Most men today out of impatience or looking for shortcuts to a good life make life long decisions based on their current realities which is wrong.
The whole concept of poverty and looking for a support system has plunged men into picking spouses they can't be truly happy with for a long time and then start being bored,lonely and frustrated at their prime years because they married for the wrong reasons.
Women now know this and are weaponising it and are tricking guys into lifelong unions under the guise of support systems,backbone abilities,etc...which most times isn't exactly true because at the end of the day,women will be women and will expect you to cater for them regardless and that support you went into the union for,you won't see it or if at all you do,it will come with so much abuse and emotional trauma.
Funny thing is most times, after a while,good fortunes will smile on you and then you start regretting why you went into such an arrangement for reasons that have become so meagre to you based on your new reality but alas,you can't change it no more and you'll die with that regret and not enjoy your marriage!
My advise to young men is;
Marrying early no be achievement,take your time,achieve stability first so that your choices won't be influenced by trivialities(money,status,etc...)
Marry who can be your friend and someone that'll make you happy for a very long time.
Marry who will trust your leadership and naturally let you lead due to her trust in your abilities,no be who go come dey fight with your decisions.
Marry young women because while the older ones seem good now and have their lives together that is tempting you to jump into what she have built,think about old age bro.Think about your FIFTIES!!You go fit?
Take her prime years and enjoy it to the fullest,that's mostly the greatest gift a woman can give to you.
If at all you want to make compromises because of status then I suggest you go for women that access to them will give you what your previous and future generations will never achieve,no be because you see 300k salary and second hand 10 Yr old Honda you jump go carry your mama mate dey call wife weh fear no dey gree you to call her that where people dey
Make una use una head and don't rush,go out there and work so you can marry who you want and not due to circumstances.
Peace.

God bless you. Exactly bro.

SeaTrade:
Most men today out of impatience or looking for shortcuts to a good life make life long decisions based on their current realities which is wrong.
The whole concept of poverty and looking for a support system has plunged men into picking spouses they can't be truly happy with for a long time and then start being bored,lonely and frustrated at their prime years because they married for the wrong reasons.
Women now know this and are weaponising it and are tricking guys into lifelong unions under the guise of support systems,backbone abilities,etc...which most times isn't exactly true because at the end of the day,women will be women and will expect you to cater for them regardless and that support you went into the union for,you won't see it or if at all you do,it will come with so much abuse and emotional trauma.
Funny thing is most times, after a while,good fortunes will smile on you and then you start regretting why you went into such an arrangement for reasons that have become so meagre to you based on your new reality but alas,you can't change it no more and you'll die with that regret and not enjoy your marriage!
My advise to young men is;
Marrying early no be achievement,take your time,achieve stability first so that your choices won't be influenced by trivialities(money,status,etc...)
Marry who can be your friend and someone that'll make you happy for a very long time.
Marry who will trust your leadership and naturally let you lead due to her trust in your abilities,no be who go come dey fight with your decisions.
Marry young women because while the older ones seem good now and have their lives together that is tempting you to jump into what she have built,think about old age bro.Think about your FIFTIES!!You go fit?
Take her prime years and enjoy it to the fullest,that's mostly the greatest gift a woman can give to you.
If at all you want to make compromises because of status then I suggest you go for women that access to them will give you what your previous and future generations will never achieve,no be because you see 300k salary and second hand 10 Yr old Honda you jump go carry your mama mate dey call wife weh fear no dey gree you to call her that where people dey
Make una use una head and don't rush,go out there and work so you can marry who you want and not due to circumstances.
Peace.

That part about going for younger women is what I cherish most. You hit the nail on the head bro! Thanks for this piece.

This message is for one idiot on Nairaland, always looking for woman to build future with, and the idiot have no future

mushroomFarm:

That part about going for younger women is what I cherish most. You hit the nail on the head bro! Thanks for this piece.

The age of a woman as a potential wife is very important as I've come to realise it, no matter how much we try to trivialise it.

SeaTrade:
Most men today out of impatience or looking for shortcuts to a good life make life long decisions based on their current realities which is wrong.
The whole concept of poverty and looking for a support system has plunged men into picking spouses they can't be truly happy with for a long time and then start being bored,lonely and frustrated at their prime years because they married for the wrong reasons.
Women now know this and are weaponising it and are tricking guys into lifelong unions under the guise of support systems,backbone abilities,etc...which most times isn't exactly true because at the end of the day,women will be women and will expect you to cater for them regardless and that support you went into the union for,you won't see it or if at all you do,it will come with so much abuse and emotional trauma.
Funny thing is most times, after a while,good fortunes will smile on you and then you start regretting why you went into such an arrangement for reasons that have become so meagre to you based on your new reality but alas,you can't change it no more and you'll die with that regret and not enjoy your marriage!
My advise to young men is;
Marrying early no be achievement,take your time,achieve stability first so that your choices won't be influenced by trivialities(money,status,etc...)
Marry who can be your friend and someone that'll make you happy for a very long time.
Marry who will trust your leadership and naturally let you lead due to her trust in your abilities,no be who go come dey fight with your decisions.
Marry young women because while the older ones seem good now and have their lives together that is tempting you to jump into what she have built,think about old age bro.Think about your FIFTIES!!You go fit?
Take her prime years and enjoy it to the fullest,that's mostly the greatest gift a woman can give to you.
If at all you want to make compromises because of status then I suggest you go for women that access to them will give you what your previous and future generations will never achieve,no be because you see 300k salary and second hand 10 Yr old Honda you jump go carry your mama mate dey call wife weh fear no dey gree you to call her that where people dey
Make una use una head and don't rush,go out there and work so you can marry who you want and not due to circumstances.
Peace.

You are wise,far beyond your age.
How did it happen?

CaptainAyub:

You are wise,far beyond your age.
How did it happen?

Well,honestly I just grew up too fast and took life challenges head on early and probably saw a lot on the way and took corrections.
We go overcome sha.

This is the simple idea most guys don't understand this day....



The woke crusaders are confusing everybody with........

Sea trade, you be major man. U too gbaski.

Your points are just all over the place, smh.

SeaTrade:
Most men today out of impatience or looking for shortcuts to a good life make life long decisions based on their current realities which is wrong.
The whole concept of poverty and looking for a support system has plunged men into picking spouses they can't be truly happy with for a long time and then start being bored,lonely and frustrated at their prime years because they married for the wrong reasons.
Women now know this and are weaponising it and are tricking guys into lifelong unions under the guise of support systems,backbone abilities,etc...which most times isn't exactly true because at the end of the day,women will be women and will expect you to cater for them regardless and that support you went into the union for,you won't see it or if at all you do,it will come with so much abuse and emotional trauma.
Funny thing is most times, after a while,good fortunes will smile on you and then you start regretting why you went into such an arrangement for reasons that have become so meagre to you based on your new reality but alas,you can't change it no more and you'll die with that regret and not enjoy your marriage!
My advise to young men is;
Marrying early no be achievement,take your time,achieve stability first so that your choices won't be influenced by trivialities(money,status,etc...)
Marry who can be your friend and someone that'll make you happy for a very long time.
Marry who will trust your leadership and naturally let you lead due to her trust in your abilities,no be who go come dey fight with your decisions.
Marry young women because while the older ones seem good now and have their lives together that is tempting you to jump into what she have built,think about old age bro.Think about your FIFTIES!!You go fit?
Take her prime years and enjoy it to the fullest,that's mostly the greatest gift a woman can give to you.
If at all you want to make compromises because of status then I suggest you go for women that access to them will give you what your previous and future generations will never achieve,no be because you see 300k salary and second hand 10 Yr old Honda you jump go carry your mama mate dey call wife weh fear no dey gree you to call her that where people dey
Make una use una head and don't rush,go out there and work so you can marry who you want and not due to circumstances.
Peace.

were have been ? its actually women who have been doing it for donkey years

the percentage of men doing is very less as compared to women

You were making sense, until you came to the age part, Young babe Wen go show you pepper Wen you don old, dey use ur money dey put a young boy on, naim you dey find abi. The age thing can go south right quick, there's no guaranty ur young hot wife will cater for you in ur old age. After all, Peter Okoye, of P square wife dey close to 10yrs older than him, and they're doing good, he twin Wen marry younger wife, he marriage af pafuka...Let's always look at thing from both sides, life isn't black and white. But you have valid points tho, just not regarding the age part

Nice write-up bro

Mkelv0106:
You were making sense, until you came to the age part, Young babe Wen go show you pepper Wen you don old, dey use ur money dey put a young boy on, naim you dey find abi. The age thing can go south right quick, there's no guaranty ur young hot wife will cater for you in ur old age. After all, Peter Okoye, of P square wife dey close to 10yrs older than him, and they're doing good, he twin Wen marry younger wife, he marriage af pafuka...Let's always look at thing from both sides, life isn't black and white. But you have valid points tho, just not regarding the age part

If she shows me pepper at old age ,I'll take consolation from the fact that I enjoyed her in her youth ,
What's the guarantee that an older woman won't also show me pepper at old age?
What will i now take consolation in?
Besides,if you treat a woman right,I don't think she'll have vendetta against you ,so much so that she'll want to ruin your old age.
As someone that understands human behaviour,I'll say the way you can control human behaviour towards you is by giving them something to lose the moment they change towards you.
Why will my young wife want to start misbehaving towards me just cos I'm getting old when she knows too well the things she will lose by behaving that way towards me?
Some of the tools you can use to achieve this are genuine love,care,compassion,understanding and RESOURCE CONTROL.You have to learn how to weaponise resources when dealing with women.
Our forefathers picked women lower than them in the food chain for this reason.
Lola's marriage is working with Mr P because the foundation of that relationship was set on the man knowing his place.
The moment he takes charge and want to level the playing field is the day issues will come up.
You can't lead ab older woman ,especially one with money.You just have to submit and endure or else

This is one of the most amazing piece I have read on nairaland in a while, thanks for sharing OP....

I'm super glad to see that young men are waking up to the reality of the dynamics of intersexual relationships...

Interesting topic.
I'll be back to do justice to it!

If I could kike your post 100 times I would.
Many young men do not realise that all a man needs from a woman is respect.

And this is why our fathers used to marry down, cos this is what a man is created for, to lead.

If you marry a woman who will not let you lead your home, your life will be miserable.

SeaTrade:
..which most times isn't exactly true because at the end of the day,women will be women and will expect you to cater for them regardless and that support you went into the union for,you won't see it or if at all you do,it will come with so much abuse and emotional trauma.

This point needs re-emphasizing.
iT IS A CRITICAL POINT.

Even before getting married, I figured this out "prognostically" i.e by carefully observing how men and women EXCHANGE gifts during dating.
A man would gift a woman (whether fiance or not) a car for birthday, while a woman would gift her man with a bow tie or watch or shoes (no matter how rich she may be, as long as he is not her husband yet).
Women are HARDWIRED to depend on men no matter what, and that is the truth.
Once you understand this point, it would be easier for you to choose a life MATE (I shall exaplain why I capitalized "MATE" -Next!).

As for the MATE part, believe me that is CRITICAL in MOST marriages.

What is a MATE?

A mate is someone with whom you engage SEXUALLY on regular basis. Hopefully that person is your spouse!
If not, you would be in HELL, virtually.

On this topic of mate, COMPATIBILITY dwarfs everything: age, income, race, tribe, religion ... WHATEVER.
Here @OP, it is neither here nor there as far as age is concerned.. lol

I would rather marry an older woman with who i am sexually compatible, than marry a younger woman with whom I have nothing in common sexually. I wager that Peter Okoye and Lola may be sexually compatible and, in that case, nothing can separate them, except death.

HOWEVER, assuming a situation whereby supposed two women (one older and one younger) were options before a young man, then the OP's point stands like a rock, because he would get "more millage" from the younger woman; no question. He would enjoy her longer, and she won't look elsewhere due to the sexual compatibility with her husband, even in old age.

Exactly!!


You have sense my guy. I’ll marry a lady 10 to 15 years younger than me. when she’s getting older, I’ll marry another youngie to make it 2.

onumadu:
As for the MATE part, believe me that is CRITICAL in MOST marriages.

What is a MATE?

A mate is someone with whom you engage SEXUALLY on regular basis. Hopefully that person is your spouse!
If not, you would be in HELL, virtually.

On this topic of mate, COMPATIBILITY dwarfs everything: age, income, race, tribe, religion ... WHATEVER.
Here @OP, it is neither here nor there as far as age is concerned.. lol

I would rather marry an older woman with who i am sexually compatible, than marry a younger woman with whom I have nothing in common sexually. I wager that Peter Okoye and Lola may be sexually compatible and, in that case, nothing can separate them, except death.

HOWEVER, assuming a situation whereby supposed two women (one older and one younger) were options before a young man, then the OP's point stands like a rock, because he would get "more millage" from the younger woman; no question. He would enjoy her longer, and she won't look elsewhere due to the sexual compatibility with her husband, even in old age.

Your writeup assumes premarital sex.
Which is the reason for the misery of many men, lack of sexual discipline.

Our fathers were not into premarital sex, they simply married women whom they were superior to in every respect, this ensured that the woman respected them.
When a woman respects you, everything will fall in place.

This is the reason why a man must look out for a woman who is chaste, cos nothing will ever satisfy a prostitute.

oldienavie:

Your writeup assumes premarital sex.
Which is the reason for the misery of many men, lack of sexual discipline.

Our fathers were not into premarital sex, they simply married women whom they were superior to in every respect, this ensured that the woman respected them.
When a woman respects you, everything will fall in place.

This is the reason why a man must look out for a woman who is chaste, cos nothing will ever satisfy a prostitute.

Well, I don't know which culture you are referring to when you mentioned "our fathers". In my own corner, "our fathers" were Igbo ancestors who had a far more sophisticated sexual/marriage system than the Europeans brought.
In that culture, a woman had EQUAL say when it came to sex/marriage. She either stayed in marriage or she left. She was never forced.
She even went to what we called "ife ana" (in my dialect), i.e. "testing" of things before marriage. The marriage only continued if both parties were happy after testing. The concept of "bastard" is a European importation into my culture. Every child born to my Igbo ancestors were legitimate one way or another: either the biological father performed marriage rites to the mother and then claimed the child, or the child reverts to the father of the mother; i.e becomes part of the mother's family. Till today, that is what happens in Igboland (my part).
The point is that there is nothing more destabilizing to any marriage than sexual incompatibility.
It is the root cause of all kinds of family and societal problems. Women cheat on their men regularly because of it, and murders and other ills happen because of it. Men make children outside of marriage because of it. Adultery everywhere because of it!
There was a research done in Nigeria that showed that about 30% of children born to marriages belonged to men outside of the marriages involved. A whopping 30%!
That is what you get when women are "subdued" under men as you inferred "superior to the woman".
Why I so much revere old Igbo traditional marriage/sexual institutions is because it was "timeless" in every way. It could have survived anything if not that the British colonialists used military force to destroy it and imposed their own fragile system which you are alluding to here.
A system that produced "house wives"; something that did not exist in precolonial Igboland.
Sorry for my using my tribe to make my point, but there was no other way to make this point.
The chaos we see today in marriages is a direct product of failure of colonial marriage institution.
That it failed does not mean that it is the only way. Something superior to it existed, but was forcefully destroyed/replaced.
If the colonialists didn't have superior military technology, that old marriage system would still be existing in Igboland today.

Carcholce:
Exactly!!


You have sense my guy. I’ll marry a lady 10 to 15 years younger than me. when she’s getting older, I’ll marry another youngie to make it 2.

Oga you dey mean o.

Trying to understand your post. Whatever reason anyone chooses to marry for is still transactionary. There's no one size fit all in marriage.

That write up above prove why igbo girls are prostitootes

GboyegaD:
Trying to understand your post. Whatever reason anyone chooses to marry for is still transactionary. There's no one size fit all in marriage.

Spot on. You married the person you married for a reason (s) you couldn't get elsewhere, same as the person who married you.

SeaTrade:
Well,honestly I just grew up too fast and took life challenges head on early and probably saw a lot on the way and took corrections.
We go overcome sha.

My brother . We definitely had passed alot to many fate way ahead our age . I just have to sit back and watch everything as it folds

SeaTrade:
If she shows me pepper at old age ,I'll take consolation from the fact that I enjoyed her in her youth ,
What's the guarantee that an older woman won't also show me pepper at old age?
What will i now take consolation in?
Besides,if you treat a woman right,I don't think she'll have vendetta against you ,so much so that she'll want to ruin your old age.
As someone that understands human behaviour,I'll say the way you can control human behaviour towards you is by giving them something to lose the moment they change towards you.
Why will my young wife want to start misbehaving towards me just cos I'm getting old when she knows too well the things she will lose by behaving that way towards me?
Some of the tools you can use to achieve this are genuine love,care,compassion,understanding and RESOURCE CONTROL.You have to learn how to weaponise resources when dealing with women.
Our forefathers picked women lower than them in the food chain for this reason.
Lola's marriage is working with Mr P because the foundation of that relationship was set on the man knowing his place.
The moment he takes charge and want to level the playing field is the day issues will come up.
You can't lead ab older woman ,especially one with money.You just have to submit and endure or else

Your points make sense but they are mostly theoretical, not practicalin the real life. The thing about marriage and relationships is that one size doesn't fit all. If age is your major determinant, it can fail you in other aspects like character/behaviour, etc.

Age mates get married and they are closely knit till the end, you could marry a much younger woman and get the same result. But it can also go south with a younger woman, age mate or older woman. Nothing is caste in stone. Younger, same age or older wife doesn't guarantee a successful marriage.

Each person should know what works for them and not allow superficial reasons guide their choice of a spouse.

Just the same way you pointed out that men should not pick wives based on support system is the same way they shouldn't pick based on age. Both can fail.

faithfull18:

Spot on. You married the person you married for a reason (s) you couldn't get elsewhere, same as the person who married you.

You can get it elsewhere it is just that you are satisfied with/in the person and you are committing to love the person �.

A couple of valid points stated...although, I believe it should apply for all ages...nice!

SeaTrade:

no be because you see 300k salary and second hand 10 Yr old Honda you jump go carry your mama mate dey call wife weh fear no dey gree you to call her that where people dey

Women are not wired to provide for their men. The truth is women marry up and men marry down. No matter how successful a woman is, there are men who are more successful than her. Such successful women should marry more successful men.

As for men, we have ego and we are providers. We expect to take charge and by nature, we can only take charge over a woman whom we have a higher status than.

Only men without self pride will be looking for a woman who will share bills equally with them. That is the fastest way to lose your self respect.