Author Praises Chidera Obiora Stories
™
Eze and I were both going to school one faithful Monday morning when Eze quickly stopped and grabbed his buttocks.

"Chai. Chai chai chai." He cried out.

I was shocked. I Stopped and looked at Eze who was now looking left and right like a chicken about to lay eggs.

"Eze what happen to you na? Why are you holding your stomach like a pregnant woman about to give birth."

"Praises I want to shit. Shit oo. Abeg you get tissue paper?" He asked.

"No, I no get." I shook my head.

Eze quickly opened his school bag, brought out a random book, tore out any page, and zoomed into the bush like a wild animal.

I stood and stared at Eze in confusion. I was wondering what Eze must have eaten at home.

This thing was doing me like movie. Eze left his school bag on the floor with his book scattered on the floor.

Shit can make you forget your worries.

I watched Eze jumping and diverting around the bush like someone who was dodging roadblocks or bombs.

Ten minutes later he came out of the bush buckling up his belt and smelling his hands.

"Praises God is good. Chaii!" He snapped his fingers three times. "Imagine that God did not give us holes in our bumbum. How we for do?" Eze turned to ask. He picked his books on the floor and randomly placed them in his school bag.

That day we arrived at school early to find our classmates solving their maths assignments in class. Eze and I laughed at them. We had done our assignment during the weekends, so we just watched as other students struggled with theirs. This was an assignment that took us two hours to solve.

Maths teacher entered the class before any of the children could even complete theirs. He was our first period every Monday morning and our first period every Friday Morning.

"Everyone submit your assignment now. If you have not done yours, come out. If you did not finish your assignment come out." He thundered.

Everyone quivered in fear. Only Eze and I walked out boldly to hand our maths notebook to the teacher.

"Very good. Very good students." He smiled as he flipped through my notebook.

He dropped the two books on the table and trashed every student Twenty-two strokes of cane each. Eze and I laughed like clowns. Eze's laugh was even the loudest.

Maths teacher picked up Eze's book and flipped through the pages. He was surprised when he found out that the pages of the book were ripped in diagonal and horizontal format.

"Eze where is your assignment and why are the pages of your mathematics book torn?"

Eze turned into a zombie. He was looking at the mathematics teacher.

"Uncle I do the assignment. I do it shey Praises you see me when I do it."

"Come and show me" he flung the book angrily at Eze.

Eze picked the book up from the floor and stared at it. He flipped through the pages and turned to look at the subject the book was carrying.

"Chai ewooo." Eze shouted.

"Praises. I do the assignment o. Shey you see me?"

My laugh began to come out gradually. I was only holding the laugh because Eze was my friend.

"Eze bring your assignment. Quickly." The maths teacher roared. He raised his cane up and walked towards Eze.

"Uncle wait. I do the assignment. I swear uncle. I do it. It was right here. Right on this page. I write it, uncle."

"Then where is it? Where is the assignment."

"Chai!" Eze stammered. "Abi Praises it is the assignment I use and clean my nyash in the bush?"

O this laugh was boiling to come out. I was looking at Eze. Laugh was coming.

The teacher's cane landed at the back of Eze's head.

"Taaaawaiiiiiiii"

I was sure the cane was meant for his back, but this one landed on his head. Fresh malu head. The type that shines when you apply oil and enter sunlight.

"Where is your assignment?"

Eze immediately knelt on the ground.

"Uncle I use it to do the toilet."

"Which toilet? Your mother or your father toilet?"

"No sir. Bush toilet. I do bush toilet. Uncle sorry. Uncle is shit cause am. Uncle sorry."

I collapsed on the ground in laughter. This one pass my power.

After the close of school that day, Eze went into the bush to find the paper. He was not happy that the maths Teacher had doubted him.

Eze walked out of the bush carrying the squeezed paper with shit plastered on it.

"Ehen Praises, you see the assignment for here? I do bush toilet by mistake?" He pointed it towards me.

"Eze what are you doing with it? Throw it away and let's go home.'

"God forbid. God forbid bad thing. After forty-two strokes of cane? Praises God forbid. You see this assignment paper, I will keep it as testimony. I will tell my children how I tear my book and do bush toilet, only to see that I have tear my assignment."

Today makes it 15years.

I visited Eze today when his children were about to resume school for the very first time. That dude saved the paper for 15years.

"So what did you learn from this story my dear children?" Eze asked.

"Daddy I learn that we should never tear our book and do bush toilet." They chorused.

"Daddy is that your shit on the paper?" Chike asked.

"No. God forbid. It is Uncle Praises own."

Everyone started laughing.

My Name is Praises Chidera Obiora, and I am the best; the very best at what I do.

THE ASSIGNMENT PAPER
BY
PRAISES CHIDERA OBIORA

Don't forget to share

Guy, you're too good.
Keep it up

Please this is not my story i copied it from facebook