Dannyset:
Positive discipline for better mental and physical health and a happy childhood.

There are no bad children, only bad behaviour.




How to discipline your child the smart and healthy way.

There comes a time when every parent struggles with how best to discipline their child. Whether dealing with a screaming toddler or an angry teen, it can be hard to control your temper. No parent wants to find themselves in such a situation and the bottom line is that shouting and physical violence never help.
Thankfully, there are other, more effective ways and one of them is positive discipline. We consulted Lucie Cluver, Oxford University professor of Child and Family Social Work and mother of two young boys, to explore how the approach can help parents build positive relationships with their children and teach skills like responsibility, cooperation and self-discipline.


Why positive discipline?

“Parents don't want to shout or hit their kids. We do it because we're stressed and don't see another way,” says Professor Cluver.
The evidence is clear: shouting and hitting simply do not work and can do more harm than good in the long run. Repeated shouting and hitting can even adversely impact a child’s entire life. The continued “toxic stress” it creates can lead to a host of negative outcomes like higher chances of school dropout, depression, drug use, suicide and heart disease.
“It’s like saying: here's this medicine, it's not going to help you and it's going to make you sick,” says Professor Cluver. “When we know something doesn't work, that's a pretty good reason to look for a different approach.”

Rather than punishment and what not to do, the positive discipline approach puts an emphasis on developing a healthy relationship with your child and setting expectations around behaviour. The good news for every parent is it works and here’s how you can start putting it into practice:

1. Plan 1-on-1 time

One-on-one time is important for building any good relationship and even more so with your children. “It can be 20 minutes a day. Or even 5 minutes. You can combine it with something like washing dishes together while you sing a song or chatting while you're hanging out the washing,” says Professor Cluver. “What's really important is that you focus on your child. So, you turn your TV off, you turn your phone off, you get to their level and it's you and them.”


2. Praise the positives

As parents we often focus on our children’s bad behaviour and call it out. Children may read this as a way to get your attention, perpetuating poor conduct rather than putting a stop to it.
Children thrive on praise. It makes them feel loved and special. “Watch out for when they're doing something good and praise them, even if that thing is just playing for five minutes with their sibling,” recommends Professor Cluver. “This can encourage good behaviour and reduce the need for discipline.”


3. Set clear expectations

“Telling your child exactly what you want them to do is much more effective than telling them what not to do,” says Professor Cluver. “When you ask a child to not make a mess, or to be good, they don't necessarily understand what they're required to do.” Clear instructions like “Please pick up all of your toys and put them in the box” set a clear expectation and increase the likelihood that they'll do what you’re asking.
“But it's important to set realistic expectations. Asking them to stay quiet for a whole day may not be as manageable as asking for 10 minutes of quiet time while you have a phone call,” says Professor Cluver. “You know what your child is capable of. But if you ask for the impossible, they are going to fail.”

4. Distract creatively

When your child is being difficult, distracting them with a more positive activity can be a useful strategy says Professor Cluver. “When you distract them towards something else – by changing the topic, introducing a game, leading them into another room, or going for a walk, you can successfully divert their energy towards positive behaviour.”

Timing is also crucial. Distraction is also about spotting when things are about to go wrong and taking action. Being mindful of when your child is starting to become fidgety, irritable or annoyed, or when two siblings are eyeing the same toy, can help diffuse a potential situation before it becomes one.


5. Use calm consequences

Part of growing up is learning that if you do something, something can happen as a result. Defining this for your child is a simple process that encourages better behaviour while teaching them about responsibility.

Give your child a chance to do the right thing by explaining the consequences of their bad behaviour. As an example, if you want your child to stop scribbling on the walls, you can tell them to stop or else you will end their play time. This provides them with a warning and an opportunity to change their behaviour.

If they don’t stop, follow through with the consequences calmly and without showing anger, “and give yourself credit for that – it’s not easy!” adds Professor Cluver.
If they do stop, give them lots of praise for it, recommends Professor Cluver. “What you are doing is creating a positive feedback loop for your child. Calm consequences have been shown to be effective for kids to learn about what happens when they behave badly.”

Being consistent is a key factor in positive parenting, which is why following through with the consequences is important. And so is making them realistic. “You can take a teenager's phone away for an hour but taking it away for a week might be difficult to follow through on.”


Engaging with younger children

One-on-one time can be fun – and it’s completely free! “You can copy their expressions, bang spoons against pots, or sing together,” adds Professor Cluver. “There’s amazing research showing that playing with your children boosts their brain development.”


Engaging with older children

Like younger children, teenagers seek praise and want to be thought of as good. One-on-one time is still important to them. “They love it if you dance around the room with them or engage in a conversation about their favourite singer,” says Professor Cluver. “They may not always show it, but they do. And, it's an effective way of building a relationship on their terms.”

While setting expectations, “ask them to help make some of the rules,” suggests Professor Cluver. “Sit them down and try to agree on the household dos and don'ts. They can also help decide what the consequences for unacceptable behaviour will be. Being involved in the process helps them know that you understand they're becoming their own independent beings.”


Advice for parents during the COVID-19 pandemic

The pandemic has brought about sudden and drastic changes in the lives of families with parents directly in the middle of it. Here are some tips that can help parents get through these and any other stressful times:


1. Pause

We all know the stress when we feel our child is being difficult. At moments like these, being present and stepping back is a simple and useful tactic. Hit the “pause button”, as Professor Cluver calls it. “Take five deep breaths, slowly and carefully and you'll notice you are able to respond in a calmer, more considered way. Parents across the world say that just taking that pause is enormously helpful.”


2. Step back

Parents often forget to care for themselves, says Professor Cluver. “Take some time for yourself, such as when the kids are asleep, to do something that makes you feel happy and calm. It's really hard to do all the things right as a parent, when you haven't given yourself a break.”


3. Praise yourself
It’s easy to forget the as tonishing job you do as a parent every day and you should give yourself the credit, advises Professor Cluver. “Each day, maybe while brushing your teeth, take a moment to ask: ‘What was one thing I did really well with my kids today?’ And, just know that you did something great.”

“We might be in and out of isolation, but you are absolutely not alone,” she says. “Millions of parents across the world are all trying and we're all failing sometimes. And then we're trying again. We’ll survive this together.”

https://www.unicef.org/parenting/child-care/how-discipline-your-child-smart-and-healthy-way

and use cane if and when necessary

elonmuskbaby:
Oyinbo now wants to tell Africans how to discipline ouy children and what they consider healthy discipline

For how long are they going to dictate to us and be our standards?

Their own children dey deliquent,on drugs,many in prison etc.abeg make them no vex me

This stereotype applies mostly to black Americans, contradictory

coolcharm:
Very nonsense post.

Spare the rod an spoil the child.

Proverbs 13:24

Whoever spares the rod hates their children, but the one who loves their children is careful to discipline them.

don’t mind them. They think I will leave my children to grow as gays

coolcharm:


What good are the humans raised in the west? Bunch of spoilt and rotten heads right? Correcting your children with koboko 2.0 once in a while doesn't mean you don't love them or are not compassionate. Infact, it is an expression of love. You've got to balance the mix.

You need to stop using technology since you think humans raised in the west are no good. Some people no even get shame. Just open mouth waaaa and talk rubbish.

coolcharm:
Very nonsense post.

Spare the rod an spoil the child.

Proverbs 13:24

Whoever spares the rod hates their children, but the one who loves their children is careful to discipline them.

You're really broken

You can't see any sense in the above post?


I pity the innocent kids you'd be inflicting this brokenness upon


If hitting and yelling is very good,
Tell us how u are more productive, useful and morally upright against the kids raised otherwise

goodmorning40:
This list is incomplete
I did not see flogging there

When you ain't nurturing an animal .... Flogging your child is like flogging yourself ... whatever odds you see in your child are either from you or your wife if not s/he learnt it somewhere under your watch ....

I love the recommendations and they all fit quite well into my philosophies.... Flogging is the last result and one good hot slap is quite brain resetting enough !!

WoundedLamb:


That's actually a figurative statement. If hitting kids with rod makes them better adults, Africa would have been producing the best humans. I believe a child raised without being hit like an animal has a higher tendency of being honest, open and compassionate.

You chose a side of the narrative too. No method of discipline have produced a perfect child.

A child not hit like 'an animal' as you have said also have produced children who lack morals, stubborn and don't value the place of parental guidance. I speak from experience and this woman almost lost it since she trained her children abroad. Not just her but other testimonies too.

coolcharm:
Very nonsense post.

Spare the rod an spoil the child.

Proverbs 13:24

Whoever spares the rod hates their children, but the one who loves their children is careful to discipline them.

Spare the rod .. is a figure of speech.. English hard

Nauttyprof:


You chose a side of the narrative too. No method of discipline have produced a perfect child.

A child not hit like 'an animal' as you have said also have produced children who lack morals, stubborn and don't value the place of parental guidance. I speak from experience and this woman almost lost it since she trained her children abroad. Not just her but other testimonies too.

Do whatever works for u .. but beating someone can never be classified as love it’s just a way to justify the harsh treatment u received .. it rings a bell in ur head every now and then ..

If you train your children the way UNICEF said.. I swear
1.. You will cry at old age
2. Waywardness is not very far from your children...
Please be wise.... Western culture had never helped us....

Africans especially Nigerian parents should stop their child abuse in the name of training kids in the right way. With all the inhuman flogging and punishment,what has we achieved? How many inventions have the "properly trained" children made?
The whites don't beat their kids,as it's an offence,yet they are progressing in a geometrical rate scientifically and technologically.

earthsync:
I think using sticks to beat these children is the only way they can be morally upright

If it's not OK for man to beat a woman, how is it OK for parents to beat children?

Children are very vulnerable -- physically, mentally, and psychologically. They cannot fend for themselves. It's very wicked of anyone to beat such vulnerable, innocent beings. They deserve empathy. Even when stubborn, it's better to discipline them without emotional or physical abuse

iamoyindamola:
No slapping, spanking

Children are very vulnerable -- physically, mentally, and psychologically. They cannot fend for themselves. It's very wicked of anyone to beat such vulnerable, innocent beings. They deserve empathy. Even when stubborn, it's better to discipline them without emotional or physical abuse

Jeromejnr:


It's a "woke" world now.

They are forming not necessary to flog children. But go to the U.S now and see how many children disrespect their parents, some carry guns and kill, they become Emo's who become rebellious and don't listen to parents advice while living on drugs. Then some end up committing suicide.

Children are very vulnerable -- physically, mentally, and psychologically. They cannot fend for themselves. It's very wicked of anyone to beat such vulnerable, innocent beings. They deserve empathy. Even when stubborn, it's better to discipline them without emotional or physical abuse

Westerners are too free and too busy working. They don't set good examples for how to raise children

adioolayi:
Go back to the Africa's communal ways...We are losing it....

Oyinbos ways no dey work....

Correcting without a little bit of spanking , canning or having someone the child fear between either parents no be discipline for this part of the world.


If you like, follow the oyinbos rules and don't drive sense into your pikin....


NB: I no say make you abuse am o, because some African parents own self too much ..dem fit carry pestle to beat a child

Children are very vulnerable -- physically, mentally, and psychologically. They cannot fend for themselves. It's very wicked of anyone to beat such vulnerable, innocent beings. They deserve empathy. Even when stubborn, it's better to discipline them without emotional or physical abuse

I find it very ridiculous how people say that it's wrong for a man to beat a woman but ok for an adult to beat a child

coolcharm:


What good are the humans raised in the west? Bunch of spoilt and rotten heads right? Correcting your children with koboko 2.0 once in a while doesn't mean you don't love them or are not compassionate. Infact, it is an expression of love. You've got to balance the mix.

I find it very ridiculous how people say that it's wrong for a man to beat a woman but ok for an adult to beat a child

Children are very vulnerable -- physically, mentally, and psychologically. They cannot fend for themselves. It's very wicked of anyone to beat such vulnerable, innocent beings. They deserve empathy. Even when stubborn, it's better to discipline them without emotional or physical abuse

Westerners are too free and busy with work to discipline their kids. They're not good examples neither are they proof that koboko works

How would you feel if someone whipped you with koboko right now?

goodmorning40:
This list is incomplete
I did not see flogging there

I find it very ridiculous how people say that it's wrong for a man to beat a woman but ok for an adult to beat a child

Children are very vulnerable -- physically, mentally, and psychologically. They cannot fend for themselves. It's very wicked of anyone to beat such vulnerable, innocent beings. They deserve empathy. Even when stubborn, it's better to discipline them without emotional or physical abuse

How would you feel if someone flogged you right now and you weren't able to defend yourself?

LordVoldermort:

This stereotype applies mostly to black Americans, contradictory

and even oyibo children

Na oyinbo Children go carry gun kill him parents for nothing or carry gun to school and go on a killing spree

goodmorning40:
This list is incomplete
I did not see flogging there

Flogging is seen as violence. Too much of it can make a child rebellious.

WoundedLamb:


That's actually a figurative statement. If hitting kids with rod makes them better adults, Africa would have been producing the best humans. I believe a child raised without being hit like an animal has a higher tendency of being honest, open and compassionate.

exactly bro....reading through the post there's a place they said WHEN YOU KNOW SOMETHING DOESNT WORK ITS A PRETTY GOOD REASON TO LOOK FOR DIFFERENT APPROACH that's something you can't find in a black man. a black man stick to some Bible instructions that isn't helping and I asked how many times did Joseph hit Jesus with a stick when he told his father am not going with you am in my fathers house already. Why didn't Jesus go home first.....do his chores then go back to the church.....why didn't he respect his parents and upon doing this....did his parents hit him with a stick or rod according to his proverb bla bla bla

Try after church and tell your mum and dad oh am not going home....am in my fathers house

WoundedLamb:


That's actually a figurative statement. If hitting kids with rod makes them better adults, Africa would have been producing the best humans. I believe a child raised without being hit like an animal has a higher tendency of being honest, open and compassionate.

In addition, I keep asking myself why we are even the way we are with all the beatings of the 80s and 90s.

Jeromejnr:


It's a "woke" world now.

They are forming not necessary to flog children. But go to the U.S now and see how many children disrespect their parents, some carry guns and kill, they become Emo's who become rebellious and don't listen to parents advice while living on drugs. Then some end up committing suicide.

That same USA has a system developed by the "unflogged" children which is attracting several people all over the world.
Which inventions all over the world were developed by children that were flogged.

No sense in this Post. because you have seen all this advanced countries doing this, you think it will work over here,
In America I watched a video of an 11 years old child smoking in front of her mum.
I wonder what my mum would have done to me if I smoked at that age.
Thanks to my mum and dad for all the good deciplnes.

bong4:


That same USA has a system developed by the "unflogged" children which is attracting several people all over the world.
Which inventions all over the world were developed by children that were flogged.

Do you know what invention means?. Or the difference between inventions and modifications? Who are the people leading tech companies in Silicon Valley today, is it not Indians and people of other races.

The America you guys are killing yourselves for was built on strong moral principles..with British disciplines. Not now that the woke is destroying the country.

The people who invented where people brought up in good Christian homes. When home discipline with the belt was acceptable. People who later received Nobel prizes.

CelestineNelson:
As long as that post is...there is no mention of God in training up a child, how men constantly and indirectly try to replace God with human standards and philosophies wow!...you want to raise a human created by God, and you don't even have any reference to the source of that human! What a futile efforts. You think what makes a man to go wayward comes from papers...it comes from within and unfortunately, Science can not handle regeneration of Spirit and soul. Woe betide a fish that wants to swim on land or bed that want to fly in water. The source of evry man is God and until a man return back to his source the earth is not safe, parents will continue to raise children that will be a constant threat to the society. The best way to raise up Children is to Return them to God., let them encounter God personally, when his Spirit dwell in them, you have conquered them. Even when you are not around that God in them will supervise their motives and intentions anywhere anytime. You will have peace of mind even after death. Let your Children know God in Spirit and in truth and you will know peace

Will u beat your chest and say children of pastors are better in human behavior than children of atheist? Why do Africans think everything is spiritual? Where has the spirituality got you as a race? With your spirituality you are still the worst continent on earth. Even the white people that brought the "god" to you know when to apply wisdom. But you guys think everything is spiritual. Look at Africa today? Abi your "god" is not working for you? With all you do spiritually, why is he not making your continent great? When ll u start Using ur brains and recognise when to use Brian and when to pray? Spirituality is not replacement for common sense. Everything Africans don't understand they term it spiritual instead of making efforts to understand because they have very weak brain that can't think far. These are simple practical ways to achieve result but naaaaa...u prefer to hand it to "god" to discipline ur children...a mandate he gave you ... Haba!!!

Yes

This is why they end up raising up binary and LGBT people.




Let them continue...

Make my wife born make d pikin misbehave whether he no go collect the African way.

God punish that satan of no floging.

bepositive11:


Children are very vulnerable -- physically, mentally, and psychologically. They cannot fend for themselves. It's very wicked of anyone to beat such vulnerable, innocent beings. They deserve empathy. Even when stubborn, it's better to discipline them without emotional or physical abuse

I find it very ridiculous how people say that it's wrong for a man to beat a woman but ok for an adult to beat a child

Chief, we all know what we talk about in correcting a child in African's way devoid of abuse.

I still maintain you can't train a child in this part of the world without some little spanking. If it's possible, well.. good luck

WoundedLamb:


That's actually a figurative statement. If hitting kids with rod makes them better adults, Africa would have been producing the best humans. I believe a child raised without being hit like an animal has a higher tendency of being honest, open and compassionate.

You have gone an extreme to prove a point.

Not all parents hit their kids like animals; some beat their kids with love and explain why they have done so.

I am not saying the Nigerian way of child upbringing is totally right: Nigerian parents punish their kids.... They don't set clear expectations, train them on what to do, engage them to understand their personality or reward good behavior enough and they can pick that from this article and do better.

Don't mean they have to discard flogging in love when necessary.

We can read people's good points to add to ours instead of throwing ours away like zombies.

They're some kids and some situations you have to spank. Cain. punish to discipline your kids! Don't pamper them when they're naughty but when they're have performed well praise them but as a parent you can't give what you don't have that's another problem!