Cyphar:
Sorry to say this... ARE YOU SURE THE KIDS ARE YOURS? Those money could be money to take care of the doctor's kids....


She even visited when she was heavily pregnant so that the owner go top am

Bro try go do DNA first. e get why.

lol. I pity d guy.

Some of the feminist crew sef; I am surprised they have not yet blamed it on your insecurities. Some already rationalize it as normal comms just like birthday wishes, when it’s clearly stealth comms. Some are even of the opinion you should not involve her family mostly out of concern for her reputational damage and not concerned about the damage and emotional abuse she has put her hubby through in the last 2 years. Some have tried to guilt trip the Op as not providing enough.

At Op if you know what is good for you, involve her family and send her home. You are not ending your marriage. Counseling will not end this kind, it will only get stealthier. Someone you have talked to for more than 2 years considering marriage and courtship time. While she is at home, she will have enough time to reflect if she wants to stay committed to you or get back to her ex. If her ex was so wonderful, what stopped him from wifing her? This is the height of disrespect!

Arkhanmu:
I married my wife in Kaduna two years ago. During those period we were dating, we were very much apart due to distance. She stayed in Kaduna while I worked in Lagos.

During few times of my personal meeting before our wedding, I noticed huge communication between her and this man. I called her attention to it but she just waived it aside saying they are just friends as Ex (stuff). She joined me up in Lagos after the marriage but the communication between them still continued.

This is a woman I have sacrificed so much for in my life by providing her basics need with the children even though not huge like that. She told me the Ex is a Doctor and they have nice experience together while dating back then. I have adviced even begged her to stop this communication as it it very hurtful and insulting to my personality but she won't stop. Instead she secretly calls and requests money from this guy in almost different occasions.

At a point in time in the past when she went to Kaduna to get her transfer from work place to Lagos, she still visit the guy even as she is heavily pregnant that time. I was able to get the idea through her bank account statement when the same guy send her money for what business I don't understand. It is almost 2 years of our marriage now, I am starting to regret why I marry her initially even as I noticed much difference between us; she is from Southern Kaduna while am from Ibadan.

I wish I have married my tribe whom I can easily understand. Just yesterday night I see another 4k alert from the same guy to my wife. I am really pained though I have not confront her. See guys, I have 2 boys, twin, I take care of them, buy food and all.

Though my work is not going fine but I try my best to make her happy but it seems she is not built for me. I don't really know what is going on again in my life as I am heartbroken.

Maybe the man is even in Lagos most times self. Many things are just running through my mind.

Just damage her Sim card and buy her another different line. Just be a Man for once. I'm out of here

Ebubu:
bad character na wetting u go spend with, 23 hours of the day, then sex 1 hour making it total 24 hours.

who dey lose ?

well.. what i believe is women do soul tie themselves to ex boyfriend
well your wife is not a bad person..
but i doubt if you would be able to fill the GAP the ex boyfriend left within her
if i were you i wouldn't try to stop her from communicating with the said ex boyfriend as she would rebel
because some people wouldn't stop loving some people. But they can reduce the communication.
your aim is for her to reduce the level of communication... start from there first.
and change your manner of approach with her
so that you can be the one she comes to for what ever she getting from the said man
i have once been in this kind of situation before with my married ex...
but i think i was sincere to tell her the truth about what she doing but that did not stop her.
but she doesn't call as she use to now.
because somethings change in her home on how her husband is dealing with her WHICH i cant put everything here.. but if you need any help send a DM ..
and they are fine now.
she only called twice this year.{newyear and easter}
so i believe yours could be work on.
dont pull your family apart...
NOTE WHEN PEOPLE ARE NOT REALLY HAPPY WHERE THEY ARE THEY GO BACK TO WHAT MAKES THEM COMFORTABLE.

Maverick777:


trust you to always be bias in your every submission when it comes to gender issues!
if it were to be a lady in this OP's shoes and the roles were reversed, would you have said what you just did?
quit being sentimental, its damages one's mind faster than they think.

This Kobojunkie of a person is always biased in all his comments. Thought it was only me that noticed this.

Chinny024:

If you have ever told your ex happy birthday,Happy wedding anniversary on DM then what's the difference between having them pick up a cake for their day and wishing happy birthday.
Let's not create enemy and scenarios that should not be...
Can do things and things for my ex if I have...10k,20,30,100k....1m if God gives me...

People should not reason backwards...
There was a time I need to pay up for something which I wasn't with my card...Just chatted him up and said abeg,help me pay up for this which he did and it was delivered to my house....
Later sent back the money to him...In tight corner he calls me for assistance and I do to my best capability.. So,he rescues me too in tight corner too if need be...
Have paid for cakes, and he picked up for his children's bday...He have done for mine too..

An ex should not be about sex sex sex bikonu my people...
The only thing here is to draw curtain and limits. Don't call ex when not necessary...Be friends not enemies.
Maturity is the key...
African people mentality dey tire me sometimes.

Well, just because you do that doesn’t make it right. Can you honestly say that your husband is � comfortable with your association with your ex? And his wife is completely okay with your relationship with her husband?

While I will not entirely rule out the possibility that ex’s can actually stay friends with no hidden agenda, I definitely believe it’s a thin line between friendship and inappropriate associations.

You cannot just erase history. Once there was love between you guys and that love can almost totally be rekindled. It’s like playing with fire. What happens when your husband upsets you and his wife upsets him and you both need a shoulder to cry on ���

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not enemies with my ex, but I won’t exactly call us “friends”. One time I had a child and he requested for my account details to send something for the baby but I turned him down. I just felt if anyone should be buying my baby gifts it should be the father, not the man I used to sleep with. And yes, I know it sounds silly but I like drawing clear lines when it comes to relationships. If I’m taking money from you, then trust me, I’m not seeing you as just a friend.

Now back to the original post. In your case your borrow and pay back, but here the ex sends her money constantly. Clearly they both completely different things. A man doesn’t just send a woman money constantly out of the goodness of this heart. Maybe she cried to him claiming to be in desperate need, which in itself is a betrayal to her husband.

This is why I always say marry a rich man. If you are a man, don’t marry broke. To avoid your wife disgracing your and herself!

Oga go for DNA asap

Arkhanmu:
I married my wife in Kaduna two years ago. During those period we were dating, we were very much apart due to distance. She stayed in Kaduna while I worked in Lagos.

During few times of my personal meeting before our wedding, I noticed huge communication between her and this man. I called her attention to it but she just waived it aside saying they are just friends as Ex (stuff). She joined me up in Lagos after the marriage but the communication between them still continued.

This is a woman I have sacrificed so much for in my life by providing her basics need with the children even though not huge like that. She told me the Ex is a Doctor and they have nice experience together while dating back then. I have adviced even begged her to stop this communication as it it very hurtful and insulting to my personality but she won't stop. Instead she secretly calls and requests money from this guy in almost different occasions.

At a point in time in the past when she went to Kaduna to get her transfer from work place to Lagos, she still visit the guy even as she is heavily pregnant that time. I was able to get the idea through her bank account statement when the same guy send her money for what business I don't understand. It is almost 2 years of our marriage now, I am starting to regret why I marry her initially even as I noticed much difference between us; she is from Southern Kaduna while am from Ibadan.

I wish I have married my tribe whom I can easily understand. Just yesterday night I see another 4k alert from the same guy to my wife. I am really pained though I have not confront her. See guys, I have 2 boys, twin, I take care of them, buy food and all.

Though my work is not going fine but I try my best to make her happy but it seems she is not built for me. I don't really know what is going on again in my life as I am heartbroken.

Maybe the man is even in Lagos most times self. Many things are just running through my mind.

The only language she will understand is divorce papers.

Don't come here with any complain again. Most likely she's still sleeping with that guy.

You're not even sure who owns the twins she had for you and most likely the current pregnancy isn't yours.

Use your head brother.

my girl is doing same o. but they don't stay in same state.

zomby:


Bro, would you allow your wife to contact her ex for financial support?
Let us use our head and try to see things in all angles before spilling rubbish.

I have the means to cater for my household

stickle:
1. I think they should know what their daughter is doing to her husband because when the chips are down they will ask why he did not inform them.

2. You're correct though that marriage should be between two people but when there is crisis and someone you know can help out should be invited but not just anybody

1. Is there daughter not old enough to make her own decisions and face said consequences of her own?.

2. What does help mean in this case and why does reporting her to her parents imply this??

Arkhanmu:
I married my wife in Kaduna two years ago. During those period we were dating, we were very much apart due to distance. She stayed in Kaduna while I worked in Lagos.

During few times of my personal meeting before our wedding, I noticed huge communication between her and this man. I called her attention to it but she just waived it aside saying they are just friends as Ex (stuff). She joined me up in Lagos after the marriage but the communication between them still continued.

This is a woman I have sacrificed so much for in my life by providing her basics need with the children even though not huge like that. She told me the Ex is a Doctor and they have nice experience together while dating back then. I have adviced even begged her to stop this communication as it it very hurtful and insulting to my personality but she won't stop. Instead she secretly calls and requests money from this guy in almost different occasions.

At a point in time in the past when she went to Kaduna to get her transfer from work place to Lagos, she still visit the guy even as she is heavily pregnant that time. I was able to get the idea through her bank account statement when the same guy send her money for what business I don't understand. It is almost 2 years of our marriage now, I am starting to regret why I marry her initially even as I noticed much difference between us; she is from Southern Kaduna while am from Ibadan.

I wish I have married my tribe whom I can easily understand. Just yesterday night I see another 4k alert from the same guy to my wife. I am really pained though I have not confront her. See guys, I have 2 boys, twin, I take care of them, buy food and all.

Though my work is not going fine but I try my best to make her happy but it seems she is not built for me. I don't really know what is going on again in my life as I am heartbroken.

Maybe the man is even in Lagos most times self. Many things are just running through my mind.

Bro this is the thing. Majority Northern girls are highly promiscuous. Am unapologetical about this.

The above is based on my own personal experiences due to my job. I have lived in Plateau (Jos, Ratified, Tudun wada, Didin Kowa, Room, etc), Kaduna (Kaduna, Malali, Gidan waya, angwa rimi, etc), Bauchi (Bauchi, Bogoro, Tafawa Balewa, liman katagun, Boto, Lere, Bonunu, etc) and Abuja(Garki, Asokoro, Area 1, Kuje, etc).

They are easily wooed and bedded partly due to their harsh economy compared to the south.

They are very manipulative(emotionally and sexually). If they use sex work on your pschi eeeh, in fact you go forget your mother's maiden name . Thanks to their love potion "kaya mata"

Compared to the south, they are less demanding. They will will appreciate the small you give to them. Better still, they demand small small but often.

They are so clingy that once you start having sex with them (soo choking guush!).

One other common thing with them all is that they are incapable of keeping one sex partner no matter how caring you are. Damn bitches!

Many of girls are beer drinkers, but the muslim girls are doctorates in the use of hard drugs, which as a southwesterner, i found so stunning.

They are also emotionally damage. They welcome break up with open arms and are ready to move with any available train.

As a southerner especially a cultured Yoruba man like, you will find alot of their way/life really weird. May God's will be on your family o.

Arkhanmu:
Our relationship is long distance one.We rarely see most times.Maybe 4 times in a year,but when we do see,I check all these messages and signs and she promise to stop.But I wish I can turn back the hand of time.Well we do communicate everyday when we are dating back then.

You said she gave birth to twins..... Do you have twins in your linage? How about her..... Does she have in her own linage?
If no.... Then do a DNA test quickly.

It’s clear the mentality surrounding the answers I see is ‘ never help a woman unless you sleep with her’ that is what is wrong, not the assisting part

This is serious marriage trouble

Is the man ie Ex a soldier?

Maybe it's time for you to call the man, or worst still report your wife to someone

If she wants to leave free her

The moment we are its bye forever like yesterday. I will cut off all form of communication, block on social media and all. If we meet somewhere ever mehn I act like I don't know you ever. Let's learn to respect the sanctimony called marriage.
Women should learn bare.

DBestDoc:
I
still haven’t wrapped my head around the reason people keep touch with their ex partners. It just makes zero sense to me.

The moment you’re done, you should be done forever, there are millions of people, both male and female to be friends with na. Except of Course you have kids you’re coparenting.


Op, she’s a grown woman and there isn’t much you can do to change her, unfortunately.

I am strongly of the opinion that you can't get exclusivity with most women nowadays, look at intentional men like Kanye West, Michael B Jordan who did so much for their wives, they ran them through. That is why i am strongly of the opinion that if you notice you wife is wandering about get Magun so she can glue herself to hew new hearth throb and it would send a mssg. One thing mainstream media has influenced men to do is this endless pandering we keep doing to women while the gains is very little or mininal, one of the reasons why men are loving more of transactonal relationships and opting not to settle with a woman.

In Yoruba land, it was stated that any man that sleep with a pregnant woman whom he is not responsible or he owns the pregnancy, the said man will have financial problem not untill the baby started talking or can call money, with what you write above saying your business is not going fine meaning you're gettting financially wreck, I guess you must have lay on another man's egg.

I rest my case.

People will just stay and put their life in trouble. All the way from Lagos, you didn't see any decent girl, you travelled all the way to kaduna only to end up with a girl that her ex is seeing as friend with benefits. When you said she do ask him for money, I was expecting money for house rent or one big money. The doctor is even sending 4k to her, nawao.

OP, I won't insult her because she is your wife neither do I have any sympathy for you. You saw the signs clearly, you know OKAFOR LAW, you know how crazy some girls are with their ex, which is evident with your woman, but you go ahead and marry her. Whom the gods want to destroy, they first made mad.

MartinsD12:

You saw all these red flags when she told you she is just a friend and you couldn't just break up with her , if I have anything with a girl once I notice she is into someone I simply disconnect I will tell her to move on with the guy simple you saw all these things you still went ahead to marry her. You made an avoidable mistake

My Advice to the OP is that before acting find money and do DNA test. The best action would be to do what you should have done a long time ago, walk away, but before doing that too make sure you have exhausted all other options which i think you have. Don't let woman matter kill u o, a cheating spouse is a great danger to their partner.

Guys, Guys this advice goes to y'all. Times are hard, hoes are all but loyal. When you meet that special woman that can't stop giving you red flags, please note these flags, don't overlook them because you are head-over-heels in love. Your eyes will eventually clear after marriage o. To prevent future threads like this one.

stickle:

You're correct though that marriage should be between two people but when there is crisis and someone you know can help out should be invited but not just anybody

Sorry to interject. I know it's rude.

How can you claim or believe marriage is between two people! Are husband and wife deities? Are they not born of man and woman? Was a bride price not paid, and marital including conjugal rites performed in line with cultural norms and practices.

So, how is a marriage - a merger between two families. Sometimes, ethnicities or nations, be referred to with an insignificant and futile description, such as "union between two people". Are the offspring not called Grandchildren and so on? Do, they not carry the names of their forebears?

This same shameless woman has two children for the poor man, whose life span is reduced by 12%. 8% by his union with her and 4% by her lack of insight, pride, and nostalgia for doing dirty things like a low life.

The solution is calling the guy in question yourself. Threaten the hell out of him and make him understand that you would deal with him in ways he won't know if he fail to desist from discussing with your wife. Make sure you record the conversation for future reference. And warn your wife seriously.threaten to send her parking if she continues..make her call the guy in your presence to stop calling her that it's affecting your relationship...make sure you have enough evidence that would make her shiver when you talk to her about it...

Arkhanmu:
I married my wife in Kaduna two years ago. During those period we were dating, we were very much apart due to distance. She stayed in Kaduna while I worked in Lagos.

During few times of my personal meeting before our wedding, I noticed huge communication between her and this man. I called her attention to it but she just waived it aside saying they are just friends as Ex (stuff). She joined me up in Lagos after the marriage but the communication between them still continued.

This is a woman I have sacrificed so much for in my life by providing her basics need with the children even though not huge like that. She told me the Ex is a Doctor and they have nice experience together while dating back then. I have adviced even begged her to stop this communication as it it very hurtful and insulting to my personality but she won't stop. Instead she secretly calls and requests money from this guy in almost different occasions.

At a point in time in the past when she went to Kaduna to get her transfer from work place to Lagos, she still visit the guy even as she is heavily pregnant that time. I was able to get the idea through her bank account statement when the same guy send her money for what business I don't understand. It is almost 2 years of our marriage now, I am starting to regret why I marry her initially even as I noticed much difference between us; she is from Southern Kaduna while am from Ibadan.

I wish I have married my tribe whom I can easily understand. Just yesterday night I see another 4k alert from the same guy to my wife. I am really pained though I have not confront her. See guys, I have 2 boys, twin, I take care of them, buy food and all.

Though my work is not going fine but I try my best to make her happy but it seems she is not built for me. I don't really know what is going on again in my life as I am heartbroken.

Maybe the man is even in Lagos most times self. Many things are just running through my mind.

Kaduna ladies are not easy to keep as house wives, so you must be xtra careful with your life and the moralities of your family

She ain't loyal and cannot be loyal. Decide for yourself.

shortIGBOman:


Requesting for money by married ex is comon these days. Some ladies request for money from their ex's cause they truly need it. You know, times are hard these days and some families are not finding it easy .

Not an excuse to throw dirt oh your marriage and husband. The uncomfortable truth is ladies these days are just poorly trained.
Imagine a well-trained lady in marriage asking financial favours from different exes on Social Media, when she has two hands and a brain
Doesn't make sense.

Demigod22:
People will just stay and put their life in trouble. All the way from Lagos, you didn't see any decent girl, you travelled all the way to kaduna only to end up with a girl that her ex is seeing as friend with benefits. When you said she do ask him for money, I was expecting money for house rent or one big money. The doctor is even sending 4k to her, nawao.

OP, I won't insult her because she is your wife neither do I have any sympathy for you. You saw the signs clearly, you know OKAFOR LAW, you know how crazy some girls are with their ex, which is evident with your woman, but you go ahead and marry her. Whom the gods want to destroy, they first made mad.

Nothing wrong in marrying from another tribe.
Inter tribal marriages should be supported to maintain peaceful coexistence

Some times I do give marriage second thought because I too jealous and I hardly forgive. ladies of these generation is something else. Imagine one of my friend's ex sending him nude pictures while with her husband in the night. Even asking him to come and Bleep her.

Arkhanmu:
I married my wife in Kaduna two years ago. During those period we were dating, we were very much apart due to distance. She stayed in Kaduna while I worked in Lagos.

During few times of my personal meeting before our wedding, I noticed huge communication between her and this man. I called her attention to it but she just waived it aside saying they are just friends as Ex (stuff). She joined me up in Lagos after the marriage but the communication between them still continued.

This is a woman I have sacrificed so much for in my life by providing her basics need with the children even though not huge like that. She told me the Ex is a Doctor and they have nice experience together while dating back then. I have adviced even begged her to stop this communication as it it very hurtful and insulting to my personality but she won't stop. Instead she secretly calls and requests money from this guy in almost different occasions.

At a point in time in the past when she went to Kaduna to get her transfer from work place to Lagos, she still visit the guy even as she is heavily pregnant that time. I was able to get the idea through her bank account statement when the same guy send her money for what business I don't understand. It is almost 2 years of our marriage now, I am starting to regret why I marry her initially even as I noticed much difference between us; she is from Southern Kaduna while am from Ibadan.

I wish I have married my tribe whom I can easily understand. Just yesterday night I see another 4k alert from the same guy to my wife. I am really pained though I have not confront her. See guys, I have 2 boys, twin, I take care of them, buy food and all.

Though my work is not going fine but I try my best to make her happy but it seems she is not built for me. I don't really know what is going on again in my life as I am heartbroken.

Maybe the man is even in Lagos most times self. Many things are just running through my mind.

not generalising but most Southern Kaduna girls are promiscuous/ free givers

vickydevoka:

Na so. Obodo oyibo no de plant money for tree. My waist de pain me now. Most people hear block their family members. That's de best. When u come get watin u de find. U unblock dem, den u fit assist dem come Canada or u.k

Why does your waist pain you? Do you knack alot?

Arkhanmu:
I married my wife in Kaduna two years ago. During those period we were dating, we were very much apart due to distance. She stayed in Kaduna while I worked in Lagos.

During few times of my personal meeting before our wedding, I noticed huge communication between her and this man. I called her attention to it but she just waived it aside saying they are just friends as Ex (stuff). She joined me up in Lagos after the marriage but the communication between them still continued.

This is a woman I have sacrificed so much for in my life by providing her basics need with the children even though not huge like that. She told me the Ex is a Doctor and they have nice experience together while dating back then. I have adviced even begged her to stop this communication as it it very hurtful and insulting to my personality but she won't stop. Instead she secretly calls and requests money from this guy in almost different occasions.

At a point in time in the past when she went to Kaduna to get her transfer from work place to Lagos, she still visit the guy even as she is heavily pregnant that time. I was able to get the idea through her bank account statement when the same guy send her money for what business I don't understand. It is almost 2 years of our marriage now, I am starting to regret why I marry her initially even as I noticed much difference between us; she is from Southern Kaduna while am from Ibadan.

I wish I have married my tribe whom I can easily understand. Just yesterday night I see another 4k alert from the same guy to my wife. I am really pained though I have not confront her. See guys, I have 2 boys, twin, I take care of them, buy food and all.

Though my work is not going fine but I try my best to make her happy but it seems she is not built for me. I don't really know what is going on again in my life as I am heartbroken.

Maybe the man is even in Lagos most times self. Many things are just running through my mind.

Women are naturally insatiable. One of the huge problems marriages are facing is the problem of "ex". The only woman that can probably stand the test of time with her husband is the woman without ex but unfortunately at least 98% of our women have exes and as long as they keep communicating with them, marriages will always be in danger.
Women are uncontrollably lovers of material things and as such they don't get contented with what their husbands give to them and that drives them to infidelity of various kinds.

The only advice I can give you is to part ways with her provided she doesn't want to genuinely change so that you don't commit murder accidentally as a result of her misbehaviour because once they start infidelity, they hardly change unless they meet their waterloo.