There is this girl I have been married with for one year plus now.. One day we decided to go for a vacation to abuja.. In the vacation she met some of my friends..we sat down together friends things.. Some of my friends are still single.. On our way back.. She told me that one of my single friend face is familiar.. I asked her more about it and she said that she does not remeber what transpired between them both but she was certain that the guy once toasted her in school..(we all schooled in the same school)... I then told her that she should be open that it's a thing of the past but she kept insisting that she does not remember.. She told me.. Its a thing of the past that we are married now and that we should focus about the marriage.. And I was telling her.. Yes.. That is true.. But I need to know about her past when confronted and everything.. That she needs to tell me the truth.. But she kept insisting that she does not remeber.. We had this to an argument that she told me to go and ask my guy..

Now what would you. Advice us? Because I am of the opinion that the past matters when confronted with it.. But she was like it does not matter..

Please.. No one is perfect.. We are all progressing..need suggestion and advice

Dominickhune:
There is this girl I have been married with for one year plus now.. One day we decided to go for a vacation to abuja.. In the vacation she met some of my friends..we sat down together friends things.. Some of my friends are still single.. On our way back.. She told me that one of my single friend face is familiar.. I asked her more about it and she said that she does not remeber what transpired between them both but she was certain that the guy once toasted her in school..(we all schooled in the same school)... I then told her that she should be open that it's a thing of the past but she kept insisting that she does not remember.. She told me.. Its a thing of the past that we are married now and that we should focus about the marriage.. And I was telling her.. Yes.. That is true.. But I need to know about her past when confronted and everything.. That she needs to tell me the truth.. But she kept insisting that she does not remeber.. We had this to an argument that she told me to go and ask my guy..

Now what would you. Advice us? Because I am of the opinion that the past matters when confronted with it.. But she was like it does not matter..

Please.. No one is perfect.. We are all progressing..need suggestion and advice

If u dont want to hate her, ur marriage and ur kids just forget about her past, so far she's performing her wifely duties well den forget,
Talking from experience bro.... Plsssssss.

‘There is this girl I’m married to’ what a way to stretch out the word ‘Wife’.

On the matter, you and your friend can’t be that close if ‘the girl you are married to’ has never even encountered them in any shape or form so it’s really irrelevant.

There’s no need looking for what you haven’t lost

Give her time to open up and don't force her because that won't help you. You have to break your relationship with that friend in question to enjoy your young marriage and do not dwell in the past.

bibianna:
Give her time to open up and don't force her because that won't help you. You have to break your relationship with that friend in question to enjoy your young marriage and do not dwell in the past.

see this woman ooh, e easy to break away from friend?? Seems u dont know what friend means.

OlawaleBammie:
If u dont want to hate her, ur marriage and ur kids just forget about her past, so far she's performing her wifely duties well den forget,
Talking from experience bro.... Plsssssss.

In this case, it is too late to forget about the past. How do you live with someone knowing very well that they have a secret and unwilling to share?

Op already has an idea. That's enough to make him uncomfortable in his marriage.

Acidosis:


In this case, it is too late to forget about the past. How do you live with someone knowing very well that they have a secret and unwilling to share?

Op already has an idea. That's enough to make him uncomfortable in his marriage.

I know bro, u re right but still it will do him good to wave it away, i said my own ooh.

VAWULENCE Loading

I'm confused...is she your wife or "this girl I'm married to". They are quite different.

U are just looking for trouble...be careful!

Not all thing u should know for peace to radiate in ur marriage.

Just be careful!

.

Well, coming to those criticising the way she was reffered.. Definatly if I should say my wife now some will come and be saying he said my wife..

If your friend never mentioned it to you and she never did, forget about it. Give her time and the confidence she needs to talk about it at her own time.

Dominickhune:
Well, coming to those criticising the way she was reffered.. Definatly if I should say my wife now some will come and be saying he said my wife..

Oga don't look for what is not missing. Let the past remain in the past as long as it is not in any way, shape or form affecting your present.

Men are weak and very emotional beings, ladies have no problem with who their boyfriend/husband's had sex with, but if reverse is the case, you'd see men hyperventilating, yapping spittle everywhere, wailing non stop as if they've been betrayed and their lives have been cut short,


Oga Op what exactly do you want to know, that your wife had an affair and had sex with your friend? Oya yes she had sex with him, sheybi that's what your mind is telling you abi? Yes it happened, so what do you want to do about it? divorce her right? Do that now, you'd finally have peace of mind abi....

All these immature adults getting married these days sef

If she had sexual relationship with him way before you got married to her, what is the issue?

Is there no lady you had sex with, who is now another man's wife? Unless you were a virgin when you got married.

For her to be the one who brought up the story, she will complete it at her own pace.

Omo!
The girl you married spawned your curiosity. I'm not married so I can't advice you. Whatever that happens, pls be strong and play safe

Unless you have known her to have always been disingenuous in particular and untrustworthy in general, you have no cause to doubt her assertion and suggestion. If she has always been, however, your dissatisfaction about her disingenuous position alone is justifiable, even though whatever her past might be at this point shouldn't be used against her, especially if it's nothing pernicious towards you.

Acidosis:


In this case, it is too late to forget about the past. How do you live with someone knowing very well that they have a secret and unwilling to share?

Op already has an idea. That's enough to make him uncomfortable in his marriage.

That's why it is a secret. It is not by force to share

I have heard you all.. But the truth is that no matter the answer she gives me.. It will bring no bearing to the present.. But let's tell ourself the realistic truth.. I need to know.. Because it was past but we were confronted with it in our future(by the girl finding out she is my friend) . So she had to be straight..

In my perception.. Mens have EGO.. and sometimes to protect our Ego.. We need to know some certain things.. Now let me put it like this now.. If my friend mistakenly made statement like them both in the future. Definatly I will defined my wife in front of me.. But tell me the impression.. The impression will definatly be different from me getting to know it from my wife than from the guy.


To the guy saying if I had have sex in the past that I am definatly no different. That its past .. Wo. I dey even Bleep ashawo self before I hands down getting married and since then I stopped.. But I told all this about everything without leaving stone untouched.. Even when I was toasting her.. I got to found out that her friend I once toasted her thou I did not bleeped her.. I told my wife everything about it...wo.. Imagine.. I even told her and showed her one girl I had something with in the past on our wedding when I surprising saw her in the wedding

We are all progressing.. But my opinion is that when you are married, you won't talk about all your past because definatly I did not tell her anything .. Because of you want a safety marriage.. But when you are confronted about it.. We have to be open..
Because leaving him hanging ain't the best

Abeg no insults in reply

Ishilove:

That's why it is a secret. It is not by force to share

It is no longer a secret the moment the issue came up. She needs to finish what she's started.

Like someone telling you they have a secret to share with you but they are not willing to share it.

Drawing parallels between men and women in relation to sexual intercourse suggest something fundamentally wrong with your perception.

During sexual intercourse, you, JovialJune is the host. You open your gate and he drives in. Sometimes, and much to your discomfort, he may need to squeeze in so tightly when the passage to your ball room is a little narrower. And the dance requires a lot of friction, leaving the edges of your gate blighted and sometimes bruised. He normally leaves the floor of the ball room damp with the fluid of his excitement. And long after the party, long after he's gone, you're left to do the clean up alone.

JovialJune:
Men are weak and very emotional beings, ladies have no problem with who their boyfriend/husband's had sex with, but if reverse is the case, you'd see men hyperventilating, yapping spittle everywhere, wailing non stop as if they've been betrayed and their lives have been cut short,


Oga Op what exactly do you want to know, that your wife had an affair and had sex with your friend? Oya yes she had sex with him, sheybi that's what your mind is telling you abi? Yes it happened, so what do you want to do about it? divorce her right? Do that now, you'd finally have peace of mind abi....

All these immature adults getting married these days sef

Firstly, I think it was somewhat improper for you to be vacationing with your wife and your unmarried pals in the mix.

2ndly, women don't forget such. Your wife obviously has something to say which she's not ready for at the moment. Give her time. She owes you that explanation. In as much as we try to avoid the past, but when the past comes knocking at the door of the present, it means the ghost wasn't given a decent burial.

Dominickhune:
There is this girl I have been married with for one year plus now.. One day we decided to go for a vacation to abuja.. In the vacation she met some of my friends..we sat down together friends things.. Some of my friends are still single.. On our way back.. She told me that one of my single friend face is familiar.. I asked her more about it and she said that she does not remeber what transpired between them both but she was certain that the guy once toasted her in school..(we all schooled in the same school)... I then told her that she should be open that it's a thing of the past but she kept insisting that she does not remember.. She told me.. Its a thing of the past that we are married now and that we should focus about the marriage.. And I was telling her.. Yes.. That is true.. But I need to know about her past when confronted and everything.. That she needs to tell me the truth.. But she kept insisting that she does not remeber.. We had this to an argument that she told me to go and ask my guy..

Now what would you. Advice us? Because I am of the opinion that the past matters when confronted with it.. But she was like it does not matter..

Please.. No one is perfect.. We are all progressing..need suggestion and advice

McDuncan:
Drawing parallels between men and women in relation to sexual intercourse suggest something fundamentally wrong with your perception.

During sexual intercourse, you, JovialJune is the host. You open your gate and he drives in. Sometimes, and much to your discomfort, he may need to squeeze in so tightly when the passage to your ball room is a little narrower. And the dance requires a lot of friction, leaving the edges of your gate blighted and sometimes bruised. He normally leaves the floor of the ball room damp with the fluid of his excitement. And long after the party, long after he's gone, you're left to do the clean up alone.

You obviously lack basic comprehension, so all you could deduce from my comment is sex, to the extent that you had to describe sexual intercourse to me

Are you sexually starved or something, because I don't see the correlation between emotionally weak men in my comment and sex.

JovialJune:



You obviously lack basic comprehension, so all you could deduce from my comment is sex, to the extent that you had to describe sexual intercourse to me

Are you sexually starved of something, because I don't see the correlation between emotionally weak men in my comment and sex.

On the contrary, I think your cognitive strength falters by the sheer weight of your intellectual dishonesty.

You didn't see any correlation in your post between emotionally weak men ( who couldn't handle who their girlfriends had sex with unlike their female counterparts)

Your submission is sex themed alright, depicting how women handle sexual betrayals as opposed to men. So what exactly are you trying to deny?

You find my bluntness a bit unsettling, no doubt but, you lack the intellect and honesty to present an equal rebuttal.

Sex is never the same between a man and a woman, that's the basic point

Richy4:
My brother, your introduction about your wife is so " Lomantic "

In as much as talking about the past help spouses strengthen relationship, bond and connection, how many dosage of honesty are u willing and prepared to swallow?

A situation where she tells you that her Ex is more trusting, caring and better in the sheets...that he does everything in the book to make her happy..she broke up with him because he wasn't ready for marriage..and she doesn't want to waste time... What will you do in such scenario??

I believe not all Exes are bad.. If u are expecting bad situations and she furnished U with his goodness,..Wetin u go come do? Or do u intend spending the rest of your life trying to measure up or being jealous of a good ex?... Please l will suggest you let sleeping dogs lie..

So your point now is if me and her after two years of this ex.. Got married and she finds out that that her ex is a very close friend of mine.. She should just be mute baa.. And keep silent.. then I find out there is a link between two of them both.. And I confronted her to know.. She replies.. I don't remeber.. That would be okay.. The point is irrespective of it being a past bro.. And it not having bearings in the present or marriage.. THE MAN HAS TO KNOW.. because the guy is a close friend to him and the past was brought to present.. But if they are not close.. Then it's a difference case..

JovialJune:
Men are weak and very emotional beings, ladies have no problem with who their boyfriend/husband's had sex with, but if reverse is the case, you'd see men hyperventilating, yapping spittle everywhere, wailing non stop as if they've been betrayed and their lives have been cut short,


Oga Op what exactly do you want to know, that your wife had an affair and had sex with your friend? Oya yes she had sex with him, sheybi that's what your mind is telling you abi? Yes it happened, so what do you want to do about it? divorce her right? Do that now, you'd finally have peace of mind abi....

All these immature adults getting married these days sef

Truth be told.. I could vouch that if it was a man ex that was brought up.. The man will just jejely tell the girl that something sup oo.. But its past and its past.. Then the clear will be cleared.. But when women sees it that its not necessary.. That it does not matter.. Wo. It does not matter oo.. Let's put this in another way..

If you got married to a girl, and then after several years of marriage, the girl found out that in the long past she and the guy cousin bro.. Had something in the past.. So make she no tell the husband ba because it not necessary just like you na dey talk? Because say na past?

Man normally are born with EGO... Wo.. If a man founds out his wife that she loved get HIV.. he loved her.. My brother.. Even if Doctor say she get hiv for public the man go deny am.. But if he does not know.. And the doctor said he public.. Believe me.. The man ain't gonna defend it with boldness




#respect

McDuncan:


On the contrary, I think your cognitive strength falters by the sheer weight of your intellectual dishonesty.

You didn't see any correlation in your post between emotionally weak men ( who couldn't handle who their girlfriends had sex with unlike their female counterparts)

Your submission is sex themed alright, depicting how women handle sexual betrayals as opposed to men. So what exactly are you trying to deny?

You find my bluntness a bit unsettling, no doubt but, you lack the intellect and honesty to present an equal rebuttal.

Sex is never the same between a man and a woman, that's the basic point

I don't care about your point, all you guys know and cry about is sex sex and more sex, does emotional weakness automatically mean sex? It's like you need Google and the dictionary to define emotional weakness for you

Op clearly shows he is emotionally weak by crying and assuming what hasn't even been told to him yet, he quickly came to nairaland to complain and seek validations from nuisances like you just to create problems for his young marriage, yet you daft human with a -0 IQ chose to gallivant on my comment,

It is not my fault if the danging saggy schlong between your legs sums up emotions for you to hyperventilate on sèx cos it clearly defines and sums up the purpose of your life and achievement, it still did not cancel the fact that MEN ARE EMOTIONALLY WEAK, everything you do centers on and display high level of WEAKNESS,

If it hurts you that I pointed out this basic fact about men, go off yourself.

Dominickhune:



Truth be told.. I could vouch that if it was a man ex that was brought up.. The man will just jejely tell the girl that something sup oo.. But its past and its past.. Then the clear will be cleared.. But when women sees it that its not necessary.. That it does not matter.. Wo. It does not matter oo.. Let's put this in another way..

If you got married to a girl, and then after several years of marriage, the girl found out that in the long past she and the guy cousin bro.. Had something in the past.. So make she no tell the husband ba because it not necessary just like you na dey talk? Because say na past?

Man normally are born with EGO... Wo.. If a man founds out his wife that she loved get HIV.. he loved her.. My brother.. Even if Doctor say she get hiv for public the man go deny am.. But if he does not know.. And the doctor said he public.. Believe me.. The man ain't gonna defend it with boldness




#respect

Oga go and solve your marriage problems, no dey shalaye for us here, either you talk to your wife to see reasons why she shouldn't keep anything from you, or you lock up,

Your choice, your problem.

Dominickhune:

So your point now is if me and her after two years of this ex.. Got married and she finds out that that her ex is a very close friend of mine.. She should just be mute baa.. And keep silent.. then I find out there is a link between two of them both.. And I confronted her to know.. She replies.. I don't remeber.. That would be okay.. The point is irrespective of it being a past bro.. And it not having bearings in the present or marriage.. THE MAN HAS TO KNOW.. because the guy is a close friend to him and the past was brought to present.. But if they are not close.. Then it's a difference case..

One thing I noticed in life is that we humans are different and we think differently...

I should let u know where the past belong.. the past belongs in the dustbin of history... And when you start rummaging the dustbin, u find unpleasant junks..

In my school of thought, I don't need such information because it won't add value to our relationship... besides everyone got a past...the day u said I do was the day u let go of your past...and started a future will your spouse.

If u were eager to know, it should've been a topic during courtship.. since there was no topic like that while courting, just thrash it...As long as everything remain in the past, I'm good..

I don't just like to stress myself for nothing... that's why humans are wired differently...
Wetin I wan take the info do?.. Abi I go divorce her after knowing just because she dated my friend?......
Besides if it's true she dated her,.. What will I do to my friend? Confront him over relationship that happened long before she met me or do I start avoiding him because of his past with my wife? .. My brother to let sleeping dogs relax sure pass