Good evening Nairalanders, a friend of mine came to me for an advise.

My friend is in his late 30s, he has been in a relationship with his woman, they have been together for a period of 8 years, and they have 2 kids together.

This my friend has a younger brother, the younger brother told him that they should go and collect traditional marriage list from his woman family, so that traditional marriage can take place by December.

My friend worry is that, one, he is not financially capable to do traditional marriage rite as of now and secondly, he doesn't have a good paying job now.

Another of his worry is that, he feels it shameful for his younger brother to sponsor his wedding, he is afraid won't he be insulted in the future by people, that he can't not pay his wife bride price, that it was somebody that married his wife for him. His brother told him not to worry about the financial responsibilities, that God will take control.

My advice for him was that he should tell his brother to give him the money to go start
a business, maybe when the business balances, he can go and do the marriage rite. But his brother told him that the lady has tired for waiting for 8 years, that they should do the traditional marriage first, every other thing shall fall in place. This his brother has been supportive to him.

Nairalanders please what's you take on this?

EcoLaw:
Good evening Nairalanders, a friend of mine came to me for an advise.
My friend is in his late 30s,he has been in a relationship with his woman,they have been together for a period of 8 years,and they have 2 kids together.
This my friend has a younger brother,the younger brother told him that they should go and collect traditional marriage list from his woman family,so that traditional marriage can take place by December.
My friend worry is that,one,he is not financially capable to do traditional marriage rite as of now and secondly, he doesn't have a good paying job now. Another of his worry is that,he feels it shameful for his younger brother to sponsor his wedding,he is afraid won't he be insulted in the future by people,that he can't not pay his wife bride price,that it was somebody that married his wife for him. His brother told him not to worry about the financial responsibilities,that God will take control. My advice for him was that he should tell his brother to give him the money to go start
a business,maybe when the business balances,he can go and do the marriage rite. But his brother told him that the lady has tired for waiting for 8 years,that they should do the traditional marriage first,every other thing shall fall in place. This his brother have been supportive to him. Nairalanders please what's you take on this.

Even if he starts a business with it and uses money from the business to do the marriage rites, it's from his brother. He can't wish it away.

A brother is trying to help. The one that needs the help is trying to spin it with all sorts of negative narratives. Tufiakwa. Poor people have terrible mindsets. From the epistle, it is clear the elder brother isn't just stvpid. He has mental problem, unstable, create scenarios that do not exist in his head and at the same time would hold people responsible for his misfortunes


If we humans can humbly give, i don't see why we can't humble receive

If he considers his younger brother such an enemy, he should go it all out without him in his life completely.

Nonsense

life is about you being YOU,.. dont try to change because of other people's view of what/who you should be...

Okay...

People like your friend never grow or do well in life because they are always filled with excuses and shy away from taking responsibility for their actions and inactions.

He reeled out excuses as to why he doesn't want his brother financing him to do the right thing but in his silly head, he is buoyant enough to keep someone else's daughter in his house to be nacking and manufacturacturing kids for him at the drop of a hat.

Mad man wey no get shame no know say na him friends and family dey shame for am.

You no get shiiit for nyansh you still dey bring up excuse of what will people say.

Dumbo

The girl in question is the biggest dumbo tho....

Lord of the rings...

Some women don't value themselves, living with a man when he hasn't done the needful, and having kids in the process

Shame.

...

Klass99:



Gaby Gaby, chop knuckle.

Some of us get our priorities misplaced jare

Good evening, tell your friend who came for advice to go ahead and get married as planned by the younger brother, it is glaring that his younger brother wants to get married too but refuses to do so because his elder brother is not yet married. He knows it is not right for him to get married before his senior brother. He should forget about what people will say or his fears of future insults from his brother. Tying somebody's daughter for 8 long years without paying her dowry is very risky. If anything happens to her and she eventually dies, it is then he will face the worst problem of his life. Telling his brother to give the money to him is killing more time and also it not compulsory that a business you started will yield profit on time looking at the current situation of Nigeria. He shouldn't waste time to make things official whether he is sponsoring it or not.

OP! From what you posted , it is obvious the couple live together, and since they live together already, it is not bad if his brother help him with the rite but tell your friend to tell his brother not to bring anymore kid into the hardship. In my own case, tho it was only 1 kid I and my girlfriend( now wife) had while we were in university, she stayed with her parent till my kid is 6years , till I have the financial strength for the wedding and taking care of the family. So, I believe there are two different things. Goodluck to him

Righteousness2:
Your Friend has been Fornicating for 8yrs and has 2 kids. His brother wants to deliver him from the Bondage of Fornication. Yet your Friend is forming big boy.
Tell your Friend to repair the altar of his life. Tell your Friend to humble himself and do the right thing which is to go marry that lady legally.
Op , If you are the Friend, humble yourself and repair your altar.

I am solidly behind you. Op please tell your friend to do the needful. Marriage comes with blessings of open doors. It is a spiritual thing.

Klass99:






I don't get it either! Like what drives them to such situations?

Desperation to be counted among those living in a man's house

Those ones see themselves as nothing without a man in their life.

The lady in the Op may be the type that goes about singing to anyone that cares to listen that she is in horseband's house shaming single ladies into depression, not knowing her own get comma.

EcoLaw:
Another of his worry is that,he feels it shameful for his younger brother to sponsor his wedding,he is afraid won't he be insulted in the future by people,that he can't not pay his wife bride price,that it was somebody that married his wife for him. His brother told him not to worry about the financial responsibilities,that God will take control. My advice for him was that he should tell his brother to give him the money to go start
a business,maybe when the business balances,he can go and do the marriage rite. But his brother told him that the lady has tired for waiting for 8 years,that they should do the traditional marriage first,every other thing shall fall in place. This his brother have been supportive to him. Nairalanders please what's you take on this.

My advice is that you talk the couple into getting their marriage registered in the courts at least so that the children can have their names officially registered as belonging to their union.

Take the money and do whatever you want with it. However, please bury the idea of using the profit from the business to fund your marriage. Who told you the business will survive in the first place? Secondly, what's the whole idea behind paying bride price after 8 years of steady knacking that produced two kids? What exactly are you trying to do?

EcoLaw:
Good evening Nairalanders, a friend of mine came to me for an advise.
My friend is in his late 30s,he has been in a relationship with his woman,they have been together for a period of 8 years,and they have 2 kids together.
This my friend has a younger brother,the younger brother told him that they should go and collect traditional marriage list from his woman family,so that traditional marriage can take place by December.
My friend worry is that,one,he is not financially capable to do traditional marriage rite as of now and secondly, he doesn't have a good paying job now. Another of his worry is that,he feels it shameful for his younger brother to sponsor his wedding,he is afraid won't he be insulted in the future by people,that he can't not pay his wife bride price,that it was somebody that married his wife for him. His brother told him not to worry about the financial responsibilities,that God will take control. My advice for him was that he should tell his brother to give him the money to go start
a business,maybe when the business balances,he can go and do the marriage rite. But his brother told him that the lady has tired for waiting for 8 years,that they should do the traditional marriage first,every other thing shall fall in place. This his brother have been supportive to him. Nairalanders please what's you take on this.

if it's about what people will say,he should better be calming down. That you are the eldest doesn't mean you must be more financially suitable than your siblings. Infact I pray that people I Help will be richer than me, e dey give joy self .

They are married, they are in a common law union. They have a family, what are the benefits of collecting list? how would collecting list benefit their union?

There are people who collected list and bought heaven and earth whose marriage didn’t last one year. If two people agree they want to be together, what’s the hullabaloo about doing a rite? they should collect the money and use it for productive ventures.

eazzzy1:
They are married, they are in a common law union. They have a family, what are the benefits of collecting list? how would collecting list benefit their union?

There are people who collected list and bought heaven and earth whose marriage didn’t last one year. If two people agree they want to be together, what’s the hullabaloo about doing a rite? they should collect the money and use it for productive ventures.

Nigeria no send anyone common law union. Na for that same Nigeria, the man's relatives go label those children bastards if that man waka tomorrow leave there mama.

The two need to make their union official, if at least for the sake of the children. If they can at least agree to register it at the court's for now, hurdle crossed.

But you guys are living together and have two kids already without being properly married.

Let him collect list and do the right thing joor, shame no catch that your friend ni, anyway its the woman I blame, 2 kids no dowry payment Nawa oo, someone wants his elder bro to do the right thing now he knows he doesn't have money, he didn't know there was no money money when he was sleeping with her and they produced 2 kids.

Abegiii let the bro buy the things on the list and they make the union official.

Kobojunkie:
Nigeria no send anyone common law union. Na for that same Nigeria, the man's relatives go label those children bastards if that man waka tomorrow leave there mama.

The two need to make their union official, if at least for the sake of the children. If they can at least agree to register it at the court's for now, hurdle crossed.

Someone would have to take a stand to make Nigeria send it, Nigeria did not send women wearing trouser some 15 to 20 years ago, now almost every woman wear one. I’m not saying making the union official is bad, I’m saying there’s nothing wrong with what they have now.

The relatives who would label the children bastards because the father left are unreasonable and their unreasonableness wouldn’t change because they made union official.

spice123:

I am solidly behind you. Op please tell your friend to do the needful. Marriage comes with blessings of open doors. It is a spiritual thing.

Here we go again, marriage open doors like say poor married people dun progress more than single people.
Op, dis case get one kind, ur brother no dey financially balance and en dun get 2 pikin, waiting dey worry poor people self.
Money en no dey, but to knack bring 2 pikin en sabi,. See if u fund marriage for him, na u go feed dem?
D lady is cool now bcs she never get ground, but once una pay her bride price na that time aunty go cum get full ground and demand go increase both from her and her family side too.

EcoLaw:
Good evening Nairalanders, a friend of mine came to me for an advise.
My friend is in his late 30s,he has been in a relationship with his woman,they have been together for a period of 8 years,and they have 2 kids together.
This my friend has a younger brother,the younger brother told him that they should go and collect traditional marriage list from his woman family,so that traditional marriage can take place by December.
My friend worry is that,one,he is not financially capable to do traditional marriage rite as of now and secondly, he doesn't have a good paying job now. Another of his worry is that,he feels it shameful for his younger brother to sponsor his wedding,he is afraid won't he be insulted in the future by people,that he can't not pay his wife bride price,that it was somebody that married his wife for him. His brother told him not to worry about the financial responsibilities,that God will take control. My advice for him was that he should tell his brother to give him the money to go start
a business,maybe when the business balances,he can go and do the marriage rite. But his brother told him that the lady has tired for waiting for 8 years,that they should do the traditional marriage first,every other thing shall fall in place. This his brother have been supportive to him. Nairalanders please what's you take on this.

This is sensitive because he may be laughed upon by any member of his family when he misbehaves

He doesn't have money
He kept someone daughter at home and be having children with her

Hope he is aware that, if anything happens to that woman, he will finally marry her property before burial

I think he should go and discuss with his in laws and they will reduce whatever they have in their list because that's what is scaring the guy to fulfile

Then base on what is agreed upon, he can now collect a support from his brother inform of drinks not cash

E get why I say not cash, because of tomorrow, he will not rub it on his face

Are you sure it's your friend? Cos it sounds like you

Tell him to listen to his brother...should anything happens to the girl that has given him two children already,he will lose those children.

Reason is because some cultures will not treat him lightly.

8years no be here oh!

Gloriagee:
Are you sure it's your friend? Cos it sounds like you

Stick to the post. Do you know how I sound?

If the girl is from a certain tribe in Nigeria, If she dies in his hand, hope he knows he will still marry her. That same money wey e no wan collect marry her while living, he will collect it and use it to marry her corpse and still fund the burial. The reason why he is still struggling may be tied to the fact that the union has not been blessed. You cannot carry someone's daughter and put in your house without the normal rites and expect things to be working well. Before God and man, he is wrong. At worse, if his pride will not allow him take the offer, let him consider the money that will be spent on his wedding by the younger brother as a loan and try repaying it installmentally if that will make him feel better.

I see it disappointing when family have trust issues among themselves
He should know his brother well enough wether he should accept d offer or not

eazzzy1:
Someone would have to take a stand to make Nigeria send it, Nigeria did not send women wearing trouser some 15 to 20 years ago, now almost every woman wear one. I’m not saying making the union official is bad, I’m saying there’s nothing wrong with what they have now.

The relatives who would label the children bastards because the father left are unreasonable and their unreasonableness wouldn’t change because they made union official.

What you have in bold happens more times than not and the children end up suffering the most in such unions. Hence the reason why it makes sense for the couple to register their union in order to avoid such unnecessary heartache down the road.

The issue is complicated

He doesn't have money but his preek is very rich and hardworking birthing kids out of wedlock like a champion stud. Shior.

Wo, I'm in a violent mood this evening so let me not transfer the aggression

Ishilove:
He doesn't have money but his preek is very rich and hardworking birthing kids out of wedlock like a champion stud. Shior.

Wo, I'm in a violent mood this evening so let me not transfer the aggression

Nlfpmod