mardis:
Op, forget all those saying, there is nothing wrong in it. Infact everything is wrong with it. I am very sure majority of them aren't married so they don't see it they way you are seeing it. If it was her parents i would understand. Her brother stay your house shouldn't exeed 3days, he should go stay in a hotel. Culture and tradition permit a wife to serve her husband first before others. It is respect. The brother should even be the one to correct that.
Please talk to her, just do it in a calm way, so she can understand and correct herself.

Wait, so if it was the OPs Parents that came visiting, is she supposed to serve him first before serving his parents food?

Things that shouldn't even be an issue in life is what these ones are carrying on their heads

Oga she has shown you the hierarchy of authority in her life.
As the HEAD of your home, Call her attention to it & demand a change.
If she corrects the error, you are lucky. Make sure you reward her with more affection.
If she doesn’t change from her error, mark my words, YOU ARE DOOMED IN THAT MARRIAGE!

SayAsSeen:
Hello friends, I'd like to ask intelligent and older minds for advise about an issue before I react.

My wife's elder brother is visiting my house and my wife has been serving his food first before serving and bringing my good, in my own house.


Please I just want to ask if this is wrong or right or even just normal?

I worked all through the night and was famished by the time the day broke this morning. I gave her some dough and told her to prepare me noodles and sardine, emphasizing on the fact that I was very hungry.

NOTE: Her Brother was still asleep at this time.

She prepared the meal, split it into two. Woke up and served her brother first in my guest room before coming to my room to give her hungry husband his food.

I was so mad, I ignored the food, went out to smoke a cigarette. While I was doing that it occured to me ask for advice here, because I didn't want to ask anybody I knew personally.

I still don't know whether to be mad, or to just ignore it.

I am a strong believer of common sense and respect and her actions this morning lack both! It would have take her less than 30 seconds to give me my food then go wake and serve her brother!

Is she told me she needed money for something and I put my younger sister's need over her's-no matter how tribal her's might be-i know how she'd react and the amount of making up I'd have to do.

I am trying to be very mature about this, that's why I keeping things anonymous?

Besides I'd like to know, I possibly can't be the only person who has experienced this sort of situation because they say there's nothing new under the sun. Please who has ever felt this way, I am very understanding and if something irks me, it would irk every body else too.


Wish I could explain better

Simran94:


Cc SIRTee15 1x2x3
What do you have to say about this? Are we blaming the woman in this case too?

I already told him to have his cigarette then go and eat his food. He has no case as long as food is enough for everyone.

Alabo7978:

Why are everybody not seeing any wrong in the woman's doing?

This woman was called by her husband, given money to make food because he returned hungry and tired.
She opted to serve her brother first BY WAKING HIM UP, before her own husband.
There is everything wrong with this abeg.
It shows the wife cares more about her sleeping brother than her hungry husband.
For Respect sake serve the man who provided the money for the food and was MORE IN NEED of the food than someone who didn't even know there was something cooking.
All these woke people these days sef.

I think that woman has not really left her father's house!

My own question is why you are housing your sisters elder brother... He no get house and family ni? He is a man, doesn't he have his own home? Look, when a handshake has passed elbow, it has become something else. What happened to him visiting and going back to his house? Oga pls be weary of those folks.

Fiscus105:


In fact a wife that was trained very well which she also abide by training will serve her husband before her parent , husband parent and pastor, its husband that's her crown and not any other person.

True talk my brother. Op shey you read ba?

Sir you're right in everything in marriage husband first but you need to correct her with love she might not known the negative effect of it, sir it's not good to reject her food she is your love
In those days our mothers reverence our father the way Sarah reverenced our father Abraham. Let us 4get about the issue of new generation that somebody mentioned b4

Olunmercy56:
I don't think there is sense in this question at all. Is she cheating him or what? Because of serving of food? Maturity matters most in a marriage

Another scenario

A husband receives salary , he first gives his relative min the house staying with him and later or the following day gives the wife her part how would you think she would feel.



The husband comes first even if the president comes to the house same as the wife should come first in the life of a husband no matter how small the detail

Bola146:
As for me I don't see anything bad in that, it's a way to show honour and respect to him, it's just a visit not forever, he will soon go to his house.

NB If you truly want a happy home, don't seek advice on social media, those kids who can't maintain a week relationship will advise you astray. What works for A might not work for B.

Even with your modifications, it's the same thing!!! Is the man living forever in your house? Why come here to rant instead of telling your wife directly that she did something wrong?! You see why I always said good communication with intimacy are good in every home especially with this teens getting married everyday. I know he will still come back to ask if it's good for his wife to be greeting him every morning or late in the night orishirishi Dear Lord have mercy on us all

You said some reasonable things shaa, but your condescending tone spoilt it for me.

Simran94:

Wait, so if it was the OPs Parents that came visiting, is she supposed to serve him first before serving his parents food?

Ofcourse yes, infact op's parent should tell the wife to serve her husband first before serving them. That is the right thing to do. It is their own way of promoting love and respect between the couple.

Very wrong, she should first give you the respect before anyone else.

[
Wait, so if it was the OPs Parents that came visiting, is she supposed to serve him first before serving his parents food?
Yes if it's my mother you give such type of food she will not eat it until you serve your husband first
My mother will tell you that your husband house is different from her husband house, by so doing your husband first in everything you are doing provided you're under the umbrella of your husband

BullyBullies:



God bless you for your rational contribution. How can your husband be hungry and he gave you money 6o make him food, and you made the good but went to serve your sleeping brother first before going to serve your starving husband who worked through the night? That's a big disrespect. Sometimes many people that comment don't think on their own, they form their judgment based in what is popular in the comment section. Only few people on the social media give judgment independently regardless of popular opinion.

AMEN and God bless you too for your rational and especially logically thinking. What I have noticed about people's opinions these days is that they think in a herd mentality and thinks whatever the majority thinks is right is right and is ascribed as their opinions too as long as it is normal which is not the right thing to do but by thinking logically and doing what is proper that is rather the best. Cheers bro and Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to you in advance!

SayAsSeen:
Hello friends, I'd like to ask intelligent and older minds for advise about an issue before I react.

My wife's elder brother is visiting my house and my wife has been serving his food first before serving and bringing my good, in my own house.


Please I just want to ask if this is wrong or right or even just normal?

I worked all through the night and was famished by the time the day broke this morning. I gave her some dough and told her to prepare me noodles and sardine, emphasizing on the fact that I was very hungry.

NOTE: Her Brother was still asleep at this time.

She prepared the meal, split it into two. Woke up and served her brother first in my guest room before coming to my room to give her hungry husband his food.

I was so mad, I ignored the food, went out to smoke a cigarette. While I was doing that it occured to me ask for advice here, because I didn't want to ask anybody I knew personally.

I still don't know whether to be mad, or to just ignore it.

I am a strong believer of common sense and respect and her actions this morning lack both! It would have take her less than 30 seconds to give me my food then go wake and serve her brother!

Is she told me she needed money for something and I put my younger sister's need over her's-no matter how tribal her's might be-i know how she'd react and the amount of making up I'd have to do.

I am trying to be very mature about this, that's why I keeping things anonymous?

Besides I'd like to know, I possibly can't be the only person who has experienced this sort of situation because they say there's nothing new under the sun. Please who has ever felt this way, I am very understanding and if something irks me, it would irk every body else too.


Wish I could explain better

For me if the so called brother was awake it would be a different story, but the fact that she went and wake him up to eat before you is bad, why not wait for your brother to wake up before the food? U live your hungry husband go dey wake who dey sleep to come eat who does that?

Mercychen:
That is arrant nonsense and total disregard for her husband. To think the man already told you he's hungry.

Even if she was the one that provided the money for the food, her husband must be served first! Before any other person.

Someone like me, before I serve myself, I'll first serve his food and set aside not to talk of another person.

Na una know where una dey see all these chicken brains dey marry.

Sha no smoke your lungs dry.

You can say that again! Happy to see a female perspective is thinking logically on this one!

Bola146:
As for me I don't see anything bad in that, it's a way to show honour and respect to him, it's just a visit not forever, he will soon go to his house.

NB If you truly want a happy home, don't seek advice on social media, those kids who can't maintain a week relationship will advise you astray. What works for A might not work for B.

Even with your modifications, it's the same thing!!! Is the man living forever in your house? Why come here to rant instead of telling your wife directly that she did something wrong?! You see why I always said good communication with intimacy are good in every home especially with this teens getting married everyday. I know he will still come back to ask if it's good for his wife to be greeting him every morning or late in the night orishirishi Dear Lord have mercy on us all

amen mommy

God1000:
I'm scared of getting married due to heartbreaking stories we read these days, some people are just in hell.

Please do go ahead and get married! I am planning to next year even though I think the women of this generation are quite a piece of work as regards building a home due to all these flying feminism and feminists influences these days SMH. Remember, there is an out in marriage, if you are not happy at all in marriage, there is a divorce option of course after exhausting all your options in finding a solution to the unhappiness and it didn't work. Your happiness matters, yes even over your family and other people's views and opinions! I took a drastic decision today for my happiness and self preservation and don't owe anyone an explanation for it! That should be your mantra too! Your happiness and those of your children if there are any in the marriage! Watch Daddy's Little Girls By Tyler Perry to see what I am talking about!

What is the big deal about serving her brother first before you? You should be happy that he comes and stays with you people for some days consider it as an honour bro! It just a mindset thing

Olunmercy56:


That is why I always pray for a man that is sensible as a husband, not the one that can't think on his own

Or the one that will only see things in your way.

there is know issue here now bro even whenever i visit my sister she serve me food b4 her husband and nobody is raising eyebrow because of that, but we poor men sha he get as we take dey reason oooo

Bola146:
As for me I don't see anything bad in that, it's a way to show honour and respect to him, it's just a visit not forever, he will soon go to his house.

NB If you truly want a happy home, don't seek advice on social media, those kids who can't maintain a week relationship will advise you astray. What works for A might not work for B.

Even with your modifications, it's the same thing!!! Is the man living forever in your house? Why come here to rant instead of telling your wife directly that she did something wrong?! You see why I always said good communication with intimacy are good in every home especially with this teens getting married everyday. I know he will still come back to ask if it's good for his wife to be greeting him every morning or late in the night orishirishi Dear Lord have mercy on us all

Some women sorry people infact most people hate communication. We all like to throw the word around but when it comes to dialogue, accepting responsibilities most humans will flare and turn things around till you forget what it is that you wanted to communicate about. There's nothing wrong in him coming here, as his sense of discretion is intact.

God1000:
exactly mercy, but I don't know if God will hear/answer my prayers because I hardly go to church.

I don't go to church too but their Bible says God is not in a building rather in our hearts! Just something for you to ponder on! Besides, if you are in a relationship, open your eyes wide and be alert to watch out for red flags and don't ever think love or marriage will mask it as they all tell you to be "tolerant". My last ex was impulsive, money hungry and had anger management issues, I saw those issues on time and quickly cut off and moved on and I don't go to church due to personal and self-preservation reasons. I didn't think love will overcome that, anything a lady you are in a relationship does that doesn't give you peace of mind either now or in the near future, talk about it with her, if you see no changes, quickly cut off and move on. Love and marriage never changes a person's character and behavior, the person rather changes himself or herself. My 2 cents.

Your find don finally show you where you belong, you better be careful before something go happen

airexx:
It's the same thing that will keep you single or sent out of ur husband's house if they manage marry you.

One of the feminists ones we are talking about, they will tell you to go and serve yourself! Some are even worse, they will tell you to cook instead despite not being in a good frame of mind due to being hungry. No idea how to build and maintain a home in the name of being woke SMH.

how long is the brother staying in your house. even a hotel with bread and breakfast will not wake you up from bed with food. anyways her brother is enjoying good hospitality at your expense .

Just relax, he will soon go.

elantraceey:



Lmao.... Because of food? Just say you're overgrown incapacitated baby that can't even serve his own food. Mthheewww.

SMH. Awon woke generation, no matter divorces dey fly left, right, center, up and down lol.

Alabo7978:

Oga that one dey
but over familiarity brings insult atimes.
The brother dey sleep for christ sake, the husband said she should urgently make that noodles for him but she decided to go and wake the brother up and serve him food before going to give her starving husband. That is disrespect please. It's not right abeg.
If we check this thing now, that woman has never brought food to her husband on bed.

The husband dey lie to cover his shame... No be only bed na mat.

Pataricatering:
oga , I'm married and I do exactly the same thing - I serve guests first - my husband is not disabled that he can't enter kitchen and dish out his own food if necessary.
There is nothing I detest like ego driven decisions - they usually lack sense and they open the door for entitlement and further unreasonable behaviour.

Congrats to you on your marriage. You must be married to a Man who is willing to tolerate such irrational impunity else I don't know how a Man would be severely undervalued in his own home. And yes, ego is a core psychological component of personality. Without it, we would be shameless and sheepish. We only need it to be moderate cos excess breeds mania. My Wife-to-be MUST always acknowledge and regard me as the Head that I am. Telling me to go serve myself is way overboard. I can do it, but it would be a plea, not a stupid rhetoric

Amanda4life:




I BEG GIVE AM DIRTY SLAAAAAP

E no reach that one na! Left to me, if I were in the Op's shoes, talk about it the first time and warn her, second time, I will go and take my food myself in anger but most importantly, send the brother that has obviously overstayed his welcome out of my house with my attitude and finally my actions! Yes, I can be that vindictive in relaying a message, someone refused to take!

MadeMan01:


Wrong!!!
You serve the head of the house first, then he can invite the guest to dine and be dished. If it's not buffet style feast, common sense says serve the provider. Even if you as guest is served first, you'd be inconsiderate to eat first, instead defer to your host. Let your host be the one to waive the right and tell guest to eat. If you go to England to visit the queen, she is served and all her guests, but NO one starts eating till the Queen has taken the first spoon to her mouth

Thank you! Don't know where Africans learn this welcome visitors over house occupants balderdash from!