CONGRATS... lucky you.

Getting help to pay the bride price, thereby doing the right thing doesn't add to or decrease the responsibility he has been shouldering for the past 8 years he has been cohabiting with the lady who is yet to be given to him as a wife!

Who knows maybe by doing the right thing, opportunities will start coming from different angles? sometimes, taking the right steps in life open the door of favour.

please advise him to swallow his pride, get the help and do the right thing. is it not until he opens up to people that it becomes a public knowledge that his younger brother actually helped him?

eazzzy1:
They are married, they are in a common law union. They have a family, what are the benefits of collecting list? how would collecting list benefit their union?

There are people who collected list and bought heaven and earth whose marriage didn’t last one year. If two people agree they want to be together, what’s the hullabaloo about doing a rite? they should collect the money and use it for productive ventures.

I share this sentiment too!!!!


Let him get something doing first..


Some divorce after the wedding itself.


Or make it low-key wedding and use what's left to continue a business...

Oga na your younger brother o, and he is not saying he dey borrow you
Use and sense and stop fornication and get married properly

Righteousness2:
Your Friend has been Fornicating for 8yrs and has 2 kids. His brother wants to deliver him from the Bondage of Fornication. Yet your Friend is forming big boy.
Tell your Friend to repair the altar of his life. Tell your Friend to humble himself and do the right thing which is to go marry that lady legally.
Op , If you are the Friend, humble yourself and repair your altar.

your advice day always day different

pinkygurl:
Nice one but he should hurriedly pay that bride price quickly if he knows what is good for him. Not praying for bad thing o, but my elder brother whose supposed (wife) died and they were not married, just cohabiting together, went through hell to get her buried. She unfortunately died with pregnancy trying to give birth again.

Na that time you go know the kind yeye African culture some Nigerian tribes get, Not only was he mandated to pay the bride price of the corpse before she could be buried ,
He also slept in the same room with the dead corpse for one night only.
It wasn't an easy time at all , but he fulfilled all the obligations and she was finally laid to rest.(obituary poster bearing Mrs).
Big bro was very traumatised by the event.Death normally for married couples is the official time to be free of each other as there is no marriage in heaven. But that was the time Big bro, was getting joined to a corpse.lmagine getting married for the first time and his bride was a dead body . omo It's not something one would wish on his worst enemy.

The way I see it, court marriage renders null-and-void all those meaningless traditions. So, in the case that one of the pair were to die at any point in the marriage, it changes nothing since, in the eyes of the very law that rules over the land, there were married, and tradition is obligated to see it as such. Simple and tight!

My own parents were married in court and they didn't pay heed to any traditional nonsense afterward , nor did it impact them in any way, why? Because they both chose to cut that nonsense out.

At least he should pay the pride price first... Before starting the business

Ego

Why does anyone need to know who is supporting to pay the price? It should be between only the two of them, or worse case, with the woman. I will advise against letting the woman know though.

Kobojunkie:
This way I see it, court marriage renders null-and-void all those meaningless traditions. So, in the case that one of the pair were to die at any point in the marriage, it changes nothing since, in the eyes of the very law that rules over the land, there were married, and tradition is obligated to see it as such. Simple and tight!

Omo nor be court and law of land and police go bury the woman o.unless he wanna bury her in cemetary. Then the law can happily prevail.

She did not fall from the sky.It's their daughter. Somebody's sibling and child.and my brother insisted on returning her to mother earth according to her family desires and her tribe of origin culture as a mark of respect to the dead. The poor woman even died with his child inside her. It was important to my brother that her family members attended and approved their daughters burial.
In my opinion, Africans like to go to court to settle everything and have law of land prevail.You reason am na But only money used in hiring lawyers to defend him and hold court sessions for law to prevail never reach or pass to pay bride price and return her to mother earth according to her family desires?

No be bad thing now, you no see E money and kcee.

pinkygurl:
Omo nor be court and law of land and police go bury the woman o.unless he wanna bury her in cemetary. Then the law can happily prevail.

She did not fall from the sky.It's their daughter. Somebody's sibling and child.and my brother insisted on returning her to mother earth according to her family desires and her tribe of origin culture as a mark of respect to the dead. The poor woman even died with his child inside her.
In my opinion, Africans like to go to court to settle everything and have law of land prevail.You reason am na But only money used in hiring lawyers to defend him and hold court sessions for law to prevail never reach or pass to pay bride price and return her to mother earth according to her family desires?

I no dey follow traditions since the law is all that is good and enough, and makes sense to me in these things. And in the eyes of the law, once a man and woman marry, they are no longer the property of anyone else but independent entities who are married and their individual will is what speaks for them when they are not around. So, if a man or woman dies in a marriage, the other partner has the right to carry out the deceased will, or in the case that there is none or he is unable to, her family can step in then. And in the case that there is no family, the state has a right to dispose of her body as it is to do so. That arrangement is much simpler for peace of mind.

If a family wants to have its desires met no matter what, then it shouldn't bother marrying its child out at all and it should carry her for head until her end, assuming the child allows it.

The best advice the guy in question should take is for him to collect the money from his brother and settle the ladies' family as she has tried enduring. But he should ensure that the real dowry comes directly from his pocket, that what makes him a man.

Make your friend tried to pay his wife bride prices then younger brother can help for the remaining stuff.
Na bride price be koko among all gift.

Kobojunkie:
I no dey follow traditions since the law is all that is good and enough, and makes sense to me in these things. And in the eyes of the law, once a man and woman marry, they are no longer the property of anyone else but independent entities who are married and their individual will is what speaks for them when they are not around. So, if a man or woman dies in a marriage, the other partner has the right to carry out the deceased will, or in the case that there is none or he is unable to, her family can step in then. And in the case that there is no family, the state has a right to dispose of her body as it is to do so. That arrangement is much simpler for peace of mind.

If a family wants to have its desires met no matter what, then it shouldn't bother marrying its child out at all and it should carry her for head until her end, assuming the child allows it.

Omo na you Sabi o. No where did l state my sibling was married to the woman.They were just in love and cohabiting and she died trying to give birth again. They were not even married in any way.
Besides f**k the law. Na only you wan attend burial? She did not fall from sky and my brother knew the name of her parents and siblings and state of origin.lt was important for her family to approve their daughters burial . Proper introduction was done, bride price paid, woman buried with the pregnancy,her family members graced the occasion and the rest is history

pinkygurl:

Omo na you Sabi o. No where did l state my sibling was married to the woman.They were just in love and cohabiting and she died trying to give birth again. They were not even married in any way.
Besides f**k the law. Na only you wan attend burial? She did not fall from sky and my brother knew the name of her parents and siblings and state of origin.lt was important for her family to approve their daughters marriage. Proper introduction was done, bride price paid, woman buried with the pregnancy,her family members graced the occasion and the rest is history

I am not addressing the case of your sibling at all. I am simply stating that in this case, the man and woman should simply go for court marriage and forget bride price nonsense, save themselves the headache since once their marriage is registered in court, no tradition can deny it.

Marriage is an agreement between a man and a woman. So once a man and woman decide to get married, they are free to register their marriage agreement in the courts, irrespective of the opinions of family members.

What happened with your sibling is unfortunate, but in this case, I see no reason to waste money on traditional rites when a lesser cost and more common sense option exists and it is court marriage.

It is not every asistance a man should consider. Such as this!

Let the games begin

He who finds a wife finds a good thing and he who finds a bail-out finds a lord... reality is sacrosanct and believe me your future wife can give your younger brother knacks for careless spending.....a word is enuff for the Wyze

EcoLaw:
Good evening Nairalanders, a friend of mine came to me for an advise.

My friend is in his late 30s, he has been in a relationship with his woman, they have been together for a period of 8 years, and they have 2 kids together.

This my friend has a younger brother, the younger brother told him that they should go and collect traditional marriage list from his woman family, so that traditional marriage can take place by December.

My friend worry is that, one, he is not financially capable to do traditional marriage rite as of now and secondly, he doesn't have a good paying job now.

Another of his worry is that, he feels it shameful for his younger brother to sponsor his wedding, he is afraid won't he be insulted in the future by people, that he can't not pay his wife bride price, that it was somebody that married his wife for him. His brother told him not to worry about the financial responsibilities, that God will take control.

My advice for him was that he should tell his brother to give him the money to go start
a business, maybe when the business balances, he can go and do the marriage rite. But his brother told him that the lady has tired for waiting for 8 years, that they should do the traditional marriage first, every other thing shall fall in place. This his brother has been supportive to him.

Nairalanders please what's you take on this?

Kobojunkie:
I am not addressing the case of your sibling at all. I am simply stating that in this case, the man and woman should simply go for court marriage and forget bride price nonsense, save themselves the headache since once their marriage is registered in court, no tradition can deny it.

Marriage is an agreement between a man and a woman. So once a man and woman decide to get married, they are free to register their marriage agreement in the courts, irrespective of the opinions of family members.

What happened with your sibling is unfortunate, but in this case, I see no reason to waste money on traditional rites when a lesser cost and more common sense option exists and it is court marriage.

Very very unfortunate o. Besides the law does not conduct marriages between living people and a dead partner as both parties should be able to sign the marriage documents and pose for pictures at least

EcoLaw:
Good evening Nairalanders, a friend of mine came to me for an advise.

My friend is in his late 30s, he has been in a relationship with his woman, they have been together for a period of 8 years, and they have 2 kids together.

This my friend has a younger brother, the younger brother told him that they should go and collect traditional marriage list from his woman family, so that traditional marriage can take place by December.

My friend worry is that, one, he is not financially capable to do traditional marriage rite as of now and secondly, he doesn't have a good paying job now.

Another of his worry is that, he feels it shameful for his younger brother to sponsor his wedding, he is afraid won't he be insulted in the future by people, that he can't not pay his wife bride price, that it was somebody that married his wife for him. His brother told him not to worry about the financial responsibilities, that God will take control.

My advice for him was that he should tell his brother to give him the money to go start
a business, maybe when the business balances, he can go and do the marriage rite. But his brother told him that the lady has tired for waiting for 8 years, that they should do the traditional marriage first, every other thing shall fall in place. This his brother has been supportive to him.

Nairalanders please what's you take on this?

OP, YOUR TOPIC IS A BIT SENSITIVE BUT DO YOU KNOW THAT THIS LAD MIGHT NOT GET A CHANCE TO MARRY ON TIME IF HE REFUSED THIS OFFER? ASIDE THIS, YOU BECOME MORE RESPONSIBLE MWHEN YOU HAVE YOUR OWN FAMILY AND IT IS GOD'S WAY OF ANSWERING HIS PRAYER BUT HE CLEARLY WANT TO SPOIL THIS BLESING BECAUSE OF ''PRIDE''. YES, PRIDE BECAUSE ONE WAY OR THE OTHER HIS FAMILY WILL CONTRIBUTE TO THE WEDDING .

THEN DO YOU THINK THE BROTHER DOESN'T KNOW THAT HE NEED TO START A BUSINESS? HE MIGHT NOT BE TOO GOOD WITH 'EGO' I THINK THEY ARE WELL AWARE OF THEIR BROTHERS SHORT COMINGS HENCE THEY WANT TO GIVE HIM A WIFE.

GOODLUCK

This story still get plenty chapters wey go unfold for future,,eg how the woman secretly gave the younger brother the money so she can get married and regain her pride, and also the chapter wey go unveil the actual relationship between them.

See awoof

neonly:



Sit-down der atleast she don secure her own space no way any woman can just come up anywhere to chance d guy from him except say d man is curse
But my mother still dey search and wait for made man wey go stay with her unlike my father wey run away, make Monopus no close on her before she wither for house alone

Fixed

Educated illiterate that cannot spell well.

paradiseVirgin:

When I show penis now you will be all wet and humble and after servicing you, you will pack your load uninvited and join me and you will forget you ever said all these

Na your type I d like make my baby mama

No be everybody go be like your mama wey nobody pay her bride price before she born you

When marriage is involved, help comes from family. His brother is his blood, it does not matter his position. Moreover he will just kick start the process for him and help comes from even outsiders. He should go ahead, fix date and start doing the little little things he can do. May be his greatness is tied under the marriage ceremony he has delayed for 8years. The special Favour that comes from God is waiting for him to go and do the marriage rites and it will come down to him.

Kobojunkie:
I am simply stating that in this case, the man and woman should simply go for court marriage and forget bride price nonsense, save themselves the headache since once their marriage is registered in court, no tradition can deny it.

Marriage is an agreement between a man and a woman. So once a man and woman decide to get married, they are free to register their marriage agreement in the courts, irrespective of the opinions of family members..
In this case, I see no reason to waste money on traditional rites when a lesser cost and more common sense option exists and it is court marriage.

This indomie generation sef. Always looking for lesser cheapest cost ánd pricing haggling things to last kobo. How much is bride price sef?. In my African Nigerian culture, the real bride price/dowry is just *twenty naira only * forever. They do this so no one would later say the bride was sold like market goods.
Funny thing is After all the list, consisting of things like palm oil ,goats, wine, wrapper, kolanuts, cash sum like 300k or more or less to chew & swallow the kolanut very well (negotiable depending on groom’s financial capability), . should the marriage collapse tomorrow/divorce,
Only the official bride price/dowry of twenty naira is returned.
Some couples these days don’t hold any traditional marriage rites or party . They just go for the formal introduction of groom to family, pay the Bride price, bring kolanuts and head to court. Not everybody is comfortable subjecting his wife to humiliation or ridicule and disrespect among peers that husband could not pay *twenty naira* . That bride price/dowry of twenty naira is a thing of pride to an African wife and l want her to be happy.
Different strokes for different folks. This is 21st century.
As for me, if l end up marrying any woman african daughter of eve, l would go for the formal introduction to bride’s family, pay bride price, bring kolanuts and head to court for court marriage or church for church wedding without any traditional marriage ceremony rites/ traditional marriage party.I detest it so much. Besides l cannot tie wrapper.
But if l end up with a fellow man with dick like myself, just like my great great mentors Edafe Okporo And Bisi Alimi,, l will conduct only court marriage strictly court marriage without any introduction nonsense to spouse family or seeking spouse family approval nonsense /blessings to go ahead nonsense. The law of the land is the best always and holds good and true and is all that is good and sufficient enough irrespective of the blessings of or opinions of family members. Once the marriage is registered in Court, no tradition can deny it.God bless America and God Save the Queen.
Shout out to LGBTQ Nairaland
https://www.edafeokporo.com/

The excuses cited by the mam for delaying the wedding are weak and disrespectful to the live-in-lover and her parents. You have no money yet you are impregnating another persons child without their consent. Those children should taken over from him while the wife relocates to her family to win back her respect

Really

Truthshotcrazy:
[/b]This indomie generation sef. Always looking for lesser cheapest cost ánd pricing haggling things to last kobo. How much is bride price sef?. In my African Nigerian culture, the real bride price/dowry is just *twenty naira only * forever. They do this so no one would later say the bride was sold like market goods.
Funny thing is After all the list, consisting of things like palm oil ,goats, wine, wrapper, kolanuts, cash sum like 300k or more or less to chew & swallow the kolanut very well (negotiable depending on groom’s financial capability), . should the marriage collapse tomorrow/divorce,
Only the official bride price/dowry of twenty naira is returned.
Some couples these days don’t hold any traditional marriage rites or party . They just go for the formal introduction of groom to family, pay the Bride price, bring kolanuts and head to court. Not everybody is comfortable subjecting his wife to humiliation or ridicule and disrespect among peers that husband could not pay *twenty naira* . That bride price/dowry of twenty naira is a thing of pride to an African wife and l want her to be happy.
Different strokes for different folks. This is 21st century.
As for me, if l end up marrying any woman daughter of eve, l would go for the formal introduction to bride’s family, pay bride price, bring kolanuts and head to court for court marriage or church for church wedding without any traditional marriage ceremony rites/ traditional marriage party.I detest it so much. Besides l cannot tie wrapper.
But if l end up with a fellow man with dick like myself, just like my great great mentors Edafe Okporo And Bisi Alimi,, l will conduct only court marriage strictly court marriage without any introduction nonsense to spouse family or seeking spouse family approval nonsense /blessings to go ahead nonsense. The law of the land is the best always and holds good and true and enough irrespective of the blessings of or opinions of family members. Once the marriage is registered in Court, no tradition can deny it.God bless America and God Save the Queen.

I am not of the "indomie" generation as I am instead one of the ancients even here on Nairaland. I don't buy into your traditions, your marriage traditions included, as I prefer a commonsense approach that eliminates division, even in marriage, along gender lines. No matter how cheap you claim your bride prices to be, it doesn't eliminate the fact that it is widely considered a price paid in order to claim ownership over another human being and that is unacceptable, whichever way you choose to cut it.

Anyways, irrespective of how cheap you claim the bride price to be, marriage is not recognized as legally binding in Nigeria unless it is registered in the courts. As such, in this case, the man and woman save a lot by going to the courts straight. Should they at a later date decide to pay the bride price and eat kola, they can also do that too.

I was thought so long time and I'd never forget that
The man must have forgotten he gave me some words on marbles
"Never you borrow money to marry a wife, especially from your friends or family member, always make sure you are the one that paid the bride price"

Those were his words, I don't really know what it entails but there are deep message in those