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My Younger Brother Wants To Finance My Wedding. - Family (5) - Nairaland

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Re: My Younger Brother Wants To Finance My Wedding. by Badgers14: 6:40pm On Sep 01, 2022
EcoLaw:
Good evening Nairalanders, a friend of mine came to me for an advise.

My friend is in his late 30s, he has been in a relationship with his woman, they have been together for a period of 8 years, and they have 2 kids together.

This my friend has a younger brother, the younger brother told him that they should go and collect traditional marriage list from his woman family, so that traditional marriage can take place by December.

My friend worry is that, one, he is not financially capable to do traditional marriage rite as of now and secondly, he doesn't have a good paying job now.

Another of his worry is that, he feels it shameful for his younger brother to sponsor his wedding, he is afraid won't he be insulted in the future by people, that he can't not pay his wife bride price, that it was somebody that married his wife for him. His brother told him not to worry about the financial responsibilities, that God will take control.

My advice for him was that he should tell his brother to give him the money to go start
a business, maybe when the business balances, he can go and do the marriage rite. But his brother told him that the lady has tired for waiting for 8 years, that they should do the traditional marriage first, every other thing shall fall in place. This his brother has been supportive to him.

Nairalanders please what's you take on this?

Good advice from you to your friend.

The only thing I would change would be, before collecting anything from his brother,let him go and collect list first.

Then use small money of his own to do few things on the list primarily the bride price.

Then collect money from his brother to either start business and come back later to finish the rest or use the money to finish the list away, his choice. But for me, I will start business fess.

Whatever decision he takes, he need to make sure he paid his wife's bride price with his own money. E get why

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Re: My Younger Brother Wants To Finance My Wedding. by JayPeeOham: 6:41pm On Sep 01, 2022
EcoLaw:
Good evening Nairalanders, a friend of mine came to me for an advise.

My friend is in his late 30s, he has been in a relationship with his woman, they have been together for a period of 8 years, and they have 2 kids together.

This my friend has a younger brother, the younger brother told him that they should go and collect traditional marriage list from his woman family, so that traditional marriage can take place by December.

My friend worry is that, one, he is not financially capable to do traditional marriage rite as of now and secondly, he doesn't have a good paying job now.

Another of his worry is that, he feels it shameful for his younger brother to sponsor his wedding, he is afraid won't he be insulted in the future by people, that he can't not pay his wife bride price, that it was somebody that married his wife for him. His brother told him not to worry about the financial responsibilities, that God will take control.

My advice for him was that he should tell his brother to give him the money to go start
a business, maybe when the business balances, he can go and do the marriage rite. But his brother told him that the lady has tired for waiting for 8 years, that they should do the traditional marriage first, every other thing shall fall in place. This his brother has been supportive to him.

Nairalanders please what's you take on this?

Why do your friend you and your brother have to make it public when you could have just done everything quietly without involving Seun and all his numerous followers undecided

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Re: My Younger Brother Wants To Finance My Wedding. by Truthshotcrazy: 6:56pm On Sep 01, 2022
Kobojunkie:
I am not of the "indomie" generation as I am instead one of the ancients even here on Nairaland. I don't buy into your traditions, your marriage traditions included, as I prefer a commonsense approach that eliminates division, even in marriage, along gender lines. No matter how cheap you claim your bride prices to be, it doesn't eliminate the fact that it is widely considered a price paid in order to claim ownership over another human being and that is unacceptable, whichever way you choose to cut it. undecided

Anyways, irrespective of how cheap you claim the bride price to be, marriage is not recognized as legally binding in Nigeria unless it is registered in the courts. As such, in this case, the man and woman save a lot by going to the courts straight. Should they at a later date decide to pay the bride price and eat kola, they can also do that too . undecided
Maybe brideprice in your culture is done to claim ownership. I do not buy into your tradition or culture, marriage inclusive. Different strokes for different folks. Besides, l am not sure we speak same African language.
Brideprice/dowry of twenty naira only forever in my African culture(a tribe in niger delta region),, is done to signify there was a formal introductionof groom, and bride’s family , gave their blessings, were consulted and are aware their daughter has been married off.
Humans do not live in isolation but in society. Women in my African Nigerian culture even of age 50 or 60, or 70yo are grouped as maidens if that twenty naira dowry is not paid, & they are not allowed to participate in the tribe or town’s social group for women of the tribe or forums for women activism. Nor are they elected to hold positions meant for women of the tribe . They are regarded as *maidens or girls of the tribe*, directed to maidens group, until the twenty naira bride price/dowry is paid. Mind you, We have women from my tribe actively involved in politics, appointed to public offices, holding important positions in Nigeria and even the tribes group coalitions in diaspora.

A marriage is legally binding once it is registered in court. And it is important to register especially to protect women in case the husband stubbornly decides not to pay child support or in-laws decide to play smart and chase a widow out of her husband’s property, the court is to seek redress and compensation.Traditional/customary Wedding, is legal in Nigeria provided it is registered within a month of celebration. All church weddings come with registered marriage certificates from the ministry.

Most people just opt for traditional wedding ceremony, or church wedding ceremony and reception or go to court without ceremony after formal introduction to bride’s family, paying bride price. Some choose to hold the informal introduction to the in-laws, head to court before paying the bride price/dowry of twenty naira.

Nevertheless, a marriage is not recognized as customarily binding unless the in-laws have done the formal introduction and the bride price of twenty naira has been paid. The formal introduction of the groom’s family to the bride’s and paying of bride price is very important. The woman’s peer group or even groom’s family won’t mock her that her Bride price has not been paid. It’s a thing of pride among the women. .

Even so, not only bride price, beyond marriage, my culture has annual obligatory women and men of the town’s social group fee and married women and men , sons and daughters are expected to pay annually.
My own father (late) never paid a dime, especially since he wasn’t interested in politics or seeking support of his towns people for public office/appointment , but when he died in ripe old age and we took him to bury, we had to pay the cumulative lump sum of his customary annual dues to the town’s men meeting group before we could bury him.
( lt might interest you to know that my village king is even a former member House of Rep, representing the constituency years before he was crowned king .Clansmen and women interested in politics, leading branch coalition groups for the tribe in their cities or in diaspora or getting recommendations for community quota in communal projects, dont play with these customary fees/dues).
Re: My Younger Brother Wants To Finance My Wedding. by pinkygurl(f): 7:18pm On Sep 01, 2022
Truthshotcrazy:
[/b]
.... Some couples these days don’t hold any traditional marriage rites or party . They just go for the formal introduction of groom to family, pay the Bride price, bring kolanuts and head to court.
Different strokes for different folks. This is 21st century.
As for me, if l end up marrying any woman african daughter of eve, l would go for the formal introduction to bride’s family, pay bride price, bring kolanuts and head to court for court marriage or church for church wedding without any traditional marriage ceremony rites/ traditional marriage party.I detest it so much. Besides l cannot tie wrapper.
But if l end up with a fellow man with dick like myself, just like my great great mentors Edafe Okporo And Bisi Alimi,, l will conduct only court marriage strictly court marriage without any introduction nonsense to spouse family or seeking spouse family approval nonsense /blessings to go ahead nonsense. The law of the land is the best always and holds good and true and is all that is good and sufficient enough irrespective of the blessings of or opinions of family members. Once the marriage is registered in Court, no tradition can deny it.God bless America and God Save the Queen.
Shout out to LGBTQ Nairaland
https://www.edafeokporo.com/

MODS THESE LGBT PIPU HAVE STARTED INFILTRATING NAIRALAND. THIS IS NOT CANADA OR USA OR AUSTRALIA. BISI ALIMI AND HIS BOYS HAFF LANDED HIA ALL THE WAY FROM LONDON. MODS PLEASE DO THE NEEDFUL.
Re: My Younger Brother Wants To Finance My Wedding. by koolaid87: 9:16pm On Sep 01, 2022
See foolish advice from dumb people.


Tell your friend to ask his brother for financial assistance to do business so he can cater for his families.

Marriage is not the next thing.

Get back on your feet first and take good care of those kids.

My take
Re: My Younger Brother Wants To Finance My Wedding. by Onmyrise: 12:33am On Sep 02, 2022
EcoLaw:
Good evening Nairalanders, a friend of mine came to me for an advise.

My friend is in his late 30s, he has been in a relationship with his woman, they have been together for a period of 8 years, and they have 2 kids together.

This my friend has a younger brother, the younger brother told him that they should go and collect traditional marriage list from his woman family, so that traditional marriage can take place by December.

My friend worry is that, one, he is not financially capable to do traditional marriage

My advice for him was that he should tell his brother to give him the money to go start
a business, maybe when the business balances, he can go and do the marriage rite. But his brother told him that the lady has tired for waiting for 8 years, that they should do the traditional marriage first, every other thing shall fall in place. This his brother has been supportive to him.

Nairalanders please what's you take on this?

Erm, as opposed to your advise to him, i think he shld accept the gesture from his Brother and perform the needful marital rites. Thats a problem solved already, not minding how it was solved.

First things first
Re: My Younger Brother Wants To Finance My Wedding. by talk2yommex2000(m): 5:17am On Sep 02, 2022
Richy4:
cheesy smiley
I don't really understand this storyOo and the rationale behind it honestly.

<< They have been staying together for 8 years and they have been doing it illegally and it produced 2 kids right?

<< Now a Messiah came from nowhere to their rescue so that they can solidify and label whatever it is that they were doing for the past 8yrs,

<< They suddenly remembered that they were jobless,.. they were ashamed.. they were bla bla bla.. meanwhile when they were doing what husband and wife does and were producing kids, they didn't remember all that shocked

It's simple!
Clearly what is more important TO THEM NOW is how they'll keep surviving and not ANY LEGAL BACKUP for what they've been doing for the past eight years that now produced two kids.

Who knows, if such help is coming before them having kids, they might rush it but now that WHATEVER THEY'VE BEEN DOING FOR THE PAST EIGHT YEARS produces fruits, they feel they need more than it's legal backup. They understand their stand. My opinion though.
Re: My Younger Brother Wants To Finance My Wedding. by Richy4(m): 8:49am On Sep 02, 2022
talk2yommex2000:


It's simple!
Clearly what is more important TO THEM NOW is how they'll keep surviving and not ANY LEGAL BACKUP for what they've been doing for the past eight years that now produced two kids.

Who knows, if such help is coming before them having kids, they might rush it but now that WHATEVER THEY'VE BEEN DOING FOR THE PAST EIGHT YEARS produces fruits, they feel they need more than it's legal backup. They understand their stand. My opinion though.

Or maybe illegal tastes better, more fun and as adventurous as hell smiley
Re: My Younger Brother Wants To Finance My Wedding. by paradiseVirgin: 1:11pm On Sep 02, 2022
Jovialjune1:



No be everybody go be like your mama wey nobody pay her bride price before she born you smiley

Your mother's vagina is like a sinkhole, your father had to resort to masturbating into a cup and pour into her vagina to conceive you grin grin grin

Unfortunately the cup was contaminated as a result of their poor hygiene and it affected his sperm thus you were born with your brain impaired ability grin grin

I know you aspire to be like your mom..

Come let me aid you in expanding your toto beyond its elastic limit grin grin grin
Re: My Younger Brother Wants To Finance My Wedding. by TGM2015: 8:25pm On Sep 02, 2022
EcoLaw:
Good evening Nairalanders, a friend of mine came to me for an advise.

My friend is in his late 30s, he has been in a relationship with his woman, they have been together for a period of 8 years, and they have 2 kids together.

This my friend has a younger brother, the younger brother told him that they should go and collect traditional marriage list from his woman family, so that traditional marriage can take place by December.

My friend worry is that, one, he is not financially capable to do traditional marriage rite as of now and secondly, he doesn't have a good paying job now.

Another of his worry is that, he feels it shameful for his younger brother to sponsor his wedding, he is afraid won't he be insulted in the future by people, that he can't not pay his wife bride price, that it was somebody that married his wife for him. His brother told him not to worry about the financial responsibilities, that God will take control.

My advice for him was that he should tell his brother to give him the money to go start
a business, maybe when the business balances, he can go and do the marriage rite. But his brother told him that the lady has tired for waiting for 8 years, that they should do the traditional marriage first, every other thing shall fall in place. This his brother has been supportive to him.

Nairalanders please what's you take on this?

He should go and collect the list, in any marriage list, there is one item called bride price. He should make sure that any amount stated in that item comes from his own pocket. So, in case of any future issue, his main concern, he can proudly declare that he paid his wife's bride price and he only received support for completing other marriage rite.

From the story, I believed the brother is doing this with a sincere mind, he might have witnessed or heard or noticed the wife pains concerning not getting her bride price paid. I am sure the wife worth the honour from his brother perspective, he should accept the offer to uphold his wife honour.

She surely must have earned the honour and deserve the honour, she shouldn't denied her this opportunity. God bless her.
Re: My Younger Brother Wants To Finance My Wedding. by Goodylicious74(f): 12:58pm On Sep 16, 2022
Here's a short article on bride price, you can also drop your views!

https://exquisitetouche.com/bride-price-in-nigeria-history-costs/

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