……….

Since you CANNOT accept it, how do we come in?

I and my husband separated for a period of 1 year ( his decision)


However when we came back together. ( his decision still)


Auntie since you can't make decisions by yourself... Maybe he did some mk ultra shit on you, idont know!!!

MAKE YOUR OWN DAMN DECISIONS!!!


°°°°miss Grace kindly hand me your matchsticks°°°°

LordIsaac:
Since you CANNOT accept it, how do we come in?

good question

If it looks like a duck, swims like a duck, and quacks like a duck, then it probably is a duck.

Most times our instincts is always right.

LordIsaac:
Since you CANNOT accept it, how do we come in?

are you a woman?

I don’t understand why you’re giving yourself hypertension over something you have no proof of. Even if you’re suspecting something, just leave it, the truth will always come out.

You guys decided to reconcile, try to make your marriage work and ignore all distractions. This girl should be irrelevant and insignificant in your life, yet you are having dreams about her and probably comparing yourself to her daily. Do you think this lady gives a damn about you? Sit up and focus on the things that are important in your life.. from there you will find peace.

Candidlady:



I and my husband separated for a period of 1 year ( his decision)


However when we came back together. ( his decision still)


Auntie since you can't make decisions by yourself... Maybe he did some mk ultra shit on you, idont know!!!

MAKE YOUR OWN DAMN DECISIONS!!!


°°°°miss Grace kindly hand me your matchsticks°°°°

Hi candidlady thank you for your input. I corrected my post actually but all the same. Thanks.

olabrinks:
I don’t understand why you’re giving yourself hypertension over something you have no proof of. Even if you’re suspecting something, just leave it, the truth will always come out.

You guys decided to reconcile, try to make your marriage work and ignore all distractions. This girl should be irrelevant and insignificant in your life, yet you are having dreams about her and probably comparing yourself to her daily. Do you think this lady gives a Damn about you? Sit up and focus on the things that are important in your life.. from there you will find peace.

thank you I appreciate your feedback.

Candidlady:



I and my husband separated for a period of 1 year ( his decision)


However when we came back together. ( his decision still)


Auntie since you can't make decisions by yourself... Maybe he did some mk ultra shit on you, idont know!!!

MAKE YOUR OWN DAMN DECISIONS!!!


°°°°miss Grace kindly hand me your matchsticks°°°°

You svck at giving marital/relationship advice

Kindly stick to your Alhaji and 4:20, please.

Kriss216:

You svck at giving marital/relationship advice

Kindly stick to your Alhaji and 4:20, please.

Yeah iknow... Enslave her.. keep making decisions for her...

Be the one to dictate when it ends and when it starts!!

Yaro pass abeg! Important people are behind you!!!

[s]

Candidlady:


Yeah iknow... Enslave her.. keep making decisions for her...

Be the one to dictate when it ends and when it starts!!

Yaro pass abeg! Important people are behind you!!!

[/s]

NoToPile:
If it looks like a duck, swims like a duck, and quacks like a duck, then it probably is a duck.

Most times our instincts is always right.

That's it. OP, can you cope with his cheating? Can you cope with the emotional and psychological trauma your suspicions may bring even as you work on salvaging your marriage? If your answer is yes, consider the reconciliation but don't expect too much unless you have been able to address the underlying factors which made him decide on separation in the first place. Whatever happens, prepare yourself mentally; your instincts are likely right

The mistake you made was not making proper investigation to know if he is still seeing the lady before you moved back to your husband. Moving out again is somehow so I won't encourage you to. You will look unserious.

Y don't you give your marriage a second chance. You said you and your husband are willing to make it work again. So pls ignore your instincts though our instincts can be right sometimes. Just focus on working on your marriage. Since your husband is also willing to make it work. You guys should work together.

If it doesn't work out this second time, then you can take any decision you want. But give it a second trial before giving up on your marriage.

Problem plenty oooo

If you haven’t gotten pregnant for your husband yet, please do so. That will give him more commitment to be close to you.

A whole year is long enough to have missed your husband sexually. Why not improve in your sexual skills that would make him to stop thinking about another woman?

Also improve in your cooking skills. A way to a man’s heart is his stomach. Try to learn new delicacies.
If you keep yourself busy with all these, you wouldn’t have time to keep suspecting your husband and watch how he falls over you again

First, you don't have business with the Lady; your husband introduced her into equation.

Secondly, why did your husband ask for the initial separation instead of working on the marriage?

Why did you guys decide to come back together? How initiated the decision to reconcile before the agreement? Have you both sorted out the issues that led to the separation?

According to your story, your husband started relating with the lady before the separation which is adultery. If your husband refuses to stop his relationship with the lady, is adultery a deal breaker for you?

The way I see it, your husband initiated separation thinking the lady would make a better wife.

He tried for a year and saw that the first wife (you) is better (compared to the second wife) so now he wants to eat his cake and have it.

Listen to your intuition and pray about it. If you can't be 100% sure about his relationship with the lady (after addressing your imaginations) and do not like the new (?) signs you see, you might want to continue the separation.

It would not make sense to come back together and separate again.

Why should the woman hang around you/hubby at an event to cheer him up? If I were you, I would give her a warning. It is total disrespect for her to behave anyhow in your presence. She is not even secretive about it, such effrontery. Since your husband says he has nothing to do with her, yet refuses to cut off from her, then you stand up and give her a warning. Tell her to stop forcing herself on a married man who is trying to build his home. Don't quit your marriage.

zeb04:
1. Of recent, i have had this gut feeling that they are still in communication. When i ask about it, he would say i am being insecure or my self esteem is low. And there are other behavioral changes I noticed in him that os making me suspect this (even though he is a very secretive person, i am still noticing some things).

2. Wives and mothers, how do i go about this?
Do you think my feelings might not be true, do you still I hate her so much and conjuring things in my head?

3. There is always a breaking point for every thing in life and for me, this particular one, I CANNOT accept it.
Also just to clarify, coming back in a way was our decision because we decided to work on the marriage and talked a lot about out faults.
Ps. I might or might not get a good advice here. But writing it out has lifted it off my chest.

1. I have to agree that you cause your own self mental stress by the amount of focus you have placed on this woman rather than on you and your relationship. You need to get yourself to stop being obsessed with her and her existence. If your husband is cheating on you, it shouldn't really matter to you who he is cheating on you with. So, please wean yourself off this particular woman so you can sleep well and breath even as you continue to work on yourself abeg!.

2. As for your husband cheating on you, these feelings you have are that, feelings. Projecting on this woman is only going getting you focusing them on the wrong person. If your husband is cheating on you, then focus on finding out if he is. Again, it shouldn't matter whom since the one who you are in contractual relationship with is your husband... not the woman you have become obsessed with.

3. Seek professional mental health counseling if you need to, to help you overcome your obsession with this woman. The man you are married to is the one who your focus should be on, not this woman. If you no get hobbies, please get yourself busy with anything you can to get your mind off these things until such a time when you are sure you have evidence for the feeling that continue to pester you. Until then, you should take care of yourself and your mental.

LilMissFavvy:
Why should the woman hang around you/hubby at an event to cheer him up? If I were you, I would give her a warning. It is total disrespect for her to behave anyhow in your presence. She is not even secretive about it, such effrontery. Since your husband says he has nothing to do with her, yet refuses to cut off from her, then you stand up and give her a warning. Tell her to stop forcing herself on a married man who is trying to build his home. Don't quit your marriage.

The woman has a right to be wherever she wants to be abeg! Marriage does not bestow on you the right to dictate to others where they can or cannot be please.

If the husband keeps appearing where the woman is, then it is her husband she should focus her attention on instead..

There are some stubborn ladies that like to hover over a married man or force themselves on men. Looks like the man isn't able to cut her off, so a mild warning from the wife doesn't seem like a bad idea.

Kobojunkie:
The woman has a right to be wherever she wants to be abeg! Marriage does not bestow on you the right to dictate to others where they can or cannot be please.

If the husband keeps appearing where the woman is, then it is her husband she should focus her attention on instead..

LilMissFavvy:
There are some stubborn ladies that like to hover over a married man or force themselves on men. Looks like the man isn't able to cut her off, so a mild warning from the wife doesn't seem like a bad idea.

How do you know the man is not the one inviting the woman along instead?

How do you know the man is the one inviting her as well? The man might have ended the relationship, you can't draw a conclusion that they are in a relationship.

Kobojunkie:
How do you know the man is not the one inviting the woman along instead?

LilMissFavvy:
How do you know the man is the one inviting her as well? The man might have ended the relationship, you can't draw a conclusion that they are in a relationship.

That's precisely my point!

You don't know this so no need to assume this woman is instead stalking her husband in this either. What we know is that the OP claims she is everywhere, and Op has no right to tell the woman anything. She can instead exit the scene with her husband whenever she spots the woman, and hope that her husband will not inform said woman of their next destination.

Yes you are being insecure as you should. You too know your ways were not pure during separation either. So you are suspecting correctly . You both were separated, I don’t know what your agreement was during that separation. Did you both agree to stay celibate? How long was this separation? If you are truly interested in the marriage I advise you to discuss with him your reservations and concerns. Not in an insecure way, but make him understand that she’s a distraction.

As for those your toasters during separation, you better keep shut about those. Don’t ever get too happy and comfortable to where you will start spilling what will crash your marriage. Both of you should sha go for the necessary STD tests to prevent unknown virus that may have been caught during “separation”.

zeb04:
I and my husband separated for a period of 1 year( his decision. Also the marriage wasn’t really great at the time) during that time we both made friends with the opposite sex because we didn’t think we would ever come back. Atleast I didn’t.

However when we came back together( our decision after much conversation)i cut off all communication with the men i was talking to and even blocked them on my Whatsaap and Instagram. I wanted a new start, fresh beginning.

There was a female friend that was the go to person for my husband. She met him approximately 2 weeks to our separation, during an event i and my husband attended. She was always available to “cheer him up” and according to him, nothing romantic ever happened with this lady even though she seriously wanted it. She was always inviting him for movies and other hangouts.

For some reason, I Dislike this lady mainly because i think she is foolish to want to build a relationship with a man that is not even properly separated. Although to some extent, he probably told her he was.

It got so bad that I started having dreams about this lady and even seeing her around during the day( for example, i could be driving and look around and just see her. It was that bad.

Before I agreed to the reconciliation, I asked him several times, have you stopped talking to this lady and he said yes over and over again ( I believed). To be sincere, i would never ever have agreed to any reconciliation if he ever dated her, kissed her on even still talking to her. To me she is bad news i don’t want to ever here of her.


Of recent, i have had this gut feeling that they are still in communication. When i ask about it, he would say i am being insecure or my self esteem is low. And there are other behavioral changes I noticed in him that os making me suspect this (even though he is a very secretive person, i am still noticing some things).

Wives and mothers, how do i go about this?
Do you think my feelings might not be true, do you still I hate her so much and conjuring things in my head?


There is always a breaking point for every thing in life and for me, this particular one, I CANNOT accept it.

Also just to clarify, coming back in a way was our decision because we decided to work on the marriage and talked a lot about out faults.

Ps. I might or might not get a good advice here. But writing it out has lifted it off my chest.

Thank you everyone

See, you just got triangulated.

He's gaslighting you that you're hallucinating even when you know something is wrong.


He left you for one year and came back because he knew he can always come back to you. You have so little boundaries that anyone can walk all over you in the name of marriage.


You agreed to block out all suitors because of a cheating ex that can't stay in the past. Funny you.



Don't you have a better life you dream of?

Didn't you survive the full year you were dumped?


You were discarded madam, and the new girl is his new supply.



See, read up on narcissm because you married a narcissist. Arm yourself with knowledge and you will not become a doormat.



Hope you'll do something meaningful ASAP.

why do you think your union can work, if you dont even trust what he tells you?! its indeed your insecurity/low self esteem that is playing tricks on your brain, to believe that this woman is still in his life, even though he told you otherwise.

Ok I am not a wife but a husband. Nothing under the sun stays hidden, sooner or later it will be obvious. But while you are not sure, don't stress yourself, worrying about anything hasn't ever solved anything, rather it robs you of the peace of the present.
If you do this, if your suspicion turns out to be true you can take the appropriate decision then with proof, if not you've saved your fragile relationship the stress of unfounded allegations

Saifullah01:
Ok I am not a wife but a husband. Nothing under the sun stays hidden, sooner or later it will be obvious. But while you are not sure, don't stress yourself, worrying about anything hasn't ever solved anything, rather it robs you of the peace of the present.
If you do this, if your suspicion turns out to be true you can take the appropriate decision then with proof, if not you've saved your fragile relationship the stress of unfounded allegations

Thank you.

zeb04:
I and my husband separated for a period of 1 year( his decision. Also the marriage wasn’t really great at the time) during that time we both made friends with the opposite sex because we didn’t think we would ever come back. Atleast I didn’t.

However when we came back together( our decision after much conversation)i cut off all communication with the men i was talking to and even blocked them on my Whatsaap and Instagram. I wanted a new start, fresh beginning.

There was a female friend that was the go to person for my husband. She met him approximately 2 weeks to our separation, during an event i and my husband attended. She was always available to “cheer him up” and according to him, nothing romantic ever happened with this lady even though she seriously wanted it. She was always inviting him for movies and other hangouts.

For some reason, I Dislike this lady mainly because i think she is foolish to want to build a relationship with a man that is not even properly separated. Although to some extent, he probably told her he was.

It got so bad that I started having dreams about this lady and even seeing her around during the day( for example, i could be driving and look around and just see her. It was that bad.

Before I agreed to the reconciliation, I asked him several times, have you stopped talking to this lady and he said yes over and over again ( I believed). To be sincere, i would never ever have agreed to any reconciliation if he ever dated her, kissed her on even still talking to her. To me she is bad news i don’t want to ever here of her.


Of recent, i have had this gut feeling that they are still in communication. When i ask about it, he would say i am being insecure or my self esteem is low. And there are other behavioral changes I noticed in him that os making me suspect this (even though he is a very secretive person, i am still noticing some things).

Wives and mothers, how do i go about this?
Do you think my feelings might not be true, do you still I hate her so much and conjuring things in my head?


There is always a breaking point for every thing in life and for me, this particular one, I CANNOT accept it.

Also just to clarify, coming back in a way was our decision because we decided to work on the marriage and talked a lot about out faults.

Ps. I might or might not get a good advice here. But writing it out has lifted it off my chest.

Thank you everyone

While you work hard on uoir own part to see if this marriage will work fine for both of you

Keep fighting and protesting about the other woman in his life, so that he either gives up on her or gives in to your fight

Men lies a lot especially when they are having illicit affairs

If you think the marriage can work, settle down for pregnancy to occur as the other lady too will be doing everything possible to take in too for him, that's if you guys don't have children so far

Men do get confused when it involves other women in their life, especially if they have ever slept with such women

Stop obsessing over the other woman. She has already taken a place in your home even if it may be all in your head.

Focus on your marriage and see how you both can make it work. However, you need to start participating in the decision making, and not leave everything to your hubby. He already says you have a low self esteem.

Please work on yourself to build your confidence and esteem. You cannot be at the mercy of anyone.