Good day my fellow Nairalanders,I’m bringing this here because I know there are so many reasonable and matured people here and I will like you to advice my brother and his wife whose home is currently breaking apart.
Now these are the issues.
My elder brother is 34 years old,got married about four years ago.He is a lawyer (doing quite really well) and also lectures at one of the SW state universities.

His wife is a nurse, currently in the UK,before she left for the UK shortly after the birth of their only child till date(though she is currently pregnant).Before she left my brother was not in total support but eventually had to bow down to pressure from various parties.
Now the current is issue is that the wife want the husband to come and stay in the UK permanently, that husband and wife has to be together..and she complained of a host lot of other things.
My elder brother is having none of it, he argued that it does not make sense for him having struggled to build his legal career to this stage(Nine years at the bar now) and with the huge potential to even achieved more in his career that he can not close his law firm, lose his client and career and moreover if he is relocating to the UK then which job is available for him or what will he even be doing that will worth risking his career back home in Nigeria....The wife said she has factor this in her plan and that’s why she is willing to write professional exams and move to the USA where there are better job opportunities and he may even still practice his law there.
The wife has been threatening fire and brimstone that she will abort her current pregnancy and fill for divorce..my brother has told her to do her worst.
My brother believes his wife is trying to manipulate him,and he is being wary of sacrificing his career for a woman....he believes if he make this move he may regret it in the future having come this far in his legal profession.
Though majority of my brother’s friends abroad are encouraging him to take the risk that he will not regret it,My brother said when pressed none of these people have also been able to give him any cogent answer whenever he talk about what job will replace his fairly successful career back home in Nigeria.
Your advice and criticism are well welcome,thank you.

Update house:
My brother said he has made his decision, and nothing is going to change it, he is never going to close down a thriving law firm and delve in to the uncertainty.
Wife says she feels lonely, and depressed and needs her family with her.says her colleagues at work often poke fun of her because she is the only one whose husband is still in Nigeria.
He said he can only be going to visit and come back to his legal career, a solution the wife refused totally.
Both family members has tried to solve the issue but no headway at all.
My brother believes his wife is being altruistically selfish, trying to take advantage of his kindness and gentleness ,says it has always been about what she wants which he has obliged and never been about what he wants.
The wife said if that’s the case then she will fill for divorce and abort her pregnancy,my brother told her to do whatever suits her, but if she abort the pregnancy she should forget about ever having access to their only child(who is presently living with my brother in Nigeria) but for the divorce he will gladly and willingly grant her wish.
Mother in law did not also help matters, heaping abuse and laying blames on the husband, calling him insensitive and wicked.
Personally I think there’s no going back, this marriage is good as done.

Let me learn from others.

omoh! honestly I hope to learn from others on this.

VictoryAssured:


Let me learn from others.

sapoyoro:
omoh!
honestly I hope to learn from others on this.

The matter pass una, abi?

She is already saying she want divorce, to hell with her and her divorce...
Since the husband is doing fine in Nigeria I don't think he should stress himself, if she really want the marriage she can come to Nigeria anytime she want or the husband to go visit once in a while...
Don't let any woman control you

Where exactly is she based?
UK or US?
Anyway, she don already Japa!!
From the marriage!
She knows that the husband was never gonna let go of his career here.
So been a narcissist woman, she has already played the victim game...
And turned him into a ^{victim of circumstance}
Tell your brother to go look for another wife ...
Am just a Redpiller
Say no to feminist narcissistic scam

From my Moniker you'll know my level of Maturity

But, your Brother's Wife should be a little considerate! a Job, Career, Achievements and everything are on the line..... A Wife can be replaced, but not a LIFE.

fman:
Where exactly is she based?
UK or US?

Uk currently

That woman go show your brother hell if he mistakenly embark on that waka. Threatening him with divorce is enough reason to know her evil plans for your brother.

There’s nothing to advice Na. Your brother already told her ti suit herself which is the best decision after they couldn’t both give each other concessions. Truth is that wether he joins her over there or not, she has been contemplating divorce for a while, she will eventually file for it at the flimsiest opportunity. It will however be more painful for your bro if he has lost his career in Nigeria to join her abroad when the divorce happens.

sokeril:
Good day my fellow Nairalanders,I’m bringing this here because I know there are so many reasonable and matured people here and I will like you to advice my brother and his wife whose home is currently breaking apart.
Now these are the issues.
My elder brother is 34 years old,got married about four years ago.He is a lawyer (doing quite really well) and also lectures at one of the SW state universities.

His wife is a nurse, currently in the UK,before she left for the UK shortly after the birth of their only child till date(though she is currently pregnant).Before she left my brother was not in total support but eventually had to bow down to pressure from various parties.
Now the current is issue is that the wife want the husband to come and stay in the UK permanently, that husband and wife has to be together..and she complained of a host lot of other things.
My elder brother is having none of it, he argued that it does not make sense for him having struggled to build his legal career to this stage(Nine years at the bar now) and with the huge potential to even achieved more in his career that he can not close his law firm, lose his client and career and moreover if he is relocating to the UK then which job is available for him or what will he even be doing that will worth risking his career back home in Nigeria....The wife said she has factor this in her plan and that’s why she is willing to write professional exams and move to the USA where there are better job opportunities and he may even still practice his law there.
The wife has been threatening fire and brimstone that she will abort her current pregnancy and fill for divorce..my brother has told her to do her worst.
My brother believes his wife is trying to manipulate him,and he is being wary of sacrificing his career for a woman....he believes if he make this move he may regret it in the future having come this far in his legal profession.
Though majority of my brother’s friends abroad are encouraging him to take the risk that he will not regret it,My brother said when pressed none of these people have also been able to give him any cogent answer whenever he talk about what job will replace his fairly successful career back home in Nigeria.
Your advice and criticism are well welcome,thank you.

Since he is doing well for himself, the choice to move should solely be his, but some people get mind o. How I go marry come send my wife abroad, if she is going there temporary that is fine, but permanent stay? Mba

Make your bro stay put with is work here coz his wife go turn ur bro to slave over there

these people are not compatible, and shouldnt have started a family together, if her life goals were to go live abroad and your brother's goal was building his law firm in Nigeria. why would he even let his wife relocate to the UK if he believed that his life was 110% in Nigeria?

better to part ways and each continuing in their own lane.

Blakjewelry:

Since he is doing well for himself, the choice to move should solely be his, but some people get mind o. How I go marry come send my wife abroad, if she is going there temporary that is fine, but permanent stay? Mba

Like I said he disagreed then too and did not want to let her to go because he was fearing it may cause issue in the future but the pressure on him was too much that he eventually had to let go.

sokeril:
Like I said he disagreed then too and did not want to let her to go because he was fearing it may cause issue in the future but the pressure on him was too much that he eventually had to let go.

then he should blame that exact same "pressure" for whats happening to him now... most people who relocate to the west dont want to come back to Africa so early (if at all).

honestly if its me oo I will not go sha
Nigeria is bad we know but atleast people like your brother are still achieving something with their life.

sokeril:

Like I said he disagreed then too and did not want to let her to go because he was fearing it may cause issue in the future but the pressure on him was too much that he eventually had to let go.

Since he is not japa gang like me they should let me him be

MrBrownJay1:


then he should blame that exact same "pressure" for whats happening to him now... most people who relocate to the west dont want to come back to Africa so early (if at all).

I also blame him for his naivety

sokeril:
Good day my fellow Nairalanders,I’m bringing this here because I know there are so many reasonable and matured people here and I will like you to advice my brother and his wife whose home is currently breaking apart.
Now these are the issues.
My elder brother is 34 years old,got married about four years ago.He is a lawyer (doing quite really well) and also lectures at one of the SW state universities.

His wife is a nurse, currently in the UK,before she left for the UK shortly after the birth of their only child till date(though she is currently pregnant).Before she left my brother was not in total support but eventually had to bow down to pressure from various parties.
Now the current is issue is that the wife want the husband to come and stay in the UK permanently, that husband and wife has to be together..and she complained of a host lot of other things.
My elder brother is having none of it, he argued that it does not make sense for him having struggled to build his legal career to this stage(Nine years at the bar now) and with the huge potential to even achieved more in his career that he can not close his law firm, lose his client and career and moreover if he is relocating to the UK then which job is available for him or what will he even be doing that will worth risking his career back home in Nigeria....The wife said she has factor this in her plan and that’s why she is willing to write professional exams and move to the USA where there are better job opportunities and he may even still practice his law there.
The wife has been threatening fire and brimstone that she will abort her current pregnancy and fill for divorce..my brother has told her to do her worst.
My brother believes his wife is trying to manipulate him,and he is being wary of sacrificing his career for a woman....he believes if he make this move he may regret it in the future having come this far in his legal profession.
Though majority of my brother’s friends abroad are encouraging him to take the risk that he will not regret it,My brother said when pressed none of these people have also been able to give him any cogent answer whenever he talk about what job will replace his fairly successful career back home in Nigeria.
Your advice and criticism are well welcome,thank you.

I dont know anything but the moment ur brother take the useless risk just because of a woman who doesn't want to listen to her man, but want her man to listen to her either peacefully or with force, the moment his life crumbles., I am sure 86.3% that he wil regret it


Woman wey u never pack go meet for uk wey don dey threaten u, move na, even portable go fine pass him wen the ife finally remove the shock from under the tire.
I pity ur brother

sokeril:
My brother believes his wife is trying to manipulate him,and he is being wary of sacrificing his career for a woman....he believes if he make this move he may regret it in the future having come this far in his legal profession.
Though majority of my brother’s friends abroad are encouraging him to take the risk that he will not regret it,My brother said when pressed none of these people have also been able to give him any cogent answer whenever he talk about what job will replace his fairly successful career back home in Nigeria.
Your advice and criticism are well welcome,thank you.

There isn't much that can be said since the couple simply has here to decide whether they will continue as is or call it quits in the end.

Your brother should just remain a man , stand his ground and let her do her worst.

Blakjewelry:
Since he is doing well for himself, the choice to move should solely be his, but some people get mind o. How I go marry come send my wife abroad, if she is going there temporary that is fine, but permanent stay? Mba

The same way men get the mind to marry wife come leave am for Nigeria. NO difference.

sokeril:
I also blame him for his naivety

What naivety? What do you mean by that?

This is real life... there are no manuals for these things.

2Radii:
I dont know anything but the moment ur brother take the useless risk just because of a woman who doesn't want to listen to her man, but want her man to listen to her either peacefully or with force, the moment his life crumbles., I am sure 86.3% that he wil regret it


Woman wey u never pack go meet for uk wey don dey threaten u, move na, even portable go fine pass him wen the ife finally remove the shock from under the tire.
I pity ur brother

That’s my brother fears too, though I don’t think the woman is a bad person but women are unpredictable

Kobojunkie:
What naivety? What do you mean by that?

This is real life... there are no manuals for these things.

Despite the various and enormous pressure on him then,he should have stood his ground and not let the wife go.

sokeril:

That’s my brother fears too, though I don’t think the woman is a bad person but women are unpredictable

Aahh see u??

See, one advice for ur brother.

Ur brother should not divorce, God hate divorce, but if to get a second wife is the solution..i am in support.

If at all there should be anything divorce, let it be from her.


BUT IF UR BROTHER DO MISTAKE WAKA PERE, LOL, HE GO TOO CRY.

sokeril:
Despite the various and enormous pressure on him then, he should have stood his ground and not let the wife go.

So he should have disregarded the fact that the woman wanted to go? She probably made the decision to advance what is her own life and career, but that should have been ignored by your brother because his own career mattered more?.

Kobojunkie:
So he should have disregarded the fact that the woman wanted to go? She probably made the decision to advance what is her own life and career, but that should have been ignored by your brother because his own career mattered more.

But she is now the one threatening divorce and abortive of pregnancy and want to make her own husband dump his career.
The husband considered what you said that’s why he let her leave but she is not considering her husband career now but just what she want..
Though I don’t think she is a bad person oo.she ha never been bad to me or any member of our family..but I feel she is being a bit selfish on this issue sha

sokeril:
1. But she is now the one threatening divorce and abortive of pregnancy and want to make her own husband dump his career. The husband considered what you said that’s why he let her leave but she is not considering her husband career now but just what she want..
Though I don’t think she is a bad person oo.she ha never been bad to me or any member of our family..but I feel she is being a bit selfish on this issue sha

Look, the man was not wrong to allow her to leave when she did. There is nothing naive about what he did. Marriage is not meant to be used as some sort of shackle on persons in some power game. She wanted to leave to develop herself and he accepted. simple!

Now, the situation is such that he either stays in Nigeria or joins her abroad. Simple! If she decides divorce is the only option, there isn't much that can be done about that as not every couple will survive this thing called marriage.

Kobojunkie:
Look, the man was not wrong to allow her to leave when she did. There is nothing naive about what he did. Marriage is not meant to be used as some sort of shackle on persons in some power game. She wanted to leave to develop herself and he accepted. simple!

Now, the situation is such that he either stays in Nigeria or joins her abroad. Simple! If she decides divorce is the only option, there isn't much that can be done about that as not every couple will survive this thing called marriage.

Hopefully they will not divorce sha

Long distance marriage is not always easy to manage.

I see compatibility issue here. The wife wants to practice and live in western world and the man believes in building career in Nigeria.

The truth is that your brother should not be pressured to just abandon his career in Nigeria to join the wife without proper plans. And there was nothing he could have done to stop the wife from moving to the UK since that is what she wanted.

If he decides to move to the U.S. or UK, he should complete all professional examination required of him to practice in the new country while he is still in Nigeria. So that when he arrived the new country, he can begin his professional career immediately. He should never relocate only based on a woman's promise. Otherwise, he will regret it. Like some people are already saying, the woman might already be tired of the marriage, going by all her threat.

If he decides to stay back in Nigeria, he should just let the woman go. 99pct chance the woman will not want to come back to Nigeria.

Hmmm..