Favfables1:


The most sensible comment I've seen so far...

Personally if it's just a one time thing, I won't be bothered buh it happening consistently is something that'll make me raise eyebrows...

OP talk to your wife and tell her exactly how this makes you feel...
She may be doing it without meaning to upset or disrespect you...

I know this may seem like something "not worth talking about", buh if it hurts you enough for you to open a thread on nairaland, then it's better you communicate with her rather than allow it grow into resentment...

And please leave all those folks up there insulting you for whatever reason, if you do your investigations they're probably not married and thus won't know *exactly* how it feels...

Good luck Chief...

Exactly my thought. Immediately I saw that comment, that's what came to my mind. People were busy insulting him without seeing reason in his questions. Different things matter for different people. He has shown us that this really matters to him, so I wonder why people are forcing him to accept a contrary narrative.

Thank for this comment too.

@Op, I understand your pains. Since its repetitive, just call her aside and tell her what you want. And let her understand the dept of dissatisfaction in you, so that it doesn't happen again.
Grace!

Most women here will support her. But this is wrong. If she did it the very day he arrived it is ok, but if she continue doing it, that is disrespectful to the husband. The old man who she called a brother lack sense, because as a man, he should be mindful of everything in that home. I really don't know why some adult feel so comfortable in their in-laws house.

Oga, it's seems you have not be able to detached your wife from her family? It's very important that men remound the mind of their wives to get more attached to them than any member of their family.

Anyway, to avoid trouble in your home, ignore everything for now since he is only staying for short time and after he leaves, you can discuss it with her.
Peace.

Hmmm

And did you confirm nah her real blood brother

SayAsSeen:
Hello friends, I'd like to ask intelligent and older minds for advise about an issue before I react.

My wife's elder brother is visiting my house and my wife has been serving his food first before serving and bringing my good, in my own house.


Please I just want to ask if this is wrong or right or even just normal?

I worked all through the night and was famished by the time the day broke this morning. I gave her some dough and told her to prepare me noodles and sardine, emphasizing on the fact that I was very hungry.

NOTE: Her Brother was still asleep at this time.

She prepared the meal, split it into two. Woke up and served her brother first in my guest room before coming to my room to give her hungry husband his food.

I was so mad, I ignored the food, went out to smoke a cigarette. While I was doing that it occured to me ask for advice here, because I didn't want to ask anybody I knew personally.

I still don't know whether to be mad, or to just ignore it.

I am a strong believer of common sense and respect and her actions this morning lack both! It would have take her less than 30 seconds to give me my food then go wake and serve her brother!

Is she told me she needed money for something and I put my younger sister's need over her's-no matter how tribal her's might be-i know how she'd react and the amount of making up I'd have to do.

I am trying to be very mature about this, that's why I keeping things anonymous?

Besides I'd like to know, I possibly can't be the only person who has experienced this sort of situation because they say there's nothing new under the sun. Please who has ever felt this way, I am very understanding and if something irks me, it would irk every body else too.


Wish I could explain better

It is wrong! What is bad is bad!

but many things are bad that is where comm comes in - tell her in a cool voice how disrespected you feel then let it go.

If her good parts outweigh the bad then draw a cheque from the goodwill she has with you but communicate and give her the opportunity to apologise and make amends.

It is small stuff that causes resentment and yet in grand scheme of things it can be dealt with quickly....

Do you pay the rent ? give her allowance or is it her bro that gives her pocket money..

Some issues are not worth dragging if you are really matured. The most important thing "is to serve you food to eat whether first or last".
but when your marriage is not stable, you will be seeing enemity in every action and come to nairaland for advice.

yemi1504:


One of the feminists ones we are talking about, they will tell you to go and serve yourself! Some are even worse, they will tell you to cook instead despite not being in a good frame of mind due to being hungry. No idea how to build and maintain a home in the name of being woke SMH.

Very senseless things

things like this depends on how the home/family take dy in regards to tradition and all. if for example this very op so na oba or chieftain will the wife serve food to his broda first before him husband according to d story it not a one time tin, it happening over and over again. dat is to say d woman know watin him dy do. traditionally it a sign of disrespect

SayAsSeen:
Hello friends, I'd like to ask intelligent and older minds for advise about an issue before I react.

My wife's elder brother is visiting my house and my wife has been serving his food first before serving and bringing my good, in my own house.


Please I just want to ask if this is wrong or right or even just normal?

I worked all through the night and was famished by the time the day broke this morning. I gave her some dough and told her to prepare me noodles and sardine, emphasizing on the fact that I was very hungry.

NOTE: Her Brother was still asleep at this time.

She prepared the meal, split it into two. Woke up and served her brother first in my guest room before coming to my room to give her hungry husband his food.

I was so mad, I ignored the food, went out to smoke a cigarette. While I was doing that it occured to me ask for advice here, because I didn't want to ask anybody I knew personally.

I still don't know whether to be mad, or to just ignore it.

I am a strong believer of common sense and respect and her actions this morning lack both! It would have take her less than 30 seconds to give me my food then go wake and serve her brother!

Is she told me she needed money for something and I put my younger sister's need over her's-no matter how tribal her's might be-i know how she'd react and the amount of making up I'd have to do.

I am trying to be very mature about this, that's why I keeping things anonymous?

Besides I'd like to know, I possibly can't be the only person who has experienced this sort of situation because they say there's nothing new under the sun. Please who has ever felt this way, I am very understanding and if something irks me, it would irk every body else too.


Wish I could explain better

Is the brother older or younger than her? If he is older than her, there exists a remote possibility he is equally older than you.

bigjackass:
Courtesy demands she serve the guest first whether her brother or not.

Nobody is dragging head of the house with you

Exactly. Ur head de dere. My mum serve visitors b4 anybody else

yemi1504:


AMEN and God bless you too for your rational and especially logically thinking. What I have noticed about people's opinions these days is that they think in a herd mentality and thinks whatever the majority thinks is right is right and is ascribed as their opinions too as long as it is normal which is not the right thing to do but by thinking logically and doing what is proper that is rather the best. Cheers bro and Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to you in advance!

Thanks boss. Merry Xmas and happy new year to you and family bro. Stay safe out there pls

Bola146:
As for me I don't see anything bad in that, it's a way to show honour and respect to him, it's just a visit not forever, he will soon go to his house.

NB If you truly want a happy home, don't seek advice on social media, those kids who can't maintain a week relationship will advise you astray. What works for A might not work for B.

Even with your modifications, it's the same thing!!! Is the man living forever in your house? Why come here to rant instead of telling your wife directly that she did something wrong?! You see why I always said good communication with intimacy are good in every home especially with this teens getting married everyday. I know he will still come back to ask if it's good for his wife to be greeting him every morning or late in the night orishirishi Dear Lord have mercy on us all

I was expecting this sort of response and not disappointed. Let's assume the table turned around would you still see nothing bad about it??

SayAsSeen:
Hello friends, I'd like to ask intelligent and older minds for advise about an issue before I react.

My wife's elder brother is visiting my house and my wife has been serving his food first before serving and bringing my good, in my own house.


Please I just want to ask if this is wrong or right or even just normal?

I worked all through the night and was famished by the time the day broke this morning. I gave her some dough and told her to prepare me noodles and sardine, emphasizing on the fact that I was very hungry.

NOTE: Her Brother was still asleep at this time.

She prepared the meal, split it into two. Woke up and served her brother first in my guest room before coming to my room to give her hungry husband his food.

I was so mad, I ignored the food, went out to smoke a cigarette. While I was doing that it occured to me ask for advice here, because I didn't want to ask anybody I knew personally.

I still don't know whether to be mad, or to just ignore it.

I am a strong believer of common sense and respect and her actions this morning lack both! It would have take her less than 30 seconds to give me my food then go wake and serve her brother!

Is she told me she needed money for something and I put my younger sister's need over her's-no matter how tribal her's might be-i know how she'd react and the amount of making up I'd have to do.

I am trying to be very mature about this, that's why I keeping things anonymous?

Besides I'd like to know, I possibly can't be the only person who has experienced this sort of situation because they say there's nothing new under the sun. Please who has ever felt this way, I am very understanding and if something irks me, it would irk every body else too.


Wish I could explain better

In my culture a woman is expected to serve her husband first before anybody their parents exclusive.
Communicate politely to your spouse tell her she should serve you first before her sibling.
You can also ignore her since the said brother is only visiting temporary.

The brother is an important GUEST!
The house is yours. Your wife is serving the guest good on behalf of you.

Now the question is If you have an important guest will you eat first before serving them?

Most comments here are not fair to the man.

He said he was hungry and the woman had to make something for him while BIL was sleeping.

Why wake a sleeping man for food first, while the hungry one waits?

That's not fair.

But OP, speak with your wife about it like a gentleman that you are.

Na hunger wey dey wire you make you reason like that.. your visitor go soon comort.. no vex bro.

SayAsSeen:
Hello friends, I'd like to ask intelligent and older minds for advise about an issue before I react.

My wife's elder brother is visiting my house and my wife has been serving his food first before serving and bringing my good, in my own house.


Please I just want to ask if this is wrong or right or even just normal?

I worked all through the night and was famished by the time the day broke this morning. I gave her some dough and told her to prepare me noodles and sardine, emphasizing on the fact that I was very hungry.

NOTE: Her Brother was still asleep at this time.

She prepared the meal, split it into two. Woke up and served her brother first in my guest room before coming to my room to give her hungry husband his food.

I was so mad, I ignored the food, went out to smoke a cigarette. While I was doing that it occured to me ask for advice here, because I didn't want to ask anybody I knew personally.

I still don't know whether to be mad, or to just ignore it.

I am a strong believer of common sense and respect and her actions this morning lack both! It would have take her less than 30 seconds to give me my food then go wake and serve her brother!

Is she told me she needed money for something and I put my younger sister's need over her's-no matter how tribal her's might be-i know how she'd react and the amount of making up I'd have to do.

I am trying to be very mature about this, that's why I keeping things anonymous?

Besides I'd like to know, I possibly can't be the only person who has experienced this sort of situation because they say there's nothing new under the sun. Please who has ever felt this way, I am very understanding and if something irks me, it would irk every body else too.


Wish I could explain better

ignis:
She have been together with the brother long before she met you.

Then why didn't she get married to the damned fvcking brother.

So this is also a problem?, my advice to you is to consult a mental health doctor because something is wrong with your brain.

adelaja70:
Maybe the in law no get money... If na me, i go bullshit you and your cheap food... Nonsense!!

You just hit the nail!!!! Egocentric husband.

Osmomoh:
Most women here will support her. But this is wrong. If she did it the very day he arrived it is ok, but if she continue doing it, that is disrespectful to the husband. The old man who she called a brother lack sense, because as a man, he should be mindful of everything in that home. I really don't know why some adult feel so comfortable in their in-laws house.

Oga, it's seems you have not be able to detached your wife from her family? It's very important that men remound the mind of their wives to get more attached to them than any member of their family.

Anyway, to avoid trouble in your home, ignore everything for now since he is only staying for short time and after he leaves, you can discuss it with her.
Peace.

Op is just an otondo in marriage... you are yet to see more. Try to be more blind and dumb in marriage.

adelaja70:

The husband dey lie to cover his shame... No be only bed na mat.

What shame abeg?
In his own house, his own money and his own food.
Brother man go and sit down inside lava.

SayAsSeen:
Hello friends, I'd like to ask intelligent and older minds for advise about an issue before I react.

My wife's elder brother is visiting my house and my wife has been serving his food first before serving and bringing my good, in my own house.


Please I just want to ask if this is wrong or right or even just normal?

I worked all through the night and was famished by the time the day broke this morning. I gave her some dough and told her to prepare me noodles and sardine, emphasizing on the fact that I was very hungry.

NOTE: Her Brother was still asleep at this time.

She prepared the meal, split it into two. Woke up and served her brother first in my guest room before coming to my room to give her hungry husband his food.

I was so mad, I ignored the food, went out to smoke a cigarette. While I was doing that it occured to me ask for advice here, because I didn't want to ask anybody I knew personally.

I still don't know whether to be mad, or to just ignore it.

I am a strong believer of common sense and respect and her actions this morning lack both! It would have take her less than 30 seconds to give me my food then go wake and serve her brother!

Is she told me she needed money for something and I put my younger sister's need over her's-no matter how tribal her's might be-i know how she'd react and the amount of making up I'd have to do.

I am trying to be very mature about this, that's why I keeping things anonymous?

Besides I'd like to know, I possibly can't be the only person who has experienced this sort of situation because they say there's nothing new under the sun. Please who has ever felt this way, I am very understanding and if something irks me, it would irk every body else too.


Wish I could explain better

Sir am sorry to say this I think your wife don't know what you mean as a husband to her can she do that to her father? If the answer is no then case close. But this thing married men telling their wife to prepare noodles for them is sounding irritating in my ear, no matter the hunger my wife know Sha I rather drink gari.

Shey u no get respect again abi,so for ur mind ur senior brother in-law come house.if ur wife serve u food first u go gree eat?

Alabo7978:

What shame abeg?
In his own house, his own money and his own food.
Brother man go and sit down inside lava.

He for marry himself naa,.. Bachelor self dey advice... Lmao!

Favfables1:


The most sensible comment I've seen so far...

Personally if it's just a one time thing, I won't be bothered buh it happening consistently is something that'll make me raise eyebrows...

OP talk to your wife and tell her exactly how this makes you feel...
She may be doing it without meaning to upset or disrespect you...

I know this may seem like something "not worth talking about", buh if it hurts you enough for you to open a thread on nairaland, then it's better you communicate with her rather than allow it grow into resentment...

And please leave all those folks up there insulting you for whatever reason, if you do your investigations they're probably not married and thus won't know *exactly* how it feels...

Good luck Chief...

You and the person you quoted are both sensible in what u wrote...

So, someone should not be comfortable in his own house again? After telling his wife he was very hungry....Assuming the food determined his living or dying, it means she doesn't care...

In many things in life, it is good to have priority and know how to apply it( prioritization).

..

Chuvin22:
The brother is an important GUEST!
The house is yours. Your wife is serving the guest good on behalf of you.

Now the question is If you have an important guest will you eat first before serving them?

The subtext is that the OP does not think he is still important if he ever thought he was and feels oppressed in his home

I wonder if the OP has an elder brother and whether he would feel the same way if it was his elder brother


At the core of this is the psychology of personal space or territory. We still possess many of those drives which other species manifest by marking their territory with the smell of urine matched by a willingness to defend territory with violence. The social restrictions on such violence in human society is manifested in social media eruptions

Chuvin22:
The brother is an important GUEST!
The house is yours. Your wife is serving the guest good on behalf of you.

Now the question is If you have an important guest will you eat first before serving them?

The subtext is that the OP does not think he is still important if he ever thought he was and feels oppressed in his home

I wonder if the OP has an elder brother and whether he would feel the same way if it was his elder brother


At the core of this is the psychology of personal space or territory. We still possess many of those drives which other species manifest by marking their territory with the smell of urine matched by a willingness to defend territory with violence. The social restrictions on such violence in human society is manifested in social media eruptions or in our culture dreams of wizardry and such like
The human mind is funny
Poverty can make it do strange things

Bola146:
As for me I don't see anything bad in that, it's a way to show honour and respect to him, it's just a visit not forever, he will soon go to his house.

NB If you truly want a happy home, don't seek advice on social media, those kids who can't maintain a week relationship will advise you astray. What works for A might not work for B.

Even with your modifications, it's the same thing!!! Is the man living forever in your house? Why come here to rant instead of telling your wife directly that she did something wrong?! You see why I always said good communication with intimacy are good in every home especially with this teens getting married everyday. I know he will still come back to ask if it's good for his wife to be greeting him every morning or late in the night orishirishi Dear Lord have mercy on us all

oga tell him the truth it is wrong if it happens once no wahala but if it's an everyday thing very bad weather he came for visit or not

Karleb:
Leaving an hungry man to serve another that isn't hungry is wrong.

Psychologically it's torture not just wrong

alizma:
Are you sure you are not leaving under the same roof with your rival?

I don't want to imagine this cuz

You’re smoking weed not cigarette, your write up says it all, trying to compose simple narrative and all these jargons we are trying to forcefully comprehend.

LMAO.

Another tale for our entertainment. The way men garnish lies as fact here is amusing. This one even tells us he's lying/changing events because he's trying to stay anonymous with his complaint. Because he knows the elder brother is on the forum and the guy is 6'5" with the muscles of a stallion!

So he wanted to eat sardines and noodles and his wife went into the guest bedroom, shook her elder brother awake and knelt down to serve him food, while this our good brother man husband was salivating and shaking with grievous hunger? No bro code, men in hate? The story is fantastic. Pure NL fiction designed to draw reactions and abuse on the "wife". But at least this one is funny.