There are many Up and down bringing a child up abroad . Parenting culturally is different in Nigeria than what we see oversease and we have to adapt to the norm of our recipient culture, It is a big task to bring a child up in the climate where they have so much right and freedom . this bring me to my son new hairdo styles which he cherished so much which I see as a wayward hairstyle and in my Yoruba culture always classified as A sa si gbo ( vagabond ). I have mused about cutting them up when he's asleep but afraid he may report me for a child abuse and Not allowing him to practice Rastafarian religion . What can i do when i see my sons head like that of a mopping stick

,,

I agree with Chaircover up to a point - at 18 I was very much an adult and knew what I was doing    I was one of those people ahead of my years.

I knew of a case where a son got his ear pierced at 18, and it was months before his mother saw it even though it wasn't hidden. When she saw it, she wept, wondering where she went wrong with this son.  Years later the same son now has both ears pierced and not much of a relationship with his mother.

It is no longer a case of what you will allow your son to do, but the relationship you develop with him in spite of his dreadlocks.   I hope you're not one of those parents who will criticise too often, because if you criticise him over this, be guaranteed you will be damaging  your relationship with him in future.  Your son is more than his hair.

N101:

I agree with Chaircover up to a point - at 18 I was very much an adult and knew what I was doing    I was one of those people ahead of my years.

I knew of a case where a son got his ear pierced at 18, and it was months before his mother saw it even though it wasn't hidden. When she saw it, she wept, wondering where she went wrong with this son.  Years later the same son now has both ears pierced and not much of a relationship with his mother.

It is no longer a case of what you will allow your son to do, but the relationship you develop with him in spite of his dreadlocks.   I hope you're not one of those parents who will criticise too often, because if you criticise him over this, be guaranteed you will be damaging  your relationship with him in future.  Your son is more than his hair.

I agree with N101. Your son is more than his hair. Is he a good boy? does he have good grades? is he respectful? etc. It's one thing if he was indeed acting like a vagabond and disrespecting you any which way but my guess is that he is not. Do not dwell too much on what kind of hairstyle he has. I've seen people with low cut hairstyles neatly trimmed and looking all fly but their characters are horrible. the word vagabond is too small to identify them with. Western influence has slowly sipped into our sacred culture and it's how we drink it that will determine if we survive it.

Having dreads is not such a bad thing IMHO. I was lucky to have supportive parents when I decided that I was done chemicalizing my hair and wanted to go all natural. I did braids for a while and when the hair was long enough, i started the process of dreading it.

Let him do whatever he wants but stay close to him, Stop making refrence to his hair and get closer, As he grows he would know better

dayokanu:

Let him do whatever he wants but stay close to him, Stop making refrence to his hair and get closer, As he grows he would know better

. . .Dude,where have u been tapping wisdom from?no more talking from ur aNus?
Which lady brought this positive change?wherever u have been sleeping and waking these days . . .don't leave there!

ifyalways:

. . .Dude,where have u been tapping wisdom from?no more talking from your aNus?
Which lady brought this positive change?wherever u have been sleeping and waking these days . . .don't leave there!

You know I have been sleeping and waking up on your chest, And I have been tapping wisdom from your ikebe.

So everything depends on you sweerie

Hair style is no big problem. It can be reverted very easily. Certainly much better than a tattoo. So I do not think there is course for alarm. With time as he has to get a job or go for interviews etc. he will realise on his own that the time has come to get rid of the style. However that would depend on the line he chooses.
Most young people need to make a statement about themselves with their appearance at that age. It is a way of him expressing himself and the need not to totally conform or be stereotype. A healthy process of mental growth. You should not deny him this metamorphosis.
You should be the first to give him the answer he is searching for- A man shall not be judged by his looks, Martin Luther,

ifyalways:

. . .Dude,where have u been tapping wisdom from?no more talking from your aNus?
Which lady brought this positive change?wherever u have been sleeping and waking these days . . .don't leave there!

I actually thought someone hacked into his computer, but then he came up up with this:

dayokanu:

You know I have been sleeping and waking up on your chest, And I have been tapping wisdom from your ikebe.

So everything depends on you sweerie

At 16/17 I had a a big afro my mum hated and cos it was in naija but she just couldn't do anything and I pierced later on but she didn't notice. And now even as an adult and as a parent myself I have both ear pierced and nothing changed in my character still old me. It only took her a little while to understand me and see that I didn't really change I dont mix fashion/style with acting stupid. And now just this year got my first tattoos name of my kids on my chest and RIP for my dad on my shoulder blade etc but mostly where cloths would cover unless i'm wearing tank tops. She came to visit me and saw them but couldn't say nothing than just look at them lol. Funny how my kids wants tattoo too but damn maybe thats wrong because I wouldn't want them doing such till they're old enough to decide what type of things they want permanently on them. I dont really use my studs at home till I'm abroad or away from them. They're boys and I"m their number 1 mentor. But damn I gotta be me still. I'm not religious but they go to church. And I like it because the Jesus/bible stories got some very good moral value that would help them. THey can dedice not to like those stories when they grow but for now its good for kids. I dont try to influence them this young on some of my beliefs because I' personally I'm not conventional.

Parenting is a big task. Nothing you can do about the kid than to advice daily. My mom did that. Nothing changed in my character but the looks. Because I loved and still love the hiphop culture. Never violent, never was in a gang etc When I had to get my first job I guess I had to trim down my big afro. And when I wanted to go for certain interview lol I had to cut down my weird GOATEEE. But I rather be me. And Choose to work in a creative world like CGI/Programming/ IT Consulting where a guru that have made name can be allowed to look as he wants and still get respected. I tell you I'm not and never gonna fit in in a shirt and pants job I dont like it neither will I ever do 9 to 5 than be a consultant and manage my own time. So sometimes what you want for your kids; could not be what they want for themselves. I'm still successful with the path I chose and she came to understand me better daily and I keep good relationship with her, dad and siblings. She used to think about cutting my hair while asleep back then eh eh eh and one day she made me vent and she was scared ( because that will totally damage the relationship) my dad was never worried because back in his own days afro's where the bomb. And my woman hated my goattee lol for no reason she player hating , I love it when I go out on Fridays and I wear natives and them muslim brothers be giving me Assalam alleykum damn and I"m so non-religious, but give them walleykum assalam gangstally. My fashion doesn't have anything to do with the character; though I can be misjudged from the outlook. But only a fool judges the book by the cover. Its 2011

tEsLim:

At 16/17 I had a a big afro my mum hated and cos it was in naija but she just couldn't do anything and I pierced later on but she didn't notice. And now even as an adult and as a parent myself I have both ear pierced and nothing changed in my character still old me. It only took her a little while to understand me and see that I didn't really change I dont mix fashion/style with acting silly. And now just this year got my first tattoos name of my kids on my chest and RIP for my dad on my shoulder blade etc but mostly where cloths would cover unless i'm wearing tank tops. She came to visit me and saw them but couldn't say nothing than just look at them lol. Funny how my kids wants tattoo too but damn maybe thats wrong because I wouldn't want them doing such till they're old enough to decide what type of things they want permanently on them. I dont really use my studs at home till I'm abroad or away from them. They're boys and I"m their number 1 mentor. But damn I gotta be me still. I'm not religious but they go to church. And I like it because the Jesus/bible stories got some very good moral value that would help them. THey can dedice not to like those stories when they grow but for now its good for kids. I dont try to influence them this young on some of my beliefs because I' personally I'm not conventional.

Parenting is a big task. Nothing you can do about the kid than to advice daily. My mom did that. Nothing changed in my character but the looks. Because I loved and still love the hiphop culture. Never violent, never was in a gang etc When I had to get my first job I guess I had to trim down my big afro. And when I wanted to go for certain interview lol I had to cut down my weird GOATEEE. But I rather be me. And Choose to work in a creative world like CGI/Programming/ IT Consulting where a guru that have made name can be allowed to look as he wants and still get respected. I tell you I'm not and never gonna fit in in a shirt and pants job I dont like it neither will I ever do 9 to 5 than be a consultant and manage my own time. So sometimes what you want for your kids; could not be what they want for themselves. I'm still successful with the path I chose and she came to understand me better daily and I keep good relationship with her, dad and siblings. She used to think about cutting my hair while asleep back then eh eh eh and one day she made me vent and she was scared ( because that will totally damage the relationship) my dad was never worried because back in his own days afro's where the bomb. And my woman hated my goattee lol for no reason she player hating , I love it when I go out on Fridays and I wear natives and them muslim brothers be giving me Assalam alleykum damn and I"m so non-religious, but give them walleykum assalam gangstally. My fashion doesn't have anything to do with the character; though I can be misjudged from the outlook. But only a fool judges the book by the cover. Its 2011

One can't help but smile at ur experience especially with ur mom and kids! True, but humorous as well! 

Na wa oh, abroadian parenting culture ko, any child of mine or anybody's child around me sef nor fit try that kain nonsense, or any kain nonsense for that matter sef around me, mschewww, na so e dey start

..

Lmao @ BB , you remind me of my mum that shaved my immediate brother's hair one nite when he refused to cut his Afro


@cc abeg that one na obodo oyibo training,which kain yeye rebel.Our parents brought us up the traditional way,yet we no spoil.pikin wey wan craze go craze with or without discipline

^^^

Exactly, although I was a teeny weeny okay i was an handful, I didn't kill my parents so dem never born that pickin too

And it is even a good thing that boys are usually closer to their Mum because they always have this competition going on with Dad, so it is good for Mothers to start young and mark their terrritories whilst this little terrors are still young. Be very close to them, but let them see you as cool, and not embarassing to the extent that they will start telling you "Mum/Dad don't be ridiculous and start cringing or rolling their eyes at you, lol

Lol ,this thread just reminded me of one Sunday morning we were getting ready for church,my little gurl came up to me and asked me to ''Rub'' powder on her face and also told me that wearing lipstick is cute and would like me to use it on her since I don't use it at all, the kain eye I give her,no be person tell her to carry her chubby body Run comot for my front.

Lipstick ko,eye shadow and eyebrown ni. Nansense

my mom used to have sleepless of prayers nights back when I was in college in naija - I was using relaxer, always, activator and sporting waves on my hair. My dad would laugh at her and tell her i would soon get over it.

Look at me now . . .bald! 

Hope that helps

Lmao kokoye what a loving parents you have.

My parents were something else. I remember with my eldest brother(years ago) I rang home as the amebo that I am and told them that he had afro on. My mama's BP rose to high heavens. Anyways they decided to come visit us and when we saw them @ the Airport ,the kain eye she gave my bros sef, the dude knew then that he was in huge trouble. The next thing we heard was my mum speaking yoruba to him . . . . . . .''omo amerikana , Omo I wanna gonna mo ti ri'n yi(i see you ooo, cant write yoruba well) ooooo, eku se, you are your father's son not mine'' . She completely ignored him  but the night to the afternoon  they were supposed to leave, my bros woke up with the worst hair cut I have seen in my entire life hehehehehe anyways the dude wanted to flex muscle that day and my mum have this habit of chewing gum( which she hasn't chewed like forever when she gets on your nerves, she hates gum but loves it on days like dat ) anywayz as my brother was flexing muscle verbally the next thing wey reach hin face na one dirty slap from my father. I have never seen my dad hit any of us until that day, my mum is the ''professional flogger, pik pin, ride okada, e.t.c'' gosh all those punishments kai. Anyways my old man shut him up with a slap and the next thing I heard my dad say na. . . .  ''open your mouth one more time and you will find yourself back in Nigeria with us, I will be back in 4months and let me not ''cash you'' with this willy willy hairstyle, infact saying I am disappointed in you is an understatement'' . No be person tell my bros to arrange himself ASAP. The dude swore never to tok to my parents(as usual, I was guilty too)but the grudge no last if not hunger go waya you dieee. The word ''disappointment'' hunted my bros life for weeks,that he had to ring back after a while and told my dad to punish him another way  instead of telling him how disappointed he was in him. Lol

I told his wife about the whole afro thing and the woman rolled on the floor laffing.