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Marriage Wahala - Family (2) - Nairaland

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How To Avoid Marriage Wahala And Reap Its Benefits / My Wife's Wahala. Goes Through My Phone Every 3 Days / Brother In-law Marriage Wahala (2) (3) (4)

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Re: Marriage Wahala by Mindlog: 4:39pm On Aug 13, 2022
Are there rituals associated with children, that your husband's family identify with?

1 Like

Re: Marriage Wahala by Kobojunkie: 4:52pm On Aug 13, 2022
jesmond3945:

I think at the moment, your husband is not happy and really depressed. Abroad life can be very depressing.
Yet many of us are quite happy living abroad? All this while depression seems to have no zipcode or timezone since e boku for Naija and Cameroon as well. Abegi, make we hear better o'jare! undecided

A man lives abroad yet continuously consults non-abroadian gods and goddesses back in Africa, third-world level gods, on how to live his life abroad, that there is most likely at the core of the man's problems if you ask me. undecided

2 Likes

Re: Marriage Wahala by sisisioge: 4:53pm On Aug 13, 2022
pocohantas:


When she wanted them to come pick her at the airport, wouldn’t she have been at their mercy? They could have easily handed her and the kids over to the bandits on Cameroon Expressway.

I am yet to see the issue with her in-laws, except she explicitly describes them as dangerous. Given that she once put them as loving people.

Hmmmm...there is some truth there. But they showed some uncanny behaviour by not only offering but also not extending any joyous socials to her and the kids for 3 weeks. At this time, it is safe to think the worst. If they were nice, they would have been more welcoming and enthusiastic about her visit earlier. It's been 3 whole weeks o....by now the euphoria of having a visitor has waned for most. Why are they suddenly interested in seeing her and the kids away from only one member of her family? Hian! May God help us fa....there is not as good as having a good family....nuclear, extended, inlaws o and t
It is terrible to have the opposite. The babe should protect herself.

If it becomes too much for all, let her pay for another space very close by as extension. Either for the brother or the inlaws. That should resolve the matter, right?

2 Likes

Re: Marriage Wahala by Acidosis(m): 4:54pm On Aug 13, 2022
Two stubborn people. undecided

You want your mom. He wants his. You insult each other, only that he took his too far by accusing your mom.

Thank you for the information about the medical and travel expense...but you didn't disclose other info like who pays the rent, kids' school fees, clothings, food, groceries, water and electricity bills, etc. undecided The same right granted to you to eat the food he buys with his money also includes dictating what goes on in the house you rented with your money. Don't go that route of "I paid for this and that.." unless he's financially irresponsible.

No be who first come social media dey always dey right sha. I think you both need to see a counsellor if you're unable to resolve your issues or have a heart to heart talk. I prefer the heart to heart talk. It has worked for many and it can work for you too.

3 Likes

Re: Marriage Wahala by pocohantas(f): 4:59pm On Aug 13, 2022
sisisioge:


Hmmmm...there is some truth there. But they showed some uncanny behaviour by not only offering but also not extending any joyous socials to her and the kids for 3 weeks. At this time, it is safe to think the worst. If they were nice, they would have been more welcoming and enthusiastic about her visit earlier. It's been 3 whole weeks o....by now the euphoria of having a visitor has waned for most. Why are they suddenly interested in seeing her and the kids away from only one member of her family? Hian! May God help us fa....there is not as good as having a good family....nuclear, extended, inlaws o and t
It is terrible to have the opposite. The babe should protect herself.

If it becomes too much for all, let her pay for another space very close by as extension. Either for the brother or the inlaws. That should resolve the matter, right?

She can easily tell them not to come.
Re: Marriage Wahala by pocohantas(f): 5:00pm On Aug 13, 2022
Acidosis:
Two stubborn people. undecided

You want your mom. He wants his. You insult each other, only that he took his too far by accusing your mom.

Thank you for the information about the medical and travel expense...but you didn't disclose other info like who pays the rent, kids' school fees, clothings, food, groceries, water and electricity bills, etc. undecided The same right granted to you to eat the food he buys with his money also includes dictating what goes on in the house you rented with your money. Don't go that route of "I paid for this and that.." unless he's financially irresponsible.


No be who first come social media dey always dey right sha. I think you both need to see a counsellor if you're unable to resolve your issues or have a heart to heart talk. I prefer the heart to heart talk. It has worked for many and it can work for you too.

That is all.

1 Like 1 Share

Re: Marriage Wahala by sisisioge: 5:04pm On Aug 13, 2022
pocohantas:


She can easily tell them not to come.

Haaaa....she dares not. You know we are all just speculating. It would just be nice to have her brother's company ni. It's a little compromise. The guy is just being unreasonable ni. But if she knows she's ready for all hell, then sod them grin

1 Like

Re: Marriage Wahala by Madmazel99(m): 5:37pm On Aug 13, 2022
Vevejoy:
Dear nairalanders,
I'm here with another marriage wahala and need your candid opinion. I'll appreciate mature advice and ignore trolls/insults. Thanks in advance

So my hubby and I have been married for 8years with 2 kids. The first 5years of our marriage was a bliss but the last 3years have been a rollercoaster of emotions. From arguments, insults, accusations... etc from both parties. The worst of them all was hubby accusing me of attempting to "charm" him. Before God and man I wouldn't be here writing this if I had ever attempted such. He did not only accuse me of that, he said my mom and I tried it and I brought a charm to the house (SMH). I asked where the charm is and he said it was removed spiritually by soothsayers. NB: he consults native Dr's like his life is dependent on them. We live abroad and have been here for years yet he consults and communicate with different native Dr's more than the people in Africa. I'm not judging him here, I'm just pained because he dragged my name and mom's into it. Well this aside

So we had a fight over bringing a parent over to help us with childcare. I wanted my mom to come and he wanted his to come so we ended up not bringing anyone. We only had 1child then. Now that we have 2, we literally can't afford childcare for both kids who are not yet in school and we are both full time students at the moment. So to avoid issues, I told him that we should bring his mom. I personally did the application and paid for her medicals out of my pocket. I didn't want the fight of who's coming to begin again so I just said let's file in for your mom and he obliged and I did the application and now we are waiting.

I'm currently on maternity leave so I told him I'd like to travel to Africa for vacation to get a break from abroad. He was fine with it so we did all the arrangements. Our families live in Cameroon and we both grew up in Cameroon (Nigerians though). Given the insecurity in the English part of Cameroon, we rented a guest house in The French part so families can visit. I paid for everything (flight, guest house and even the allowance I brought to cameroon ��). He gave me no support which I am not very happy about but haven't voiced it out to him.
So I informed my inlaws and my family that I was coming with the kids. Non of them have ever met our kids and it took us 5years to have these children so I'd think they'll all be excited to meet them. My parents and sisters family said they were coming to pick me up from the airport but not a single inlaw opted to come and pick me up. No problem! I've been here for 3weeks, called my parents inlaws as soon as I arrived and non of them have come to visit me. All my family members left and I'm here with my brother. Of course I can't be alone with the kids given the insecurity. So hubby called and said his parents will be coming next Tuesday and I should make arrangements for my brother to leave. The guest house is a 2bedroom (rooms upstairs) and 2 bathroom. My brother has been sleeping in the living room since he came and my inlaws are coming to spend 3 or 4days so I'll still need my brother around when they are gone. My dear nairalanders, must my brother go before my inlaws come? Can all of us not stay in the house? As soon as hubby said brother needs to go and I expressed my disagreement, he insulted the hell out of me and said he's been planning to deal with me and will teach me a lesson. He said "I don't know him, he's going to deal with me". He dropped the call and sent a couple of voice messages with insults and threats.He said non of his family members will come here and I can do whatever I like it's my business. His family takes instructions from him so I'll not be shocked if they don't come.On a normal day I'll reciprocate but I held my self and did not reply to a single voicenote. I left him a message that we'll talk when he's calm. Since then he's not picking my calls. I stopped calling.

Put yourself in my shoes and tell me what you will do? Truth be told I've been tired of this marriage for the past 3yrs and came to Cameroon just to rest my head and be away from him. Yet I am still dealing with this.
Your problem is that you two seems to be in some sort of competition with each other. Trying to out best each other in insults, threats and curses.

Have you ever thought of doing the opposite of what you have in your mind when trouble is looming? Instead of insisting on your brother to stay, can't you tell him to go and come back?

Why creating unnecessary tension when you could have easily cool it down and move on from that? Una two like trouble. Always want to prove a point with every situation.


Tell your brother to go and come back. Simple.

1 Like

Re: Marriage Wahala by EmahBoss(f): 5:53pm On Aug 13, 2022
sisisioge:


Tell her brother to leave so they could get her alone? That babe should cut ties with the man and his folks without looking back.....it doesnt smell right! May God not let us marry evil people!

My sister, it is true ooo! Maybe they have evil plans. Why will they insist that the brother should leave?

2 Likes

Re: Marriage Wahala by pocohantas(f): 6:47pm On Aug 13, 2022
Madmazel99:
Your problem is that you two seems to be in some sort of competition with each other. Trying to out best each other in insults, threats and curses.

Have you ever thought of doing the opposite of what you have in your mind when trouble is looming? Instead of insisting on your brother to stay, can't you tell him to go and come back?

Why creating unnecessary tension when you could have easily cool it down and move on from that? Una two like trouble. Always want to prove a point with every situation.


Tell your brother to go and come back. Simple.

grin grin grin
Re: Marriage Wahala by Johnnyboy6757(m): 7:56pm On Aug 13, 2022
Vevejoy:
Dear nairalanders,
I'm here with another marriage wahala and need your candid opinion. I'll appreciate mature advice and ignore trolls/insults. Thanks in advance

So my hubby and I have been married for 8years with 2 kids. The first 5years of our marriage was a bliss but the last 3years have been a rollercoaster of emotions. From arguments, insults, accusations... etc from both parties. The worst of them all was hubby accusing me of attempting to "charm" him. Before God and man I wouldn't be here writing this if I had ever attempted such. He did not only accuse me of that, he said my mom and I tried it and I brought a charm to the house (SMH). I asked where the charm is and he said it was removed spiritually by soothsayers. NB: he consults native Dr's like his life is dependent on them. We live abroad and have been here for years yet he consults and communicate with different native Dr's more than the people in Africa. I'm not judging him here, I'm just pained because he dragged my name and mom's into it. Well this aside

So we had a fight over bringing a parent over to help us with childcare. I wanted my mom to come and he wanted his to come so we ended up not bringing anyone. We only had 1child then. Now that we have 2, we literally can't afford childcare for both kids who are not yet in school and we are both full time students at the moment. So to avoid issues, I told him that we should bring his mom. I personally did the application and paid for her medicals out of my pocket. I didn't want the fight of who's coming to begin again so I just said let's file in for your mom and he obliged and I did the application and now we are waiting.

I'm currently on maternity leave so I told him I'd like to travel to Africa for vacation to get a break from abroad. He was fine with it so we did all the arrangements. Our families live in Cameroon and we both grew up in Cameroon (Nigerians though). Given the insecurity in the English part of Cameroon, we rented a guest house in The French part so families can visit. I paid for everything (flight, guest house and even the allowance I brought to cameroon ��). He gave me no support which I am not very happy about but haven't voiced it out to him.
So I informed my inlaws and my family that I was coming with the kids. Non of them have ever met our kids and it took us 5years to have these children so I'd think they'll all be excited to meet them. My parents and sisters family said they were coming to pick me up from the airport but not a single inlaw opted to come and pick me up. No problem! I've been here for 3weeks, called my parents inlaws as soon as I arrived and non of them have come to visit me. All my family members left and I'm here with my brother. Of course I can't be alone with the kids given the insecurity. So hubby called and said his parents will be coming next Tuesday and I should make arrangements for my brother to leave. The guest house is a 2bedroom (rooms upstairs) and 2 bathroom. My brother has been sleeping in the living room since he came and my inlaws are coming to spend 3 or 4days so I'll still need my brother around when they are gone. My dear nairalanders, must my brother go before my inlaws come? Can all of us not stay in the house? As soon as hubby said brother needs to go and I expressed my disagreement, he insulted the hell out of me and said he's been planning to deal with me and will teach me a lesson. He said "I don't know him, he's going to deal with me". He dropped the call and sent a couple of voice messages with insults and threats.He said non of his family members will come here and I can do whatever I like it's my business. His family takes instructions from him so I'll not be shocked if they don't come.On a normal day I'll reciprocate but I held my self and did not reply to a single voicenote. I left him a message that we'll talk when he's calm. Since then he's not picking my calls. I stopped calling.

Put yourself in my shoes and tell me what you will do? Truth be told I've been tired of this marriage for the past 3yrs and came to Cameroon just to rest my head and be away from him. Yet I am still dealing with this.
my dear just ignore him too, like he never existed for some time

3 Likes

Re: Marriage Wahala by Baronthecelebri: 8:27pm On Aug 13, 2022
Vevejoy:
Dear nairalanders,
I'm here with another marriage wahala and need your candid opinion. I'll appreciate mature advice and ignore trolls/insults. Thanks in advance

So my hubby and I have been married for 8years with 2 kids. The first 5years of our marriage was a bliss but the last 3years have been a rollercoaster of emotions. From arguments, insults, accusations... etc from both parties. The worst of them all was hubby accusing me of attempting to "charm" him. Before God and man I wouldn't be here writing this if I had ever attempted such. He did not only accuse me of that, he said my mom and I tried it and I brought a charm to the house (SMH). I asked where the charm is and he said it was removed spiritually by soothsayers. NB: he consults native Dr's like his life is dependent on them. We live abroad and have been here for years yet he consults and communicate with different native Dr's more than the people in Africa. I'm not judging him here, I'm just pained because he dragged my name and mom's into it. Well this aside

So we had a fight over bringing a parent over to help us with childcare. I wanted my mom to come and he wanted his to come so we ended up not bringing anyone. We only had 1child then. Now that we have 2, we literally can't afford childcare for both kids who are not yet in school and we are both full time students at the moment. So to avoid issues, I told him that we should bring his mom. I personally did the application and paid for her medicals out of my pocket. I didn't want the fight of who's coming to begin again so I just said let's file in for your mom and he obliged and I did the application and now we are waiting.

I'm currently on maternity leave so I told him I'd like to travel to Africa for vacation to get a break from abroad. He was fine with it so we did all the arrangements. Our families live in Cameroon and we both grew up in Cameroon (Nigerians though). Given the insecurity in the English part of Cameroon, we rented a guest house in The French part so families can visit. I paid for everything (flight, guest house and even the allowance I brought to cameroon ��). He gave me no support which I am not very happy about but haven't voiced it out to him.
So I informed my inlaws and my family that I was coming with the kids. Non of them have ever met our kids and it took us 5years to have these children so I'd think they'll all be excited to meet them. My parents and sisters family said they were coming to pick me up from the airport but not a single inlaw opted to come and pick me up. No problem! I've been here for 3weeks, called my parents inlaws as soon as I arrived and non of them have come to visit me. All my family members left and I'm here with my brother. Of course I can't be alone with the kids given the insecurity. So hubby called and said his parents will be coming next Tuesday and I should make arrangements for my brother to leave. The guest house is a 2bedroom (rooms upstairs) and 2 bathroom. My brother has been sleeping in the living room since he came and my inlaws are coming to spend 3 or 4days so I'll still need my brother around when they are gone. My dear nairalanders, must my brother go before my inlaws come? Can all of us not stay in the house? As soon as hubby said brother needs to go and I expressed my disagreement, he insulted the hell out of me and said he's been planning to deal with me and will teach me a lesson. He said "I don't know him, he's going to deal with me". He dropped the call and sent a couple of voice messages with insults and threats.He said non of his family members will come here and I can do whatever I like it's my business. His family takes instructions from him so I'll not be shocked if they don't come.On a normal day I'll reciprocate but I held my self and did not reply to a single voicenote. I left him a message that we'll talk when he's calm. Since then he's not picking my calls. I stopped calling.

Put yourself in my shoes and tell me what you will do? Truth be told I've been tired of this marriage for the past 3yrs and came to Cameroon just to rest my head and be away from him. Yet I am still dealing with this.
let your brother stay. Divorce that bastard

4 Likes

Re: Marriage Wahala by Baronthecelebri: 8:30pm On Aug 13, 2022
pocohantas:
Some issues are not worth it.

Your family members are in Cameroon. Meaning your brother can easily go home and return.

So what is all the drama for? Let him go home and come back when your in-laws are gone. I think that is what a sensible adult should do without being told.
you get sense?

4 Likes

Re: Marriage Wahala by MadarasBlade(m): 8:45am On Aug 14, 2022
Channah1:
If I read well, you said he didn't fund any of the expenses you made for this trip? Yet he wants to dictate how you should run your vacation and who stays and leaves for who? Damn it! He's high on some nasty substance.

He has no right whatsoever to ask your brother to leave the house, even if he was the one that paid for the guest house. I mean... Isn't your brother just like his own brother and son to his parents?
Why the segregation? Una dey marry o.

My advice. It's high time you left that marriage cos it doesn't really hold much for you as things stand cos he leaves you to fute your bills yourself, accuses you and your mum of being fetish, visits spiritualists and is now threatening to deal with you. Separate from him for now until he's ready to be reasonable and accomodating.


Everything you said is right, but you see the bolded, abeg no repeat am again.

1 Like

Re: Marriage Wahala by Bluecurtain: 9:57am On Aug 14, 2022
1. You'll get tons of wrong advice here,,from young boys and ladies,,especially frustrated ladies without partners,, they're always happy to see marriages with little cracks,, they're always quick to tell women to leave their men.

2. Don't take it out on your parents inlaw for not picking you up at the airport,,that's your husband's fault,, he should have instructed one of his siblings to do that.

3. Your hubby going round looking for spiritualists is very wrong, pls involve the services of a marriage Councillor if need be.

4. Don't follow the advice of the guys telling you to divorce your hubby. Marriage is different from dating/courtship. The pressures sets in when the kids come,,when family issues arises etc.

Best of luck

1 Like

Re: Marriage Wahala by LongBig(m): 10:53am On Aug 14, 2022
You are sacred to lose him, he knows this so well so using it to torment you. Yes be submissive to your husband, but same husband need to respect his wife, I see no respect in this marriage. Your brother should go because his family are coming, on what basis can that be justify? A fellow that contributed little or nothing to the trip. You deserve better.

Away from that, you don’t want to visit Nigeria, why?

2 Likes

Re: Marriage Wahala by Vevejoy: 2:18pm On Aug 14, 2022
LongBig:
You are sacred to lose him, he knows this so well so using it to torment you. Yes be submissive to your husband, but same husband need to respect his wife, I see no respect in this marriage. Your brother should go because his family are coming, on what basis can that be justify? A fellow that contributed little or nothing to the trip. You deserve better.

Away from that, you don’t want to visit Nigeria, why?

Thank you! You are funny �. Why do you think I don't want to visit Nigeria? Of course I love to visit Nigeria just not this time �
Re: Marriage Wahala by Vevejoy: 2:19pm On Aug 14, 2022
Bluecurtain:
1. You'll get tons of wrong advice here,,from young boys and ladies,,especially frustrated ladies without partners,, they're always happy to see marriages with little cracks,, they're always quick to tell women to leave their men.

2. Don't take it on your parents inlaw for not picking you up at the airport,,that's your husband's fault,, he should have instructed one of his siblings to do that.

3. Your hubby going round looking for spiritualists is very wrong, pls involve the services of a marriage Councillor if need be.

4. Don't follow the advice of the guys telling you to divorce your hubby. Marriage is different from dating/courtship. The pressures sets in when the kids come,,when family issues arises etc.

Best of luck

Thank you! I sincerely appreciate your comment. Non judgemental and constructive. Thanks
Re: Marriage Wahala by Vevejoy: 2:20pm On Aug 14, 2022
MadarasBlade:


Everything you said is right, but you see the bolded, abeg no repeat am again.

You dodge family ties with him hahahaha. You very funny �

1 Like

Re: Marriage Wahala by Vevejoy: 2:27pm On Aug 14, 2022
Madmazel99:
Your problem is that you two seems to be in some sort of competition with each other. Trying to out best each other in insults, threats and curses.

Have you ever thought of doing the opposite of what you have in your mind when trouble is looming? Instead of insisting on your brother to stay, can't you tell him to go and come back?

Why creating unnecessary tension when you could have easily cool it down and move on from that? Una two like trouble. Always want to prove a point with every situation.


Tell your brother to go and come back. Simple.

Thank you sir. It might interest u to know that as soon as I said but babe we can all live here with my brother he exploded and said so many things including saying his family will not come. He ended the call before proceeding to send insulting and threatening voicenotes� I did not respond to any of the voisenotes.

Even if the brother has to go, there's no way of telling him because we have not talked since then. I called him back when he ended the call after ranting and he did not pick and hasn't called back. I WILL NOT CALL HIM. THIS LIFE I CAN'T KILL MYSELF

His dad called this morning to checkup on us and he hasn't heard from his son.

3 Likes

Re: Marriage Wahala by Vevejoy: 2:39pm On Aug 14, 2022
Acidosis:
Two stubborn people. undecided

You want your mom. He wants his. You insult each other, only that he took his too far by accusing your mom.

Thank you for the information about the medical and travel expense...but you didn't disclose other info like who pays the rent, kids' school fees, clothings, food, groceries, water and electricity bills, etc. undecided The same right granted to you to eat the food he buys with his money also includes dictating what goes on in the house you rented with your money. Don't go that route of "I paid for this and that.." unless he's financially irresponsible.

No be who first come social media dey always dey right sha. I think you both need to see a counsellor if you're unable to resolve your issues or have a heart to heart talk. I prefer the heart to heart talk. It has worked for many and it can work for you too.




Thank you! We live in the 21st century and more to that abroad. If you don't know, hear it from me now: gone are the days when men were the sole breadwinners and providers. I'll not talk about how our bills are shared. If I were u, I'll stick to the info provided here and not try to assume other things.

Thanks for ur advice though. I can make use of your last paragraph

5 Likes

Re: Marriage Wahala by LongBig(m): 3:19pm On Aug 14, 2022
Vevejoy:


Thank you! You are funny �. Why do you think I don't want to visit Nigeria? Of course I love to visit Nigeria just not this time �

You are so welcome, I thought maybe you are considering the insecurity, Southwest is safe, and I don’t mind to show you around, when next you consider to visit.

1 Like

Re: Marriage Wahala by ImaIma1(f): 5:08pm On Aug 14, 2022
pocohantas:


Then she should leave him. If she is so scared of her husband and his people, she wouldn’t go on to have another child in an already volatile marriage.

If they are so capable of this kind of evil you are assuming, what is she still doing there?

She said she has a good relationship with her in-laws in her former thread. So?


In this case, her brother should stay put. Why is the husband insisting he leaves? What do her inlaws want to come and do that they don't want her brother there?

It's not like there isn't enough space for her inlaws with her brother staying there.

Couples need to agree on issues and give reasons for their demands. He cannot just ask her to send her brother away. He has to communicate the reason. She's his wife and not his subject.

1 Like 1 Share

Re: Marriage Wahala by pocohantas(f): 5:10pm On Aug 14, 2022
ImaIma1:


In this case, her brother should stay put. Why is the husband insisting he leaves? What do her inlaws want to come and do that they don't want her brother there?

It's not like there isn't enough space for her inlaws with her brother staying there.

Couples need to agree on issues and give reasons for their demands. He cannot just ask her to send her brother away. He has to communicate the reason. She's his wife and not his subject.

I don’t think it has anything to do with that, but more about privacy and probably their comfort.

You are right. The brother should stay put.
Re: Marriage Wahala by ImaIma1(f): 5:31pm On Aug 14, 2022
pocohantas:


I don’t think it has anything to do with that, but more about privacy and probably their comfort.

You are right. The brother should stay put.


Since their families have been joined through marriage, they are meant to see her brother as their family too. Asking him to go for their space will be somehow.

Besides, her brother might be helping around the house and she may need that help when the inlaws are around. It may be difficult taking care of the kids and caring for the parents. Because they sound like people that will expect her to run up and down for them.

I'm just trying to understand why the husband wants her brother to leave, because it were me, he would need to give me a very good reason and send me assistance before my brother leaves.

1 Like 1 Share

Re: Marriage Wahala by Lilydore(f): 6:14pm On Aug 14, 2022
Vevejoy:


Thank you! We live in the 21st century and more to that abroad. If you don't know, hear it from me now: gone are the days when men were the sole breadwinners and providers. I'll not talk about how our bills are shared. If I were u, I'll stick to the info provided here and not try to assume other things.

Thanks for ur advice though. I can make use of your last paragraph


Keep shut. You lie a lot. He's the one paying for most, if not all the bills. If you were doing that, you'd have said it here. People like you can go fetish to achieve their selfish aim (that's if you haven't). Liar.

You're one of the idîots giving us bad names here.

1 Like

Re: Marriage Wahala by tonicyril: 7:13pm On Aug 14, 2022
Vevejoy:
Dear nairalanders,
I'm here with another marriage wahala and need your candid opinion. I'll appreciate mature advice and ignore trolls/insults. Thanks in advance

So my hubby and I have been married for 8years with 2 kids. The first 5years of our marriage was a bliss but the last 3years have been a rollercoaster of emotions. From arguments, insults, accusations... etc from both parties. The worst of them all was hubby accusing me of attempting to "charm" him. Before God and man I wouldn't be here writing this if I had ever attempted such. He did not only accuse me of that, he said my mom and I tried it and I brought a charm to the house (SMH). I asked where the charm is and he said it was removed spiritually by soothsayers. NB: he consults native Dr's like his life is dependent on them. We live abroad and have been here for years yet he consults and communicate with different native Dr's more than the people in Africa. I'm not judging him here, I'm just pained because he dragged my name and mom's into it. Well this aside

So we had a fight over bringing a parent over to help us with childcare. I wanted my mom to come and he wanted his to come so we ended up not bringing anyone. We only had 1child then. Now that we have 2, we literally can't afford childcare for both kids who are not yet in school and we are both full time students at the moment. So to avoid issues, I told him that we should bring his mom. I personally did the application and paid for her medicals out of my pocket. I didn't want the fight of who's coming to begin again so I just said let's file in for your mom and he obliged and I did the application and now we are waiting.

I'm currently on maternity leave so I told him I'd like to travel to Africa for vacation to get a break from abroad. He was fine with it so we did all the arrangements. Our families live in Cameroon and we both grew up in Cameroon (Nigerians though). Given the insecurity in the English part of Cameroon, we rented a guest house in The French part so families can visit. I paid for everything (flight, guest house and even the allowance I brought to cameroon ��). He gave me no support which I am not very happy about but haven't voiced it out to him.
So I informed my inlaws and my family that I was coming with the kids. Non of them have ever met our kids and it took us 5years to have these children so I'd think they'll all be excited to meet them. My parents and sisters family said they were coming to pick me up from the airport but not a single inlaw opted to come and pick me up. No problem! I've been here for 3weeks, called my parents inlaws as soon as I arrived and non of them have come to visit me. All my family members left and I'm here with my brother. Of course I can't be alone with the kids given the insecurity. So hubby called and said his parents will be coming next Tuesday and I should make arrangements for my brother to leave. The guest house is a 2bedroom (rooms upstairs) and 2 bathroom. My brother has been sleeping in the living room since he came and my inlaws are coming to spend 3 or 4days so I'll still need my brother around when they are gone. My dear nairalanders, must my brother go before my inlaws come? Can all of us not stay in the house? As soon as hubby said brother needs to go and I expressed my disagreement, he insulted the hell out of me and said he's been planning to deal with me and will teach me a lesson. He said "I don't know him, he's going to deal with me". He dropped the call and sent a couple of voice messages with insults and threats.He said non of his family members will come here and I can do whatever I like it's my business. His family takes instructions from him so I'll not be shocked if they don't come.On a normal day I'll reciprocate but I held my self and did not reply to a single voicenote. I left him a message that we'll talk when he's calm. Since then he's not picking my calls. I stopped calling.

Put yourself in my shoes and tell me what you will do? Truth be told I've been tired of this marriage for the past 3yrs and came to Cameroon just to rest my head and be away from him. Yet I am still dealing with this.
why didnt u go directly to ur inlaws house wen u were coming from abroad?? Why did u choose to go for a guest house??

The best u could have done, which will even be of benefit to u was to go to ur inlaws abode ma and from there u can visit ur parents and family members one after the othe, they wil even help with the children care as well. Now u re still in same scenario, different locations but same scenario
Re: Marriage Wahala by Vevejoy: 7:48pm On Aug 14, 2022
Lilydore:



Keep shut. You lie a lot. He's the one paying for most, if not all the bills. If you were doing that, you'd have said it here. People like you can go fetish to achieve their selfish aim (that's if you haven't). Liar.

You're one of the idîots giving us bad names here.

Take a nap my dear and u will be alright. I get it, life can be hard sometimes. Courage!

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Re: Marriage Wahala by RightToReject(m): 9:28pm On Aug 14, 2022
You've either wittingly or unwittingly failed to tell yourself the truth, even though it's staring at your face. Whatever problem you're facing in the union started/got compounded that day you competed with your husband on whose biological mother between the two of you was to come visiting abroad. The fact that you didn't see any reason to defer to him on that occasion on his insistence and that being the first of its kind automatically showed that you're a contentious wife. So, you ought not to be surprised that he (and by extension your parents-in-law: yes, he obviously told them) has been meting out to you treatment deserving of a contentious wife since then, your current resolve/support to have his biological mother make the visit and any other sacrifice you might have been making since then notwithstanding. In fact, from the connotation of your posit, it's even for a self-absorbing reason that you've resolved to have his biological mother to come now.

Seek his forgiveness first on the mentioned incidence above and any other similar incident that might have happened and turn a new leaf if truly you care about enjoying a healthy union with him. You haven't been able to understand the kind of man you've been married to; thus, the reason why you've been using the wrong potion on him.

That said, I don't hold a brief for him, and his own shortcomings are also glaring, but I wager in the cause of playing your part well, he'll gradually sit up, provided that his original intention towards you and the union in general is pure.

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Re: Marriage Wahala by Vevejoy: 10:06pm On Aug 14, 2022
RightToReject:
You've either wittingly or unwittingly failed to tell yourself the truth, even though it's staring at your face. Whatever problem you're facing in the union started/got compounded that day you competed with your husband on whose biological mother between the two of you was to come visiting abroad. The fact that you didn't see any reason to defer to him on that occasion on his insistence and that being the first of its kind automatically showed that you're a contentious wife. So, you ought not to be surprised that he (and by extension your parents-in-law: yes, he obviously told them) has been meting out to you treatment deserving of a contentious wife since then, your current resolve/support to have his biological mother make the visit and any other sacrifice you might have been making since then notwithstanding. In fact, from the connotation of your posit, it's even for a self-absorbing reason that you've resolved to have his biological mother to come now.

Seek his forgiveness first on the mentioned incidence above and any other similar incident that might have happened and turn a new leaf if truly you care about enjoying a healthy union with him. You haven't been able to understand the kind of man you've been married to; thus, the reason why you've been using the wrong potion on him.

That said, I don't hold a brief for him, and his own shortcomings are also glaring, but I wager in the cause of playing your part well, he'll gradually sit up, provided that his original intention towards you and the union in general is pure.




Thank you for your frank and constructive advice. I sincerely appreciate. It's very helpful
Re: Marriage Wahala by NemoDatQuod(m): 10:46pm On Aug 14, 2022
It seems to me this is just the latest in a series of significant challenges your marriage is facing. So, giving you advise on this one issue may do nothing for you at all. Maybe it is time for you to take a step back and do some serious soul searching. Honesty and self awareness may be a good place to start from.

I was shocked that neither of your mothers came after the birth of your first child due to your refusal to give in to your husband. A wife is required to be submissive to her husband. That means giving in when he makes a decision that you may not agree with. Chaos arises when there are two Captains shepherding a ship at the same time. It's too late to evaluate if you are married to a man who will take your interests into consideration as he makes decisions. That is what dating before marriage is made for. So it seems to me you have to do a lot of serious soul searching: Are you normally an obedient and submissive wife? Have you done all that is in your power to follow the rules of marriage ( yes it does have rules made by the originator of marriage, which every married person should follow)? When you are done with a self examination, the outcome will help you decide your next steps.

Then you'd have to evaluate your husband. You alone know him better than anyone else. Doe he possess the right attributes to be a husband and head? Take a look at the breadth of your marriage( first five years were alright). After that, it may be that a series of open heart to heart conversations and mutual acknowledgement of faults will help restore you both to a place from where you can begin anew. It is clear that something went wrong after the first five years. It may be capable of being restored. But if during your evaluation you realise that one of or both of you is(are) pig headed, always wanting their way, then it may be too late.

No man wants a wife who will talk over him or disrespect his words/actions, just as no wife wants a bully for a husband. Soul searching and mutual conversation may restore you both. But that requires humility and a willingness to acknowledge one's faults. If you decide your marriage is worth keeping, it may be best to let things simmer down for now by giving in to his wishes. Your brother can always come back when your in-laws leave. But you've got to have that honest, open conversation. Don't let things get to the extent where your husband takes a look outside. When a married man goes back to the streets, it's so much more difficult to rein him back in. When you get back to loving and respecting each other, all these other decisions will fall into place to your liking.





Vevejoy:
Dear nairalanders,
I'm here with another marriage wahala and need your candid opinion. I'll appreciate mature advice and ignore trolls/insults. Thanks in advance


Put yourself in my shoes and tell me what you will do? Truth be told I've been tired of this marriage for the past 3yrs and came to Cameroon just to rest my head and be away from him. Yet I am still dealing with this.

1 Like

Re: Marriage Wahala by NemoDatQuod(m): 11:10pm On Aug 14, 2022
One of the things I have learnt is to always look beyond my emotions at any point in time. Look at the expected outcomes, regardless of your emotions. You don't swallow your pride and call him or send him a message, your marriage falls apart completely. Have you decided that to be your end game?




Vevejoy:


Thank you sir. It might interest u to know that as soon as I said but babe we can all live here with my brother he exploded and said so many things including saying his family will not come. He ended the call before proceeding to send insulting and threatening voicenotes� I did not respond to any of the voisenotes.

Even if the brother has to go, there's no way of telling him because we have not talked since then. I called him back when he ended the call after ranting and he did not pick and hasn't called back. I WILL NOT CALL HIM. THIS LIFE I CAN'T KILL MYSELF

His dad called this morning to checkup on us and he hasn't heard from his son.

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