Hello,
I just need some advice on what to do. My girlfriend who happens to be the only child of her parents gave birth to my beautiful baby boy 8 months ago but I am yet to see him nor touch him because of the selfishness of her father.
I am an igbo man but this our igbo culture is robbing good men of their fatherhood. I may not be where I want to be financially now but I intend fighting for my son ,tradition or not.

I have made inquest to pay the girls dowry if that is what it would take me but obviously, the father is only interested in my son and the girl in question is not ready for marriage according to her, base on my financial strength.

I just need an advice on what to do because I feel cheated. I can not bare the thought of having my son be called another man's son when I am still alive and with the so much love I have for him even when I have not seen him nor carry him.

The father have already given him names and have taken him to church telling everyone that he has adopted a son. I just want to do something drastic.

I love this girl in question and I want to really settle down with her which I have made her aware. But she has other plans for her future according to her. I can't force her to marry me.

thank you for your advice

There are things you should have taken into consideration before embarking on this journey of yours.

I am an igbo man but this our igbo culture..

This should mean a lot to you.You know you can't claim a child in Igbo culture if you didn't pay the dowry.
Two,the consequences of pre-marital sex without protection.Three,the daughter can't marry you in your present state.

As it is now,it's a war you can't win.Maybe the court can help you.

H

How old are you?

How old is the girl?

Employed/unemployed/underemployed ?

Do you stay alone?

Can you afford to take care of the mother and kid during this nursing phase ?






Broke guys and having kids outta wedlock should be an abomination.

Hmmm.. This is serious issue oo.

The tradition is, if you pregnant a girl outside marriage ie, you did not marry her traditionally by paying a dowry neither did you Marry her statutorily by going to marriage registry, the baby from that pregnancy does not belong to you.That is the tradition and most Igbo communities uphold it. You however can challenge it in court if you feel aggrieved to see if you can prove that it is against natural justice.It is arguable.

.... Assuming you have money. The best place to sort out this issue is in a law court.

Nigerian constitution supercedes the traditional law.

I love it when a man displays Love for his son.

From here I can feel for pains, you haven't seen the baby and the way you said you have lots of love for a baby you haven't seen says alot and I have a very strong feeling that you will do everything in your power to take care of that Baby.

FIGHT FOR YOUR BABY BOY, DO NOT GIVE UP.

I understand the tradition but all I want is to be a father. And I missed one important fact. The girl gave birth a virgin.

thorpido:
There are things you should have taken into consideration before embarking on this journey of yours. This should mean a lot to you.You know you can't claim a child in Igbo culture if you didn't pay the dowry.
Two,the consequences of pre-marital sex without protection.Three,the daughter can't marry you in your present state.

As it is now,it's a war you can't win.Maybe the court can help you.

The audacity & boldness of most naija youth baffles me..
Yu claim to be Nwa-afor buh skip traditional rites & went to impregnant a girl...
FYI, Igbo culture has NEVER robbed any sensible & family oriented igbo man of their fatherhood..
From ur write-up yu sound like a potential tout.
If the gender of the baby was opposite, yu for reject taking any responsibilities.
The whole of 9months during pregnancy yu didn't go with elders or family relation to sort out things with the girl's family, soon as u heard its a babyboy; ur brain spark..

I am in my mid 30s and I am not broke.. it's just about women and their tall ambitions. I can take care of my son if given the chance, so don't conclude.

Candidlady:
How old are you?

How old is the girl?

Employed/unemployed/underemployed ?

Do you stay alone?

Can you afford to take care of the mother and kid during this nursing phase ?






Broke guys and having kids outta wedlock should be an abomination.

Look let me tell you the truth ..let me leave gender out if this..
I don't think he has any right whatsoever to withdraw your kid from you it's very wrong..you are even willing to accept him so where is his attitude coming from?
You are the father of that kid and you have every right to see him..
Follow up the case if possible get him arrested..he can't be restricting your child from you..who does that?
If he isn't cooperating file a suit against him.. things ain't don't that way..

Obviously, you are a traditionist and I am not a tout everything that happened was borne out of love... and it's obvious you have no love in your heart for talking this way.

Daveambition:
The audacity & boldness of most naija youth baffles me..
Yu claim to be Nwa-afor buh skip traditional rites & went to impregnant a girl...
FYI, Igbo culture has NEVER robbed any sensible & family oriented igbo man of their fatherhood..
From ur write-up yu sound like a potential tout.

The son is tender to go with you at this time, the father too felt cheated for you not coming in during the pregnancy up till when the child was given birth. You steal his joy by giving his only daughter heavy burden without support. He is aggrieved that you cant take care of the offspring and his daughter. He want you to feel the pain he is feeling deep inside. You see that Bastard child of a no father have finally gotten a responsible man to Carter for him. People wey pay dowry no talk na otondo prick shiner.

scottsammy:
Obviously, you are a traditionist and I am not a tout everything that happened was borne out of love... and it's obvious you have no love in your heart for talking this way.

Ignore that one Calling you a tout..just cos you gave birth out of wedlock doesn't mean you shouldn't see your kid abeg...

That's a weird tradition..

scottsammy:
I am in my mid 30s and I am not broke.. it's just about women and their tall ambitions. I can take care of my son if given the chance, so don't conclude.

You are not broke but you ain't financially stable either... Babana stay one place !!!

Am not saying you shouldn't fight for your kid it is actually sweet you are, cuz most guys would always run from responsibilities..

Talk to your baby mama and do the needful... And please don't let your kid be the only reason you wanna settle Down with the girl !

Breaking news: You have just been used OP

killmods:
Breaking news: You have just been used OP

Lol

Used how ?

scottsammy:
I understand the tradition but all I want is to be a father. And I missed one important fact. The girl gave birth a virgin.

The only straightforward way to get your son is to head to the courts. It is as simple as that. Or you wait till the gal is old enough to be married and hope she chooses you.

Igbo Kwenu!!!

Please I don't wanna sound as if I'm bashing the beautiful igbo people, because every tribe has its own DO'S and DON'TS.......The op should have considered this before lashing the girl to the extent of poisoning her with a big belle

Sorry to say this to you op,but as it stands now,if you fail to marry that girl,that baby will automatically belong to her father, according to the igbo culture,of which I believe I'm right...

My immediate elder bro,na the same rope tie una two.....My bro's baby mama went and marry an igbo man...Now,the baby is currently bearing the man's name....The last time I checked,my bro was trying so hard to retrieve his daughter but the step dad had the effrontery to tell my bro to stop disturbing his family,that my bro no get pikin for there.......My bros baby mama isn't even an igbo self,na kwale girl to be precise

The problem with most Nigerian girls is that they want you to become a millionaire before you can marry them. I love the girl infact the birtth of my son increased my love for her...

Candidlady:


You are not broke but you ain't financially stable either... Babana stay one place !!!

Am not saying you shouldn't fight for your kid it is actually sweet you are, cuz most guys would always run from responsibilities..

Talk to your baby mama and do the needful... And please don't let your kid be the only reason you wanna settle Down with the girl !

scottsammy:
The problem with most Nigerian girls is that they want you to become a millionaire before you can marry them. I love the girl infact the birtth of my son increased my love for her...

Yet 10s of thousands of some of the same Nigerian girls get married each year to husbands who are not millionaires?

scottsammy:
The problem with most some Nigerian girls is that they want you to become a millionaire before you can marry them. I love the girl infact the birtth of my son increased my love for her...

It is not bout you loving her shey she love you back the way you love her?

Candidlady:



Lol

Used how ?

To get a son for her dad na

This one is just looking for problems.

You can't raise a kid now, yet you're looking for a kid. Some of una funny sha.

Las las, the kid can never be his child because he's already the kid's grandfather. And you will ALWAYS be the father.

with my current income I believe I can give my son good care. thanks bro

Newboss:
This one is just looking for problems.

You can't raise a kid now, yet you're looking for a kid. Some of una funny sha.

Las las, the kid can never be his child because he's already the kid's grandfather. And you will ALWAYS be the father.

scottsammy:
with my current income I believe I can give my son good care. thanks bro

Leave that girl alone. She will only bring you problems. You have to also let that kid be. She is the mother. Let that kid have a normal life.

Move on bro.

Nna my dear you are into a very tight corner...
Your problem comes from different angles.

1) Family have accessed you financially, they think you aren't capable to take care of their only daughter and son.
2) Looks like you are calm, because if you are a crazy person, they will look at your face very well before stealing your baby indirectly.

3) these family has one child and God used you to give them another child(a son at that) .The father will hijack his heir Sharp sharp

4) That lady is being controlled by her family and she doesn't love you.

In igbo land. If you have not paid a woman's dowry the child isn't yours!! At this point the only way to have access to your baby is to make money, work hard and win the heart of that lady. Aside from all this... OP forget that baby and move on, he is a boy, he will find you some day. They know dey do gra gra for this one.

We get many kids like that for my family

Even the ones my aunties gave birth to at home before they got married


If my family is sharing anything, they will take before me because they are older than me.

See op no worry yourself

Make money and when you are rich, the family be be begging you to come take your son.

It happened in my place, the guy denied the pregnancy, went to SA made money, returned after 3 years, went straight to the girls family and asked them to give him the girl and his daughter.

The family willing did it because he has become richer than them.

Na money go end everything

killmods:

To get a son for her dad na

scottsammy:
I understand the tradition but all I want is to be a father. And I missed one important fact. The girl gave birth a virgin.

so you tear person daughter virgintoto give am Belle, still Wan claim the pikin..upon say she be only child wey the man get train,nurture,protect na him tout like you com vandalise the girl Toto then you Wan Make her Papa smile,dance shoki and Dash you the pikin na abi..

Mr man better respect yourself Go hustle come back and do the needful, na which person daughter you Wan keep for suffer

You get luck say the family no nack you 2by2

Candidlady:
How old are you?

How old is the girl?

Employed/unemployed/underemployed ?

Do you stay alone?

Can you afford to take care of the mother and kid during this nursing phase ?

I am in my mid 3Os. I am doing well by God's grace.. I am not a lazy man .