have any brother in the city If you could gather energy to write this episode, use the same energy to plan for you life! Pray to God to grant you good job. Don't destroy their home please, face your dear life.

i don't blame my brother for anything but he's putting unnecessary pressure on me not considering the fact I'm still trying to figure my life out. That's unfair

Bola146:
You need a serious help before it's too late blaming your brother and his wife maltreating is totally wrong!!!!! Haba! A man with 3kids!!! Do you know what he too is going through? What if you don't have any brother in the city If you could gather energy to write this episode, use the same energy to plan for you life! Pray to God to grant you good job. Don't destroy their home please, face your dear life.

Are you the OP's brother wife?

Plan is life as how?

Destroy which home? I feel like giving you correct knock!

You think it's easy to plan out one's life without support or with a support that comes with pressure?

Bro OP, follow your brother talk privately in the absence of his wife, while talking, choose your words carefully.

....

You are kind of self centered, Your brother is also under alot of pressure. He has a wife and 3 kids to take care of, he has you and himself. So life is not in any way easy for him. The earlier you get yourself fixed, the better for everybody.

You have to understand this, no matter how much he earns, he is trying. We all handle pressure differently, maybe this is his own way of expressing himself. You will understand better when you have your own family. Appreciate all he his doing because normally you are not suppose to be his responsibility.


On your own part, you have to get tough, life is not easy, be willing to take and bear shits on your path to break through. Nobody owes you anything, be grateful if you see anyone that accommodates you.

Karleb:


Are you the OP's brother wife?

Plan is life as how?

Destroy which home? I feel like giving you correct knock!

You think it's easy to plan out one's life without support or with a support that comes with pressure?

Bro OP, follow your brother talk privately in the absence of his wife, while talking, choose your words carefully.

Oponu

Your level of entitlement mentality is serious! No wonder you couldn't hold a job! Biko swerve! Get a job and leave your brother alone! He is not your father and you are not a kid! Dang!

Bosses jealous of your cuteness, traffic killing affecting your introvert self,brother expecting you to take care of yourself......haaa! May God help this world!

By the way, I'm always so surprised when irrational people dont realise just how irrational they are! Please imagine you're a third party and read what you've written up there....what do you think? It is well o

Karleb:


Are you the OP's brother wife?

Plan is life as how?

Destroy which home? I feel like giving you correct knock!

You think it's easy to plan out one's life without support or with a support that comes with pressure?

Bro OP, follow your brother talk privately in the absence of his wife, while talking, choose your words carefully.

Brother enabler, is it the brother's wife that made him not to hold his jobs? He was too cute for his bosses and too reserved for traffic! Arent majority of Lagosians dealing with the same traffic? Biko help OP, let him follow you talk about handing him bread. God bless you.

Nomanlike:
i don't blame my brother for anything but he's putting unnecessary pressure on me not considering the fact I'm still trying to figure my life out. That's unfair

I hope they arent they ones feeding you too? Biko head back home so you could have ample time to figure out your life. On your way home, please branch at the nearest market to get a feel of how expensive it is to feed and provide basic needs in this economy. Hian! You need to read what you wrote up there! Na person way no know say e no easy to make money dey yan gibberish like that. May God help you.

Reading...

You are introverted, and it ain't good for street. Your brother is pushing you beyond your limit, he should know better to treat you accordingly...

Notwithstanding, he is married. And to be honest, it's not easy with marriage and kids these days. Also, many women can't stand in laws around, sorry!

My advice is for you to labor to leave his house, take jobs and try to get your own house. Immidiately after my NYSC, I didn't go back to my parents house despite all the easy life there, I no want see finish and I'm naturally immune to bullshiit. So any mistake from my parents, I may erroneously take it as not wanting me around so I cut that off. Infact I relocated to another state entirely and see them at least twice a year. It wasn't easy, but it gave the will to survive at any place.

First look for a job and no matter how little, manage save and be respectful. You're just 24,go to church more often. Join a society and don't relent in talking to people about jobs. See, if you don't go through this, you can't be successful. You must go through it, that is what will shape you in future.

Stay in that traffic! Na Lagos you dey. Suffer it and save, put up more jobs. If it's too easy, it's not going worthwhile. Like me, when good things come easily for me I don't get immidiately excited,I will stay calm for days to be sure it's true because life is not easy when you're on that road, but we shall get there through experience, hardwork and most especially through prayers.

Don't be lazy. Be focused.

"Getting a good job has been hard and the other jobs I did get even tho slightly lucrative where not good for my mental health. Dealing with a toxic boss and senior workers was hectic.I feel they were threatened by my cuteness and some almost got physical amidst small alterations. I quit the other job because I was literally spending hours in the traffic going and returning. I'm kinda on the introvert side of life so I get overwhelmed spending roughly 6 hours in traffic per day"........Sighs.

Why not leave Lagos and go back home to Anambra State so you can clear your head from there since you have decided that resilience is not your forte!

You want to go for Masters, who are you expecting to pay for it when you are findings it difficult to hold down jobs because of flimsy excuses. My first job was in a psychiatric hospital where the trauma was unlimited, the first month was hell on earth for me, I became mentally disoriented and always felt like throwing up as I was always experiencing heightened state of anxiety.....having to work in an establishment where psychopaths and serial killers who have been locked up for life in the psychiatric hospital are observing you as you work in their unit but I had bills to pay in a foreign country and had to relegate any excuse.....you are talking about being envied for being cute!

Your elder brother you are staying with, didn't he also leave Anambra to come hustle his way out in Lagos? Just be clear that his nuclear family (wife and children) are his primary responsibility not you.

Dear OP, I joined the labour market at about your age after NYSC in Lagos. I lived in the mainland and worked on the Island for over 4 years before relocating to another state.
I experienced same traffic and even slept out for my safety if getting home late puts me at risk.
You ought to have your life planned out prior to finishing NYSC than still being in the trying to figure it out mode.
C'mon, you're 24 and not 21. Men were getting married at this age in the past and extreme few in the present.
Forget introvert and do the needful. You're even lucky to have a sibling in Lagos to accommodate you which makes starting out easy.
If you're the corporate kinda person, are you studying for aptitude tests, interviews....you never mentioned it.
Even with a second degree, na still entry level as long as you have no quality experience. Get the job first as age is no longer on your side and get the masters later.
My younger sister just went to NYSC camp, I gave her my study materials for aptitude tests and told her to prepare herself immediately after graduation as I wouldn't indulge her after NYSC.
Don't use clearing your head to become lazy and entitled as time is not waiting for you. You're blaming your SIL for your ineptitude.....guy wake up.

Esthered:
Dear OP, I joined the labour market at about your age after NYSC in Lagos. I lived in the mainland and worked on the Island for over 4 years before relocating to another state.
I experienced same traffic and even slept out for my safety if getting home late puts me at risk.
You ought to have your life planned out prior to finishing NYSC than still being in the trying to figure it out mode.
C'mon, you're 24 and not 21. Men were getting married at this age in the past and extreme few in the present.
Forget introvert and do the needful. You're even lucky to have a sibling in Lagos to accommodate you which makes starting out easy.
If you're the corporate kinda person, are you studying for aptitude tests, interviews....you never mentioned it.
Even with a second degree, na still entry level as long as you have no quality experience. Get the job first as age is no longer on your side and get the masters later.
My younger sister just went to NYSC camp, I gave her my study materials for aptitude tests and told her to prepare herself immediately after graduation as I wouldn't indulge her after NYSC.
Don't use clearing your head to become lazy and entitled as time is not waiting for you. You're blaming your SIL for your ineptitude.....guy wake up.

please do you have the soft copy for the study materials?

VTJN:
please do you have the soft copy for the study materials?

Not anymore as it was on my former phone.

sisisioge:


Brother enabler, is it the brother's wife that made him not to hold his jobs? He was too cute for his bosses and too reserved for traffic! Arent majority of Lagosians dealing with the same traffic? Biko help OP, let him follow you talk about handing him bread. God bless you.

You didn't see where he said some of his senior colleagues got physical at work? Toxic boss and 6 hours in traffic everyday. 6 hours per day in traffic is a lot and most Lagosians don't go through that and I'm sure they weren't paying him well.

There are some discussions you don't have in presence of a woman, not even your own mother, you are a lady and I don't expect you to understand.

The OP is navie for saying they got jealous of his cuteness. But a brother who has been in the game would be able to help a lot, that's why I suggest he talks to his brother in private.

Bola146:


Oponu

You are a ret.ard.

Nomanlike:
i don't blame my brother for anything but he's putting unnecessary pressure on me not considering the fact I'm still trying to figure my life out. That's unfair

I have to quote you to drop my advice.

You are entitled, no doubt about that.

You feel your brother has money and therefore you should not suffer, reason you resign from your job so quickly without thinking about the implications.

The truth is, no matter who you are, you are going to be answerable to a superior person or persons.

The humiliation you couldn't endure from your bosses and colleagues, you will endure it from your brother and his wife.

I have a brother like yours. He started showing us that his money is not for our enjoyment on time and we learned from it.

I stayed back after school and took up a teaching job while learning how to earn as a Freelancer, even when I have several siblings that I can stay with. I am the last child in a family of ten, and the only one still single, just so you can understand how many options that I have. Some of my siblings are landlords of where they live but that didn't move me.

I got posted to serve in Lagos and I was staying with my immediate elder sister in their three bedroom apartment. They had one child as at that time. Immediately I got posted to my PPA, I rented my own apartment and left them even when the husband disagreed and wanted me to stay back.

You should have had your life planned out within the one year that you were waiting to be mobilized for NYSC but I guess you were busy doing fine boy that doesn't help anybody.

You still served for a full year, yet you went back to live with your brother? If these two years were not enough for you to plan your life out, then you may still be dependent on your brother in the next five years.

He knows this and thus the reason for the pressure.

Stop thinking you are not meant to suffer, nobody makes money without stress. I make over 350k monthly online yet drive on Uber every Sunday to earn additional money even if it's 15k net.

Take your destiny by your hands, visit business and investment sections of nairaland and borrow ideas. You can start Uber if you see a car to drive or you can tell your brother to buy one for you since you said he has money so you can repay him over time.

Make a move bro. You can't just be sleeping and waking up to eat and expect your brother not to be worried.

Dailyparrot:


I have to quote you to drop my advice.

You are entitled, no doubt about that.

You feel your brother has money and therefore you should not suffer, reason you resign from your job so quickly without thinking about the implications.

The truth is, no matter who you are, you are going to be answerable to a superior person or persons.

The humiliation you couldn't endure from your bosses and colleagues, you will endure it from your brother and his wife.

I have a brother like yours. He started showing us that his money is not for our enjoyment on time and we learned from it.

I stayed back after school and took up a teaching job while learning how to earn as a Freelancer, even when I have several siblings that I can stay with. I am the last child in a family of ten, and the only one still single, just so you can understand how many options that I have. Some of my siblings are landlords of where they live but that didn't move me.

I got posted to serve in Lagos and I was staying with my immediate elder sister in their three bedroom apartment. They had one child as at that time. Immediately I got posted to my PPA, I rented my own apartment and left them even when the husband disagreed and wanted me to stay back.

You should have had your life planned out within the one year that you were waiting to be mobilized for NYSC but I guess you were busy doing fine boy that doesn't help anybody.

You still served for a full year, yet you went back to live with your brother? If these two years were not enough for you to plan your life out, then you may still be dependent on your brother in the next five years.

He knows this and thus the reason for the pressure.

Stop thinking you are not meant to suffer, nobody makes money without stress. I make over 350k monthly online yet drive on Uber every Sunday to earn additional money even if it's 15k net.

Take your destiny by your hands, visit business and investment sections of nairaland and borrow ideas. You can start Uber if you see a car to drive or you can tell your brother to buy one for you since you said he has money so you can repay him over time.

Make a move bro. You can't just be sleeping and waking up to eat and expect your brother not to be worried.

Permit me to ask, how did you get the means to finance yourself after NYSC?

This is the issue I have with this "planning out your life" statement. If I didn't go for NYSC, I would have thought they provide loans for corpers to plan out their lives after the scheme.

What if he doesn't have the money or resources to plan out his life?

Lastly, if you really make that per month then you really need to relax and stop driving Uber. Workaholic chill o!

Nomanlike:
.

wouldn't you have planned and lived your life if you had no brother?

Karleb:


Permit me to ask, how did you get the means to finance yourself after NYSC?

This is the issue I have with this "planning out your life" statement. If I didn't go for NYSC, I would have thought they provide loans for corpers to plan out their lives after the scheme.

What if he doesn't have the money or resources to plan out his life?

Lastly, if you really make that per month then you really need to relax and stop driving Uber. Workaholic chill o!

I like your question.

I stated clearly that I took up a teaching job while learning how to make money online.

The online job paid off that I wasn't thinking about getting a job anymore.

Take the Uber business I cited as an example of planning his life. You need to think of options available to you. Know the family that you come from, the support you can get and plan your life accordingly.

Ask yourself what you can do assuming jobs aren't forthcoming. Any undergraduate in Nigeria that does not know that job is scarce deserves to have his or her certificate withdrawn because he or she isn't living in reality.

As for me stopping Uber, bro 500k per month is no money. It depends on the standard of life that you want for yourself.

Some thread that made Frontpage some days ago where someone was asking how much rent he should pay on 80k salary.

The part of Lagos that I live, 2 to 3 Bedroom apartment goes for as high as 700k to 800k. So, how much of 350k can afford you that rent?

Karleb:


You didn't see where he said some of his senior colleagues got physical at work? Toxic boss and 6 hours in traffic everyday. 6 hours per day in traffic is a lot and most Lagosians don't go through that and I'm sure they weren't paying him well.

There are some discussions you don't have in presence of a woman, not even your own mother, you are a lady and I don't expect you to understand.

The OP is navie for saying they got jealous of his cuteness. But a brother who has been in the game would be able to help a lot, that's why I suggest he talks to his brother in private.

Well, since you've refused to see the pattern, let me let you enjoy your day cos I wont put it past this expectant brother to have thrown the first punch. Whew!

I wonder what you would have said about the conversations to have in front of a woman if OP's sibling were to be the wife. Whew!

In fact, what does he want from the brother sef? He should open a business for him? That will be incredibly funny! Person wey no fit manage himself go too cute to manage a business o especially since the capital wasnt from his sweat

sisisioge:


Well, since you've refused to see the pattern, let me let you enjoy your day cos I wont put it past this expectant brother to have thrown the first punch. Whew!

I wonder what you would have said about the conversations to have in front of a woman if OP's sibling were to be the wife. Whew!

In fact, what does he want from the brother sef? He should open a business for him? That will be incredibly funny! Person wey no fit manage himself go too cute to manage a business o especially since the capital wasnt from his sweat

You are already exhibiting why I said he should have a private discussion with his brother.

You brought the business idea in and also concluded yourself that he isn't capable of it.

Weldone o!

Search yourself and self reflect.
Only you have quit from 2 jobs for one reason or the other.
Now, it's your brother and wife that you think are stressing you out, and no longer your harsh bosses and seniors.
Majority of those living in Lagos struggle with traffic even though its not good for their physical and mental health, but they still manage to do what they have to do.
You're lucky you have someone feeding you, which is why you think you can keep quitting jobs as you like. If you weren't stressing others by quiting your job, I wouldn't have said anything but you're indirectly stressing out a man with 3 children who also has to have their school fees paid.
Perhaps you can go back to your parents house, and look for a job around there because Lagos is a place where you don't get any rest

Eschew conceit/empty your cup. Everyone else, or thing, but you, is the problem citing the connotation of your submission. Once you eschew conceit, almost every other thing will fall in place for you.

Karleb:


You are already exhibiting why I said he should have a private discussion with his brother.

You brought the business idea in and also concluded yourself that he isn't capable of it.

Weldone o!

Oya no vex. Maybe he wants his brother to search for job for him

Do you know how much pressure your brother is going through?

.

"I feel the wife is crooked and not straight forward. I don't really blame her"......You have no business blaming her, she is in her marriage while you are just a guest in their home.

You are a full blown adult who should be 100% responsible for self and decisions taken. You have achieved tertiary education but your inability to keep a job is a red flag because you want it soft!

If you didn't have a place where they are feeding you and housing you for free, would you have left your jobs for those flippant reasons? They are jealous of your cuteness? I am sure you are not the most handsome guy to work in an office. How do others do it?

It was easy to leave a job because of traffic while you put some more burden on your brother. Do you know how your brother feels about your decisions to leave the jobs?

You keep blaming everything on your introvert nature. Introverts are in ttaffic daily. Or do you think traffic is for extroverts?

You try to rope your brother's wife into the matter so that the guys here can jump on that reason, that she must be the one fueling her husband's attitude. Do you know how tasking it might be to take care of three children plus you? Do you do anything to help her?

Just try to forget about yourself, your needs, your introvert nature and think from your brother's perspective. You might understand better.