Dailyparrot:


My brother is already in his 40s. He got married at 36 so...

It pains me to know that I have someone like that as a brother.

When we traveled home last Christmas, he will wake up in the morning around 6am and be talking to you only for his mouth to be smelling of alcohol.

I mean who drinks without eating that early in the morning? I was telling my sister that if not for the sake of blood, what will ever get me closer to someone like him?

He has always been careless and irresponsible. Has slept in police custody few times for either direct crime or crime linked to him through friends. It's a terrible situation and the children are my only concern.

I mean three beautiful kids that don't deserve what they are getting.

What you and your other siblings should do is arrange for a family meeting and summon him, then you all should give him a strong warning (a very strong warning) to either sit up and mend his ways or you all will turn your backs on him(in terms of assistance and all).
Even if he tries to pretend to be unaffected, that ought to get him shaken up.

..
No matter how you try to force it,some persons will nver be ready for life..

What were you people even thinking forcing that marriage on him??

Now the poor wife and kids will continue to suffer.. I feel bad for them.

Your elder brother will continue to misbehave. I doubt if he will ever change.

Redpillar:
You are really a parrot.

I don’t blame you or your brother, I blame the silly girl that thought she could cohabit with an efulefu or that being pregnant for one must lead to marriage. Your brother is an NFA and you all know it.

[/b]Ladies should be wary of any advanced bachelor whose family runs around to ensure he gets married. Just know he is very useless to them and they want him to at least have kids as his own achievement in life. [b]

Do whatever you want with him. Na your brother.

.
Very true.

Many ladies also fall into that category.

Redpillar:
You are really a parrot.

I don’t blame you or your brother, I blame the silly girl that thought she could cohabit with an efulefu or that being pregnant for one must lead to marriage. Your brother is an NFA and you all know it.

Ladies should be wary of any advanced bachelor whose family runs around to ensure he gets married. Just know he is very useless to them and they want him to at least have kids as his own achievement in life.

Do whatever you want with him. Na your brother.

@bold:

Hahahahahaha!

Maybe I am very old school BUT I believe there is time for everything.

I wonder what a young girl was doing with an advanced bachelor who has no future ambition.

@OP:

There are some things called 'blessing in disguise'.

Let your brother send his wife and kids away while you establish them (since you already want to).

He is committing adultery without remorse, has no sense of responsibility towards his children, physically abusive and sleeping with a widow accused of killing her husband.

He clearly has no redeeming qualities so I am wondering the attraction to your sister-in-law.

Before the husband's family decides that your brother was the reason she 'killed' their son and come for him.

Your sister would not be spared their shenanigans.

The one she has done with your brother is enough.

LilMissFavvy:
That is how they go around maltreating their wife and kids, then in future when the wife retaliates and abandons him in old age, people will say women maltreat their husbands in old age. If your brother looked left and right and saw no helper he wouldn't be throwing tantrums. You also must be careful as you collect the car from him, thread carefully, because he will be really angry to see that those who had been pampering him, are now wise. People suggested you establish the wife, good idea. As you take the car from him, he will be coming for help, give him peanuts, peanuts that can't foot his bills.

Why are u emphasizing on op taking the car from his brother? Do u want their family to produce another criminal? Don't u know a lot of evil can come out of an idle hand?

@ Dailyparrot
Please if the car is something you can leave for your brother, please leave it for him, he is your blood! Believe me u won't be happy tomorrow if he is paraded for armed robbery or kidnapping, your conscience will prick u because he is your blood. If u make him idle, u will be adding another financial burden to yourself, don't ever think u can abandon him. Every family got a black sheep. Including those telling u to take back that car, the black sheep in their family may even be doing worse than your brother. Though your bro is irresponsible, u people compelled him into marriage, that was bad & the result is what we are seeing now! Marriage should be a thing of self decision.

@dailyparrot

Allow your brother's wife to separate from him, this is to ensure her safety. Retrieve the Sienna from your brother, sell it, use the proceed to set your brother's wife up in any business she can start.

Well your story is a sad one...but not unusual
I would advise you to
1, retrieve the car & sell it
2, use whatever profit to rent an apartment for your nephew's, nieces & dia mum.
3, then use the rest to set up a business for her.
That way they won't be a burden to you and ur bro can go do whatever he wants with his life

anthonyuncle:
you guys made the mistake of pushing him into marriage.

use some money to rent another apartment for his wife & kids.

also,see how you can set up a business for his wife so that she will be able to take care of the children.

call a family meeting, let the family lands and properties(in the village) be shared amicably & do legal documents for your own properties.
then, collect that car from your brother & give it to someone else to be remitting cash to you.

your brother have decided to be a waste, accept this and ensure that no one goes down the drain with him.

if he relocates to the village without the properties being shared, he will be selling the family lands every month so that he can get beneath the wrapper of that woman selling kai kai

OP, this is the advice you need.

mrsteel:

Why are u emphasizing on op taking the car from his brother? Do u want their family to produce another criminal? Don't u know a lot of evil can come out of an idle hand?

@ Dailyparrot
Please if the car is something you can leave for your brother, please leave it for him, he is your blood! Believe me u won't be happy tomorrow if he is paraded for armed robbery or kidnapping, your conscience will prick u because he is your blood. If u make him idle, u will be adding another financial burden to yourself, don't ever think u can abandon him, he is your blood & every family got a black sheep. Including those telling u to take back that car, the black sheep in their family may even be doing worse than your brother. Though your bro is irresponsible, u people compelled him into marriage, that was bad & the result is what we are seeing now! Marriage should be a thing of self decision.

It seems you are the only one applying discretion here. I wonder why many responders are asking him to take back the car. What a regrettable and potentially disastrous move that will be!

Let him have the car for good. See it as your last contribution to help fix his broken life. With that he won't dare bother you again. As for his wife, start something for her. Very importantly also, start looking for another apartment solely for her and the kids pending when the rent of their current apartment expires.

Such is life. Hold on to GOD, and fight on.

Since the reason you got the car was because of the wife and kids, retrieve the car from your brother. You can either sell it and give her the money to set herself up or give the car to someone else who will be remitting to you. Then you give her a portion of it monthly as it comes.

But just get the car from him and let him handle himself. You guys should wash your hands off him and let him go out there like a man and hustle. You guys have babied him too much for too long. You guys have spoilt him enough and are to blame for a lot of his actions.

Dailyparrot:
I have an elder brother who got a girl pregnant at age 36. The wife is much younger, less than 30 years as at the time he impregnated her.

To us, it was a prayer answered so we ensured he married the girl. He was 36 and wasn't making any move towards getting married and was even saying that he wouldn't be ready even at 40 years. So, when we heard he got a girl pregnant, we put resources together and got them married.

The marriage has been marred with domestic violence. He beats the wife at will and we have tried to intervene as much as we can.

They both had additional 2 children after the first one making it a total of 3 children, 2 boys and a girl.

He isn't doing well financially and feeding has been a problem for them. My siblings asked him to leave Lagos to settle in the village. I kicked against it because a man who couldn't feed his family while living in Lagos will suddenly get resources to feed them in the village.

One of my elder brothers who happens to be more financially buoyant gave a condition that he will only provide further financial assistance to him if he agrees to leave for the village.

Since, I am the only one who insisted he wasn't going nowhere, I had to bear the burden of finding a way to alleviate his financial predicament.

I had to get him a Toyota Sienna to be using for transport. The agreement was that he will be remitting 100k monthly to me until he completes the exact amount I bought the car.

I put the total amount that I used in purchasing and registering the car at 1. 9 million (that car currently sells for 2.2 million and above).

My fight is not for my brother but for his wife and children. But it's unfortunate that the purpose I coughed out that amount of money to buy the car has been defeated.

My brother till date never ever paid me up to 100k in any month from the time I got him the car till date. There was a month he paid 35k. 35k in a full month? I got mad and threatened to withdraw the car if he isn't making money from it because I don't know how much of such peanuts that I have to collect to recover 1.9 million. The next month, he paid 80k. That's to say he's making the money but don't just want to pay me.

I have been very considerate with him in making the repayment putting his wife and children into consideration, I never knew that I was wrong.

This man doesn't care about his children. Whether they are eating or not, he doesn't care, their clothing and everything is in the hand of God. If the wife asks him money for feeding or to buy drugs for their sick child, he will say that he does not have money. If she insists, beating will follow it.

The peak of his irresponsible and wicked act was when the wife caught him pants down having sex with a widow living in the next compound.

The widow is a wife to my brother's friend. My brother was a regular visitor to their house when the husband was alive and all of a sudden, the man fell ill and died in less than a week.

The man's family suspected the wife of killing their brother, so, they excommunicated her. Now that the husband is dead, my brother took full responsibility of footing the man's children's bills and having unrestricted sex with the woman.

On the faithful day that the wife caught him, my brother's child was sick and he was supposed to get drugs for him on his way back from work. When he said he was very close but was taking long to get home, the wife decided to go outside to see if she could get a little drug for the sick child only to find her husband's car parked outside.

She tiptoed into the widow's apartment only to find her husband having sex with the widow. She said she waited and watched as the husband was humping on the woman but when the scene became unbearable for her, she had to raise alarm and people gathered.

They live in the remote part of Ikorodu where houses are not fenced so they basically live communal life like people in the village.

When people gathered, all my brother could say is that he is a man and can marry the widow if he wishes.

When he got home with his wife, he beat the woman to stupor that blood started coming out of her nose. She got hospitalized and all the money she spent treating herself, she bore the cost.

The children as small as they are have understood what's going on, how irresponsible and carefree their father is towards them and their affairs.

Now, he has concluded plans to send the woman parking. This is seriously giving me sleepless nights. The wife and children that made me buy the car are no longer benefiting from the returns.

I have two plans in mind, threaten to retrieve my car just to dissuade him from sending his family to the village.

But should he go ahead to send them away, I will ask the wife to learn any business of her choice and I will give her capital to start it.

I cannot live and watch my nephews and niece suffer for the callousness and irresponsibility of their father, my brother.

My sister tends to support them to separate so he doesn't kill his wife one day. Of course when that happens, he will rot in jail and the responsibility to take care of the children will fall on us. The wife doesn't have anybody from her side and this is the major reason my brother feels he can treat her anyhow and nothing will happen.

Please, I need suggestions. Should I call police for him or report to any welfare office in Lagos?

How can a man be so irresponsible like this? He and irresponsibility are 5 and 6. I don't even know what to tell you. It makes me want to puke! You may have to empower the wife as you intend regardless of whether he carries out the threat or not.

mastermaestro:


It seems you are the only one applying discretion here. I wonder why many responders are asking him to take back the car. What a regrettable and potentially disastrous move that will be!

Let him have the car for good. See it as your last contribution to help fix his broken life. With that he won't dare bother you again. As for his wife, start something for her. Very importantly also, start looking for another apartment solely for her and the kids pending when the rent of their current apartment expires.

Such is life. Hold on to GOD, and fight on.

Who takes up the responsibility of paying for the new apartment? Op abi?
Op should leave the car for his brother!
Op should start up a business for his brother’s wife!
Op should rent an apartment for his brother’s wife and his children!
Does the op not have his own life to live?
Should he kill himself because of an irresponsible sibling?
Who cares to know whether the op is married or not...

mariahAngel:



Who takes up the responsibility of paying for the new apartment? Op abi?
Op should leave the car for his brother!
Op should start up a business for his brother’s wife!
Op should rent an apartment for his brother’s wife and his children!
Does the op not have his own life to live?
Should he kill himself because of an irresponsible sibling?
Who cares to know whether the op is married or not...

Leave all this your bravado aside. You think blowing hot air solves family problems. The mess on ground was created by the same family. He should not have been pressured to marry especially when he showed all signs of irresponsibility and unwillingness to do so.

The strength they had contributing to fund his wedding, that same strength must be recalled to clean up whatever horror the marriage is spilling out now.

Again the same OP for whatever reason doesn't want this brother to end up in the village. Now we see what his stay in the city is amounting to.

Whether you like it or not, if his stupid brother kicked the bucket today as a result of his illicit relationship with the said widow whose husband died of an undisclosed illness within a week, the OP alongside his relatives will still have to shoulder those left behind.

Worst case scenario, let his brother murder his wife today, the same burden, the same burden (I deliberately repeated the line).

I know you want to sound tough. I can bet that you have never faced or be caught up in this kind of family mud. It's easy to dish out tough measures when you are not an actor in a distressing drama as this.

I am being realistic. Tough measures like taking back the car will worsen this whole trouble.

Do they have other better, more realistic options than setting up a business and finding her a safe place to stay before the lunatic brother kills her?

I await your response.

I wil strongly advise u let d wife go..if possible get a small apartment 4 her n kids.its really terrible 4 young kids at dat age to experience so violence from their father.it might affect d girl view to men in d future n d boys relationship wit women in d future,therefore its best dey stay away frm him.,secondly let d woman (ur bro wife) learn a trade even if its 4 6months then u can set her up on always mentor her as d business grows...lastly ur brother is stil ur brother.pls leave d car 4 him.see it as ur own part to settle him n make him a better person. Wen he realise himself by d time d widow is dont wit him,then u can allow him relocate to d village....finally in al things pray 4 him n his family....on a personal note i need a job wit d glad if u can help

The mistake was forcing him to marry. I'm probably sure you family members termed him an "irresponsible man" for being a bachelor in his mid-30s. Not knowing that one's marital status has nothing to do with the person being a responsible human being.

That said, your brother is an irresponsible and useless man!

Take the car from him and sell it. Tell him you are still paying off the loan on the car and since he can’t remit enough to cover the amount owed on the car, you have to sell it.

As for husband and wife matter, tell the wife if she’s ready to leave him you will support her. Otherwise, you will stay out of their business. If he kills her, let no body call you to come and help with any court case for your brother.

Please wash your hands off this situation and support your nieces and nephew financially from afar with the little you can. You guys put that poor, desperate girl in this mess.

Try to convince the woman into putting some or all of the children up for adoption and allow the man to divorce his wife, then your brother should go to the village for a while.

Don't be surprised if the wife goes behind everybody's back to have sexx with your brother again and if she doesn't, she's still gonna marry another scumbag like your brother.

Women like her are like pigs, they will always go back to the mud.

Of course she's the problem here, I mean, who gets pregnant for an irresponsible jobless man without having a means of survival?

As for you, oga! Face your front o. No go dey do pass yourself.

Karleb:
Try to convince the woman into putting some or all of the children up for adoption and allow the man to divorce his wife, then your brother should go to the village for a while.

Don't be surprised if the wife goes behind everybody's back to have sexx with your brother again and if she doesn't, she's still gonna marry another scumbag like your brother.

Women like her are like pigs, they will always go back to the mud.

Of course she's the problem here, I mean, who gets pregnant for an irresponsible jobless man without having a means of survival?

As for you, oga! Face your front o. No go dey do pass yourself.

This advice is so misleading...if he has d financial capability 2 care 4 his brother's children why den put 4 adoption...i bet u dnt have kids yet...pls lets b guided

kayceelawrence:
This advice is so misleading...if he has d financial capability 2 care 4 his brother's children why den put 4 adoption...i bet u dnt have kids yet...pls lets b guided

So he should raise another person's children abi?

Make some people dey fucck make another person dey bear the consequences, right?

Whatever you do OP, don't take any of those kids under your custody. Let them be with either of the parents or be adopted.

Marriage is incapable of changing a man or woman who has refused to accept change. I think your family erred by forcing an unwilling, irresponsible man to get married simply because he put a lady in a family way. It's even difficult for his wife now that he has gotten a side chick and lavishes his money on the woman and her children. I am sure your disposition would have been different if the lady in the middle of the storm is your sister.

I think it's better to let him do his wish, if it will bring emancipation to his wife. All that is required is to establish a business for the woman, and get your siblings to support her in anyway possible. It doesn't make sense that you and your siblings dread financial responsibilities that would on your laps, while your irresponsible brother routinely abuse his wife and children. Are you guys waiting for the day he kills the woman before doing what is required of you? Therefore, to speedily support him to be separated from the woman and children is a duty you must champion now. I am cocksure he will surely come back to senses later, and crawl back in shame begging for forgiveness.

1. Hardly to convince an adult out of his current mentality to another except by his own volition or luck or chance.

2. Sometimes, gentility cannot solve problems, tough hands do. And in this case, matching dominance to counter arrogance is needed.

All assistance must be withdrawn and channeled to good sources. Too bad for the wife and kids because your brother will still haunt them and will see them as the tool used to witch-hunt him rather than his foolishness and bad demeanor. They should be set aloof from him to discourage easy accessibility or to an unknown location. The whole marriage process started on a bad note but for the sake of your niece and nephew, help the mother in possible ways you can.

3. Involving law enforcement agency is of utmost paramount in whatever decisions the family decides to take, because when apprehended or dealt with within the family circle, he will always come back for revenge. Nobody is really safe in that circle/family.

4. Loopholes can also be set for him to fall into so that he can't easily point fingers or go into any serious altercations with anyone.

Your brother must be dealt with a rod, and if all fails, throw him into prison.

Thanks.

Yes, if he is arrested he would be better off in the prison, his wife will be better off without him around, people like him need to spend a good number of years in the prison so that they become sober and have sense.

mrsteel:

Do u want their family to produce another criminal? Don't u know a lot of evil can come out of an idle hand?

@ Dailyparrot
Believe me u won't be happy tomorrow if he is paraded for armed robbery or kidnapping, your conscience will prick.

LilMissFavvy:
Yes, if he is arrested he would be better off in the prison, his wife will be better off without him around, people like him need to spend a good number of years in the prison so that they become sober and have sense.

U are only sounding this way because he is not your brother! Will u wish for your blood brother to be in prison? Be honest with yourself! Mind u prison doesn't change people, it makes them worse! All the criminals we have around were once prisoners. Prison corrupt!

OP....this matter is simple o.

1. Let them separate. That's the best option for the wife and kids. Otherwise, something untoward will happen to one of the parties.

2. Collect your car back and sell it.

3. Let the wife learn a trade and give her proceed from the car to start her business.


This is what happens when you push people to marry just because duty calls. You create monsters! Good luck to them.

Dailyparrot:


Sadly, it appears in every family, there must be one child who was born to drag the family's name to the mud, the prodigal child!

We have long shared the land in the village so he has his own. He was threatening that if we force him to go to the village, that he would make village unbearable for us to return home.

My mother was trying to manage the situation before her death and it pained the wife very much when my mother died because she was the major succor that she had.

The wife's parents are all dead

Your first statement not true.

I think you should withdraw the car from him, let him hustle to live and pay for his irresponsibility.

Set the wife up either by building a thriving business or skill. Let them separate please because if he kills her, the kids will be motherless and they are partly fatherless at the moment.

When he got home with his wife, he beat the woman to stupor that blood started coming out of her nose. She got hospitalized and all the money she spent treating herself, she bore the cost.

Issokay. Iron Mike Tyson.

Awwww you're really a kind person but your brother is super cruel.... Please just separate the both of thenm. It is the woman that needs more help. Collect your car aswell

Dailyparrot:


My brother is already in his 40s. He got married at 36 so...

It pains me to know that I have someone like that as a brother.

When we traveled home last Christmas, he will wake up in the morning around 6am and be talking to you only for his mouth to be smelling of alcohol.

I mean who drinks without eating that early in the morning? I was telling my sister that if not for the sake of blood, what will ever get me closer to someone like him?

He has always been careless and irresponsible. Has slept in police custody few times for either direct crime or crime linked to him through friends. It's a terrible situation and the children are my only concern.

I mean three beautiful kids that don't deserve what they are getting.

And you and your sibs pushed somebody's daughter into this trap? You have a good share of the blame

The lesson here is this: ladies, if you must do skin to skin with a man, make sure he is not an unfortunate fellow in disguise

I’m glad this is coming from the husband’s side.

Withdraw the car from the man , sell it and give a wife like 400 to 700k to start up a business.

Den make dem separate.

The man na bid disgrace to men .

The race of black men (not all) are very useless beings. It's why black countries offer nothing to its citizens. It all starts with the black man being highly irresponsible. I notice a seed of selfishness and greediness among black men throughout the world. It's not all, but the majority.

You are a good brother, but you are definitely being seen as a fool by that brother of yours. Withdraw your assistance and direct it to the wife and her children. Your family is the one who pushed your lazy brother into marriage. Your family should be the one to help the woman now that you have added to her condition.

Guy my advise is for you to do everything possible to get that woman and her kids away from harms way, set her up to fend for herself and the kids and withdraw that vehicle from that irresponsible 'BOY' because it is the extra change from the poor remittance to you that he is using to misbehave with, besides there is no longer any reason for him to have that vehicle.