Newborn27:


?

Hi, waz up!

Kobojunkie:
If you were here in the States, your neighbours would probably have called the cops on you, and you would have spent the night in jail. Your story about your wife provoking you would not have mattered because you raised your hand in violence against her, and her retaliation would easily.... The law and society is too lapse as far as violence is concerned in Nigeria.

Anyways, the deed has been done and you both cannot continue as you are. Provided your wife has no intentions of seeing you charged for violating her right as a human being, you both should probably engage a professional marriage counselor asap. Whatever it is that has been eating at you both, you should talk about, and maybe decide from there whether your union is worth keeping or not.

Your mum should also probably leave the environment, so husband and wife can have time alone to marinade on what has finally happened to their marriage as well.

I would also like to add that you can both benefit individually from some mental health counselling if there are anger issues apparent. You make your wife sound like she has anger issues she is dealing with, but since she isn't the one speaking, there isn't a way of really telling. However, for you, don't hesitate to get some anger management counseling for future.

Do u know why I like u, u jugde with sentiment. So in the states, the neighbors wouldn't call the cops on her for slapping him and dragging his mum to the floor nah.

Blessedmercy8:
Op, don't let anyone make you feel bad about your actions. Some times when human beings behave like animals, there's need to reset their brains back by giving them some form of discipline.

From all you said, it's like your wife is taking your gentility for stupidity hence her incessant tantrums and disrespect to you.

I know her type. Once they see you're not the type that beat women, they'll want to climb your head. So it was necessary you beat some sense into her. I'm also a lady and don't support domestic violence of any kind but your woman overdid it and it was best you called her to order in the language she understands better.

My advice, if she raises her voice at you again over any argument, get a proper cane and flog her on her legs. Since she lacks home training, she'll have to get it all over again. Afterall as children, we were flogged as corrective measures to reset our brains and make us respectful children. So no biggies if you introduce the same measure to tame a rude adult. Flog her on her legs. Nonsense!

I wonder what some married women were doing in their youth and singles days if they didn't learn to be respectful good wifes and virtuous women to their husbands.

It is for this purpose churches organize youth and singles programs and seminars. Some will not attend, some will attend but will only go there to look for a guy or lady to toast, learning nothing at the end of the day and tomorrow they'll be rushing into marriage with empty heads only to start misbehaving.

Please no body should mention me to say trash cos this is how I feel about the whole thing and I've only given my sincere take on the matter. I'm not one to sugarcoat my words to please anybody or gender.
Just say your own and pass.

Can i say that i love you already?

JealousCobra:


Hi, waz up!

I was curious about your wooow!

I don't know if it's positive or negative.


Shey I don misyarn for the matter ni?

GorillaApp:

Fear not. You have nothing to worry. let's go away from the prying eyes hear

Okwa it's drink you want to buy me? Buy it here

I stopped at dragged your mother to the floor. That is a deal breaker. I will never touch her nor beat her, just like Johnny Depp told Amber heard, she will never see my eyes again.

I am a man of Peace. Make peace with yourself and quit the union.

Troubledman:
So this night. I did a horrible thing. I stuck my wife thrice on her back. Yes, I know it's horrible and I should be burnt at the stake. And I am truly sorry for it but... There's always s back story.

I went through university without ever getting into a fight. I swore of physical violence since 2005. I havent raised my hands at anyone ever. Not to defend myself. Not to fight. In those years. I don't even let people fight aroujd me. I am known everywhere as the peace keeper. Which is why I feel very horrible about my action tonight.

Since we got married. I have noticed this trait of aggression in the person I married. Always quick to anger and insults everytime. In the last couple of days. We've had course to stay with my mum.

Earlier in the day. We were arguing about something (not so important to be honest) and my mum remarked that we should do better that were a new couple and we shouldn't be arguing like this all the time. She even joked that she was going to buy a cane for both of us.

Barely 2 mins later another discussion came up and this lady started raising her voice again. This time in full view of my mum. I just kept telling her please take it easy, take it easy. I even mentioned to her that this was what mummy was just telling us about. She would not bulge. Eventually my mum chipped in and said to me to keep quiet. So I did. When she finished shouting she stood up and left for the room.

After a while , my mother went into the room to talk to her. Even asked her not to be annoyed. Invited her to eat. She brought the food to me but I was too annoyed to eat. How is my wife shouting at me in front of my mum ? So I walked away, went out for a stroll. When I came back. She was in the room, she I stayed back in the living room. She came to me, started telling me that I should not let her be angry at me, changing the story that I was shouting at her earlier and she didn't say a word, I was livid but this didn't tip me. I just told her off and went back to do my work. She came back again started off another tirade in the middle of the night btw and ended it with saying "your mother is responsible for this"

Now, that's what made me mad. From the start I have warned my family not to interfere in mine. Not my dad or my mum have ever told me or directed me on how to do in my marriage to her. I imagine that because her display was in public today that's why my mum commented. Even on Wednesday she was talking to me harshly in the car and my mum was there and she never talked.

So anyway I stood up from where I was went to meet her and struck her about 3 times in the back warning her never to involve My mother in our talk again.

Then she shouted screaming at 2 am. Cursing me. Mt mum came out to even try to calm her down. She turned to my mum as well. Saying she knows what she'll say. That she supports me etc. Even when the poor woman didnt say anything. She's gone off now. Milking it. Saying I beat her. Should I add that she came back slapped me square on the face, hit my chest. Even dragged my mother to the floor

But everyone is on me. I'm the woman beater. Domestic violence.

Honestly, I'm just tired of this marriage. I married for peace this woman gives me trouble everyday. I chose to stay in the living room for peace tonight. She brought her madness to meet me.

I agree I messed up. I perhaps shouldn't have hit her. I regret it. It's going to go with me. But I was too pushed. She continues to do this knowing I wouldn't talk and st the time I believed that's the only thing she'd respond too. I know this could probably get me a lot of hate but I'm also hoping someone could see reason in what's happening

Im sorry it's so long. I didn't think about it. I just created this account and started writing. Apologies for likely typos too

TroubledMan

Are there kids yet? I guess not, since you never mentioned them throughout your sad narrative.

Get the fúck out of that marriage, NOW.

You will have only yourself to blame if you go on to create kids with that lunatic

Sucre6:


The phone pressing is just one way, there are other stuff u can do, why don't u dress up and go for a walk, I personally love driving very late in town at night, it give me peace of mine, might not be going anywhere, just drive around the empty road with a cool breeze pouring on your face and radio stations playing cool jams to go with, I know this because that's what I use to do when my babe would just pick up unnecessary quarrel,

I would just dress up and drive out, even if Nah 2am I don't care, after one hour and I wasn't back she will start calling like 999 times, I won't pick, she will go to WhatsApp to drop long apology voice note begging me to come back and how sorry she is

It got to a point, when ever she wants to talk to me about something bordering her, she will use a very cool voice and a puppy eyes make I no just perceive unnecessary anger and aggression from her, I will just wear cloth and off I go.

You gotta place her where she belong, she got to acknowledge me and me alone, two majors can't captain a ship, it's either me or me. You gotta make that clear, define issues and create boundaries

.
You are onpoint very mature way of dealing with such women walk away ,she will be the one to worry start calling to know ur whereabout .Op l hope you will learn from this matured man comment ,l will not tell u to leave ur marriage stay and fight it through but in a matured and calculated way .Any thing outside of this forget it.

CcTroubledman
This is the best help I can offer you.
Try read at least 10 pages, then you can stop or continue if you wish.

https://www.nairaland.com/6048178/reality-every-guy-need-know

All the best.

slimjohn2k5:
Try to avoid argument, agree to hers and do what is on your mind

Don't follow this silly advice @Troubledman. It will only set you up for years of misery, subservience and disgrace to your masculinity.

===========================
@Troubledman, at the risk of offending you, I must say that you are a big simp and an utterly weak man; if you can't let this sink in, then you are not ready to do better and be better. Go take the red pill.

Divorce is the best thing to do, but like other men in the blue pill matrix, you probably don't want to consider divorce and you see marriage as a do-or-die affair.

Divorce that woman and kick her out. Do not have kids with that silly, mean and childish woman. Throw her back to the streets.

Do not try to make things work. If like most people who seek advice, you are only seeking to hear what you want to hear from others ie. you want people to validate your feelings, then you are a greater fool.



|===================================================|

Stallionhorse:
Leave the marriage but first get her pregnant so your money nd efforts wouldn't be a waste..  Peace of mind is the best gift in this world and if your wife can't give you that run for your life.
If nah me she for dey hospital now.. Push my mum to the floor.. Lol.. That's where the marriage ends I'll beat the bride price I paid out of her that night then bundle her injured body to her family house.

Nope. This is a wrong advice. Let him divorce her asap. There should be nothing that connects her further to his life.

Cc Troubledman

Don't even know who came up with that 'Don't raise your hands against a woman' bullsheet!

If she or anyone acts like an animal, an animal they will be treated as!

Someone in this category messed up laying his hand on the wife but MAJORLY, he messed up marrying the woman in the first place.

Newborn27:



Reading through your post, I can perceive that you're a Yoruba man.

Firstly I'd like to caution you on this which I'm glad your conscience had already dealt with you....no matter how heated up the argument may be or how furious you might seem......DO NOT RAISE YOUR HANDS AGAINST THE WOMAN YOU LOVED......the best thing at that point is to take a deep breath.....and walk away, after some hours.... come back home and talk it out in a calm manner, then apologize where necessary to enable peace in your home.*looto omo ale loma n rinu ti koni bi...paapajulo ti o ba ti je lori oro iya eni....sugbon...ko soun ti suuru kii yanju.


Hint - no matter the amount of love of a woman has for her spouse...once you raise your hand against her....it will depreciate and she'd always reminiscence on that except if you make up with greater affection in future. Furthermore, no matter who's at fault... people will never be on your side once you lay your hands on her...oti jebi


On her part...... she's a new bride....I hope you remembered she hasn't been to a husband's house before and all she had was her biological parents no in-laws.....she might flop sometimes...grow with her in her new lifestyle... correct her in love ...as time goes by...she'd adjust....about her aggressiveness.... kindly accept her for who she is since no human is perfect....you perseverance can change her personality..... it might take time... marriage is not a bed of roses.... you should be there for one another when it's sour and rosy.



Lastly.... before I comment on your post.... I've been having some monickers that would come out to attack you in mind....and they never fail to disappoint....dem don land already...lol
Be ready for their bashing because they have a team and follow one another like ant and sugar....do not take their bashing to heart.... instead...pick few things that can help your home and move on.....one thing I realized about these set of people is that.....some of them never had a home or had been jilted hence they unleashed their frustrations on every erring male.... while little among them are like that due to their exposure living in a saner clime(which I'm envious of) they feel irritated at domestic violence cos they feel its abnormal which I'm in support of.


In conclusion, try to keep your extended family away from your home..... I'm not saying you should neglect them or not visit....but do things moderately....e get why.


Make I stop here.

You see this writer poster, discard everything she says ,she is a core feminist and a foolish one at that, this oloshi deliberately ignored that part where the OP avoided his wife,walked away to calm down and she still caused a scene in the middle of the night..this yeye girl still avoided the part whee the wife abused his mom and dragged her on the floor...you will be a very terrible wife and mother...on god


OP, you did nothing wrong, if a woman wants to be treated as an animal you treat her as such..there is no Sane man who will treat a loving and respectful woman in an abusive manner. Though, i do not condone any form of abuse but NO MAN SHOULD BE TOO GENTLE HENCE YOU WILL DIE FOR NOTING IN THE HAND OF A WOMAN..women perceive gentility as weaknesses and they tend to take advantage of it at the slightest opportunity..Love her but be hard when necessary(thus dies nit mean hitting),give your woman tough love and let her know who is ion charge.when you are wrong apologize but when she is wrong never apologize because it will become an habit.

I blame you in the sense that,if you are really courted her you should have seen the red flags..however, the choice is yours, if you both as newbies must work things through then there MUST BE mutual love ans respect..but i really really doubt she LOVES YOU.

Troubledman:
I do not support gender violence.

I do not support dometice violence.

I don't even spank kids.

We can and should all be better human beings.

You made a mistake, some will say inexcusable mistake, but the reality is this, life can happen to any of us no matter how careful we think we had been.

For sake of your own personal peace, don't allow your wife or anyone to take advantage of that slip and victimise you. Some women can take advantage of you being sorry for reacting to their actions and do worse things, as you struggle with your conscience. Remember that no all humans have conscience, think as they would think and not as you would have naturally think.

Blessedmercy8:


Okwa it's drink you want to buy me? Buy it here

Hey! She be my sister

Newborn27:


I was curious about your wooow!

I don't know if it's positive or negative.


Shey I don misyarn for the matter ni?

Wooow! Is an exclamation of great excitement of being stunned.

My dear is a positive one.

Being long I heard a female sound
so intelligent.

Dbrawllm0098:
Should I add that she came back slapped me square on the face, hit my chest. Even dragged my mother to the floor

this post is just like plastic surgery...

... FAKE ...

... so much perfection ...

.... Na sleep dey worry you. When you wake read your lies again

Hahaha, una go kill person with laugh for nairaland.com, too many fake stories on nairaland.com, next news jare

Can you send me a mail?

My brother please forgive yourself and move on. Women can be funny though i hate saying this but some women will not behave well untill they are beating black and blue. Please do not anyone blackmail you emotionally free your heart of guilt.

Troubledman:


Hmmm. I read all the comments. I deserve all the bashing and more. I do not excuse hitting her, I just called her father now to apologize and confess for hitting her but I told the whole story. Everyone is aware of her aggressive nature. Everytjme he talks to her, its always to tell her to take it easy. I'm also vindicated in the fact that I called her close friend about 3 days to report her. I'm not proud of it but this lady makes my life hell.

Ironically. She doesn't have big boobs or breasts. I decided to marry her because I heard her story and like me she'd been through a lot. I thought that would make use both mature, understand how life works and know how to manage situations but that hasn't been the case.

I walked away, I left. I stayed elsewhere. I gave her space. She came to meet me where I was repeatedly. It was the middle of the night. I couldn't leave the house. I gave as much space as I can. She kept pushing. But that's no excuse. I Bleep up I know.

She left rhis morning. Continued insulting us.

Divorce her. What is stopping you from divorcing her? Hope you know that she is not going to change. Make sure you don't get her pregnant.

Troubledman:
So this night. I did a horrible thing. I stuck my wife thrice on her back. Yes, I know it's horrible and I should be burnt at the stake. And I am truly sorry for it but... There's always s back story. . . .

Your wife is feeling important and she knows you'll try to keep calm — no matter what.
It's a mind game to control you and ensure you do whatever she wants.

You are the one who will give yourself peace.

Don't EVER expect your wife to give you peace.

STOP talking to her — don't even say good morning for at least three months.

Of course, you still have to drop food money, school fees etc.

She needs to understand that to keep interacting with you — SHE should respect your space!

In fact after the three months, ANYTIME she starts her usual "stunts", give her MAXIMUM SNUBBING for at least a week.

Do this continuously — she will adjust herself if she still wants the marriage.

You are the only one who can give yourself peace — don't expect that from your wife!

JealousCobra:



Wooow! Is an exclamation of great excitement of being stunned.

My dear is a positive one.

Being long I heard a female sound
so intelligent.

Oh! Really?
Thanks for the compliment then.

But I guess you ain't frequent on Nairaland....we've got a lot of intelligent, matured and dignified ladies on here.

They frequent this forum because they are intellectuals.... hardly will you find them on tiktok, facebook and instagram.


I'm a learner here.

Hey brother, call your wife to your bosom and apologize to her and teach her how to do the same with love tenderheartedness.

Then do the "Needful" together and pray afterwards.

Your relationship will be better than before.

This happens.

Troubledman:
So this night. I did a horrible thing. I stuck my wife thrice on her back. Yes, I know it's horrible and I should be burnt at the stake. And I am truly sorry for it but... There's always s back story.

I went through university without ever getting into a fight. I swore of physical violence since 2005. I havent raised my hands at anyone ever. Not to defend myself. Not to fight. In those years. I don't even let people fight aroujd me. I am known everywhere as the peace keeper. Which is why I feel very horrible about my action tonight.

Since we got married. I have noticed this trait of aggression in the person I married. Always quick to anger and insults everytime. In the last couple of days. We've had course to stay with my mum.

Earlier in the day. We were arguing about something (not so important to be honest) and my mum remarked that we should do better that were a new couple and we shouldn't be arguing like this all the time. She even joked that she was going to buy a cane for both of us.

Barely 2 mins later another discussion came up and this lady started raising her voice again. This time in full view of my mum. I just kept telling her please take it easy, take it easy. I even mentioned to her that this was what mummy was just telling us about. She would not bulge. Eventually my mum chipped in and said to me to keep quiet. So I did. When she finished shouting she stood up and left for the room.

After a while , my mother went into the room to talk to her. Even asked her not to be annoyed. Invited her to eat. She brought the food to me but I was too annoyed to eat. How is my wife shouting at me in front of my mum ? So I walked away, went out for a stroll. When I came back. She was in the room, she I stayed back in the living room. She came to me, started telling me that I should not let her be angry at me, changing the story that I was shouting at her earlier and she didn't say a word, I was livid but this didn't tip me. I just told her off and went back to do my work. She came back again started off another tirade in the middle of the night btw and ended it with saying "your mother is responsible for this"

Now, that's what made me mad. From the start I have warned my family not to interfere in mine. Not my dad or my mum have ever told me or directed me on how to do in my marriage to her. I imagine that because her display was in public today that's why my mum commented. Even on Wednesday she was talking to me harshly in the car and my mum was there and she never talked.

So anyway I stood up from where I was went to meet her and struck her about 3 times in the back warning her never to involve My mother in our talk again.

Then she shouted screaming at 2 am. Cursing me. Mt mum came out to even try to calm her down. She turned to my mum as well. Saying she knows what she'll say. That she supports me etc. Even when the poor woman didnt say anything. She's gone off now. Milking it. Saying I beat her. Should I add that she came back slapped me square on the face, hit my chest. Even dragged my mother to the floor

But everyone is on me. I'm the woman beater. Domestic violence.

Honestly, I'm just tired of this marriage. I married for peace this woman gives me trouble everyday. I chose to stay in the living room for peace tonight. She brought her madness to meet me.

I agree I messed up. I perhaps shouldn't have hit her. I regret it. It's going to go with me. But I was too pushed. She continues to do this knowing I wouldn't talk and st the time I believed that's the only thing she'd respond too. I know this could probably get me a lot of hate but I'm also hoping someone could see reason in what's happening

Im sorry it's so long. I didn't think about it. I just created this account and started writing. Apologies for likely typos too

TroubledMan

Treat women accordng to their environment. It a simple wisdom. Don't use an American rule for Nigerian rule, their environment are different. Am not saying it can't be better but women here want strong men that struck fear not love I mean FEAR then before love. The formula here is FEAR then Love. Your woman do not fear you, she is taking advantage of youu. You can be nice without being taking advantage of. Struck fear in her, in one hand and use the other hand to spread love to her. She want a challenge give it to her. It human nature.

Dont you have a psychiatrist for your wife?

If you messed up. Mess down. Simple

Sadly most women get triggered when you do nothing or walk away in a fight scenario. It emboldens them, the next time they'd push the limits.

If your marriage is a constant struggle with no peace of mind, then unfortunately that's no marriage.

Try as much as you can not to fight with her but find a way to deal with the pressing concerns before stories that touch. Your wife sounds like some that gaslights, bad wife material. Run oh before one of you stabs the other

Newborn27:



Oh! Really?
Thanks for the compliment then.

But I guess you ain't frequent on Nairaland....we've got a lot of intelligent, matured and dignified ladies on here.

They frequent this forum because they are intellectuals.... hardly will you find them on tiktok, facebook and instagram.


I'm a learner here.

Then you are a fast learner and it takes a lot of brains to do that

Actually, I was a guest for long before joining NL

My kind of Lady

Newborn27:



Oh! Really?
Thanks for the compliment then.

But I guess you ain't frequent on Nairaland....we've got a lot of intelligent, matured and dignified ladies on here.

They frequent this forum because they are intellectuals.... hardly will you find them on tiktok, facebook and instagram.


I'm a learner here.

Then you are a fast learner and it takes a lot of brains to do that

Actually, I was a guest for long... before joining

My kind of Lady

Dear Op, Calm down. Don't beat yourself too hard. We make mistake sometimes. I know you do love her and it's not in your character to beat a woman. As human we have limit.

She had really pushed you to the wall by her constant disrespectful attitude. Their words are like razor blade piercing through the skin. Learn to walk away and move from the scene of provocation so you don't loose your temper.

Bro, Let me give you a candid advice,- If you can't stand her rage anymore please hand her over back to her parents. Don't beat her. No , never. Just return her ( na dat one dey pain pass sef because e dey shameful).

I bet it with you that she can never change. Don't give yourself false hope. Do the needful and save yourself marriage wahala that can cut short your life. May Marriage not end our lives.

Troubledman:


I never wanted to involve parents or friends. But she brought them in, in a spate of anger in December last year. When I saw some incriminating things on her phone and left the house. She called all my family, my friends, her family. Reporting me for leaving the house.

When my family tried to get involved then, I told them to stay out of it as it was my family issue. So my own family has never been involved. They're involvement now is because we've been paying a visit here for about a week now and she decided to act up in the presence of my mum.

Other times she waits to get into the room before shouting, but yesterday was really a shock to me. Shouting at me in the presence of my mum.

Ironically, she's going about telling people that I was the one shouting at her, which is a big fat lie, I swear on it. I respect my mother too much to shout in front of her. Heck even in the middle of the night. My mother still told me to apologize to her and I did. She made me apologize thrice.

Why is she still your wife?

Tooo many reply already.

I think most married men can relate to these.

Most of the ladies we marry have a default bad trait/character.

Lacks respect, lacks genuine love, quick to anger, they cant be told what to do. Etc

Now listed above happens when after marriage, and the girl somehow feel their expectations from the man or the marriage is not meet. And maybe they remember other suitors they feel they could have been better with.

By default some of these traits that ladies have will start manifesting.


And letz say a man loose his job or the income drops.

The man will get almost if not extra of all the traits.


Brother, nothing is your fault.

My only advice to you is. Try as hard to not raise your hand on her, these your situation has not ended unless you are quitting the marriage.

So, always remember that by mouth woman are serial killers, emotionally murdererz. Yes most wifes.

And that if you were to fight physically by hand it wont take you or men 5 minutez to kill woman.

So, see and take all that comes from her mouth as a physicall challeng to battle and understand that she is not your match.

So just ignore ignore ignore ignore.

I know its hard. We have all been there and are still there.

And also if you have not been doing these already... learn to make yourself happy and take good care of your self. (Please dont cheat nlr commit sin)

Taking care of your self , save money for your old age (retirement) as woman of today can be unpredictable.