Bewiseedet:
Mind your business. Your son is matured enough to chose who to love. Isn't it better you try to know the lady better than just portray her as a prostitute?

You lack range

congrats bcs ur already a grandmum!

wisemum:
I am bringing this topic here to see if I can get any good advise from youths of the same generation.

My son returned from schooling abroad two years ago and after completing his NYSC, has been trying to get a job. None has been forthcoming but he tries to keep occupied, trying his hands on different projects. He still lives at home but says that once he is financially stable, he will get his own apartment and move out.

He is generally a calm, law abiding , likeable gentleman until when he recently started bringing home this girl who dresses like a prostitute and who I discovered stays overnight in his room with him. His dad and I have fought him over this subject to no avail. I confronted the girl to tell her I do not feel comfortable with her sleeping overnight in my house especially since I do not know her family and will be held responsible if anything happens to her. She apologized to me and promised not to come to sleep over again. However, I noticed that after that, he started sneaking her in at late hours of the night when he thinks we have gone to bed, sometimes when it is past midnight. He hasn't introduced the girl to us as anything to him even though I have asked him several times what his intentions with this girl is but he will just say she is a friend that makes him happy- that's all.

He told his uncle that he likes the girl. I don't even know what else to do. I have tried talking to him, reasoning with him, but it all falls on his deaf ears. I do not like this girl at all. She comes across to me as a street girl- even though she is generally polite when she meets me at home anytime she comes during the day. I investigated and found out her work place is not far from our house. What I do not like about her is that she dresses, exposing delicate parts of her body and is a chain smoker.

Furthermore, to me, a girl who sleeps out in a mans' parent house, continually disregarding how his parents feel about it, cannot be good news. Once, I caught her almost naked in the night walking along the corridor leading to my sons room. She ran inside his room when she saw me. I was so embarrassed and wondered what if my husband had been the one who ran into her? What kind of thing is this? Only her pant on, breasts bare. It was the following day I traced her to her work place and gently but sharply and firmly told her I do not permit her to sleep over in my house again. His dad also spoke with him. I also spoke to him. Everything has been to no avail.

He still sneaks her in. Or did she jazz him?, Please advise me. Thanks.

Your son is a graduate, I do not support him bringing girls unmarried. But don't frustrate him to leave the house.

If that happens, people here advising would still be the same people advising you once your son limits your visit to once in a year.

I don't think you will like that. If he has the proper Islamic / Religious knowledge, he should be tackled with that Knowledge

You are just like mom
No job yet ..still leaving with them but em Dey trouble my life gan
Reason I stopped entertaining friends both boys and girls in my home
My mama too dey worry she must always have something to say
By next year when I complete my house her eyes go clear (she doesn’t know I’m on a project)….
But she go feel am if I comot sha …she go even cry gan but I no care I like my freedom
“Your son hasn’t done anything bad”
You feel this way because she doesn’t have a job yet”
Women sha if you no see your pikin with woman you go complain
You don see am with woman you still Dey complain
“Just get to know the girl shikena and stop troubling the young man
This life no need too much seriousness
Just enjoy yourself and live

madam,
Wait till 12am before you enter with your husband into his room to catch them red-handed. Ask the girl why she keeps sleeping outside her parents' roof. Ask your son why he doesn't want to be responsible for his own life. Let them know the implications of what they are doing. Their reasons should give you insight into the rubbish for you to make a better decision. Maybe set your son up by getting him a room pay for only one year and see how he can manage what he's doing.

wisemum:
I am bringing this topic here to see if I can get any good advise from youths of the same generation.

My son returned from schooling abroad two years ago and after completing his NYSC, has been trying to get a job. None has been forthcoming but he tries to keep occupied, trying his hands on different projects. He still lives at home but says that once he is financially stable, he will get his own apartment and move out.

He is generally a calm, law abiding , likeable gentleman until when he recently started bringing home this girl who dresses like a prostitute and who I discovered stays overnight in his room with him. His dad and I have fought him over this subject to no avail. I confronted the girl to tell her I do not feel comfortable with her sleeping overnight in my house especially since I do not know her family and will be held responsible if anything happens to her. She apologized to me and promised not to come to sleep over again. However, I noticed that after that, he started sneaking her in at late hours of the night when he thinks we have gone to bed, sometimes when it is past midnight. He hasn't introduced the girl to us as anything to him even though I have asked him several times what his intentions with this girl is but he will just say she is a friend that makes him happy- that's all.

He told his uncle that he likes the girl. I don't even know what else to do. I have tried talking to him, reasoning with him, but it all falls on his deaf ears. I do not like this girl at all. She comes across to me as a street girl- even though she is generally polite when she meets me at home anytime she comes during the day. I investigated and found out her work place is not far from our house. What I do not like about her is that she dresses, exposing delicate parts of her body and is a chain smoker.

Furthermore, to me, a girl who sleeps out in a mans' parent house, continually disregarding how his parents feel about it, cannot be good news. Once, I caught her almost naked in the night walking along the corridor leading to my sons room. She ran inside his room when she saw me. I was so embarrassed and wondered what if my husband had been the one who ran into her? What kind of thing is this? Only her pant on, breasts bare. It was the following day I traced her to her work place and gently but sharply and firmly told her I do not permit her to sleep over in my house again. His dad also spoke with him. I also spoke to him. Everything has been to no avail.

He still sneaks her in. Or did she jazz him?, Please advise me. Thanks.

Hello Madam,
The problem here is your son. You people as parents couldn't get him groomed well to your taste by the first option I will call option A. He brought the girl in and he has been disrespectful to both you and your husband. With option A, he was supposed to obey you and get rid of the girl but that failed. If you can throw your son out of the house for not obeying his parents which I don't suggest, then you have to start the option B, which is to start accepting him and his desires including the girl. Since he has informed his uncle that he likes the girl. I suggest you start showing this girl love. I don't this she has disrespected you other than loving your son.
Buy her the type of wears you want her to put on and draw her closer like a daughter and work towards moulding her to be a good daughter inlaw. Get to know her parents and them have peace of mind.
If you really do care about your sons future and morals, then you need to acy fast, do this before he gets the means to move out.
As it stands now you have no control over him.

Good lock.

Bewiseedet:
Mind your business. Your son is matured enough to chose who to love. Isn't it better you try to know the lady better than just portray her as a prostitute?

Like seriously?? She should mind her business in her own house?? Total disrespect to his parents. This generation will not cease to amaze me. If the son is 'matured enough' like you said, then he should go get himself his apartment and live as he likes. What arrogance

First is Nairaland is not d appropriate place to seek for advice on such matters, cus many u see here r in same age bracket as ur son, so I think u should, seek better advice from experienced people.

dettolgel:

Even me when begin pay rent for my parents immediately I graduated I never even get mind carry woman go the house let alone make she sleep over night. My papa go for follow window throwaway you and the yeye chic.

Mercychen:
How old is he? Anyways, that's not necessary as what he needs now is serious dicipline before he lands you into a big trouble or gets himself killed. A girl who smokes is capable of anything.

Now, the house belongs to you, not him. First things first, when he gets back today, tell him to hand over the key to that room because it's the privilege you gave him to have a room to himself that is making him to misbehave. Tell him to move his things out in 1hr and Collect the key from him. Lock up the room!
You need your hubby to join you in carrying out this mission.
This solves the issue of bringing the girl home.
As for where he'll be sleeping, let him be sleeping in the sitting room. People who don't have bedrooms sleep in the parlor. That's his punishment for being stubborn.

Secondly, tell the girl to stop coming to the house. don't just stop her from sleeping ( which is not going to be possible again though). Tell her outrightly. Biko.

Also call your son and warn him of the dangers of dating a girl who smokes. Maybe he's cool with it because he schooled abroad and now has that abroad mentality that smoking is normal. That is abroad. You cant compare a female abroad smoker to a female Nigerian smoker. Just so he knows and doesn't think it's normal here. That girl is rotten.

Disease dey town. Tell him to retract now before he contracts the deadly disease.

No nonsense Mercychen. My kind of woman.

apparentlylaw:
You are just like mom
No job yet ..still leaving with them but em Dey trouble my life gan
Reason I stopped entertaining friends both boys and girls in my home
My mama too dey worry she must always have something to say
By next year when I complete my house her eyes go clear (she doesn’t know I’m on a project)….
But she go feel am if I comot sha …she go even cry gan but I no care I like my freedom
“Your son hasn’t done anything bad”
You feel this way because she doesn’t have a job yet”
Women sha if you no see your pikin with woman you go complain
You don see am with woman you still Dey complain
“Just get to know the girl shikena and stop troubling the young man
This life no need too much seriousness
Just enjoy yourself and live

Of course she will miss you. Is she not your mum. You think she is troubling your life now, but I can assure you that much later, you will realize all she did was out of love for you. It is totally disrespectful to one's parent, to bring a girl to sleep over.

Greystone:


No nonsense Mercychen. My kind of woman.

wisemum:
I am bringing this topic here to see if I can get any good advise from youths of the same generation.

Thanks.

Your son studied abroad and not under your roof. We get it.

wisemum:
I am bringing this topic here to see if I can get any good advise from youths of the same generation.

My son returned from schooling abroad two years ago and after completing his NYSC, has been trying to get a job. None has been forthcoming but he tries to keep occupied, trying his hands on different projects. He still lives at home but says that once he is financially stable, he will get his own apartment and move out.

He is generally a calm, law abiding , likeable gentleman until when he recently started bringing home this girl who dresses like a prostitute and who I discovered stays overnight in his room with him. His dad and I have fought him over this subject to no avail. I confronted the girl to tell her I do not feel comfortable with her sleeping overnight in my house especially since I do not know her family and will be held responsible if anything happens to her. She apologized to me and promised not to come to sleep over again. However, I noticed that after that, he started sneaking her in at late hours of the night when he thinks we have gone to bed, sometimes when it is past midnight. He hasn't introduced the girl to us as anything to him even though I have asked him several times what his intentions with this girl is but he will just say she is a friend that makes him happy- that's all.

He told his uncle that he likes the girl. I don't even know what else to do. I have tried talking to him, reasoning with him, but it all falls on his deaf ears. I do not like this girl at all. She comes across to me as a street girl- even though she is generally polite when she meets me at home anytime she comes during the day. I investigated and found out her work place is not far from our house. What I do not like about her is that she dresses, exposing delicate parts of her body and is a chain smoker.

Furthermore, to me, a girl who sleeps out in a mans' parent house, continually disregarding how his parents feel about it, cannot be good news. Once, I caught her almost naked in the night walking along the corridor leading to my sons room. She ran inside his room when she saw me. I was so embarrassed and wondered what if my husband had been the one who ran into her? What kind of thing is this? Only her pant on, breasts bare. It was the following day I traced her to her work place and gently but sharply and firmly told her I do not permit her to sleep over in my house again. His dad also spoke with him. I also spoke to him. Everything has been to no avail.

He still sneaks her in. Or did she jazz him?, Please advise me. Thanks.

Stay up one night and be on guard, ensure there's no way he would be able to sneak her in without you noticing. He will know that day that you will not allow the girl to come in. Do it for one whole week ensuring the girl doesn't stay in your house. He will decide that time whether he will stay in your house or move out or cut the girl off! Children still feeding on their parents must know they gotta respect the rules!

Bewiseedet:
Mind your business. Your son is matured enough to chose who to love. Isn't it better you try to know the lady better than just portray her as a prostitute?

The woman knows.
But should they allow such things inside their own house??
The woman sef is now disturbed whether her husband might have started eyeing the girl stylishly.

Unruly7:
How you portray the girl evil without saying anything bad about your son lol

If the girl is a chain smoker it means your son is a chronic smoker

If the girl is a prostitute it means your son is one

If the girl is not responsible for sleeping in a man house, your son is irresponsible for sneaking in a girl in his father's house VERY DISRESPECTFUL

Atleast the girl is working your son isn't working

The problem here is your son maybe you help him get a job and his own apartment

Since he has decided to be useless let him continue



Before you quote me remember The girl won't come to the house if the boy didn't invite her

This is it.
The only good thing about the son is that he is spoilt kiddwaya who schooled abroad.
Nothing else.

Bewiseedet:
Mind your business. Your son is matured enough to chose who to love. Isn't it better you try to know the lady better than just portray her as a prostitute?

She should mind her business in her own house with her son . Seriously?

To do her duty offcourse sexxxx

That's what u get when u pamper your kid. Now he's grown and can't even respect you because he felt u can only bark, Even up till now u are still treating him like a spoilt child that he is. When they say discipline and train your child so that when he grow up he will have sense una no go hear... now see the result. I am angry reading this. Can u imagine the guts he have? Take him for counselling.... maybe to a good man of God

AkaraAndBread:


So because he schooled "in the abroad" and @wisemum says she dresses like a prostitute we should accept her statements as facts?

Let the girl's mother come and give her own character assessment of a foolish "boy" who is "dating"/misleading her daughter and who does not have a job, still lives with his parents and is banging "Olosho(??)" under his parents' roof till day break.

Make I hear word jare.

it's not my duty to question ops character, Pele I'm not of the crew that jump topic, stick to the topic in question

Mercychen:


Did you not read where she said they've tried talking him out of it on several occasions? So they should be bowing to someone that is still under their roof and authority? Trash!

If he's an adult and can no longer live by their rules, let him go get himself an apartment. That's what adults do.

You cant be claiming "adult" and flouting your parents orders in their own house. He who plays the Piper, dictates the tune. As long as he's still under their roof, he must obey their rules.

And it's so obvious it hasn't worked out either hence she coming here for directions.

You can't ground an adult period.

Anyway, I hope it's sorted out amicably, every parent wants the best for their kids.

Unruly7:
How you portray the girl evil without saying anything bad about your son lol

If the girl is a chain smoker it means your son is a chronic smoker

If the girl is a prostitute it means your son is one

If the girl is not responsible for sleeping in a man house, your son is irresponsible for sneaking in a girl in his father's house VERY DISRESPECTFUL

Atleast the girl is working your son isn't working

The problem here is your son maybe you help him get a job and his own apartment

Since he has decided to be useless let him continue



Before you quote me remember The girl won't come to the house if the boy didn't invite her

Thank you so much. She has already declared the girl evil while presenting her son as a Saint. I put it to you that that girl she calls a prostitute is better behaved than her son.

Mercychen:
How old is he? Anyways, that's not necessary as what he needs now is serious dicipline before he lands you into a big trouble or gets himself killed. A girl who smokes is capable of anything.

Now, the house belongs to you, not him. First things first, when he gets back today, tell him to hand over the key to that room because it's the privilege you gave him to have a room to himself that is making him to misbehave. Tell him to move his things out in 1hr and Collect the key from him. Lock up the room!
You need your hubby to join you in carrying out this mission.
This solves the issue of bringing the girl home.
As for where he'll be sleeping, let him be sleeping in the sitting room. People who don't have bedrooms sleep in the parlor. That's his punishment for being stubborn.

Secondly, tell the girl to stop coming to the house. don't just stop her from sleeping ( which is not going to be possible again though). Tell her outrightly. Biko.

Also call your son and warn him of the dangers of dating a girl who smokes. Maybe he's cool with it because he schooled abroad and now has that abroad mentality that smoking is normal. That is abroad. You cant compare a female abroad smoker to a female Nigerian smoker. Just so he knows and doesn't think it's normal here. That girl is rotten.

Disease dey town. Tell him to retract now before he contracts the deadly disease.

So he shouldn't have a girlfriend because he's in his father's house? The boy is a full grown adult. This is his time..let him enjoy his youth. The girl may even be better than him or didn't you read that she works and her son doesn't? Besides, the boy must be a smoker too. Isn't it risky for a girl to date a boy that smokes? The boy is probably the one always begging her to come over. The girl is the victim here

Olodo24:
So he shouldn't have a girlfriend because he's in his father's house? The boy is a full grown adult. This is his time..let him enjoy his youth. The girl may even be better than him or didn't you read that she works and her son doesn't? Besides, the boy must be a smoker too. Isn't it risky for a girl to date a boy that smokes? The boy is probably the one always begging her to come over. The girl is the victim here

Let him go and be forming his " full grown" man in his own house.njot his parents house.

I was a full grown lady under my parents roof but I never brought a man to the house. The closest they came was outside the gate and it's when my dad is not around.

Children of nowadays need to obey their parents as long as they are still under them otherwise move out!

You shouldnt tag her a prostitute by the way she dresses, have a talk with your son and try to know who the girl is and their plans.

YoungBlackRico:
Definitely not for someone like you.

I see .

You should be happy. You will soon be a grandma.

You have to be careful how you deal with your son so he doesn’t move out and not tell you guys.
It is wrong on all levels for a girl that’s not been married to be sleeping at her man’s house everyday.....one that still lives with his parents. No home training at all.
Though some kids throw their home training out the window without caring.
Try and get info about her family/guardians. Once you are able to locate them, let them know what’s going on and implore them to speak to their daughter.
If after all this, both of them still refuse to be responsible, you go hard on them. If anything happens to that girl, your family will be held responsible and it will take the grace of God to be vindicated.
Please protect your family at all cost.

My question na why your son go abroad in the first place when he know say he go come back Nigeria jobless not even coming to improve the country after millions given to the white man economy, I no talk say abroad na heaven, but if I be you I go beg the girl make he find work for your son where she dey work a jobless son ma'am as my American people go talk that one worse pass boko Haram o the girl in question the fact she is working as to be applauded I don't care what she do so far it's a legitimate job, your son is what Americans call a bum but what me a Nigerian call a bomb, hin dey use that girl and you dey call am prostitute your son get money to give madam no let me abuse u o, lol

McStoic:
He is a matured son but still lives under the same roof with his parents and still gets fed by them?

Only poor people and bad parents make an issue out of this.

He's not established in his career or married. It's perfectly acceptable and sensible to be under his parents' roof.

Mercychen:
How old is he? Anyways, that's not necessary as what he needs now is serious dicipline before he lands you into a big trouble or gets himself killed. A girl who smokes is capable of anything.

Now, the house belongs to you, not him. First things first, when he gets back today, tell him to hand over the key to that room because it's the privilege you gave him to have a room to himself that is making him to misbehave. Tell him to move his things out in 1hr and Collect the key from him. Lock up the room!
You need your hubby to join you in carrying out this mission.
This solves the issue of bringing the girl home.
As for where he'll be sleeping, let him be sleeping in the sitting room. People who don't have bedrooms sleep in the parlor. That's his punishment for being stubborn.

Secondly, tell the girl to stop coming to the house. don't just stop her from sleeping ( which is not going to be possible again though). Tell her outrightly. Biko.

Also call your son and warn him of the dangers of dating a girl who smokes. Maybe he's cool with it because he schooled abroad and now has that abroad mentality that smoking is normal. That is abroad. You cant compare a female abroad smoker to a female Nigerian smoker. Just so he knows and doesn't think it's normal here. That girl is rotten.

Disease dey town. Tell him to retract now before he contracts the deadly disease.

I don't know if you're really a female.. and it's sadly funny how you conclude females who smoke are bad.
It is also funny how you compare female abroad smoker and a Nigerian female smoker and say there are difference...oh yes I concur..aferall those guys who come up to spill " Nigerian girls are useless, all of them" maybe even as a female...I'm beginning to think they are right afterall..
There's just something wrong about being a Nigerian. All of US.

I do not know what parent will invest so much educating a child abroad, only for the child to come back home to be hitting on a girl under your roof. Yet you are handling the matter with kids gloves.