I am an american born Nigerian and my boyfriend of 3 months was born and raised in Nigeria. I think because of our differences in upbringing, we have many miscommunications. We have been having problems for about 2 weeks now because I felt that he does not do enough to include me in his life such as tell me things thats going on and I have spoken to him once before about this. Two nights ago, he went missing and I did not hear from him so the next day I called him again and he text me to tell me that his step grandmother who came from Nigeria for surgery was very sick and that he stayed at the hospital with her all the night before. This was the first I was hearing about this so I got upset because I didn't know what had been going on. He called me later that evening and we walked but he seemed agitated and quickly rushed me off the phone saying he was tired. I called him back and he didn't anwser so I sent him a text saying "it seems as though talking to me and telling me stuff and making time to come see me is stressful for you and I do not want to stress you out so maybe we should just be friends from now on" I only sent the text because I was angry and I didn't mean to break up with him. I text him the next day apologizing and saying I wanted to talk with him and he did not respond. Then I called him and left a msg also apologizing. Later that evening, I called again saying I was coming over to apologize in person, still no anwser. Then I went to his house and knocked on his door and no anwser although I think he may have been home. I left him 2 more voice msgs and a text to tell him I came to his place to say I'm sorry for what I did but he never responded. I left his place yesterday feeling sad and text him to say I was sorry again and that if he wanted to talk to me, he should call me but if not I understand. Still no anwser. I am sad and I love and miss him. Is he done with me? Is there anything I can do to get him back. I miss him so much. Any advice would be helpful.

op
report him 2 d nearest police:

he used u and dumped u.

Thanks iice. That is good advice. I will give him time.

@190, what is the meaning of what you said. Sorry don't understand naija slang

dstiva99:


@190, what is the meaning of what you said. Sorry don't understand naija slang

op
just leave dat ur jew and poor bf alone.

Let me hook u up to 190,

I mean he gat some money.

M M M:

op
just leave dat your jew and poor bf alone.

Let me hook u up to 190,

I mean he gat some money.

190:

Considering you've only been dating 3 months, maybe he is feeling overwhelmed or "claustrophobic" by you.  You two haven't been dating that long and maybe he isn't the type or ready to "empty" everything about himself to you yet.  You keep contacting him like that will only make you appear even more desperate and clingey.  Why not continue on living your life and try to do things to take your mind off of him.  There is really nothing more you can do but to wait and see if he contacts you.  You've called him, went by his house and texted him numerious times.  I wouldn't advise contacting him anymore.  As hard as it may feel, you need to preoccupy your time doing something else as if he didn't exist.  You are only going to make yourself even more miserable and lonely chasing after him.  Depending upon how deep his feelings is about you and what you mean to him will determine rather or not if he will accept your apologies and come back.  If he don't, then he don't.  You have to accept it, and move on.  He know's you are sorry and I'm sure he knows you care deeply for him.  You don't have to keep reiterating it to him.  Right now he probably is annoyed, upset about his "grand parent", probably other personal things.  But you can't force anyone to talk or be with you.  If he wants to "walk", then that's his right.  It's still very early in your relationship so it can go either way.  No one knows but him and God.  Just try and relax and get yourself together.

^^^sista, there is a huge difference between telling (someone you are dating) intimate details about your life AND telling them the reason why you can't be with them. a simple text or call would do instead of disappearing.

@poster
i suggest you accept your fate: this guy doesnt give a damn about you.
see how many times you said I AM SORRY(text, phone, door etc) and yet not even a pip from this man. . . . . . . . . . . .  how more clear do you expect it to be?

think about this for a minute (or two): this guy didnt care much about telling you anything BEFORE, and thus didnt find it important to dwell on what goes on in his life TODAY. what does it say about how he feels about you? especially when you have already told him that you want to be aware of whats going on?

ps the fact that you were born in the US and him in Africa has nothing to do with the issues at hand!

u re sef centred nd insecure in ur relatnship u re even 2 demandin dis is d problem wit most black america girls.

^^bro, i hope you will feel "calm and secured" when your gf disappears from the face of the earth without a word.

@ livedit, thank you for your advice, I am not going to do anything else because at this point, I feel like I have done enough. I have apologized until the point where I can apologize no more. I am truly sorry and I miss him so much but I have done my part and now it is left up to him to do his part by forgiving me. I can only pray that he will see my heart and that I do love him and do not want the relationship to end. However, if he wants to end it, then there is nothing more I can do.

@MrBrownJ, thank you for your comment, it is nice to hear a guy's perspective. I have done so much to be apologetic and even though I know he cares about me, I was very hrut by the fact that he has not responded to me at all. That does make me question how much he cares but I will wait to see if he comes around. In the meantime, I will just focus on myself as livedit has said.

@Pysam, I do not think that asking someone to not disappear without a simple call or text is self centered or insecure. I think that when you are in a relationship, it should be a joy to communicate to the other person. If you cannot communicate, what do you really have? and that has nothing to do with being "american".

Fact#   He who cares less about a relationship dominates a relationship.

He knows you'd go  great lengths to have him back, so he's just enjoying the feeling that comes with it!. . .

Solution#

Stop chasing!!!. . .no one enjoys being ignored, especially by the people who they think couldn't live without them!

@OP, Have you met Mr Cork? I am sure he would be a very good replacement.

Mynd_44:

@OP, Have you met Mr Cork? I am sure he would be a very good replacement.

if you were trying to be funny ------- YOU FAILED!!!

@ violent, thanks, i can take your advice and have already promised not to call or text him again so i won't but what do i do if he finally contacts me? Are you suggesting that i ignore him to get the
"power" back? Truth be told, up until this "incident" I think it was pretty clear that he cared more about the relationship than i so now that the tables are turned, i see it is not fun so if he wants to enjoy the feeling, thats fine but am i to be left suffering forever just because i have made it clear that i would go through great lengths to have him back? or will he eventually get tired of the "feeling" and talk to me? After all, i would like to think being in a relationship should feel better than just enjoying the feeling of someone being willing to do whatever to have you back?
@Mynd_44, i have no words for you.

dstiva99:

@MrBrownJ, thank you for your comment, it is nice to hear a guy's perspective.  I have done so much to be apologetic and even though I know he cares about me, I was very hrut by the fact that he has not responded to me at all.  That does make me question how much he cares but I will wait to see if he comes around.  In the meantime, I will just focus on myself as livedit has said.

pls, no matter what you do, STOP BEING APOLOGETIC! you said something on the phone that was RIGHT, this is how you felt about this r/ship so why should you be sorry about that?! be yourself, dont try to become someone you are not or accept stuff that you normally wouldnt (in the name of being in a r/ship)

judge people by their actions, not what you wish they would/could do, therefore you will have a better understanding of their motives. reality has its on power  and, no matter how long you wish to overlook the facts, it will always finds a way to smack you right in the face. . . . . . . . . . . .  and your inability to cope with it will be your downfall.

@ violent, thanks, i can take your advice and have already promised not to call or text him again so i won't but what do i do if he finally contacts me? Are you suggesting that i ignore him to get the
"power" back? Truth be told, up until this "incident" I think it was pretty clear that he cared more about the relationship than i so now that the tables are turned, i see it is not fun so if he wants to enjoy the feeling, thats fine but am i to be left suffering forever just because i have made it clear that i would go through great lengths to have him back? or will he eventually get tired of the "feeling" and talk to me? After all, i would like to think being in a relationship should feel better than just enjoying the feeling of someone being willing to do whatever to have you back?

I wouldn't possibly know what your relationship with the dude looks like, but as it is obvious you care a lot about him already, if he's someone like me, you ain't going to get that powerful feeling back, sorry!

Good news is, there's only one me!

Okay, jokes asides,what you should focus on for now is giving him the feeling of a "need  for you" in his life, once established, you can then turn the tables around, . . . . . Once he finds the feeling, GET him to apologize for being an ársehole, then pretend you've forgiven him

And when you want to get a man to apologize, you have to do it in a cute way, you know, the same way your nephew will get you to apologize for not taking taking her to Disney?

poster

Home boy was looking for an excuse to get out of the relationship and you gave him an out. He obviously doesn't care about you (sorry but the truth hurts) so you need to move on. Besides count your self lucky because imagine being with this guy for two years and he treats you the way he does?

baby girl ur prob stil remains u re just too sef righteous.u re alreadyJumpin to defend ursef .i av seen nd bein in a relatnship like urs it nt always easy 4 a guy when u want to do 20things at ago give him time nd space stop makin him tell u he loves ,open d car door ,take u out etc when he nt ready let it come naturally 4rm he .nd stop comparin him with oda guys .i no if i sit to quize ur guy dat what he tell me.stop suppecting him. @mrbrown my baby girl can nt disappear or send me such msg

@ OP
Girl, you actually love this guy because it only "love" that brings out extreme reactions in response to situations. So, I feel sorry for you.
Now, the BITTER TRUTH,
The guy has NO OUNCE of love or emotion for you. He has the psychological advantage over you, hence, you feel bad or sad.

Solution:
Leave the guy as soon as possible. Try to get your mind off him EVEN IF HE EVENTUALLY CALLS YOU!!!
If you accept him back into your life, you may regret it. I repeat, the guy does not care about you so stop apologising!!!!

[quote="dstiva99"]I am an american born Nigerian and my boyfriend of 3 months was born and raised in Nigeria.  I think because of our differences in upbringing, we have many miscommunications. We  have been having problems for about 2 weeks now because I felt that he does not do enough to include me in his life such as tell me things thats going on and I have spoken to him once before about this.  Two nights ago, he went missing and I did not hear from him so the next day I called him again and he text me to tell me that his step grandmother who came from Nigeria for surgery was very sick and that he stayed at the hospital with her all the night before.  This was the first I was hearing about this so I got upset because I didn't know what had been going on.  He called me later that evening and we walked but he seemed agitated and quickly rushed me off the phone saying he was tired. I called him back and he didn't anwser so I sent him a text saying "it seems as though talking to me and telling me stuff and making time to come see me is stressful for you and I do not want to stress you out so maybe we should just be friends from now on"  I only sent the text because I was angry and I didn't mean to break up with him.  I text him the next day apologizing and saying I wanted to talk with him and he did not respond.  Then I called him and left a msg also apologizing.  Later that evening, I called again saying I was coming over to apologize in person, still no anwser.  Then I went to his house and knocked on his door and no anwser although I think he may have been home.  I left him 2 more voice msgs and a text to tell him I came to his place to say I'm sorry for what I did but he never responded.  I left his place yesterday feeling sad and text him to say I was sorry again and that if he wanted to talk to me, he should call me but if not I understand.  Still no anwser. I am sad and I love and miss him. Is he done with me?  Is there anything I can do to get him back.  I miss him so much.  Any advice would be helpful. [/quote]

You must be kidding me. Can't you see the writing on the wall? Get back with this guy and get a major heartbreak or stay away and keep your pride and sanity. The guy is not worth all the trouble. "Shine your eyes".

@OP If you continue like this, many guys will take advantage of you. I am not going to tell you off coz I know how it feels. But for the sake of self respect, the only people you need in your life are those that need you in theirs. I have come to realise that if a guy really wants you, he will fight to keep you regardless. You have got you and that's all you should be proud of, never make anyone feel like your life ends when they leave.
In this world, not everyone needs to like you and they don't have to like you. We all have choices, he made his so MOVE ON!

Not sure the guy isnt considering other options.

Either that or "ogun idile" is at work here, hence his seemingly unfocused attitude.

I'd say stop calling him, and when dating, you dont need to limit yourself to nigerians alone.

Or visit nigeria and meet other people.

dstiva99:

@ livedit, thank you for your advice, I am not going to do anything else because at this point, I feel like I have done enough. I have apologized until the point where I can apologize no more. I am truly sorry and I miss him so much but I have done my part and now it is left up to him to do his part by forgiving me. I can only pray that he will see my heart and that I do love him and do not want the relationship to end. However, if he wants to end it, then there is nothing more I can do.

@MrBrownJ, thank you for your comment, it is nice to hear a guy's perspective. I have done so much to be apologetic and[b] even though I know he cares about me[/b], I was very hrut by the fact that he has not responded to me at all. That does make me question how much he cares but I will wait to see if he comes around. In the meantime, I will just focus on myself as livedit has said.

@Pysam, I do not think that asking someone to not disappear without a simple call or text is self centered or insecure. I think that when you are in a relationship, it should be a joy to communicate to the other person. If you cannot communicate, what do you really have? and that has nothing to do with being "american".

The highlighed part makes me . I'm sorry to sound negative, but these days you can never be too sure. With all you claimed he did to you, that is quite far from being caring my love.

The different posters to this topic has said the obvious. It is quite clear that ur bf was looking for an excuse to drop you and you gave him the perfect opportunity, because having called and texted and even went to his place without getting any response from him is bad of him. He can't deny that he has not been seeing the missed calls and msgs. My advise is let him be. What will be will be. Give him smtime to get back to you, if however he does not get back to U within the next 2 weeks. Then you have to move ahead. I have said 2 wks because no matter how angry he is that is enuf time for him to cool down. But anything after that shld not be accepted by you. He should not think that he can come and go as he wishes.

Ps pls visit my blog and leave ur comments there, http://man2man-man2man..com/

OP
that`s too much apology IMO and reeks of desperation. Cool down and let him miss you. If he wants you back, you have done enough to make him come back. If he doesn`t he doesn`t want you. And it really has nothing to do with what you told him.

Fact is, if he really cares about you, he would have included you in his life. In his time of stress, he will run to you and not away from you. Gerrit?

op
report him 2 d nearest police:

he used u and dumped u.

I am an american born Nigerian and my boyfriend of 3 months was born and raised in Nigeria. I think because of our differences in upbringing, we have many miscommunications. We  have been having problems for about 2 weeks now because I felt that he does not do enough to include me in his life such as tell me things thats going on and I have spoken to him once before about this.  Two nights ago, he went missing and I did not hear from him so the next day I called him again and he text me to tell me that his step grandmother who came from Nigeria for surgery was very sick and that he stayed at the hospital with her all the night before.  This was the first I was hearing about this so I got upset because I didn't know what had been going on.  He called me later that evening and we walked but he seemed agitated and quickly rushed me off the phone saying he was tired. I called him back and he didn't anwser so I sent him a text saying "it seems as though talking to me and telling me stuff and making time to come see me is stressful for you and I do not want to stress you out so maybe we should just be friends from now on"  I only sent the text because I was angry and I didn't mean to break up with him.  I text him the next day apologizing and saying I wanted to talk with him and he did not respond.  Then I called him and left a msg also apologizing.  Later that evening, I called again saying I was coming over to apologize in person, still no anwser.  Then I went to his house and knocked on his door and no anwser although I think he may have been home.  I left him 2 more voice msgs and a text to tell him I came to his place to say I'm sorry for what I did but he never responded.  I left his place yesterday feeling sad and text him to say I was sorry again and that if he wanted to talk to me, he should call me but if not I understand.  Still no anwser. I am sad and I love and miss him. Is he done with me?  Is there anything I can do to get him back.  I miss him so much.  Any advice would be helpful.

[size=13pt]Dont blame it on that, Ok?? Search yourself and solve your problem!, OLODO [/size]

why re u guys judgin dis mata one sided .if u heard my ex talk abut our relatnship u ll probably shoot me down on d street dis girls no hw to pull d triger nd come to d recievin end 4 all to see.d guy might nt be d devil.when u point a finger@ odas four fingers re facin u.so check ursef babygirl