The above literally says it all. I've struggled all my life and academically achieved the best I could. I earned my Bachelors degree with First Class Honours, my Masters degree with Distinction and completed my PhD -- from Russell Group unis in the UK. In hindsight, I can now say that my studies gradually put a wedge between me and everyone else: siblings, parents, friends, you name it! I had no time for them (all comfortable, needed nothing from me, except to keep up with me). My social life and subsequently my social skill monumentally became disastrous. I never realized this when I was hiding away in the ivory towers -- where I participated in nothing except my studies: classmates and professors called me "THE MONK", asking whether I would be going into a monastery after living the uni. Plunged into the real world 4 years ago, after finishing my PhD, I knew I had problems. I have no friends because I can't sustain relationships and I've been tagged a loner both at work and in my neighbourhood. I earn good salary, have my own inner city apartment, and quite comfortable, but these do not tantamount to happiness for me. I have sought help from counselors and psychologists (both clinical and psychiatry), have gone on holidays, but all to no avail. My birthday is drawing nigh and on clocking 40, I think it's high time I threw in the towel.

Parrott:

The above literally says it all. I've struggled all my life and academically achieved the best I could. I earned my Bachelors degree with First Class Honours, my Masters degree with Distinction and completed my PhD -- from Russell Group unis in the UK. In hindsight, I can now say that my studies gradually put a wedge between me and everyone else: siblings, parents, friends, you name it! I had no time for them (all comfortable, needed nothing from me, except to keep up with me). My social life and subsequently my social skill monumentally became disastrous. I never realized this when I was hiding away in the ivory towers -- where I participated in nothing except my studies: classmates and professors called me "THE MONK", asking whether I would be going into a monastery after living the uni. Plunged into the real world 4 years ago, after finishing my PhD, I knew I had problems. I have no friends because I can't sustain relationships and I've been tagged a loner both at work and in my neighbourhood. I earn good salary, have my own inner city apartment, and quite comfortable, but these do not tantamount to happiness for me. I have sought help from counselors and psychologists (both clinical and psychiatry), have gone on holidays, but all to no avail. My birthday is drawing nigh and on clocking 40, I think it's high time I threw in the towel.

I dont get the part on 'high time you threw in the towel' are you about to do something bad? You want to die? Please expatiate

book smart street f.oolish as they say.

get involved with a local church or something if you're not an atheist.

you can also ask your relatives to hook you up with suitable people.

at least that way you'll socialize somewhat and work through a variety of situations.


though any gaffe could make you the butt of jokes for a while sha.

where there is life there is hope. The fact that you realize something is wrong is a start, abeg dont "throw in the towel" - there are guys in worse situations than you

Parrott:

The above literally says it all. I've struggled all my life and academically achieved the best I could. I earned my Bachelors degree with First Class Honours, my Masters degree with Distinction and completed my PhD -- from Russell Group unis in the UK. In hindsight, I can now say that my studies gradually put a wedge between me and everyone else: siblings, parents, friends, you name it! I had no time for them (all comfortable, needed nothing from me, except to keep up with me). My social life and subsequently my social skill monumentally became disastrous. I never realized this when I was hiding away in the ivory towers -- where I participated in nothing except my studies: classmates and professors called me "THE MONK", asking whether I would be going into a monastery after living the uni. Plunged into the real world 4 years ago, after finishing my PhD, I knew I had problems. I have no friends because I can't sustain relationships and I've been tagged a loner both at work and in my neighbourhood. I earn good salary, have my own inner city apartment, and quite comfortable, but these do not tantamount to happiness for me. I have sought help from counselors and psychologists (both clinical and psychiatry), have gone on holidays, but all to no avail. My birthday is drawing nigh and on clocking 40, I think it's high time I threw in the towel.

[b]@OP: Totally ignore the random post from a poster above who said "Book smart, street foolish", it does not apply to you, it only applies to those people deluded enough to believe in such arrant nonsense.
Now to address your issue, congratulations on your superb academic achievements. It is no mean feat for someone to have achieved what you have done in life, that alone has separated you from the majority of people in the world today, you have made your "mark". To translate this mark into other aspects of your life is not as hard as you and some others make it sound, you only need to define what "happiness" means to you. Happiness is a very subjective word, hence your definition of it is unique to you alone. What does happiness mean to you?! Are you happy doing a 9-5 job for the rest of your life? Does that job you are doing bring you happiness? What are your core attributes, and are they well aligned with the job you are doing? Do you have a partner who shares a similar purpose as yourself?
The solution to your "issue" lies within the answers you provide to the aforementioned questions. Define SMART goals, and adhere strictly to strategies to manage these goals. Life is too short for a gifted person like you to spend any second of it feeling miserable, you are made to make a mark, go for it![/b]

@OP
By any chance does this describe you.

SCHIZOID PERSONALITY:
A pervasive pattern of detachment from social relationships & a restricted range of expression of emotions in interpersonal settings, beginning by early adulthood & present in a variety of contexts, as indicated by 4 (or more) of the following:
* Neither desires nor enjoys close relationships, including being part of a family.
* Almost always chooses solitary activities.
* Has little, if any, interest in having sexual experiences with another person.
* Takes pleasure in few, if any, activities.
* Lacks close friends or confidants other than 1st degree relatives.
* Appears indifferent to the praise or criticism of others.
* Shows emotional coldness, detachment, or flattened affectivity.

@OP
Believe it, what you need is Jesus. He's the One that truly satisfies. That can give you water and you'll never thirst again. As you seen/said, life achievement is vanity. No matter the goal one sets in life, after it what next? You, we're all created for God. No one can be truly fulfilled outside God. I read of Soyinka the other day and it all brings to fore how we ought to seek God, if perhaps we might find Him.
You can find God by inviting Jesus into your life in a simple even short prayer. Jesus loves you, and He's the Friend closer than a brother. The best Friend.

I believe a problem identified is a problem half solved, since you've identified it, just open ur mind to make changes, u dont need do anything rational. You can start from your church or mosque, whichever you attend, greet people, ur colleague at work, relate with them, you can even visit them in their houses, the truth is, many people are lonely in this world, most only pretend, mix up with the right calibre of people and u will see how easy it is to make so many friends especially when people see u are successful

I think you need to get married

This OP and many other people are going through same experience, most especially those outside their home country, no relative or close friends, only work.

Like someone said, you need to get involved in church/other social activities. Sometimes this may not help as some people are looking for how to take advantage of you if they know you are relatively OK financially.

But do not take ur life yet until all options have failed, its disheartening not enjoying happiness despite all efforts, you are not alone many are in your shoes friend

visit NL from time to time and you will not remain thesame

some people are looking for how to take advantage of you if they know you are relatively OK financially.

i think that's inevitable once you're rich.

I understand your pain because I'm something of a loner to; even my siblings complain about this. My plea is for you not to throw in the towel because there are still avenues for you to build meaningful relationships (especially thru the Internet). My humble advise is for you to pick up a new hobby, you never know what might happen.

Cheer up

@poster,
well what you need to start with is a friend that will lead you to other friends
i had a case close to yours
i grew up in a family filled with love but i didn't know how to respond to love neither did i know how to give it
i couldn't share things, relate with people espeecially my immediate family
i couldn't even hug my mum or tell her i loved her.
i left for the university with this same life style and lived a lonely life despite the fact that i lived with my roomies
it was hard to relate to people until i met a friend that took me through step by step until today i'm now a much more better person
my mom is late now but i can boldly tell my dad" i love you". wow!!!
what a life!, i now have good friends and an irreplaceable family

now to this my friend, His name is Jesus, yes, the same one you've being hearing of.
once you believe in Him and accept Him as the Lord of your life, He'll turn your life around for good.
Believe me, Jesus works

^^must you carry the matter on your head?

Ok.

Image123:

@OP
Believe it, what you need is Jesus. He's the One that truly satisfies. That can give you water and you'll never thirst again. As you seen/said, life achievement is vanity. No matter the goal one sets in life, after it what next? You, we're all created for God. No one can be truly fulfilled outside God. I read of Soyinka the other day and it all brings to fore how we ought to seek God, if perhaps we might find Him.
You can find God by inviting Jesus into your life in a simple even short prayer. Jesus loves you, and He's the Friend closer than a brother. The best Friend.

This is hilarious!

Pastor Kun:

I think you need to get married

This may sound like a piece of advice from a grand old soothsayer in a precolonial African society but it can help in more ways than anyone can imagine if he marries the right person.

[/quote]

it can help in more ways than anyone can imagine if he marries the right person.

[quote]

This is weird. Let us see what the book of books(BIBLE) has to say to this: Ecclesiastes 1: 18"For in much wisdom is much grief: and he that increaseth knoledge increaseth sorrow". Again, Ecclesiastes 12:12-End. " And further, by these, my son, be admonished: of making many books there is no end; and much study is a weariness of the flesh. Let us hear the conclusion of the whole matter: Fear God and keep his commandments: FOR THIS IS THE WHOLE DUTY OF MAN, for God shall bring everywork into judgement, with every secret thing, whether it be good, or whether it be evil". There is a vaccum in your heart, created by God, that you have not allowed God to fill by his son JESUS. Without you allowing JESUS into your life, you are empty, unfufilled, lifeless. You need to connect to God your maker, before your life can have a meaning.JESUS says" come unto me all ye that labour and are heavy laden and i will give you rest" you can only find rest through Jesus only. God bless you. God2man. d God to fill by his son JESUS. Without you allowing JESUS into your life, you are empty, unfufilled, lifeless. You need to connect to God your maker, before your life can have a meaning.JESUS says" come unto me all ye that labour and are heavy laden and i will give you rest" you can only find rest through Jesus only. God bless you. God2man.

kemori:

just open your mind to make changes, u dont need do anything rational. You can start from your church or mosque, whichever you attend, greet people, your colleague at work, relate with them, you can even visit them in their houses, the truth is, many people are lonely in this world, most only pretend,

Nope. Op is different from "many people". He has a very complex personality challenge, one you need to have experienced or observed closely to even have an idea what he is talking about. If he goes on a greeting spree he will find people find him obnoxious. If he visits he will be received with strange looks - he simply doesn't know how to do these "simple" things.

@op
I have to agree with claremont about redefining happiness and smartness because you may have little choice. It is good to be gregarious but what if you can't be? And redefining smartness means realising, among other things, that everything is relative, as people you know who made "third class" are clearly smarter than you in some things that matter, like relating with people. That should help you to accept things and make the best of them as claremont suggested.

Still here is a suggestion that may help you improve. Learn to understand people. When you come to Nairaland, for instance, don't just make a post and slink away. DEBATE with people on various subjects and see how they respond to you. You will soon identify personality types and see how well you can manage conversations. You may gain some confidence and be able to replicate things offline. Think of other ways to improve gradually. Cheer up!e on various subjects and see how they respond to you. You will soon identify personality types and see how well you can manage conversations. You may gain some confidence and be able to replicate things offline. Think of other ways to improve gradually. Cheer up!

Parrott:

The above literally says it all. I've struggled all my life and academically achieved the best I could. I earned my Bachelors degree with First Class Honours, my Masters degree with Distinction and completed my PhD -- from Russell Group unis in the UK. In hindsight, I can now say that my studies gradually put a wedge between me and everyone else: siblings, parents, friends, you name it! I had no time for them (all comfortable, needed nothing from me, except to keep up with me). My social life and subsequently my social skill monumentally became disastrous. I never realized this when I was hiding away in the ivory towers -- where I participated in nothing except my studies: classmates and professors called me "THE MONK", asking whether I would be going into a monastery after living the uni. Plunged into the real world 4 years ago, after finishing my PhD, I knew I had problems. I have no friends because I can't sustain relationships and I've been tagged a loner both at work and in my neighbourhood. I earn good salary, have my own inner city apartment, and quite comfortable, but these do not tantamount to happiness for me. I have sought help from counselors and psychologists (both clinical and psychiatry), have gone on holidays, but all to no avail. My birthday is drawing nigh and on clocking 40, I think it's high time I threw in the towel.

I hope you are still with us . I can understand the frustation of not having anyone to relate with as we all have the need to relate however throwing in the towel is not the ultimate solution and I think if all you have said about yourself is true then it will truly be a tragic waste. I am sure there is someone out there who can be patient enough to take the time and effort to get to know and understand you as a person. You might meet just the one person and your whole perspective on life takes a drastic turn for the better and that one might just lead to another and another, you never know. I kind of think that when one commits suicide, in those last few minutes just before one takes the last breath regret sets in and one wishes they hadn't, sadly it is then too late. It may not seem like it from where you are right now but you do have a lot to live for and you are still so young. You might not think so but there will be people who will be deeply saddened by your death and whose lives may never remain the same if you take your life. Please don't surrender to the dark side of life, be a fighter. 

@poster,
after all these suggestions how do you feel now?

Thanks to everyone for the various, varied and variegated responses. The morning I posted this message, my mum who normally goes to bed around 9pm strangely called me about 2.00am to ask how 'am doing. I picked the call but was sobbing profusely, muttering no coherent words. She arranged for a family friend of hers to drive down to mine and they took me in and 'am still with them. I’ll like to leave here at the earliest convenience because I feel like invading their privacy, though are most welcoming and would want me to spend some more time with them. I sent one of their kids to my apartment to fetch me my laptop and a few stuff, hence my inability, before now, to get back to you guys on this forum. I've taken time off work and feel a bit relaxed, and my mum would be here to spend some time with me from the end of next week.

Thanks to those suggesting I take succour/refuge in religion/God/Jesus/church/mosque. This is simply not for me. Apart from the fact that I come from a deeply religious family, I am not a religious person mainly because religious beliefs are, in my view, quintessentially irrational. Albeit, I'll describe myself as someone who believes in fair play and subscribes to universal moral codes (morality, rationality and irrationality being relatives rather than absolutes). So, as far as religion is concerned 'am going nowhere near it.

@ Claremont: Yes, re-defining happiness is one route I'll like to explore and 'am having psychological and counselling sessions looking at this as well as personality types which Idehn was trying to map out.

@ MyJoe: I publish and engage in discourses with colleagues not just locally but globally in my field and actually maintain a lively academic blog (won’t divulge it as anyone could be reading this). But there seems to be a wedge between what I do professionally and my ordinary life.

Anyway guys thanks for your help, you’ve been wonderful. I’m taking each day as it comes. Oh, xxqwisit, I’ll try and get in touch.

I have no doubt you can exchange ideas with eggheads from Cambridge and NASA. But how much of it is banter, the kind of conversations you see your third class colleagues have and they pump each other in the chest and laugh till tears come out of their eyes? None! That is something you are incapable of. That is why I advisedly mentioned visiting various sections - forget budget deficits or nanotechnology sometimes and just go for the common stuff. You will see how hard you find that to begin with. Academic discourses are just academic discourses, relating with people is something else. That is why you find this wedge. At the end of the day you may just have to accept that you can't be like everyone and then redefine happiness. If you havn't seen the movie A Beautiful Mind you should. I wrote more extensively on this issue in another thread. Will try to find it.

Find people like yourself on the internet.
You should stop not doing socials,start some sport,running,billards,xbox,weightlifting, anything that gets you to meet people often. Try meeting Naija folks in peckham they should be able to induce the bubbly african juices into you.

Thanks to those suggesting I take succour/refuge in religion/God/Jesus/church/mosque. This is simply not for me. Apart from the fact that I come from a deeply religious family, I am not a religious person mainly because religious beliefs are, in my view, quintessentially irrational. Albeit, I'll describe myself as someone who believes in fair play and subscribes to universal moral codes (morality, rationality and irrationality being relatives rather than absolutes). So, as far as religion is concerned 'am going nowhere near it.

well, i did guess you might be an atheist or something similar, from your first post.

going to church isnt only about religion, or religious arguments.

sometimes just seeing people doing other things besides work or sex, can have the kind of effect you're looking for.

anyway, hope you feel better and get some positive solutions.

@OP,
Well,you are educated,and you have a job and you have family(which is more than we can say for some people)
Yet you want to throw in the towel?
Man,you need to pull yourself together and search for the essence of your life.
No one can help you except yourself.
However it is easy to complain that you have no shoes,untill you meet someone who has no legs.
Get a grip man and pull yourself together.
On a final note,this is the last forum,you should come to for advise,if you are havung a mid life crisis,trust me you will only end up more confused from some of the advise you will recieve here.As i said only you can save yourself.Get off your bum and stop feeling sorry for yourself!

Parrott:

Thanks to everyone for the various, varied and variegated responses. The morning I posted this message, my mum who normally goes to bed around 9pm strangely called me about 2.00am to ask how 'am doing. I picked the call but was sobbing profusely, muttering no coherent words. She arranged for a family friend of hers to drive down to mine and they took me in and 'am still with them. I’ll like to leave here at the earliest convenience because I feel like invading their privacy, though are most welcoming and would want me to spend some more time with them. I sent one of their kids to my apartment to fetch me my laptop and a few stuff, hence my inability, before now, to get back to you guys on this forum. I've taken time off work and feel a bit relaxed, and my mum would be here to spend some time with me from the end of next week.

Thanks to those suggesting I take succour/refuge in religion/God/Jesus/church/mosque. This is simply not for me. Apart from the fact that I come from a deeply religious family, I am not a religious person mainly because religious beliefs are, in my view, quintessentially irrational. Albeit, I'll describe myself as someone who believes in fair play and subscribes to universal moral codes (morality, rationality and irrationality being relatives rather than absolutes). So, as far as religion is concerned 'am going nowhere near it.

@ Claremont: Yes, re-defining happiness is one route I'll like to explore and 'am having psychological and counselling sessions looking at this as well as personality types which Idehn was trying to map out.

@ MyJoe: I publish and engage in discourses with colleagues not just locally but globally in my field and actually maintain a lively academic blog (won’t divulge it as anyone could be reading this). But there seems to be a wedge between what I do professionally and my ordinary life.

Anyway guys thanks for your help, you’ve been wonderful. I’m taking each day as it comes. Oh, xxqwisit, I’ll try and get in touch.

Good to know you are okay and hope you get even better as the days go by. @bolded, no problem, will look out for you.

Do tell when it's your birthday. Take good care.