Helpout12345:
Long distance marriage is not always easy to manage.

I see compatibility issue here. The wife wants to practice and live in western world and the man believes in building career in Nigeria.

The truth is that your brother should not be pressured to just abandon his career in Nigeria to join the wife without proper plans. And there was nothing he could have done to stop the wife from moving to the UK since that is what she wanted.

If he decides to move to the U.S. or UK, he should complete all professional examination required of him to practice in the new country while he is still in Nigeria. So that when he arrived the new country, he can begin his professional career immediately. He should never relocate only based on a woman's promise. Otherwise, he will regret it. Like some people are already saying, the woman might already be tired of the marriage, going by all her threat.

If he decides to stay back in Nigeria, he should just let the woman go. 99pct chance the woman will not want to come back to Nigeria.

sokeril:
.

saintneo:
Your bro is a wise man.

Kobojunkie:
The same way men get the mind to marry wife come leave am for Nigeria. NO difference.

sokeril:
Good day my fellow Nairalanders,I’m bringing this here because I know there are so many reasonable and matured people here and I will like you to advice my brother and his wife whose home is currently breaking apart.
Now these are the issues.
My elder brother is 34 years old,got married about four years ago.He is a lawyer (doing quite really well) and also lectures at one of the SW state universities.

His wife is a nurse, currently in the UK,before she left for the UK shortly after the birth of their only child till date(though she is currently pregnant).Before she left my brother was not in total support but eventually had to bow down to pressure from various parties.
Now the current is issue is that the wife want the husband to come and stay in the UK permanently, that husband and wife has to be together..and she complained of a host lot of other things.
My elder brother is having none of it, he argued that it does not make sense for him having struggled to build his legal career to this stage(Nine years at the bar now) and with the huge potential to even achieved more in his career that he can not close his law firm, lose his client and career and moreover if he is relocating to the UK then which job is available for him or what will he even be doing that will worth risking his career back home in Nigeria....The wife said she has factor this in her plan and that’s why she is willing to write professional exams and move to the USA where there are better job opportunities and he may even still practice his law there.
The wife has been threatening fire and brimstone that she will abort her current pregnancy and fill for divorce..my brother has told her to do her worst.
My brother believes his wife is trying to manipulate him,and he is being wary of sacrificing his career for a woman....he believes if he make this move he may regret it in the future having come this far in his legal profession.
Though majority of my brother’s friends abroad are encouraging him to take the risk that he will not regret it,My brother said when pressed none of these people have also been able to give him any cogent answer whenever he talk about what job will replace his fairly successful career back home in Nigeria.
Your advice and criticism are well welcome,thank you.

Helpout12345:
If he decides to stay back in Nigeria, he should just let the woman go. 99pct chance the woman will not want to come back to Nigeria.

Ilekokonit:


Of course she will not want to come back to Nigeria. Which woman will want to leave a country that is the single parent capital of Europe (where Govt gives single mothers handsome amounts of cash ever month IF they are single mothers) and return to a country like Naija where the man is still the KING.

The wife na nurse sef. The guy will become a slave and/or end up in prison if he makes the fatal mistake of relocating to join her in the UK. As a Nurse, she will never be out of work but if the husband does not work in the health care field he will at first struggle to get a job and he will suffer periods of unemployment now and again as that's how economies work and his periods of unemployment especially the first long spell of him not having a job when he just lands in the UK is when his wife will ensure she fully enslaves him.

There is a reason a lot of UK men are happily single. Reason am. No be say we nor like to nack or live with woman but most Naija women in the UK are worse than demons and its suicidal living with them as IF you decide to be a real man and you live with them, you will either end up in prison or unemployed or dead or all of the above.

Make bros nor try relocate to join his wife o as na suicide be dat o.

sokeril:
He is a lawyer (doing quite really well) and also lectures at one of the SW state universities.

Before she left my brother was not in total support but eventually had to bow down to pressure from various parties.

Now the current is issue is that the wife want the husband to come and stay in the UK permanently, that husband and wife has to be together.

My elder brother is having none of it, he argued that it does not make sense for him having struggled to build his legal career to this stage(Nine years at the bar now) and with the huge potential to even achieved more in his career that he can not close his law firm, lose his client and career and moreover if he is relocating to the UK then which job is available for him or what will he even be doing that will worth risking his career back home in Nigeria.

The wife said she has factor this in her plan and that’s why she is willing to write professional exams and move to the USA where there are better job opportunities and he may even still practice his law there.

The wife has been threatening fire and brimstone that she will abort her current pregnancy and fill for divorce.

My brother has told her to do her worst.

My brother believes his wife is trying to manipulate him,and he is being wary of sacrificing his career for a woman....he believes if he make this move he may regret it in the future having come this far in his legal profession.

Though majority of my brother’s friends abroad are encouraging him to take the risk that he will not regret it, My brother said when pressed none of these people have also been able to give him any cogent answer whenever he talk about what job will replace his fairly successful career back home in Nigeria.

Ilekokonit:

He should not leave certainty for uncertainty.


So, her stubbornness don start from Naija.


She is lying she just wants him to come and alleviate the huge bills she is facing in the UK as she nor expect the bills to be that high.


Your brother has a working brain.


She wants to move to Yankee where nurses earn higher wages than the UK so that the husband will become more of a boy boy. Do you know how many Naija guys for Yankee don kill their wives who are nurses they imported from Naija because once they start earning so high, the wives become monsters to the same men who took them to Yankee.


Tell your brother to call her bluff and let her go ahead and kill her own unborn child. Very manipulative woman.


Sharp guy.


Again, he should not leave certainty for uncertainty. UK na concrete jungle o.



Those friends don't mean well for your brother and they want to just lure him into the UK to come and start doing menial jobs like them while he finds his feet perhaps out of jealousy that he is practicing the Law he read in Naija whilst they have to settle for not so prestigious jobs even menial care jobs (a.k.a cleaning another humans shit) just to survive in the UK.

My brother in law warned my sister many years ago that, listen madam, although you have a British Passport, I will never relocate with you to the UK 'cos I nor fit do menial work and I can not be a bank manager in the UK. The guy became a bank manager in Naija and is now a Commissioner in one of the states. So his stubborn refusal to relocate to the UK with my sister paid off for him big time. My sister no dey even think of relocating to the UK now.

sokeril:
She is not a bad person though ..at least from our personal interactions but the unpredictability of women especially as there is the potentiality of earning more than the husband and thing may suddenly change.

sokeril:

Thank you very much sir..
What you said here are his fears too..once he leave Nigeria his legal career will suffer, no certain pathway to get something better in the UK, and once he leave all the clients he has spent years to gather will disappear and leave as well...to get a single client as a lawyer is hard, talk more of loosing the few that will leave for another lawyer once they get wind of his traveling...
Although the wife has been saying that he will eventually find his feet in the UK infact,it’s not going time...and she is willing to further relocate to the USA cos things are better there.

Ilekokonit:


My Ex was also not a bad person before I took her from Naija with her having no degree and took her to London, educated her, gave her UK pali and after 10 years she changed and became uncontrollable to the point that she has turned my 2 kids against me including the one we had in Naija and brought over as a baby.

These women hide and never show their bad demonic sides when they are still in Naija but the UK na the playground of demonic wives so your brothers wife WILL change sooner or later. My own Ex waited 10 years after I took her to the UK to fully change into someone I could no longer live in the same house with and by 10 years I don give am UK pali which was by then non revocable. Checkmate.

sokeril:
And in the UK unlike your own case sir where your wife is even your dependent, he is going to be the dependent, he will be in the disadvantage from his first day in the UK.

ednut1:
The guy will probably have to do menial jobs in that UK. Then this woman will turn him to houseboy and mock him. She should abort the belle and divorce. While your brother remarries

Ilekokonit:


I get one neighbour who is a lawyer but na care work she dey do and she is stuck as she can not bear to leave that care work (cleaning another humans shit) to work as a junior in a law firm for experience because she needs the steady flow of money coming in hence she is stuck if she can not stop the care work for her legal training in a law firm which will pay peanuts to start with but is worth the financial sacrifice. but not everyone thinks straight when it comes to money or delaye gratification an IF your brother comes to join his wife in the UK, she and her family will pressure him into working as a crarer (shit cleaner) to bring some money to the marital table. all your wife and her family need tell him is that he is lazy and not contributing to the family financially and he will be opushed into going to do menial jobs thus derailing any chances he has of restarting his legal career in the UK.

Also, there is a reason a lot of Nigerians who did their law degree in the UK come to Nigria for lkaw school. Racism 'cos a lot of Nigerian law graduates I know in the UK are not given a chance to do their tutelage in a law firm hence they resort to odd jobs or at best legal jobs with the councils or mostly Non legal jobs, admin, mini cab drivers, care workers etc although you do get the few lucky ones but they are few especially if you did not grow up in the UK or were not born in the UK.

It would be a fatal mistake for your brother to relocate to the UK and a travesty for someone who is 1 year from becoming a judge in his own country to go to a foreign land (UK) and start cleaning other peoples shit just to earn a living.

I was a Medical student at UI many years ago (although i did not finish) and some years ago, I was working as a Database Programmer at University College London and I saw the name of my classmate at UI Medical School in the database working as a kitchen porter washing plates in the UK. A qualified medical doctor o. He has now passed his conversion exams and is a respected member of the UK Health system but then it shook me to the core to see that he had to work as a kitchen porter in his initial days in the UK.

My friend managed to find a job in the UK Health system because the UK is a sick society and so Doctors and Nurses will always be in demand but the same can not be said of lawyers and accountants (I am one) and I had to retrain in ICT to get better pay than accounting.

Tell your brother that IF he is even thinking twice about relocating to the UK, he should cut up his passport so as to create a stumbling block that will tie him down in Naija where his career is flourishing.

Blakjewelry:

Since he is doing well for himself, the choice to move should solely be his, but some people get mind o. How I go marry come send my wife abroad, if she is going there temporary that is fine, but permanent stay? Mba

Richy4:


Law firm he 'no hold', lecturer job, 'he no hold', even the marriage, 'he no hold’

eniolorunfe:


This will be the worst thing to happen to the guy. I pray he makes the right decision. Both of them (the couple) obviously want different things.

sokeril:
Good day my fellow Nairalanders,I’m bringing this here because I know there are so many reasonable and matured people here and I will like you to advice my brother and his wife whose home is currently breaking apart.
Now these are the issues.
My elder brother is 34 years old,got married about four years ago.He is a lawyer (doing quite really well) and also lectures at one of the SW state universities.

His wife is a nurse, currently in the UK,before she left for the UK shortly after the birth of their only child till date(though she is currently pregnant).Before she left my brother was not in total support but eventually had to bow down to pressure from various parties.
Now the current is issue is that the wife want the husband to come and stay in the UK permanently, that husband and wife has to be together..and she complained of a host lot of other things.
My elder brother is having none of it, he argued that it does not make sense for him having struggled to build his legal career to this stage(Nine years at the bar now) and with the huge potential to even achieved more in his career that he can not close his law firm, lose his client and career and moreover if he is relocating to the UK then which job is available for him or what will he even be doing that will worth risking his career back home in Nigeria....The wife said she has factor this in her plan and that’s why she is willing to write professional exams and move to the USA where there are better job opportunities and he may even still practice his law there.
The wife has been threatening fire and brimstone that she will abort her current pregnancy and fill for divorce..my brother has told her to do her worst.
My brother believes his wife is trying to manipulate him,and he is being wary of sacrificing his career for a woman....he believes if he make this move he may regret it in the future having come this far in his legal profession.
Though majority of my brother’s friends abroad are encouraging him to take the risk that he will not regret it,My brother said when pressed none of these people have also been able to give him any cogent answer whenever he talk about what job will replace his fairly successful career back home in Nigeria.
Your advice and criticism are well welcome,thank you.

Ilekokonit:


My Ex was also not a bad person before I took her from Naija with her having no degree and took her to London, educated her, gave her UK pali and after 10 years she changed and became uncontrollable to the point that she has turned my 2 kids against me including the one we had in Naija and brought over as a baby.

These women hide and never show their bad demonic sides when they are still in Naija but the UK na the playground of demonic wives so your brothers wife WILL change sooner or later. My own Ex waited 10 years after I took her to the UK to fully change into someone I could no longer live in the same house with and by 10 years I don give am UK pali which was by then non revocable. Checkmate.

sokeril:
Good day my fellow Nairalanders,I’m bringing this here because I know there are so many reasonable and matured people here and I will like you to advice my brother and his wife whose home is currently breaking apart.
Now these are the issues.
My elder brother is 34 years old,got married about four years ago.He is a lawyer (doing quite really well) and also lectures at one of the SW state universities.

His wife is a nurse, currently in the UK,before she left for the UK shortly after the birth of their only child till date(though she is currently pregnant).Before she left my brother was not in total support but eventually had to bow down to pressure from various parties.
Now the current is issue is that the wife want the husband to come and stay in the UK permanently, that husband and wife has to be together..and she complained of a host lot of other things.
My elder brother is having none of it, he argued that it does not make sense for him having struggled to build his legal career to this stage(Nine years at the bar now) and with the huge potential to even achieved more in his career that he can not close his law firm, lose his client and career and moreover if he is relocating to the UK then which job is available for him or what will he even be doing that will worth risking his career back home in Nigeria....The wife said she has factor this in her plan and that’s why she is willing to write professional exams and move to the USA where there are better job opportunities and he may even still practice his law there.
The wife has been threatening fire and brimstone that she will abort her current pregnancy and fill for divorce..my brother has told her to do her worst.
My brother believes his wife is trying to manipulate him,and he is being wary of sacrificing his career for a woman....he believes if he make this move he may regret it in the future having come this far in his legal profession.
Though majority of my brother’s friends abroad are encouraging him to take the risk that he will not regret it,My brother said when pressed none of these people have also been able to give him any cogent answer whenever he talk about what job will replace his fairly successful career back home in Nigeria.
Your advice and criticism are well welcome,thank you.

sokeril:

This is exactly what he is trying to avoid.
She is not a bad person though..at least from our personal interactions but the unpredictability of women especially as there is the potentiality of earning more than the husband and thing may suddenly change.
And the scary aspect of putting his career on the line.

Richy4:
I like your brother already...
He is indeed a lawyer....How I wish he doesn't listen to those telling him to go over there...

Assuming he's in a different profession, it would have been a different ballgame.... Assuming Nigerian law and the law practised there were the same, it would have been easy for him to continue without stress

When he gets there, The next thing will be to remind him who brought him over on any slight misunderstanding.. who is earning more.. eventually she will provoke him to anger.. call UK police and finally divorce him..Law firm he 'no hold', lecturer job, 'he no hold', even the marriage, 'he no hold'...

She wanted to better her own career by choosing to travel, so she shouldn't rope someone who doesn't want to travel...The man have a flourishing career in Nigeria...and he can't give that up as well to go pick a peanut job over there..

If she can't stand the long distant relationship, she should forget about the marriage.. Both of them should find a way to take care of the kid(s)

jesmond3945:
thats not even the problem. The major challenge is your brother's career. It would go up in smoke. Like someone advised let him apply for a job from naija and test the legal job matket

rickleye:


Hmm, thanks for spacing and making it readable.
My 2 cents !
Let them separate. Both of them have concrete reasons as to why each should be where they are.
If the wife relocated to Nigeria ( which I would never ever recommend) she would be frustrated and terrible state of mind.
If the husband relocates to UK or US, he would be driving a taxi or doing IT jobs.
Let each go their different ways. The kids could visit each parent during the summer 4 weeks here and there.
No need for them to be mad at each other.

A personal story - My cousins mother ( Aunt) ( cuz was born in London) his parents left London to Canada. They bought a house and had 2 other siblings. In the 80’s the dad said I am going back home. The mother said - nope. She said you go and when you are settled call for us. She no gree go back. The man remarried , she stayed single till this day( I don’t know how women do it , no sexual intercourse for that long !!!!!)
My cousin sends home money for the dads upkeep. Everyone is happy and kids are fine.


In summary - don’t let this turn ugly. Let each other separate and consider what’s best for the kids. The woman doesn’t have to threaten with aborting.

Ilekokonit:


Of course she will not want to come back to Nigeria. Which woman will want to leave a country that is the single parent capital of Europe (where Govt gives single mothers handsome amounts of cash ever month IF they are single mothers) and return to a country like Naija where the man is still the KING.

The wife na nurse sef. The guy will become a slave and/or end up in prison if he makes the fatal mistake of relocating to join her in the UK. As a Nurse, she will never be out of work but if the husband does not work in the health care field he will at first struggle to get a job and he will suffer periods of unemployment now and again as that's how economies work and his periods of unemployment especially the first long spell of him not having a job when he just lands in the UK is when his wife will ensure she fully enslaves him.

There is a reason a lot of UK men are happily single. Reason am. No be say we nor like to nack or live with woman but most Naija women in the UK are worse than demons and its suicidal living with them 'cos IF you decide to be a real man and you live with them, you will either end up in prison or unemployed or dead or all of the above.

Make bros nor try relocate to join his wife o as na suicide be dat o.