Why I Do Not Want To Have Babies After Two Years Of Marriage ?

I am a 38 years old woman. I got married to my husband when I was 36. I was not really into marriage. So I was not the desperate type. Even when my family,friends,everyone was pestering me about marriage,I didn’t care cos I was happy,living my life,happy and fulfilled.

By God’s grace,I am an accomplished woman. I have a thriving career. I have a house of my own and I have a masters while I am pursuing my PHD. I gave in to marriage when I met my husband through a friend that set up the match making. My husband,let us call him John,was and still is,a real estate developer. He is a divorcee but he doesn’t have any child from his ex wife.

I grew to like him and when he proposed,I agreed to marry him. Unfortunately,I didn’t get to meet his people until our marriage ceremonies. Both of us are adults and we didn’t think it was a big deal. John is over 40 years. But soon after my wedding,my mother in-law began to show herself. It was obvious that she didn’t like me. This makes me even suspect that she was the reason behind the first marriage crashing. Even though my husband said,it crashed cos they realized that they were not compatible. They quarreled a lot until they divorced.

Well, this woman came to visit us shortly after our marriage and refused to leave even after one month. I didn’t mind but for her constant nagging. She complains that I am not a homely wife. That I love my career more than my home. She would curse me and call me names. I was horrified but I tried to keep my cool. When I told my husband,he brushed it aside and asked me to be the bigger person by ignoring the mother.

Eventually she left but anytime she calls,she insults me and says that I should be thinking of having a baby instead of focusing so much on my career. That was when I told her to mind her business and stop calling me. That didn’t go well with her and she told her son who told me I shouldn’t cut off his mom.

Well,I ignored them both until my mother in law made a statement in a text message she sent me a few months ago. After calling me useless and all sorts of name in the text,she then goes to say that if I ever have a child,she would take the child and ensure that her son drives me away. That statement made me go crazy. I called her and told her off. That caused a serious problem between me and my husband . Who as usual,instead of correcting his mom and defending me,goes the way of saying:be the bigger person….I am fed up of his behavior.

He says,in their culture,a child does not confront a parent!…I think that is BS!. His attitude is giving me serious cause of worry. Much as I would like to have a child,I have serious hesitation with bringing a child into a home like this. So,I have not been actively trying for a baby. Its been two years. Everyone is getting impatient that I am yet to be pregnant. But as for me,I am not bothered. I am not even trying to have a baby.This is not the type of home to raise a child.

My mother says I should have a child cos the child will bring peace. But with my husband’s mother’s threat,I am not so sure. Coupled with my husband’s inability to address the issue. My husband does not know that I am on protection. And I am not about to go off protection until I am sure of the situation.


But I am writing cos I need your advise.If you were in my shoes,what would you do? I would like to have a child someday cos I love children but I am not sure of the future of this marriage. Having a child in an unhappy or broken home is not my idea. My mother keeps crying every day that my ‘biological clock’ is ticking. That I am being paranoid and selfish. Of course,she is thinking of her grandchildren more than my happiness.

I am exhausted. What should I do? should I have a baby or wait?…or maybe I should even start thinking of ending this marriage?…clearly,the man I call my husband cares more about his mother than he cares about me

gicita8865:
Gdhd

DominusPrime:


Do people still fall for this scam?

Emma2Seconds:
Tell us the type of protection your into so that your fellow women here will learn from it.

IyaTola:

PARADIZEPRIEST:
NA SO E DEY START.DONT BRING CURSE U[ON YASEF.
DO YOU KNOW A LADY DIED LAST WEEK FOR BEING CHILDLESS AND DEPRESSED?

Threesha:
But I am writing cos I need your advise.If you were in my shoes,what would you do? I would like to have a child someday cos I love children but I am not sure of the future of this marriage. Having a child in an unhappy or broken home is not my idea. My mother keeps crying every day that my ‘biological clock’ is ticking. That I am being paranoid and selfish. Of course,she is thinking of her grandchildren more than my happiness.

I am exhausted. What should I do? should I have a baby or wait?…or maybe I should even start thinking of ending this marriage?…clearly,the man I call my husband cares more about his mother than he cares about me

Threesha:
From DM

Marley125:
wait till when exactly sis. Oh you want to wait until you won't be able to have kids again at 36 you're still asking if you should have kids serious. Pls you may have money but you need children of your own that will take care of you at old age. As for your mother inlaw. People like this are to be learned if it means you putting up your best attitude when she's around do it for the sake of peace people like her can't be pleased but there's a way you can be at peace with them if only you choose to pls try & make your marriage work leave your position & financial status aside put in your best effort. From what you wrote here you have not putted in your best effort. Sharon big sis

PARADIZEPRIEST:
NA SO E DEY START.DONT BRING CURSE U[ON YASEF.
DO YOU KNOW A LADY DIED LAST WEEK FOR BEING CHILDLESS AND DEPRESSED?

Mindlog:
On what grounds can a mother-in-law take a child away from the birth mother? :

Kobojunkie:
Children are proven time and time again as not the best insurance for old age. Those who rather than have kids said up for their old age and retired leave better and are better taken care of than those who sit expecting their children to abandon living their own lives for their sake.

Ishilove:
Fake story

Threesha:
From DM

frozen70:


This one weak me

No son born if a woman will stand by his wife when the wife Insults his mother

Every son has rooted connections with their mother and that's why they get confused when there are quarrels between mother and daughter inlaw

I personally, I think you not wanting child so soon or not caring about being desperate to have a child, made you not to know how to handle your mother inlaw

You are supposed to get married to a white man, who have the same mindset like yours

Your mother inlaw, for talking back to her in that manner, even when she is wrong with her own attitude towards you, is set and ready for you to have problems in that marriage

You actually Insulted her with the way you bulshit her

Such is not acceptable in Nigeria culture

You have to make up your mind to go and apologize to her and reconcile with her and accept her as a mother

Then go with any ki d of gifts be it food stuff, provisions and lots of edible gifts to appreciate her as your mother inlaw

Once she accepts your apology, accept her back and ask her to pray for your marriage

The above suggestions can only be done only

If you are very sure you love your husband and you don't want to loose him to any woman

Then you start making efforts to get pregnant and that pregnancy will bring absolute peace and happiness in your life and marriage

But if you know that because of your success and status you can't do the above reconciliation with your mother inlaw

Remain in that marriage at your own risk and sadness
Alternatively walk away

Nigeria customs and traditions doesn't support your style, but you will get what you want abroad

Threesha:
We need to move away from the bolded.

frozen70:


Yes we need to but it's not a battle for one person

Generation to come will deal with it

Even this present generation are already proving that, so gradually it will move with time

ImaIma1:
She needs to have the serious discussion with her husband about his mum and how he sees no wrong in what she does, at the expense of his wife.

His mum has no right whatsoever to insult her. Respect is not by age, it is earned. His mother has not earned it.

She should go ahead and have her child. The MIL's threat doesn't count for no thin ng.

Ovieemmanuel:
Too much book.

jamznato:


As a woman wen your son or duaghter is fine, doing great, and beyond 40 with no child will you fold your hands and keep quiet. A beg leave respect out of this. Your MIL IS NOT HAPPY because HER SON IS NOT MAKING THE RIGHT PROGRESS. Thats the joy of every mother. That's nonsense she is doing, just occupying space in the mans life. If she give birth to even one or adopt se everybody no go chop breakfast last last. All family has challenges which are solved and more are coming so raising a child in that family is not a good news is common everywhere. It depends on how you scale through challenges. So Stop those nonsense babies acts. Start facing marriage realities. Some of you supporting her one day your son will beat you up becos him marry wife