I have a cousin who is single at 35. We are age mate and very close since childhood. Her last relationship didn't work out cause her boyfriend was a time waster and irresponsible.

Her parents are pressuring and calling her to get married before december. That she is not getting any younger day by day. Because of that, she is so worried and depressed. I don't even know how to advice her so that she won't be desperate. Cause she is my cousin sister.I need opinions from nairalander. NO INSULTS please.

@Righteousness is avalible
Righteousness are you there

A lady who makes something of herself will not lack in advances from men. My advice to my friends has always been to make something of themselves and the man will come. Go on and achieve your dreams. And even if the man doesn't come, at least you can rest in the comforting thought that you have achieved your dreams or close to achieving them. Unfortunately, the problem with many women is that they put the man before their dreams. They want to marry and then start out with their goals in life. Sorry, no high value man wants to marry a woman who isn't ambitious or who wants to cling to the man for survival.

Gbam!!!!

edoman2016:
Her parents are pressuring and calling her to get married before december. That she is not getting any younger day by day. Because of that, she is so worried and depressed. I don't even know how to advice her so that she won't be desperate. Cause she is my cousin sister.I need opinions from nairalander. NO INSULTS please.

Advice her parents to get off her case.

CountVersailles:
A lady who makes something of herself will not lack in advances from men. My advice to my friends has always been to make something of themselves and the man will come. Go on and achieve your dreams. And even if the man doesn't come, at least you can rest in the comforting thought that you have achieved your dreams or close to achieving them. Unfortunately, the problem with many women is that they put the man before their dreams. They want to marry and then start out with their goals in life. Sorry, no high value man wants to marry a woman who isn't ambitious or who wants to cling to the man for survival.

How old are you ?
Probably early twenties... This is the same mistake lots of ladies made that made them to be looking for husband at 40years old.
The bolded is a big fat lie, why ?
Look around you, even abroad, men marry down. The higher a lady goes the lesser the sample of men available to her.
My advise to young ladies reading this, make sure you are married or have a serious relationship before 27 years old, the moment you cross 30 years old, men know you are desperate for marriage and will turn you to lord of the rings.

Very few single men without baggage will marry a lady older than 30years old, but they will just be sleeping with you.

When our mothers were saying the window of a woman is very short, this is exactly what they mean.

Kobojunkie:
Advice her parents to get off her case.

You know its not possible. You want her mother ( aunt) to see me as a bad cousin.

CountVersailles:
A lady who makes something of herself will not lack in advances from men. My advice to my friends has always been to make something of themselves and the man will come. Go on and achieve your dreams. And even if the man doesn't come, at least you can rest in the comforting thought that you have achieved your dreams or close to achieving them. Unfortunately, the problem with many women is that they put the man before their dreams. They want to marry and then start out with their goals in life. Sorry, no high value man wants to marry a woman who isn't ambitious or who wants to cling to the man for survival.

Who told you?

35 years ke. There's still hope na. A lot are heading towards 50 years and still hopeful. If you like call it hopeless na you sabi.

Try and get pregnant and have ur own child. The chance of u getting husband is low!!

edoman2016:
I have a cousin who is single at 35. We are age mate and very close since childhood. Her last relationship didn't work out cause her boyfriend was a time waster and irresponsible.

Her parents are pressuring and calling her to get married before december. That she is not getting any younger day by day. Because of that, she is so worried and depressed. I don't even know how to advice her so that she won't be desperate. Cause she is my cousin sister.I need opinions from nairalander. NO INSULTS please.

If she doesn't get married before December, what would happen?

Would her parent disown her if she doesnt get married before december? What has been the effort of parent to make sure she is married? Or would she go and manufacture a man to marry her. What i know is that there is hope for her despite her age. Let her position herself in the right place, in as much she has a good character.

Find someone ederly who can talk to her parents to calm down and allow her marry in peace. See that word you use, time waster is what some men have turned out to be. This is the reason why I advise ladies to not just relaxed in a relationship because they are giving free shawarma and luxury goods on golden glove. After six months in a relationship, you should define the terms of continuation with your partner and see that he is working towards those terms. If you fail to do this, this is where you will meet yourself after 35 years with no responsible man in your life. Don't stay in a useless relationship that has no future with you. Hope the younger ones will listen.

You can help your cousin sister by being a support system for her - take her out, keeping your humorous side around her....

oldienavie:

How old are you ?
Probably early twenties... This is the same mistake lots of ladies made that made them to be looking for husband at 40years old.
The bolded is a big fat lie, why ?
Look around you, even abroad, men marry down. The higher a lady goes the lesser the sample of men available to her.
My advise to young ladies reading this, make sure you are married or have a serious relationship before 27 years old, the moment you cross 30 years old, men know you are desperate for marriage and will turn you to lord of the rings.

Very few single men without baggage will marry a lady older than 30years old, but they will just be sleeping with you.

When our mothers were saying the window of a woman is very short, this is exactly what they mean.

I disagree with u.
This is purely your own view about marriage.

I married my wife at 31 and i was 32.

More women are still getting married at 30 something than women in their twenties. U can fact check this because,I remembered during our marriage class,the faces we saw got me right on this.

Take a walk to wedding venues and see for yourself.

If marriage is very important to her, then I sympathize with her situation, and I hope she finds the happiness she desires.
Unfortunately you've gone ahead to label the man a 'time waster', but I would like to hear his side of the story. I don't believe any 'sane man' lets go of a good woman.
From my interactions with men who deal with such ladies, a common observation with many ladies in this category is the "Me-Myself attitude". They are full of 'sacrifices', but very little 'obedience'. He sets his vision before her, but she doesn't fully buy in (yet is hoping for marriage to him ). She comes with her own agenda. Her vision cannot see further than the wedding day.
He's asking her for specific concessions. She's full of sacrifices in other irrelevant things, but not in that 'specific thing he asks'. In most cases it's what 'she wants', rather than what 'he asked'. She responds to his many pleas for compromise with "this is how I am....this is me, you either accept me like this or......you can't tell me how to live.....etc.". She knows for sure he is in love with her, and here lies her fatal mistake; she overplays her cards and overestimates her leverage over him. Some men might swallow this and stick around if there's something to gain from her....eg. financial reward, status, etc. But it'll not end well in the long run.
However, when you approach a man who knows what he wants for his family, and you have this attitude, he will likely keep you as a side piece, while searching for that woman who will obey rather that sacrifice. And I know 'feminism' cringes when I use the word 'obey', but it's a fact. No team can function in disarray, and when core values are disregarded.
There certainly are time wasters, but I can tell you, even a 'time waster' might have been won over if her character was right, with an attitude to match it.
Ending, I paraphrase an advice I once received (written by a 'wise' woman'), "don't enter into an egoistic tug of war with a man, because men become more stubborn in front of a stubborn woman. You might win the battle, but lose the war, which is his heart that was loving and caring for you". Unfortunately, many women in this age range are guilty of this.
I wish your cousin the very best!

oldienavie:

How old are you ?
Probably early twenties... This is the same mistake lots of ladies made that made them to be looking for husband at 40years old.
The bolded is a big fat lie, why ?
Look around you, even abroad, men marry down. The higher a lady goes the lesser the sample of men available to her.
My advise to young ladies reading this, make sure you are married or have a serious relationship before 27 years old, the moment you cross 30 years old, men know you are desperate for marriage and will turn you to lord of the rings.

Very few single men without baggage will marry a lady older than 30years old, but they will just be sleeping with you.

When our mothers were saying the window of a woman is very short, this is exactly what they mean.

So a lady with ambitions is too high up for you to marry?

I'm in some Nigerian dating groups on FB. I tell you 85% of the ladies on them are single mothers in Nigeria looking for husbands. 20somethings, 30somethings, and of course 40somethings women with 2, 3, 4 kids looking to remarry. I swear I didn't know single mothers dey plenty for Nigeria like these but them plenty oooo, I swear. The thing shock me. Any thread asking single mothers to post their photos n age for single men, see them come out posting photos, as in 200, 300 plus single mothers, I swear. Any thread from abroad men looking for single woman no kids, see them run out, "am 38, a fashion designer, single mother of three", "i'm 27, hairstylist, I've two beautiful beautiful girls". Which abroad man go marry single mother n her kids take abroad, come carry the baby Daddy responsibility ontop his head?

The point am making is she's in a better position than these other ladies with kids looking for new husbands to marry. Make she no rush into any marriage cos of pressure from her parents, before she jam one irresponsible man become single mother then start looking for husband again at 37. Tell her prayer is key, God will give her her very own husband in no time. It's not impossible for her at 35 at all.

Neptunium:
I'm in some Nigerian dating groups on FB. I tell you 85% of the ladies on them are single mothers in Nigeria looking for husbands. 20somethings, 30somethings, and of course 40somethings women with 2, 3, 4 kids looking to remarry. I swear I didn't know single mothers dey plenty for Nigeria like these but them plenty oooo, I swear. The thing shock me. Any thread asking single mothers to post their photos n age for single men, see them come out posting photos, as in 200, 300 plus single mothers, I swear. Any thread from abroad men looking for single woman no kids, see them run out, "am 38, a fashion designer, single mother of three", "i'm 27, hairstylist, I've two beautiful beautiful girls". Which abroad man go marry single mother n her kids take abroad, come carry the baby Daddy responsibility ontop his head?.

Why do I feel as if you are lying and exaggerating.

You are 100% correct dear. Either the parent or the child or both of them causes this issues.

CountVersailles:
A lady who makes something of herself will not lack in advances from men. My advice to my friends has always been to make something of themselves and the man will come. Go on and achieve your dreams. And even if the man doesn't come, at least you can rest in the comforting thought that you have achieved your dreams or close to achieving them. Unfortunately, the problem with many women is that they put the man before their dreams. They want to marry and then start out with their goals in life. Sorry, no high value man wants to marry a woman who isn't ambitious or who wants to cling to the man for survival.

She is 100% correct.

oldienavie:

How old are you ?
Probably early twenties... This is the same mistake lots of ladies made that made them to be looking for husband at 40years old.
The bolded is a big fat lie, why ?
Look around you, even abroad, men marry down. The higher a lady goes the lesser the sample of men available to her.
My advise to young ladies reading this, make sure you are married or have a serious relationship before 27 years old, the moment you cross 30 years old, men know you are desperate for marriage and will turn you to lord of the rings.

Very few single men without baggage will marry a lady older than 30years old, but they will just be sleeping with you.

When our mothers were saying the window of a woman is very short, this is exactly what they mean.

edoman2016:
I have a cousin who is single at 35. We are age mate and very close since childhood. Her last relationship didn't work out cause her boyfriend was a time waster and irresponsible.

Her parents are pressuring and calling her to get married before december. That she is not getting any younger day by day. Because of that, she is so worried and depressed. I don't even know how to advice her so that she won't be desperate. Cause she is my cousin sister.I need opinions from nairalander. NO INSULTS please.

At 35 she should know how to handle her parents.


Tell her to go out, look good, see guys, watch movies, drink water, buy nice creams, take exams, go shopping, beach stuff and generally relax herself.


No man wants to marry a desperate woman, or an old looking person, I hope you grab.


I know that most of her friends are married and no one has time for her but she should take joy in how far she has come. Some are dead or divorced already so she should practice intentional thankfulness.


I wish her all the best

Grillbar:


Why do I feel as if you are lying and exaggerating.

No no no, I'm neither lying nor exaggerating. I don't want to write the names of the groups here but go on Facebook, search for dating and singles groups for Nigerians ( men and women ) looking for relationship, courtship, soulmates, marriage. Many of them have lots of people, anywhere from 50k to 80k, 100k, 200k, 207k, 315k and more members. You've to join then the group Admins will accept you in. Many members are in Nigeria while others are outside Nigeria. What I've written is 200% true, no lies nor exaggeration. They're groups for single people in general but single mothers in Nigeria plenty for them. E shock me too. Got no reason to make any of these up.

By the time she dies of HBP from unnecessary pressure from them, they will be acting all innocent and shedding stupid crocodile tears...
Probably blaming one uncle or Aunt for her demise since autopsy is expensive in Nigeria...

OP,Since you were related to her parents, kindly tell them that HPB is real and it Kills irrespective of age..

Ibechris2:



I disagree with u.
This is purely your own view about marriage.

I married my wife at 31 and i was 32.

More women are still getting married at 30 something than women in their twenties . U can fact check this because,I remembered during our marriage class,the faces we saw got me right on this.

Take a walk to wedding venues and see for yourself.

I may not be able to speak to this concerning other tribes, but for a south westerner or notherner , the bolded is not true.
What percentage of south western/northern men are single, never married, no kids at 35 years old ?

I am speaking as a south western/northerner, and I can boldly tell you that the percentage of south western/northern men that fall into that category is less than 10%.
Infact at 30 years old, 85% of south western/northern men are either married, single daddies or divorcee. So a woman at that age has less than 10% of men available to her.

I know south easterners/south southerners might not be as dire, but the trend is also similar, the older a lady gets, the more difficult it is to get a husband.

edoman2016:

You know its not possible. You want her mother ( aunt) to see me as a bad cousin.

Her parents happen to be the major source of her depression as explained by you. If you get them to back off, the young lady might then be free to enjoy her life instead and maybe finally meet the right person when the time is right.

edoman2016:
I have a cousin who is single at 35. We are age mate and very close since childhood. Her last relationship didn't work out cause her boyfriend was a time waster and irresponsible.

Her parents are pressuring and calling her to get married before december. That she is not getting any younger day by day. Because of that, she is so worried and depressed. I don't even know how to advice her so that she won't be desperate. Cause she is my cousin sister.I need opinions from nairalander. NO INSULTS please.

At that age its not late in life

She will get pressure from families but that is not enough to push her into a wrong hand

Let her look for men around her age grade and she will definitely get one, so far she is not after money or wealth

CountVersailles:
A lady who makes something of herself will not lack in advances from men. My advice to my friends has always been to make something of themselves and the man will come. Go on and achieve your dreams. And even if the man doesn't come, at least you can rest in the comforting thought that you have achieved your dreams or close to achieving them. Unfortunately, the problem with many women is that they put the man before their dreams. They want to marry and then start out with their goals in life. Sorry, no high value man wants to marry a woman who isn't ambitious or who wants to cling to the man for survival.

May sense not kill you. You have plenty of it.

oldienavie:




Infact at 30 years old, 85% of south western/northern men are either married, single daddies or divorcee. So a woman at that age has less than 10% of men available to her.

.

I don't know about the northerners but for the s/west your analysis is wrong.

@30 years?

Ibechris2:



I disagree with u.
This is purely your own view about marriage.

I married my wife at 31 and i was 32.

More women are still getting married at 30 something than women in their twenties. U can fact check this because,I remembered during our marriage class,the faces we saw got me right on this.

Take a walk to wedding venues and see for yourself.

Never advise women to cross over 30 years before getting marry. Like the person you quoted rightly said, the chances of 30+ ladies to get their dream young husbands is very slim in Nigeria. That you married her at 31, while you are 32 is something we should applaud you for. Those faces you saw at marriage class are not necessarily old as you think, if you see some less than 30 men and women, you will think they are above 40.

NoToPile:


I don't know about the northerners but for the s/west your analysis is wrong.

@30 years?

Not wrong sir, I still know 2 around who are 33yrs and 35years respectively who are looking for a man to marry. Besides, Yoruba women rarely stay that long(above 30) except the ones with exceptional bad luck or being coursed. Majority of 30+ Yoruba girls you see around are single mothers.

NoToPile:


I don't know about the northerners but for the s/west your analysis is wrong.

@30 years?

What percentage of SW men are single, not married with no kids at 35 years old ?
Your answer to this question will tell the truth.