I am an 18-year-old female high school senior living with my mother and stepfather. I am a serious student, get excellent grades, participate in school activities and have friends. My biggest problem is boys. I can’t seem to connect with one. I think that I intimidate the good ones. The few who have asked me out are too lame for me and rather than spend a boring evening with them I send them away. Most of my friends have or have had boyfriends, but I am still a virgin. I’ve been told that I am cute and sexy so it can’t be that. I worry that if I do find someone I like, I won’t know the first thing about what to do. I’ll come off like some amateur and they will lose patience and interest in me.

I got an idea that I know will sound totally crazy, which was to have my stepfather teach me. He is supportive and understanding, and provides well for my mother and me. When I first brought it up with him, he was adamant he would not even consider it. I pestered him and I guess he thought it over because he finally agreed, but only with strict conditions. We would not go all the way. Instead, we would go step by step. Either one of us could call a halt at any time with no pressure. I set the pace. And we would never, ever tell anyone else about it.

We started about a year ago when he taught me how to kiss. I had kissed boys before, little quick ones, but never like that. I wanted to keep going, but he hit pause. Since then, I have gotten more comfortable with our arrangement and have wanted to speed things up. He always tells me to be patient and take the time to think it over. But by now we have done just about everything except have actual intercourse.

I worry that taking this last step will change things in a permanent way. I can’t deny that I find my stepdad attractive, but I don’t lust after him. He and my mom have a loving, affectionate relationship which I am not jealous of. But if we have sex and it is awesome, maybe I will start to want him. And he has told me things about how boys and men think about women. (All the boys imagine me naked and in bed with them? ALL of them?) I don’t want to lose him as a trusted source of intelligence from the other side.

If we stop now and if, God forbid, we are ever found out, at least we could say that we never had real sex. I would die if Dad ever got in trouble because of me. But we have done so much already, would it really matter if we did just one more thing? Also, I have become something of an expert on things that not even my girlfriends have done. Suppose some future boyfriend wants to know where I learned how to do all this stuff. I will have to lie about it. I’m going to school next year where I have been assured that there are smart, interesting men. Maybe I should quit while I am ahead.

I’m just so conflicted. I have no regrets so far, and I’m really tired of being the only girl in the Virgin Club. But there’s something about actually having sex with my stepfather that I don’t think anyone else would ever understand. I’m starting to think that this whole thing was a major, major mistake. Am I going to hell?
Please help

You don't need help, you need slap to reset your brain to default. To even call yourself smart with all these mumu written all over you is a misnormal.

Op you are really nuts, with this your write up.

You are love sick. You certainly need a big dick to break that juicy totow open.