GboyegaD:
One reason I feel many Nigerians need be probed. Surely, he's living way above his income; how is he surviving without corruption?

Loool ooo.

Shey he doesn't enter transport to work or buy clothes since he gives 40k to wife as upkeep and uses 10k to pay other house bills.


As for the topic, the point is the 40k is not what serves as upkeep for the month it may even be as high as 100-120k. Ask her very well maybe she's not telling you what she contributes. It's something a simple discussion or her keeping record of all money she personally spends as upkeep for the home (apart from the 40k) will solve.

After this you will know the real amount used to run the home, then you can now state your grievances.

Why on earth did you have 3 kids with a 50k salary ���?

Vyolet:
The issue here is that the husband thinks the 40k he drops a month is what sustains the family for 30days?
How you think your wife isn't using her money to augment the 40k is a wonder to me.
I mean, 40k for three children, you, she and the housemaid in this Buhari economy?

The truth is, your wife spends as much as you spend or even more in running the house but being the typical Nigerian woman that is expected to make it seem like her hubby is doing everything, she will always ask you for money mainly to massage your ego.

If you don't get this message, forget about it.

You made the original post add up.

Omg yes.
Somethings are just astonishing to me. Like people really talk about and fight over stuff like this?

But like you said, I guess cunny man die cunny man bury am. When they feel it’s oppression for their women to have a say in the home. No wonder they go through it.

pocohantas:


I stopped having some silly arguments online because I realized they are not arguments I have in my own relationship, given that we are two sensible and altruistic humans. Arguments like, who will wash the plate, cook, sweep, bathe kids or pay for this and that. If two sensible and loving humans come together, it is only normal that they do things as they arise, to make life easy for themselves and their spouses.

On the flip side, I sometimes understand the selfishness of Nigerian women. In reality, nothing a Nigerian man owns is for him and his wife. It only appears that way for as long as you cater to his whims and caprices. Even Atiku with all his legitimate and stolen wealth couldn’t give up a single house for his ex-wife and mother of three kids. Nigerian men are inherently callous and their women match them in this. We are made for each other and my only prayer is that nature would find a way to align wicked people to themselves.

You really think she’s not contributing?
Maybe we need to hear her own side

ibechris:
This is the reason why many young and smart naira landers hate Nigerian women.

What then is marriage if u can't contribute to the home where u swore to be with your husband in good times and in sickness.

Truly, many men are suffering and smiling. After using your entire salary to salvage a home without wife's cooperation,is sickening. This is typical example of monkey dey work and baboon dey chop"

Just to buttress further,u married a wicked woman that only sees u "as work and die man"

My Advice is:
The entire income of your household should be restructured such that she has to make her contributions and compulsory at that. As a family,u need to save some cash for the future and for the future of your kids else,if another kind of Buhari should become president,many families would be in chaos.
Report this matter to your in laws and those who care to hear u and let this nonsense be stopped. The earlier u do this the better.

Mercychen:
Some women are senseless and heartless.

I wonder how some women reason. You created a family with someone and you're now trying to shy away from your own responsibilities. I don't get it!

All this kind story dey turn my belle.

If you know you're not ready to cater for someone other than yourself, don't get married or bring children into this world and start looking for whom to push your responsibilities to.

A lot of women just go into marriage and start birthing children like a pig with no single plan in place for them. And you the man will not discuss this when you guys are dating. Everybody just throws away their thinking cap ( during courtship) until after marriage and multiple children have been birthed before they start running about like headless chicken, dodging responsibilities.

What will it cost her to take up the responsibility of making their hair if truly she makes that kind of money from her biz?

Op, tell your friend to sit her down and let them spell out each others financial responsibilities to themselves in the home. They both own the home therefore should share the responsibilities. If she's not down with it, then she's not ready to raise a family with him. let him look for a willing partner. Or what does she think the word "partner" in marriage means? it's only sexual partner they understand but are dumb to other partnership in marriage.

cococandy:
You really think she’s not contributing?
Maybe we need to hear her own side

You think the man would waste his time and come out to say this if she's really contributing?

The reason I even reacted angrily to this story is because I've seen a couple of women behaving like the ops wife.. so it's not just because of this I'm reacting.

I Know of a woman whom the husband caters for virtuely all the expenses in the home but common soap to bathe and do laundry, she'll send the children to go meet their dad and she has a biz. All she does with her money is buy bleaching cream of different strengths while she keeps taxing the man for everything until the man revolted and started refusing to do some things. He told her, so your own money is to buy cream while mine is for upkeep and family expenses. They had a huge quarrel that I could hear everything because their BQ was directly behind my window.

This particular day, the children were sick and she just kept disturbing the man to bring money for medicine. He told her already he doesn't have for now. That same evening a lady brought bleaching cream for sell, this woman quickly rushed to buy. As she was still buying, the husband walked in on her. That was when he voiced out and they had that quarrel. That was not even the first or second time. So, there are women like that.

Mercychen:


You think the man would waste his time and come out to say this if she's really contributing?

The reason I even reacted angrily to this story is because I've seen a couple of women behaving like the ops wife.. so it's not just because of this I'm reacting.

I Know of a woman who the husband does virtuely everything in the home but common soap to bathe and do laundry, she'll send the children to go meet their dad and she has a biz. All she does with her money is buy bleaching cream of different strengths while she keeps taxing the man for everything until the man revolted and started refusing to do some things. He told her, so your own money is to buy cream while mine is for upkeep and family expenses. They had a huge quarrel that I could hear everything because their BQ was directly behind my window.

This particular day, the children were sick and she just kept disturbing the man to bring money for medicine. He told her already he doesn't have for now. That same evening a lady brought bleaching cream for sell, this woman quickly rushed to buy. As she was still buying, the husband walked in on her. That was when he voiced out and they had that quarrel. That was not even the first or second time. So, there are women like that.

Na Waa Ooo..
Dear Lord God...
Please save your dear children from devils that reincarnated in form of human beings ooo.
Save Your male Children from female devils.
Save Your female Children from male devils.

cococandy:
Omg yes.
Somethings are just astonishing to me. Like people really talk about and fight over stuff like this?

But like you said, I guess cunny man die cunny man bury am. When they feel it’s oppression for their women to have a say in the home. No wonder they go through it.

Too many dysfunctional adults out here. I found it really weird that people argue over such things with all seriousness.

BluntCrazeMan:
Na Waa Ooo..
Dear Lord God...
Please save your dear children from devils that reincarnated in form of human beings ooo.
Save Your male Children from female devils.
Save Your female Children from male devils.

God?

What does God have to do with this?

Una be clown I swear.

Raalsalghul:


God?

What does God have to do with this?

Una be clown I swear.

In Nigeria, we pray too much.
And God hears the prayers (sometimes).
So, the prayer above is not a bad prayer.
..
It's like:
Let God always pair bad people to their fellow bad people, and pair good people to their fellow good people.
..
It's a good prayer naa

@bold, are you new here?

Mercychen:


You think the man would waste his time and come out to say this if she's really contributing?

The reason I even reacted angrily to this story is because I've seen a couple of women behaving like the ops wife.. so it's not just because of this I'm reacting.

I Know of a woman whom the husband caters for virtuely all the expenses in the home but common soap to bathe and do laundry, she'll send the children to go meet their dad and she has a biz. All she does with her money is buy bleaching cream of different strengths while she keeps taxing the man for everything until the man revolted and started refusing to do some things. He told her, so your own money is to buy cream while mine is for upkeep and family expenses. They had a huge quarrel that I could hear everything because their BQ was directly behind my window.

This particular day, the children were sick and she just kept disturbing the man to bring money for medicine. He told her already he doesn't have for now. That same evening a lady brought bleaching cream for sell, this woman quickly rushed to buy. As she was still buying, the husband walked in on her. That was when he voiced out and they had that quarrel. That was not even the first or second time. So, there are women like that.

cococandy:
@bold, are you new here?

It's not a matter of being new or old here. Nairaland apart, these things happen and some of these stories are true.

Vyolet:
The issue here is that the husband thinks the 40k he drops a month is what sustains the family for 30days?
How you think your wife isn't using her money to augment the 40k is a wonder to me.
I mean, 40k for three children, you, she and the housemaid in this Buhari economy?

The truth is, your wife spends as much as you spend or even more in running the house but being the typical Nigerian woman that is expected to make it seem like her hubby is doing everything, she will always ask you for money mainly to massage your ego.

If you don't get this message, forget about it.

God bless you. 40k for 6 people in this present day Nigeria. I bet He doesn’t know how much the wife supports him financially. You think she earns that much without spending a dime for home runs and she never buy land or build house.

Mercychen:


It's not a matter of being new or old here. Nairaland apart, these things happen and some of these stories are true.

Well in this case, it’s more plausible that OP’s 40 thousand naira is not enough to take care of the whole family given the economic situation on ground.

So yes it’s very more than likely that his wife makes up for the deficit from her profits and he’s still here complaining probably because he has no idea. That’s the more reasonable conclusion

cococandy:


Well in this case, it’s more plausible that OP’s 40 thousand naira is not enough to take care of the whole family given the economic situation on ground.

So yes it’s very more than likely that his wife makes up for the deficit from her profits and he’s still here complaining probably because he has no idea. That’s the more reasonable conclusion

I wonder why you're holding brief for the said woman even when you haven't heard her side of the story.

Anyways, whatever!

Mercychen:


I wonder why you're holding brief for the said woman even when you haven't heard her side of the story.

Anyways, whatever!

wonder why you are quick to jump on the condemnation bandwagon when you haven’t heard her side either

BluntNigerian:
Most men out there are passing through this, and they cannot voice it out.

It is a case of speak up or forever hold it down to 6ft below..

Go and tell him to work on the communication gap between him and his wife...The gap is extremely wide that is why he doesnt know what his wife earns and probably doesn't know how much she contributes to the upkeep as well..

He should get her in her happy mood and then have a heart to heart talk with her...Discuss and plan well on finance and future plans...Goals and ambitions..Not just enter room bathe, chop, wake woman up by night and have sex couple...

They need to discuss finance since both earns...And in finance, how you spend it is the koko, not how much you earn.

With what I read here, the man no get retirement plans...And the earlier he bridges that communication gap, the better...If not the wife will deviate..Thats if she hasn't

Soon na roit act she will begin to read out..And if he objects, she will frustrate him... Under the usual statement " Di gbakwa oku"(husband my foot)

He should go and effect communication with his wife jaree...No be to they shift her draws and impregnate her...Couples must be 1 and on the same page..Two will work fine if they agree...

Mercychen:


I wonder why you're holding brief for the said woman even when you haven't heard her side of the story.

Anyways, whatever!

..

cococandy:
wonder why you are quick to jump on the condemnation bandwagon when you haven’t heard her side either

..
Please don't stop.
I am enjoying the two perspectives to the issue from the both of you.

Thank you

Munzy14:

It is a case of speak up or forever hold it down to 6ft below..

Go and tell him to work on the communication gap between him and his wife...The gap is extremely wide that is why he doesnt know what his wife earns and probably doesn't know how much she contributes to the upkeep as well..

He should get her in her happy mood and then have a heart to heart talk with her...Discuss and plan well on finance and future plans...Goals and ambitions..Not just enter room bathe, chop, wake woman up by night and have sex couple...

They need to discuss finance since both earns...And in finance, how you spend it is the koko, not how much you earn.

With what I read here, the man no get retirement plans...And the earlier he bridges that communication gap, the better...If not the wife will deviate..Thats if she hasn't

Soon na roit act she will begin to read out..And if he objects, she will frustrate him... Under the usual statement " Di gbakwa oku"(husband my foot)

He should go and effect communication with his wife jaree...No be to they shift her draws and impregnate her...Couples must be 1 and on the same page..Two will work fine if they agree...

Munzy14:

It is a case of speak up or forever hold it down to 6ft below..

Go and tell him to work on the communication gap between him and his wife...The gap is extremely wide that is why he doesnt know what his wife earns and probably doesn't know how much she contributes to the upkeep as well..

He should get her in her happy mood and then have a heart to heart talk with her...Discuss and plan well on finance and future plans...Goals and ambitions..Not just enter room bathe, chop, wake woman up by night and have sex couple...

They need to discuss finance since both earns...And in finance, how you spend it is the koko, not how much you earn.

With what I read here, the man no get retirement plans...And the earlier he bridges that communication gap, the better...If not the wife will deviate..Thats if she hasn't

Soon na roit act she will begin to read out..And if he objects, she will frustrate him... Under the usual statement " Di gbakwa oku"(husband my foot)

He should go and effect communication with his wife jaree...No be to they shift her draws and impregnate her...Couples must be 1 and on the same page..Two will work fine if they agree...

I’ve realized that not all men know how to be husbands.

Mariangeles:


I’ve realized that not all men know how to be husbands.

To be honest, we start learning how to be married people after we have already married.
We start learning how to be parents after we have already had a child.

BluntCrazeMan:
To be honest, we start learning how to be married people after we have already married.
We start learning how to be parents after we have already had a child.

It shouldn’t have to be so.
What happened to learning from men who are successful husbands and fathers, and women who are successful wives and mothers?
I wonder if they still have godparents in marriages these days.
I’ve heard my father on several occasions talk about his and my mother’s marriage godparents.

Mariangeles:


I’ve realized that not all men know how to be husbands.

Business idea, open school for how to be a husband and wife 101.. some people will subscribe o

It is not easy sha...Some couples live like they are cohabiting..I am sure sex for them might be a case of putting off the light..

There is no problem in relationship, that effective communication cannot solve...

I wonder what the clergy men teach intending couples in marriage course prior to the wedding proper..Issues like this should be dissected in away even a layman will understand perfectly.

Mariangeles:


It shouldn’t have to be so.
What happened to learning from men who are successful husbands and fathers, and women who are successful wives and mothers?
I wonder if they still have godparents in marriages these days.
I’ve heard my father on several occasions talk about his and my mother’s marriage godparents.

The bolded is the surest way to learn these things...

Funny enough I was with my Dad and some of his church committee people yesterday, they were discussing how they were there for their wives in the early stage..I just the run my stuffs with ears open..

The older man amongst them, was gisting them how he specifically cooks the mmiri ogwu nwaanyi muru nwa ohuru for his wife even when his mom and MIL are there..And he said he did it for all their kids....

My Dad said his own wu to assist momsy wash some of her clothing during pregnancy and after delivery till she becomes strong after omugwo.

Forget, Our generation need to learn a lot from our parents who enjoyed and worked well to sustain there marital homes.

BluntNigerian:
Most men out there are passing through this, and they cannot voice it out.

You mean to say most married Nigerian men are this foolish in marriage?

BluntCrazeMan:
To be honest, we start learning how to be married people after we have already married.
We start learning how to be parents after we have already had a child.

And that happens to be the reason why many a Nigerian man fails at marriage... they don't prepare themselves for what lies ahead. Instead, they wait for it to happen to them and then start running around crying fowl.

Mariangeles:


It shouldn’t have to be so.
What happened to learning from men who are successful husbands and fathers, and women who are successful wives and mothers?
I wonder if they still have godparents in marriages these days.
I’ve heard my father on several occasions talk about his and my mother’s marriage godparents.

You know the real problem these days??
Many people came from families that they wouldn't want to imitate inside their own families - talking about many young adults that came from dysfunctional homes..
And the good families have parents who are not even eager to share the secrets of being a good spouse to their own children while they were still unmarried, until the kids enter their own marriages and start seeing things, then the become solution-providers for their kids.

Kobojunkie:
And that happens to be the reason why many a Nigerian man fails at marriage... they don't prepare themselves for what lies ahead. Instead, they wait for it to happen to them and then start running around crying fowl.

... and be running kiti-kiti
... and be running kata-kata

Munzy14:

Business idea, open school for how to be a husband and wife 101.. some people will subscribe o

You will enroll okwaya?
A ga’m e nye gi discount as onye mmadu.

It is not easy sha...Some couples live like they are cohabiting..I am sure sex for them might be a case of putting off the light..

Style ndi mpa na mma…mgbe uwa wu uwa.
Ugbu a, unu e mebishiala uwa, mejisa ya oyi.
Umu ngwugwu oge!

There is no problem in relationship, that effective communication cannot solve...

I wonder what the clergy men teach intending couples in marriage course prior to the wedding proper..Issues like this should be dissected in away even a layman will understand perfectly.

Effective communication can only happen when there’s no pride.

E kwu otu k’e kwu abuo? Couples should be able to resolve simple matters by themselves.

Mariangeles:


You will enroll okwaya?
A ga’m e nye gi discount as onye mmadu.




Style ndi mpa na mma…mgbe uwa wu uwa.
Ugbu a, unu e mebishiala uwa, mejisa ya oyi.
Umu ngwugwu oge!



Effective communication can only happen when there’s no pride.

E kwu otu k’e kwu abuo? Couples should be able to resolve simple matters by themselves.

Lol..a ga m anoro na akuku na anakoro gi ego ndi registeranu.

no be small style o...A gbanyuo oku, aruwa ala..We are in the modern age biko...To chop no suppose get schedule..It can happen anywhere in the house..O ya wu adventure..

True.

BluntCrazeMan:
And the good families have parents who are not even eager to share the secrets of being a good spouse to their own children while they were still unmarried, until the kids enter their own marriages and start seeing things, then the become solution-providers for their kids.

What secret?
How can a human grow up in a "good" family and not realize the qualities that makes it a "good" home?

Sounds to me like what you consider a "good" family from outward appearances may not be good after all.

Kobojunkie:
What secret?
How can a human grow up in a "good" family and not realize the qualities that makes it a "good" home?

Sounds to me like what you consider a "good" family from outward appearances may not be good after all.

This is exactly what is happening in Nigeria.
Appearing good, but not really good.