Troubledman:
I do not support gender violence.

I do not support dometice violence.

I don't even spank kids.

We can and should all be better human beings.

Better man up and stop simping. Was having a talk with my teenage son just yesterday. About being a man. I'm divorced from his mom and he's staying with her.

He asked me, what should he do, when pple hit him in class, even when he told them he doesn't like it. I asked him, why did I put him in karate classes? He answered to defend himself. So, why are you now allowing pple to hit you unreplied? There're some mad pple that just don't know when to stop. When enough is enough. They see you as a gentleman/simp and then take advantage. Press you to breaking point and turn around and still blame you.
Same thing his mom did, though I didn't categorically say that. He's getting to the age, when he will have an enlightening.

Dont feel sorry for hitting her. That's the only language they understand, you just need to move on with your life. Things will only get worse, they don't show remorse a bit.

I'm sure this will feel very familiar. https://twitter.com/jon_d_doe/status/1559810357295710208?t=efYLxEhr35oFGVMwm8-22Q&s=19

Kindly go uiur separate ways....you would not last long together in that marriage.

Sucre6:


I have got experience bruv, u don't know me. I handle my sh!t. You cannt predict me, if you think I was gonna zig, that's when I zag. A man who cant handle a relationship will do worst at marriage. How you handle your relationship now determine how your marriage gon be, people don't change especially adults.

word!

ashjay001:
Better man up and stop simping. Was having a talk with my teenage son just yesterday. About being a man. I'm divorced from his mom and he's staying with her.

He asked me, what should he do, when pple hit him in class, even when he told them he doesn't like it. I asked him, why did I put him in karate classes? He answered to defend himself. So, why are you now allowing pple to hit you I replied? There're some mad pple that just don't know when to stop. When enough is enough. They see you as a gentleman/simp and then take advantage. Press you to breaking point and turn around and still blame you.
Same thing his mom did, though I didn't categorically say that. He's getting to the age, when he will have an enlightening.

Dont feel sorry for hitting her. That's the only language they understand, you just need to move on with your life. Things will only get worse, they don't show remorse a bit.

I'm sure this will feel very familiar.

Wait a second.... are you telling us that you adviced your teenage son to hit others even when there was no violent provocation to begin with?

Seems you don't like your son at all.

Kobojunkie:
Wait a second.... are you telling us that you adviced your teenage son to hit others even when there was no violent provocation to begin with?

Seems you don't like your son at all.

Read what I wrote again, slowly though. (unreplied*)

ashjay001:
So, why are you now allowing pple to hit you unreplied? There're some mad pple that just don't know when to stop. When enough is enough. They see you as a gentleman/simp and then take advantage. Press you to breaking point and turn around and still blame you.
Same thing his mom did, though I didn't categorically say that. He's getting to the age, when he will have an enlightening.

Dont feel sorry for hitting her. That's the only language they understand, you just need to move on with your life. Things will only get worse, they don't show remorse a bit.

I'm sure this will feel very familiar.

OP claims his breaking point was when his wife said his wife was responsible. So how does telling your boy or previously revealed to you that his karate skills were only to be used when in fact defending himself, that it is ok to use said skills when he is pushed to his breaking point? Don't you see how that is akin to telling him to do as OP did when he doesn't like what others say to him?

You are actually encouraging the boy to perpetrate violence against those who push his buttons even in a nonviolent way and you don't see how that is not advice given from a place of love but hate?

When and if the boy comes home one day telling you he used the karate skills you bought for him to destroy someone else's child for saying too much, be sure to celebrate him and his accomplishment, not try to blame his mother for what is your foolishness.

Oga you did no wrong.
In a marriage at the early stage boundaries have to be set. That you never did hence the current issues.

Kobojunkie:
OP claims his breaking point was when his wife said his wife was responsible. So how does telling your boy or previously revealed to you that his karate skills were only to be used when in fact defending himself, that it is ok to use said skills when he is pushed to his breaking point? Don't you see how that is akin to telling him to do as OP did when he doesn't like what others say to him?

You are actually encouraging the boy to perpetrate violence against those who push his buttons even in a nonviolent way and you don't see how that is not advice given from a place of love but hate?

When and if the boy comes home one day telling you he used the karate skills you bought for him to destroy someone else's child for saying too much, be sure to celebrate him and his accomplishment, not try to blame his mother for what is your foolishness.

Brother, I will celebrate him! That's my point to op. How can I go out of my way to be a gentleman, train my son to be a gentleman and a badly brought up individual thinks they can do shit and get away with it?
They ride roughshod over you, threaten your mental health, cause like op you, you start questioning your sanity, can even get into depression because of their nonsense behavior!
It was exactly for reasons like this, I got him that training and I'll be damned, if he doesn't use it.

Some pple, kids or adults, just don't deserve to be humoured

The way i learned it, the kid in the school yard who doesn't want to fight always leaves with a black eye. If you indicate you'll do anything to avoid trouble, that's when you get trouble.
OP, that is where you problem originated. You were raised up on only peace, they didn't tell you to prepare for the opposite.
my advice: if she brings trouble, give her double double. But if she brings peace, treat her like goddess.
ireeee oooo!

This kind of woman (ur wife) is only for dating (gf) purpose, not for marriage. You should have noticed this and run for your life during dating/friendship period.

Heathrow44:



ask d wicked one @Blessedmercy8

That one na frustrated lady, very soon she go enter menopause. That's when pensioners go dey come for her hand in marriage. I know them all

Troubledman:
So this night. I did a horrible thing. I stuck my wife thrice on her back. Yes, I know it's horrible and I should be burnt at the stake. And I am truly sorry for it but... There's always s back story.

I went through university without ever getting into a fight. I swore of physical violence since 2005. I havent raised my hands at anyone ever. Not to defend myself. Not to fight. In those years. I don't even let people fight aroujd me. I am known everywhere as the peace keeper. Which is why I feel very horrible about my action tonight.

Since we got married. I have noticed this trait of aggression in the person I married. Always quick to anger and insults everytime. In the last couple of days. We've had course to stay with my mum.

Earlier in the day. We were arguing about something (not so important to be honest) and my mum remarked that we should do better that were a new couple and we shouldn't be arguing like this all the time. She even joked that she was going to buy a cane for both of us.

Barely 2 mins later another discussion came up and this lady started raising her voice again. This time in full view of my mum. I just kept telling her please take it easy, take it easy. I even mentioned to her that this was what mummy was just telling us about. She would not bulge. Eventually my mum chipped in and said to me to keep quiet. So I did. When she finished shouting she stood up and left for the room.

After a while , my mother went into the room to talk to her. Even asked her not to be annoyed. Invited her to eat. She brought the food to me but I was too annoyed to eat. How is my wife shouting at me in front of my mum ? So I walked away, went out for a stroll. When I came back. She was in the room, she I stayed back in the living room. She came to me, started telling me that I should not let her be angry at me, changing the story that I was shouting at her earlier and she didn't say a word, I was livid but this didn't tip me. I just told her off and went back to do my work. She came back again started off another tirade in the middle of the night btw and ended it with saying "your mother is responsible for this"

Now, that's what made me mad. From the start I have warned my family not to interfere in mine. Not my dad or my mum have ever told me or directed me on how to do in my marriage to her. I imagine that because her display was in public today that's why my mum commented. Even on Wednesday she was talking to me harshly in the car and my mum was there and she never talked.

So anyway I stood up from where I was went to meet her and struck her about 3 times in the back warning her never to involve My mother in our talk again.

Then she shouted screaming at 2 am. Cursing me. Mt mum came out to even try to calm her down. She turned to my mum as well. Saying she knows what she'll say. That she supports me etc. Even when the poor woman didnt say anything. She's gone off now. Milking it. Saying I beat her. Should I add that she came back slapped me square on the face, hit my chest. Even dragged my mother to the floor

But everyone is on me. I'm the woman beater. Domestic violence.

Honestly, I'm just tired of this marriage. I married for peace this woman gives me trouble everyday. I chose to stay in the living room for peace tonight. She brought her madness to meet me.

I agree I messed up. I perhaps shouldn't have hit her. I regret it. It's going to go with me. But I was too pushed. She continues to do this knowing I wouldn't talk and st the time I believed that's the only thing she'd respond too. I know this could probably get me a lot of hate but I'm also hoping someone could see reason in what's happening

Im sorry it's so long. I didn't think about it. I just created this account and started writing. Apologies for likely typos too

TroubledMan

As long as you remain in that marriage you will keep getting increasingly aggressive.

Aggression in marriage is infectious, no matter how beautiful a woman is,never have a relationship with an aggressive woman,it will deformed your psyche

Op, I you didn't 'mess up' by beating small sense into her. You mess up when you agreed to marry a stubborn, aggressive, disrespectful, annoying, nagging and arrogant woman.

What you learn now, is how to cope with her..

My brother leave that little devil alone, since she has the gut to even dragged your own mother for God sake!

Blessedmercy8:
Op, don't let anyone make you feel bad about your actions. Some times when human beings behave like animals, there's need to reset their brains back by giving them some form of discipline.

From all you said, it's like your wife is taking your gentility for stupidity hence her incessant tantrums and disrespect to you.

I know her type. Once they see you're not the type that beat women, they'll want to climb your head. So it was necessary you beat some sense into her. I'm also a lady and don't support domestic violence of any kind but your woman overdid it and it was best you called her to order in the language she understands better.

My advice, if she raises her voice at you again over any argument, get a proper cane and flog her on her legs. Since she lacks home training, she'll have to get it all over again. Afterall as children, we were flogged as corrective measures to reset our brains and make us respectful children. So no biggies if you introduce the same measure to tame a rude adult. Flog her on her legs. Nonsense!

I wonder what some married women were doing in their youth and singles days if they didn't learn to be respectful good wifes and virtuous women to their husbands.

It is for this purpose churches organize youth and singles programs and seminars. Some will not attend, some will attend but will only go there to look for a guy or lady to toast, learning nothing at the end of the day and tomorrow they'll be rushing into marriage with empty heads only to start misbehaving.

Please no body should mention me to say trash cos this is how I feel about the whole thing and I've only given my sincere take on the matter. I'm not one to sugarcoat my words to please anybody or gender.
Just say your own and pass.

Regardless of whatever anyone thinks, you've spoken well

"There's always a back story" aka I don't support violence/battery/murder of/against women BUT... Paragraphs about why you support it.

Save your lengthy justification so called troubledman. If your wife had self esteem, you would be in jail by now. Back story indeed.

Kobojunkie:
If you were here in the States, your neighbours would probably have called the cops on you, and you would have spent the night in jail. Your story about your wife provoking you would not have mattered because you raised your hand in violence against her, and her retaliation would easily.... The law and society is too lapse as far as violence is concerned in Nigeria.

Anyways, the deed has been done and you both cannot continue as you are. Provided your wife has no intentions of seeing you charged for violating her right as a human being, you both should probably engage a professional marriage counselor asap. Whatever it is that has been eating at you both, you should talk about, and maybe decide from there whether your union is worth keeping or not.

Your mum should also probably leave the environment, so husband and wife can have time alone to marinade on what has finally happened to their marriage as well.

I would also like to add that you can both benefit individually from some mental health counselling if there are anger issues apparent. You make your wife sound like she has anger issues she is dealing with, but since she isn't the one speaking, there isn't a way of really telling. However, for you, don't hesitate to get some anger management counseling for future.

You suggest a marriage counselor for all manner of atrocities. It's your new mantra.

Maybe next time he will come and tell us that he did bad by killing his wife, but that he has a back story to it. Maybe he will get more pampering and feel justified.

oldienavie:
I am sorry OP for what you are experiencing, I can only pray that God will bring peace to your home.

But how do men marry this kind of women ?
Is it because of big boobs or sex blinding them that you will not know what the person you are marrying is capable of ?

1 year is enough to identify these kind of traits, why do men in Nigeria, where women are so plenty and the odds are in favour of the men, yet men still end up marrying these kind of women ?

What is wrong with you men ?

I know women can pretend, but 1 year of dating is more than enough to know if you are marrying a devil or angel....

When men choose to marry SU sisters, it is because of things like this, no matter how bad a SU sister is, her craze cannot be as bad as these retired oloshos running around, dey full churches like COZA, Winners chapel etc....
Once you enter their trap your life is ruined.

It's simple, if you would care to look at his side of the equation: the OP isn't the saint he's portrayed himself to be in his tale. When he's ready to say the truth, you may feel too embarrassed to change your post.

Mindlog:


Impregnating a woman you no longer want in your life, does that make sense to you? If he fathers their child, he will continue to be liinked to her for life through that child.

If you impregnate a woman, you can't force her to carry it to term ....she has the final decision or will you get the police to arrest her when she says she has had a "miscarriage"?

After thoroughly beating her, you bundle her to her family...see mouth, your type would be looking so sober when paraded by the police wearing only boxers.

What did you think you would read from bottom feeders? By their posts you will know the depth of the barrel in which they seep.

Blessedmercy8:


I get to ask this same question too that why do people keep putting up with someone who hits and abuses them at will? Still can't wrap my head around such gullible decision to continuing cohabiting with such a person.

In this man's case I cited, he has asked the woman go on several occasion but she'll stubbornly refuse. Then behave normal na, no way.

The man had thrown her things and locked her out, she will still bring the things in and force her way in again. Tufia!

Lol.. .

But you are the one prescribing the man flogs the back of her legs, like she's an animal. Then you're here asking why anyone would put up with that.

Troubledman:
I do not support gender violence.

I do not support dometice violence.

I don't even spank kids.

We can and should all be better human beings.

I appreciate your disclaimers and your attempts to take responsibility for your actions. If this marriage is new and you have no children then this is your exit.

It appears that you have married someone with some sort of personality disorder and if you stay in this relationship, you will not enjoy your life and time in it. These are clear signs that you can’t control yourself around this woman, and she’s doing some madness that she doesn’t even understand.

Also, you can’t base a long term relationship on the foundation of ‘ trauma bonding’ it’s not healthy and you should both look for secure partnership that can help you heal from your trauma rather than basing your relationship on said trauma. This is an unhealthy relationship and if you can cut your losses then do!

BRATISLAVA:
You suggest a marriage counselor for all manner of atrocities. It's your new mantra.

Maybe next time he will come and tell us that he did bad by killing his wife, but that he has a back story to it. Maybe he will get more pampering and feel justified.

I recommend counseling in all cases because it ought to be commonsense in marriage that when issues arise, it is sensible to seek help from an unbiased party and not from family members who have many of their unresolved and unattended issues.

In the case.that a murder has been committed, then the case is automatically forwarded to the authorities who can get the culprit his day in court where he can have the opportunity to relay his backstory probably in front of a jury of his peers.

Sense no go far from you aswear , some simps niggas no dey reason too well before dey spit shit out of their mouth bro.

BRATISLAVA:


But you are the one prescribing the man flogs the back of her legs, like she's an animal. Then you're here asking why anyone would put up with that.

They are two different things.

Here I'm talking about some men who beat their wife's at will even when the woman did not provoke first. It different from this case here where the man is not a woman beater but the wife brings out the beast in him and makes him one.

Troubledman:
So this night. I did a horrible thing. I stuck my wife thrice on her back. Yes, I know it's horrible and I should be burnt at the stake. And I am truly sorry for it but... There's always s back story.

I went through university without ever getting into a fight. I swore of physical violence since 2005. I havent raised my hands at anyone ever. Not to defend myself. Not to fight. In those years. I don't even let people fight aroujd me. I am known everywhere as the peace keeper. Which is why I feel very horrible about my action tonight.

Since we got married. I have noticed this trait of aggression in the person I married. Always quick to anger and insults everytime. In the last couple of days. We've had course to stay with my mum.

Earlier in the day. We were arguing about something (not so important to be honest) and my mum remarked that we should do better that were a new couple and we shouldn't be arguing like this all the time. She even joked that she was going to buy a cane for both of us.

Barely 2 mins later another discussion came up and this lady started raising her voice again. This time in full view of my mum. I just kept telling her please take it easy, take it easy. I even mentioned to her that this was what mummy was just telling us about. She would not bulge. Eventually my mum chipped in and said to me to keep quiet. So I did. When she finished shouting she stood up and left for the room.

After a while , my mother went into the room to talk to her. Even asked her not to be annoyed. Invited her to eat. She brought the food to me but I was too annoyed to eat. How is my wife shouting at me in front of my mum ? So I walked away, went out for a stroll. When I came back. She was in the room, she I stayed back in the living room. She came to me, started telling me that I should not let her be angry at me, changing the story that I was shouting at her earlier and she didn't say a word, I was livid but this didn't tip me. I just told her off and went back to do my work. She came back again started off another tirade in the middle of the night btw and ended it with saying "your mother is responsible for this"

Now, that's what made me mad. From the start I have warned my family not to interfere in mine. Not my dad or my mum have ever told me or directed me on how to do in my marriage to her. I imagine that because her display was in public today that's why my mum commented. Even on Wednesday she was talking to me harshly in the car and my mum was there and she never talked.

So anyway I stood up from where I was went to meet her and struck her about 3 times in the back warning her never to involve My mother in our talk again.

Then she shouted screaming at 2 am. Cursing me. Mt mum came out to even try to calm her down. She turned to my mum as well. Saying she knows what she'll say. That she supports me etc. Even when the poor woman didnt say anything. She's gone off now. Milking it. Saying I beat her. Should I add that she came back slapped me square on the face, hit my chest. Even dragged my mother to the floor

But everyone is on me. I'm the woman beater. Domestic violence.

Honestly, I'm just tired of this marriage. I married for peace this woman gives me trouble everyday. I chose to stay in the living room for peace tonight. She brought her madness to meet me.

I agree I messed up. I perhaps shouldn't have hit her. I regret it. It's going to go with me. But I was too pushed. She continues to do this knowing I wouldn't talk and st the time I believed that's the only thing she'd respond too. I know this could probably get me a lot of hate but I'm also hoping someone could see reason in what's happening

Im sorry it's so long. I didn't think about it. I just created this account and started writing. Apologies for likely typos too

TroubledMan

I'll advise you send that wife away, she's playing mind games with by provoking you and dont want you to react, but when you do she start shouting domestic violence forgetting the fact that she started the whole problem. Many men are suffering from this in their marriage, and has finally fallen for the trap of this women. So within them they're happy and finally feel you can't do anything to them even if they mess up.

Do away with that girl, she's troublesome and will keep provoking you until you'll do something rash to her.

Act fast bro. the earlier the better.

What are you people doing in your mum's house, is that where to do honey moon,

Trust me your mum contributes to this, as the son you might not know, the way.mothers talk is always infuriating , they have a way of supporting their sons, they have a way of putting fire in the heart of their son, especially if they do not want the marriage or like the girl,


I do not think couples should spend more than a day with mother inlaws.


Hope you are not a mummy's boy? You people do not make good husband ,it is always mummy ,mummy mummy .


You people need time to stay alone and understand yourselves, in your first years of marriage , let your mother leave you guys for now .















author=Troubledman post=115776334]So this night. I did a horrible thing. I stuck my wife thrice on her back. Yes, I know it's horrible and I should be burnt at the stake. And I am truly sorry for it but... There's always s back story.

I went through university without ever getting into a fight. I swore of physical violence since 2005. I havent raised my hands at anyone ever. Not to defend myself. Not to fight. In those years. I don't even let people fight aroujd me. I am known everywhere as the peace keeper. Which is why I feel very horrible about my action tonight.

Since we got married. I have noticed this trait of aggression in the person I married. Always quick to anger and insults everytime. In the last couple of days. We've had course to stay with my mum.

Earlier in the day. We were arguing about something (not so important to be honest) and my mum remarked that we should do better that were a new couple and we shouldn't be arguing like this all the time. She even joked that she was going to buy a cane for both of us.

Barely 2 mins later another discussion came up and this lady started raising her voice again. This time in full view of my mum. I just kept telling her please take it easy, take it easy. I even mentioned to her that this was what mummy was just telling us about. She would not bulge. Eventually my mum chipped in and said to me to keep quiet. So I did. When she finished shouting she stood up and left for the room.

After a while , my mother went into the room to talk to her. Even asked her not to be annoyed. Invited her to eat. She brought the food to me but I was too annoyed to eat. How is my wife shouting at me in front of my mum ? So I walked away, went out for a stroll. When I came back. She was in the room, she I stayed back in the living room. She came to me, started telling me that I should not let her be angry at me, changing the story that I was shouting at her earlier and she didn't say a word, I was livid but this didn't tip me. I just told her off and went back to do my work. She came back again started off another tirade in the middle of the night btw and ended it with saying "your mother is responsible for this"

Now, that's what made me mad. From the start I have warned my family not to interfere in mine. Not my dad or my mum have ever told me or directed me on how to do in my marriage to her. I imagine that because her display was in public today that's why my mum commented. Even on Wednesday she was talking to me harshly in the car and my mum was there and she never talked.

So anyway I stood up from where I was went to meet her and struck her about 3 times in the back warning her never to involve My mother in our talk again.

Then she shouted screaming at 2 am. Cursing me. Mt mum came out to even try to calm her down. She turned to my mum as well. Saying she knows what she'll say. That she supports me etc. Even when the poor woman didnt say anything. She's gone off now. Milking it. Saying I beat her. Should I add that she came back slapped me square on the face, hit my chest. Even dragged my mother to the floor

But everyone is on me. I'm the woman beater. Domestic violence.

Honestly, I'm just tired of this marriage. I married for peace this woman gives me trouble everyday. I chose to stay in the living room for peace tonight. She brought her madness to meet me.

I agree I messed up. I perhaps shouldn't have hit her. I regret it. It's going to go with me. But I was too pushed. She continues to do this knowing I wouldn't talk and st the time I believed that's the only thing she'd respond too. I know this could probably get me a lot of hate but I'm also hoping someone could see reason in what's happening

Im sorry it's so long. I didn't think about it. I just created this account and started writing. Apologies for likely typos too

TroubledMan [/quote]

Your write shows reason you are having problems with your marriage, you need chnaged your mindset about women.















quote author=Dreh007 post=115776803]I understand this well and I'm going through thesame problem bro .... It's never a good thing to beat a woman but they r devil ... They d do more than damage to a man woman can bring u from up to down .... I feel it's right time to let this woman know men r caring .. men can do anything to survive nd put food on the table but we are not stoopid... But maybe that's how it's meant to be .. afterall it's a fun world ... My conclusion is ... I can't kill myself of put one woman on head ... Once u give them too much attention then they have 60% of ur weaking point[/quote]

Nonexisting:
You married a devil. The tantrum was because your mother visited. Let her mum or her family member visit now and you will see how calm your house will be. She is a devil and if your marriage is young, you better think it through. Pushing your mum down was the height of it and no man should take it lightly. As for beating her, I won't support you on that one.

No
.. You are not getting it... They went to visit the mother.... The wicked wife beat the mother in her own husband house....

[quote author=BlackMan6969 post=115822833][/quote]Leave him to be wandering about for 2am.... Running kiti kiti kata kata from your own house because of woman you married with your money.... For how long will you keeping driving around by 2am....

JealousCobra:



Wooow! Is an exclamation of great excitement of being stunned.

My dear is a positive one.

Being long I heard a female sound
so intelligent.

Then stop gathering dumb women around you....

Klass99:


@ Your first paragraph, I agree that the expectation is burdensome and I don't personally expect it of angry men. What I expect is that you will handle the provocative situation however best it suits you, I am not one to preach or dictate to people how they should react in any situation.

@ Second paragraph, I also agree with you.

1. On your last paragraph though, if you are referring to Zac's scenario it very well qualifies as a potential situation that could have quickly escalated to violence and abuse. It's good that Zac walked away both times, don't forget what the good book says about the tongue on how restless and evil it is. Just one spoken word or a few words would have changed the whole narrative for Zac's household.

1. If one person (most likely male) is responding with 'violence' to a cankerous partner/spouse (most likely female), I do not see it as abuse. Violence, yes; abuse, no.

I am not against 'walking away' in rare occasions when both parties can't step down for one another; I don't think 'walking away' is feasible on the long run. Instead of teaching men to 'walk away' from cankerous women, both parties should be taught to treat their partners/spouses with respect.

The 'evilness' of the tongue should be impressed on both parties.