We, as a society, seriously need to stop this nonsense of secrecy in abuse.

Children in abusive homes should not say anything outside at the detriment of painting their parents abusers badly.

Men and women in abusive relationships should not say anything outside so they wouldn't shame their partners abusers.
There are people googling and researching ' What to do if someone you love abuses you ' because they can't even fathom speaking up.

They're afraid of tarnishing the image of their abusers.

Worse still, most of them are afraid of what society would say about them, the victims.

'What would people say?' has killed many people, left rapists roaming around family gatherings and kept victims in God when relationships with their emotional, sexual and physical abusers.

So back to the Google searches. There's barely any answers (well, not the exact answers that the victims are looking for)

Why?

1 Many victims come from a place of feeling like they are at fault. (Keyword being many)

2 They are searching for exact cases or scenarios like theirs. So even if they find an abuse story matching theirs 99%, the missing 1% makes their case different

3. They don't even know if it's abuse. They feel a type of way about it. Find similar stories. But, it doesn't sit well because there's just one common advise. LEAVE
How do you start the process of leaving someone when you're not even sure it was abuse.
(Inserts the fact that they're ashamed to talk to anyone about it).

4 Finally, (especially with Nigerians) Na white people write am. They are too liberal. They don't know what we face daily and how normal these acts are. Hence, they discredit all the information they googled.

The worst part?

There's a repeat action and they find themselves googling again.
A fucking toxic cycle.�

The secrecy is what starts the problem.

Conflict and Abuse Thrive in Secrecy

The world isn't changing soon.
I just feel like dropping the judgemental tone would help victims actually feel safe with you.

The moment you start asking very stupid questions like ehn, so you're trying to tell me a girl raped you? Or Your gentle partner beat you?

Drop the judgement abeg. And don't be propagating rubbish.

Because here's the truth.
Dear beautiful souls in abusive relationships, it's always better on the other side.

It may not seem like it. But it's always better without the abuser.
And if it's love and acceptance you're searching for, the only person that can give you that 100% is YOU.
Always look out for Number one.

THAT'S YOU

Treat yourself better. Please.