baby.me:

Thanks. I do all these, but as i said she is still difficult. I noticed that she likes singing and that is the only thing(apart from getting into trouble) that she seems to enjoy. I mean, she knows the wordings of every song by heart and can sing along with the artist without missing a beat. She is in the church choir, but always come back from church without her beret and jotter which means i have to produce a new one each service day or risk her not being in the choir. Ofcourse when she is not in the choir she will escape outside and find a way of getting into trouble thereby causing those busybodies in church to attack me.

Maybe i should get her to wax an album bc she sings like the nightingale

Well since you say she likes singing, encourage it and involve her in more activities that help her develop her talent. If it is love songs she prefers, take her to competitions and let her sing and wear herself out. . This is if you can afford it. I am against this boarding house, because this girl already has the signs to be wild. If you dont have her under control before she is shipped off to boarding school, she will get worse. She may even become the leader of deviants in the boarding school. She has been through in her short 10 years, more than all those children in her class. Her hard life will make her grow up fast and wiser than you know. She is already stealing, and you want to take her to boarding school without her stopping it. so that she can disgrace your whole family. Dont beat her, because children get used to that and even in boarding you get used to the beatings and sooner or later, they do nothing to you in the way of discipline. This girl needs a lot of attention and close adult supervision. When her father comes back, talk to him and tell him all you have witnessed and what you think may be best for her. It looks like he doesnt have much time for her either, because he is ready to ship her off to boarding house to continue his life unhindered. I understand because he is still young, but he must take responsibility for his child. And maintain a very strong presence in this one's life. She is brilliant and she has a lot of potential. Dont let her waste these. The father needs to have a serious discussion with her about stealing, boys/men. Every father must with their girl children or else they become easy prey. Especially the ones that want attention like this one. And you know sexual child abuse is very common in Nigeria, especially in boarding house.

Lady T is 100% right. Be firm with her and still show her love. shipping her us to boarding school is not the best idea. The issue her is not what she want, but what is good for her. Just Imagine a child that don't want to go to school and your like no school for you today due to u'r bad behavior, do u think that child will ever change?. the child will get worse.

What is best for the child, that what you will do, even if it hurts.

baby.me:

LadyT you sound like a mum.

She is my mummy

Take her to Alfa Sule for prayer session,

or just ask her, what she love to do not everybody is destined to study.

Pray for her, that is the most important, then since she wants to be in the hostel, you could tell her that she has to be in her best behaviour before she would be given the admission, then watch her, for maybe 2years, before deciding on taking her to a boarding school.
Taking her there right now, will make her more independent and more stubborn, you could also take her to a military school. Infact she could go to a military school for the first three years, going from home under your 24/7 supervision, their discipline and yours will shapen her, then, her senior years could be in girls only,

2mch:

Well since you say she likes singing, encourage it and involve her in more activities that help her develop her talent. If it is love songs she prefers, take her to competitions and let her sing and wear herself out. . This is if you can afford it. I am against this boarding house, because this girl already has the signs to be wild. If you dont have her under control before she is shipped off to boarding school, she will get worse. She may even become the leader of deviants in the boarding school. She has been through in her short 10 years, more than all those children in her class. Her hard life will make her grow up fast and wiser than you know. She is already stealing, and you want to take her to boarding school without her stopping it. so that she can disgrace your whole family. Dont beat her, because children get used to that and even in boarding you get used to the beatings and sooner or later, they do nothing to you in the way of discipline. This girl needs a lot of attention and close adult supervision. When her father comes back, talk to him and tell him all you have witnessed and what you think may be best for her. It looks like he doesnt have much time for her either, because he is ready to ship her off to boarding house to continue his life unhindered. I understand because he is still young, but he must take responsibility for his child. And maintain a very strong presence in this one's life. She is brilliant and she has a lot of potential. Dont let her waste these. The father needs to have a serious discussion with her about stealing, boys/men. Every father must with their girl children or else they become easy prey. Especially the ones that want attention like this one. And you know sexual child abuse is very common in Nigeria, especially in boarding house.



Taking her to a boarding house after primary school will not solve anything, she will get worse. She must not be that dumb to be 10 and in primary 6. You will need to introduce constructive hobbies to her, like reading, church and even spending quality time with her playing games and getting to know her. Shower her with lots of love and punish her by taking the things she cherishes away ( playtime with her friends or her favorite item). You must be patient with her because she may be reacting to feelings of neglect and people not caring about her or wanting her so they dump with anyone that can stand her. You need to break the wall she has built to protect herself from what she has been through in her short life. It cannot be easy for her at all. She needs a lot of love and assurance that you will not abandon her. She may also need a male presence in her life, like her father or grand father to at least talk to her or show some concern about her. Children generally do better when there is a strong male presence in their lives. Also make sure you take the time to hear what is going on in her life, and how her day goes. So she can open up to you about how she truly feels about everything going on in her life. It is an honorable thing you did. Dont give up and God bless you.

Please take the posts above very seriously, it is the most reasonable advice I have seen on this topic. That child is fighting an inhibition that even she does not know. Taking her to boarding school will only worsen issues. Pay close attention to her needs, interact with her, not advising her all the time, it bores such kids. Talk to her like an adult, let her know how u spend ur day and get her to open up. There is a wall u are seeking to break only time and patience can help u break that wall. Liking boy is only more natural given the fact that there is no strong father figure around her in recent times.
U will find it difficult to handle her because even she does not know what it wrong with her. But whenever she finds u worthy of talking to (being very free around u, really understanding u love her and looking up to u) she will find her self saying a lot to u that will be helpful.
Continue to avoid beating her, use negative reinforcement as suggested above. Take away things she likes when she errs and get her things she desires and appreciates when she behaves well. Be more observant to things and situation that really make her misbehave, use this discovery against her. Please avoid over complaining, advising and rebuking. Get her to be ur little friend. Make her feel u understand her. Latsly bring out more time for her. Boarding school cannot provide this platform.
Ofcourse she will choose boarding school, because it’s a means of escape, she feels she needs freedom of expression. Does she have freedom of expression around u? don’t let her get it in the wrong place.

I'm not a mummy yet but I used to dislike my mother I felt she was too tough. She was a single parent. Too many rules too much talking. Sometimes I wished she would just smack us and stop the talking it wasn't until I was about 13 and my age mates were having sex or skipping school that I really understood all her pep talks and hot slaps and physical punishments. She wanted us to turn out well to be good people who didn't mess up our own lives or anyone elses. Don't get me wrong none of us are perfect but before taking any wrong step we always think what would mummy say. The fear we had of her has turned to love and respect.

I know you have taken on someone elses problem and she does sound like a lot of work but stick at it she will change.

Please people some people are suggesting to treat her like an adult and treat her as a friend shes only 10 shes not a teenager!

Shes a minor a child! When she starts growing breasts and hair down there you can start treating her like an adult. But for now she needs routine she needs to understand rules. She needs to understand if she does something bad she will get into trouble.

She does not need more pampering. She is already too clever beyond her years. I agree she needs lots of one to one time. The church issue is very silly if she likes singing so much she must look after her things or no singing in the choir she must sit in church and if she is caught outside causing trouble she needs to be dealt with I suggest you dont do it outside you wait till you get home and give her a telling off if she needs a slap give her one!

She will sit in the congregation until she can promises to look after her items better. Stop buying new ones every week!

She will thank you one day

Mummy Lady T, Mo fe mu oyan

Where's her dad in all of these?
Girls with good fathers wouldn't be interested in boys like that at that age.
If a boy should even insinuate any liking, you eye him from head to toe, hiss or report him to a teacher.
Why, because, you've got all your loving from your DADDYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!  

stillwater:

Where's her dad in all of these?
Girls with good fathers wouldn't be interested in boys like that at that age.
If a boy should even insinuate any liking, you eye him from head to toe, hiss or report him to a teacher.
Why, because, you've got all your loving from your DADDYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!

There are girls who have Daddy but sttill like boys at a young age

@op I hate to be mean here, but this is what happens when 2 kids bring a child into this world. Neither of them are willing to take on the responsibilities involved, the mother appears to have quietly washed her hands off the child, while the father is away somewhere leaving other people to "clean up behind them".

Errr. . .emphasis on good.

Dayo do not derail this topic with your randy comments I'm warning you.

Boarding school may be an option, but I think she is looking for an escape route as well. Show her that no matter how much she misbehaves that you will not pass her on to the next person. At 10 years old she cannot possibly understand the dynamics that cause her to be raised by people other than her parents. All she knows is that she has been passed on because of her inconvenient presence. First as a baby, then as a child, and she is facing it again with the prospect of boarding school. She may want to go, but partially this could be because she wants control over her life. She wants to choose before the choice is made for her.

She is at the age of puberty and if you send her away now you may be faced with a virtual stranger when she returns.

I think she would benefit from a strict written schedule from morning to night. Her chores need to have a place on the schedule, followed by free time. If her chores take too long to finish, she cuts into her free time. Also, her notes and homework should be checked daily at a specific time to make sure she is on track. Since she is having trouble with being late for school, keep sending her to bed earlier and waking her up earlier until she is on time. She will get the hint.

It may help if you could tailor the punishments to fit the crimes. For example, when I was about 13 my mother asked me to clean my room. I got distracted and didn't finish. The next day, when I came home from school my dad asked me to clean my room. Again, I 'forgot' to complete the task. The next day, I came home from school, ready to relax in my room. I turned the corner and what did I see? Everything in my room was in a giant heap on my bed. Every drawer was emptied, every item in the closet, every piece of paper and every book, every article of clothing, all mingled together. I was so angry I saw red, but I had no choice but to clean it up. My dad never mentioned anything to me about it. He just went along like business as usual. No yelling, screaming, threatening, or lecture. Not even an "I warned you." I never repeated that mistake. Try something similar next time she misbehaves.

God bless you for even attempting to make a difference in her life. This seems like a very frustrating situation to be in. My mum went through something similar with her nephew and it really took a toll on her.

LadyT:

Please people some people are suggesting to treat her like an adult and treat her as a friend shes only 10 shes not a teenager!

Shes a minor a child! When she starts growing bosoms and hair down there you can start treating her like an adult. But for now she needs routine she needs to understand rules. She needs to understand if she does something bad she will get into trouble.

She does not need more pampering. She is already too clever beyond her years. I agree she needs lots of one to one time. The church issue is very silly if she likes singing so much she must look after her things or no singing in the choir she must sit in church and if she is caught outside causing trouble she needs to be dealt with I suggest you dont do it outside you wait till you get home and give her a telling off if she needs a slap give her one!

She will sit in the congregation until she can promises to look after her items better. Stop buying new ones every week!

She will thank you one day

Your mothers style of parenting may have worked for you but cant u see that is obviously not working for the posters niece. The mistake u make is that u assume that all ten years olds are the same. The child in question already has temper issues and is obviously behaving like a teenager, given that she is already taking a liking on the opposite sex. And please ten years old is not too young to be treated with respect and like an adult, the child in question definitely needs that.
The poster should look for ways to make her have a sense of responsibility, assign her to chores make her feel responsibility to them. Make her feel she is helping in taking care of you and show your genuine appreciation for whatever good she does. Put her in a position that she will feel bad within herself if she discovers that you are unhappy with her. And the best way u can start is by being her aunty and FRIEND. Don’t ever assume that she is too young for this because she is ten. How free she is able to express herself around u despite her past behavior is very important, to achieve this you have to first of all work on yourself.
Remember don’t pamper her and don’t beat her. Identify what makes her misbehave and make sure she pays for is by taking away something she likes for a period of time. I believe that if being very strict on her would work you wouldn’t have had course to complain on this forum.
Try all these and don’t expect a sudden change, I believe you will begin to notice change in the next six or eight months. Please browse the internet and seek for information on how to handle a stubborn child. Most people who advice u here on this forum are not child experts, they will only talk base on their own personal experience, which works only on probability. Thanks.

k tnks 4 d wlrd

Thanks everyone for your kind suggestions. I will talk with my bro about the school stuff and see what we will come up with. I believe with the help of God I will succeed.

punishment, no tv no playing for 1 day maybe[img]http://2.s07.flagcounter.com/count/DymW/bg=ffffff/txt=ffffff/border=ffffff/columns=1/maxflags=1/viewers=3/labels=0/[/img] [img]http://s07.flagcounter.com/count/DymW/bg=ffffff/txt=ffffff/border=ffffff/columns=1/maxflags=1/viewers=3/labels=0/[/img] [img]http://2.s05.flagcounter.com/count/1Jx/bg=FFFFFF/txt=FFFFFF/border=FFFFFF/columns=1/maxflags=1/viewers=3/labels=0/pageviews=0/flags=0/[/img] [img]http://s05.flagcounter.com/count/1Jx/bg=FFFFFF/txt=FFFFFF/border=FFFFFF/columns=1/maxflags=1/viewers=3/labels=0/pageviews=0/flags=0/[/img]

Frank please Save us the child expert crap there's no real expert on parenting! Ita trial and error!

I forget the name of one of these so called child experts who had to admit her own son was lying in hospital in a coma from taking drugs. She was able to give people so called expert advise yet she had failed as a parent to stop her 16yr old from taking drugs.


Life as an adult is hard why people want children to grow up faster than they need too is beyond me. I agree take things away or ban certain activities when she's bad.

strong hand and deliverance,will recover whatever dat has spoilt.

LadyT:

Frank please Save us the child expert crap there's no real expert on parenting! Ita trial and error!

I forget the name of one of these so called child experts who had to admit her own son was lying in hospital in a coma from taking drugs. She was able to give people so called expert advise yet she had failed as a parent to stop her 16yr old from taking drugs.


Life as an adult is hard why people want children to grow up faster than they need too is beyond me. I agree take things away or ban certain activities when she's bad.

ok
but remember but bare in mind that i of all people know that nobody is perfect. did u ask the failed expert parent how many people she helped? then judge her with that. naturally i know we attach so much value on nagativity evn though we deny this fact.

adult life being difficult or not is not the issue here, getting this child in the right path is the point. and thats what her life style needs despite the fact that she is a kid. love is what she needs, i must be honest with u. sadly, she feels she dosent have love despit the effort of the poster, taking to ur mothers style will not help in this very situation, trust me. am not saying the style is not good, but please consider the girl in question, consider the experience the child wrongly unconsciously feels she had passed thru

Yes but frank I dont expect the poster to take on my mothers style!


But this girl is 10 there is no needed to end her childhood and start treating her like an adult. She hasnt acted like a child at all!
What wrong in giving her love and care and treating her as a child?

As far as I am concerned this parenting expert Katie Allison Granju was busy telling others to to remove twigs from their eyes instead of her to remove the big fat log infront of hers.

Babyme will pick and choose no one has the right answer but we must stop the destruction of the human race with all this pampering modern day parents are doing jare

LadyT:

Yes but frank I dont expect the poster to take on my mothers style!


But this girl is 10 there is no needed to end her childhood and start [b]treating her like an adult. She hasnt acted like a child at all!
What wrong in giving her love and care and treating her as a child?[/b]As far as I am concerned this parenting expert Katie Allison Granju was busy telling others to to remove twigs from their eyes instead of her to remove the big fat log infront of hers.

Babyme will pick and choose no one has the right answer but we must stop the destruction of the human race with all this pampering modern day parents are doing jare

perhaps u misundrstand me. i never said stop treating her like a child, i never said take away her childhood. do u actually read my posts? giving her love and care is almost the only thing i am advocating for. the poster brings her closer and improves communication between them does not me she litttle girl seizes to be a child.

and please dont pick only one child expert and use her mistake to judge others, have u taken a survery of how many families that hve been helped by child experts? besides being a child expert does not make u perfect. if ur child is more of a stubborn personality and does not respond to ur choice of training, there is nothing u can do about it. is it every body that goes to te hospital that gets well?

finally, i think we are on the same side, the poster just needs to improve her communication with the child to get her ro open up. the girls still get to enjoy her childhood.

Take up the mantle of leadership. Apply your leadership skills to the best of your ability. Remember child psychology. You can influence her positively Good luck.

[img]http://www.google.ca/url?source=imgres&ct=img&q=http://www.stuffnigerianpeoplelike.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/08/chrisscared.gif&sa=X&ei=iu_jTcWWMYu-sQOt24gW&ved=0CAQQ8wc&usg=AFQjCNHpXd9u7NwMPwiJ_uiAceTs70z4bA[/img]

andyanders:

Please, you need to take her to The Synagogue Church Of All Nation for deleverance. She is been controlled by some evil spirit and the only way to correct this is to take her to the Church on Monday service or Sunday service and shee will be delivered and you will enjoy her. God will use His annoited man of God to deliver the child. Goodluck

Why don't u go there yourself?

baby.me:

Why don't u go there yourself?

Good

Ok, i know this is a bit old. I made her go to school from home so i could watch her. Bought all the books and other school stuffs, but she misplaced all her notes. Had to buy a whole set again(cry).

Already her teachers told me she is one of the smartest kids in her class but she doesn't writes her notes. She tops the chart when it comes to noise makers n trouble makers. I've done everything in the book to make her a little more responsible but it seems i'm failing.

The only time she behaved was before school resumed. I enrolled her in a dance class n i was surprise to see her at her best bc she wanted me to always take her there for the practice. And she can dance!

But i promised myself i will never give up. She is my responsibility and i know somewhere along d line she will realise i love her and wants her to grow into a responsible woman.

Thanks for additional ideas and advice.

baby.me:

Ok, i know this is a bit old. I made her go to school from home so i could watch her. Bought all the books and other school stuffs, but she misplaced all her notes. Had to buy a whole set again(cry).

Already her teachers told me she is one of the smartest kids in her class but she doesn't writes her notes. She tops the chart when it comes to noise makers n trouble makers. I've done everything in the book to make her a little more responsible but it seems i'm failing.

The only time she behaved was before school resumed. I enrolled her in a dance class n i was surprise to see her at her best bc she wanted me to always take her there for the practice. And she can dance!

But i promised myself i will never give up. She is my responsibility and i know somewhere along d line she will realise i love her and wants her to grow into a responsible woman.

Thanks for additional ideas and advice.

This means she knows exactly how to behave properly.Since she loves dancing and singing so much maybe you include it in her daily or weekly activities not only on holidays.About her consistently misplacing her books,crying will not help.Do you give her pocket money or money for lunch break?If you do,she needs to understand that you will be taking the money for misplaced notes from it.For instance if she gets N200 for lunch daily,you could reduce it to N70 for a period say 2 weeks or she doesnt go for dance classes for 2 weekends or some sort of consequence for bad behaviour.You could also try checking her notes daily yourself and having a talk on what was taught daily.I think you should sit down and have a talk with her on why she chooses to behave badly at some point and properly at some other point.I want to encourage you to be patient,consistent,determined and loving with her.

Boarding school may just be what instills discipline and orderliness into her.

But you have to scrutinize which boarding school you take her because of the horror stories we hear.

On the other hand some might argue that a day school coupled with tough love at home daily is what she needs because at least you will see her every night at home after school and have the chance to clear any cobwebs she picks up from school out of her head on a daily basis.

But if you decide to send her to boarding school you have to ensure you visit her VERY often so that she can confide in you if she is going through any problems.