More reason I'd always tell folks that leaving your home in your 20s is a life hack, it might not work for everybody but you get to master some life skills,

You see living faraway from home will make you sit up and make some important life decisions and for the OP, I wish you peace and light in your next decision

Ablemed:
I'll like to make my story short as possible without much introduction tho. And also a lesson parents/ new couples should learn from my ordeal, Pls read to the end.

Alright So I'm the only male born of my parent among 4 girls, i also happen to be the last born at it. my problem started when growing up, cause my parent aged bfr getting a Male child which was my Dad and his parent cravings, I was pampered when growing up such that my parents would never watch me do stressful things, dictate when I go out and who I moved out with (My mum's own was even worse cause when growing up, if I want to go out, she'll always send me back inside) even during secondary school they had to get a school very close to our house. my sisters were only the ones that would go to mum's shop and make sales while mum would either stay with me at home or if I eventually go the shop sef I'll always sit and just watch. Literally, I'll say I was denied the right to be exposed to lotta things and real issues about life.

And cause I was not the sociable type cause I'll literally stay at home, watch movies, eat and my movements limited, I was exposed to pornography and masturbation at a very young age and I battled that bad habit thr my University days (Did I say my Parents also dictated the University I went to cause it was close to our House to and any small riot in school then the next hour they'll come and pick me back home till every thing dies down)

So guys over time, I've grown to be this boring guy who is shy, timid, suffering from low self esteem and can't give vibe even when gisting with my fellow guys, in which most of them just relegate me to this small boy level. Did I also say I've never had a Girlfriend all my life cause the truth is ion always know what to say or how to maintain talking vibe. At first I decide not to care and just always console myself with I was created like that and just continue my boring life, it has now gotten to the point I'm not rated in anything at all, most people just make friends with me cause of what they can gain from me, I'm not even good in anything, I can't speak clearly, I'm kinda literally mentally dumb and ion see me useful for anyone or anything, perhaps maybe God only, No business sense, no work skill or experience, no trade experiences to

I'm currently a Corp member serving and before then I rebelled against my parent cause they wanted to dictate the state I serve which is our state of residence so I go to my ppa from home but I told them No and even got to a fight to my Dad cause of this issue and we din speak for like 2weeks, he eventually called me and we settled. But the issue now is guys I've got less than two months left for my POP for service and you don't expect me to return home useless to my parent house again?? Tho sincerely thr my service year, I din touch my allowee so I've saved up to 270k so far. the issue is ask me what I want to do with the money? I've got no idea, what business sense or idea? Nothing is coming to my head, infact I don't know. The funny thing is, my roommate is exactly my opposite, very outspoken, bold, full of vibe and bring back different female friends each day, this guy is not really financially buoyant but you see girls cook and travel all the way to give him for us to eat. I just wish I was like him, i wish i had the vibe

I'm 24years now and at this age, no idea bout my future, bout life, I can't even relate with people, I'm just so sad, depressed and frustrated. At the moment the only job coming to my head is the military cause I served in a military barrack cause I choose it myself but most of the junior officers are trashing my interest by telling me not to waste my time say I no go survive am with my nature, that military needs tough people and endurance bla bla and on the other hand, my mum is saying Never she'll never allow me join the military not over her dead body and she's bout recruiting my Dad to and Sincerely I'm frustrated and my depression have taken another turn that over the past weeks I've been thinking suicide and it's getting really high, I say I should type this here bfr the worse happen cause if I can't be useful for myself what really is the point living??

Please this advice is to parent and intending parent/couples, pls and pls expose ur children to life, don't over pamper your kids, work on them to make them sociable and outspoken, I swear you'll be doing them a great favour. For me I thought my parent loved me, I thought they were trying to protect me but they've put me in a deep mess I have to face alone and just I pray I get the opportunity to make things right with me

..
Same here bro.
I am 35 years.
No job.
I suffered what you suffer.
All my siblings are married.
No gf, no job
All I do now is to Bleep olosho with the little money I have.
Tired of living.

Bros, there is nothing wrong with you, you are just a spoilt brat looking for an excuse to blame your parent.

Yes you were caged and protected as a child, and so were many people and they are doing great today.

You are away from home now, and you could do anything you want with your life, so stop complaining and pick up your bucket and face your life.

You will be taking a serious risk by responding to some of the people asking you to reach out to them here..you may end up in the hand of a fraudster.

The choice is yours

Michelle70:
Oh, i did not reason that part, OP i feel sorry for u but at this point, u are completely helpless

Lol u are vompletely mad for that

I don't know again ooo

Easy bro.You are a man if you die ,you bring more problems home.



te author=Ablemed post=116634645]I'll like to make my story short as possible without much introduction tho. And also a lesson parents/ new couples should learn from my ordeal, Pls read to the end.

Alright So I'm the only male born of my parent among 4 girls, i also happen to be the last born at it. my problem started when growing up, cause my parent aged bfr getting a Male child which was my Dad and his parent cravings, I was pampered when growing up such that my parents would never watch me do stressful things, dictate when I go out and who I moved out with (My mum's own was even worse cause when growing up, if I want to go out, she'll always send me back inside) even during secondary school they had to get a school very close to our house. my sisters were only the ones that would go to mum's shop and make sales while mum would either stay with me at home or if I eventually go the shop sef I'll always sit and just watch. Literally, I'll say I was denied the right to be exposed to lotta things and real issues about life.

And cause I was not the sociable type cause I'll literally stay at home, watch movies, eat and my movements limited, I was exposed to pornography and masturbation at a very young age and I battled that bad habit thr my University days (Did I say my Parents also dictated the University I went to cause it was close to our House to and any small riot in school then the next hour they'll come and pick me back home till every thing dies down)

So guys over time, I've grown to be this boring guy who is shy, timid, suffering from low self esteem and can't give vibe even when gisting with my fellow guys, in which most of them just relegate me to this small boy level. Did I also say I've never had a Girlfriend all my life cause the truth is ion always know what to say or how to maintain talking vibe. At first I decide not to care and just always console myself with I was created like that and just continue my boring life, it has now gotten to the point I'm not rated in anything at all, most people just make friends with me cause of what they can gain from me, I'm not even good in anything, I can't speak clearly, I'm kinda literally mentally dumb and ion see me useful for anyone or anything, perhaps maybe God only, No business sense, no work skill or experience, no trade experiences to

I'm currently a Corp member serving and before then I rebelled against my parent cause they wanted to dictate the state I serve which is our state of residence so I go to my ppa from home but I told them No and even got to a fight to my Dad cause of this issue and we din speak for like 2weeks, he eventually called me and we settled. But the issue now is guys I've got less than two months left for my POP for service and you don't expect me to return home useless to my parent house again?? Tho sincerely thr my service year, I din touch my allowee so I've saved up to 270k so far. the issue is ask me what I want to do with the money? I've got no idea, what business sense or idea? Nothing is coming to my head, infact I don't know. The funny thing is, my roommate is exactly my opposite, very outspoken, bold, full of vibe and bring back different female friends each day, this guy is not really financially buoyant but you see girls cook and travel all the way to give him for us to eat. I just wish I was like him, i wish i had the vibe

I'm 24years now and at this age, no idea bout my future, bout life, I can't even relate with people, I'm just so sad, depressed and frustrated. At the moment the only job coming to my head is the military cause I served in a military barrack cause I choose it myself but most of the junior officers are trashing my interest by telling me not to waste my time say I no go survive am with my nature, that military needs tough people and endurance bla bla and on the other hand, my mum is saying Never she'll never allow me join the military not over her dead body and she's bout recruiting my Dad to and Sincerely I'm frustrated and my depression have taken another turn that over the past weeks I've been thinking suicide and it's getting really high, I say I should type this here bfr the worse happen cause if I can't be useful for myself what really is the point living??

Please this advice is to parent and intending parent/couples, pls and pls expose ur children to life, don't over pamper your kids, work on them to make them sociable and outspoken, I swear you'll be doing them a great favour. For me I thought my parent loved me, I thought they were trying to protect me but they've put me in a deep mess I have to face alone and just I pray I get the opportunity to make things right with me [/quote]

Ablemed:
Can therapy work for me?? isn't it to late at 24years of age?? I just finished calling mum now and accused her of everything that has happened to me, I told her I don't want to hear from her, not anytime soon. I'm tried calling my Dad to but his line is switch off, I just wanna cut both of them off, They put me in this mess that I have to fight alone now

Use some of that money and rent a face me, I slap you house.
Within six months, you'd be hardened like Oshodi touts. The drama in that kind of house is enough to knock some common sense into you.

You parents will soon tell you who to marry and when you want to have sex with your wife they will tell you how to put it inside the kpekus.

I been think say my wahala for house plenty

Chai

You are still young and can still be outspoken if you want to, you can still learn effective communication skills. Don't put yourself through unnecessary pressure.

You can always be whatever you want to be either good or bad, be good though.

Try and talk to one of your parents especially the one that listen the most. Tell him/her that you are feeling suicidal. That they didn't train you to be a real man. They would feel sorry and want to listen to your plight.

loffyloffy post=116637968:
Bros, there is nothing wrong with you, you are just a spoilt brat looking for an excuse to blame your parent.

Yes you were caged and protected as a child, and so were many people and they are doing great today.

You are away from home now, and you could do anything you want with your life, so stop complaining and pick up your bucket and face your life.

You will be taking a serious risk by responding to some of the people asking you to reach out to them here..you may end up in the hand of a fraudster.

The choice is yours

[i]EXACTLY![/i]

Sorry. Over parenting can be a problem. And thanks for warning us parents and parents to be about it.

You are still young. Your case is not hopeless. You are just stuck in a mental image of yourself , a lot of which is tied to external expectations. 80% of people are really not sure what they want at your age. Just right after service. You will need to go on a journey of self discovery.

I can give you some Pointers but this platform is limiting- at least for now.

Holler if you're interested.

So sorry bro.

Try to see a psychiatrist. From your write up, it sounds like you may have major depression disorder. You admit to feeling sad, guilty, thoughts of death, worthless, not social (loss of interest)..etc. Do you also have sleeping issue (sleeping too much or too little)? These are classic symptoms for major depression. It can be treated with medication and therapy.
Please seek help as soon as possible, and open up to people around you (family and friends) about your struggle. I am a medical doctor. Please do not pay attention to a lot of the nonsense people are posting here. Seek help asap. If you get treated and talk to a mental health professional, you can easily turn your life around and feel better about yourself. It is not as bad as you feel. Goodluck.

You don't have a problem. Your major problem is that You actually care what people think about You and it will continue to limit You if You don't outgrow it..

Your life isn't destroyed. You have seen the problems you don't like, next is practical solutions. At 24, you still have a lot of life to live so please don't blame your parents since they did what was best for you in their own minds. You're next target is to look for goals/targets you think you can achieve milestone by milestone both intellectually and socially. You really don't need much friends but the right ones who understand and accept you genuinely. Get your own place, hang out, learn skills, play ball or chill where it's being played. When it comes to girls, your heart will be broken a couple of times but you'll definitely find the right one. See what you hate in your life and work on it while having as much fun as you can

Jamiubond009:
Give me a holler let's chat i could be of help

How can I reach you??

Ablemed:


They really did not shape me and groom me for Adulthood tbh and as a guy that I am, the society expect so much from me and I can't seem to find my bearing in Life. the funny thing is, my sisters are doing very well, bold, network and can handle business properly and I'm just opposite, it's quite depressing for me

can I be your friend?

There is nothing wrong with you, and it is certainly not the fault of your parents. You are just going through a phase that is amplified due to your nature as an introvert.

There is nothing wrong with you. You basically only have self esteem and confidence issues, it can be fixed by doing just two things.

1. Join a library, start reading wide as a habit... This will solve your issues with getting ideas.. And give you an imagination capacity.

2. Join a toastmasters club in your city. Google this, this will solve your public speaking problems.

That's it.

A mistake you should avoid is trying to be cool, or trying to roll with the cool guys. Or chasing ladies. That is plain distraction. What you need now is to focus on making money. Don't try to be cool. You were raised properly, you are just going through a phase. Don't overthink it, don't. It's not a problem.

Ablemed:
Can therapy work for me?? isn't it to late at 24years of age?? I just finished calling mum now and accused her of everything that has happened to me, I told her I don't want to hear from her, not anytime soon. I'm tried calling my Dad to but his line is switch off, I just wanna cut both of them off, They put me in this mess that I have to fight alone now

U are really immature indeed

Cutting your parents off❓❓

Ablemed:
The funny thing is, my roommate is exactly my opposite, very outspoken, bold, full of vibe and bring back different female friends each day, this guy is not really financially buoyant but you see girls cook and travel all the way to give him for us to eat. I just wish I was like him, i wish i had the vibe

This part got me. How I wish here has voice notes I would have expressed my story more.

Truth is, it was just like you. I came from a very religious and strict background. The effects you suffered, I did. I even grew resentful at a point and hated to be identified as a son of the family.

The change came in my 100 level in UNN. I schooled there and it was there I met a roommate who changed me; my social life, my dressing, talking..infact everything.

Young warlock use this recipe. You see that your roommate you love his vibe, understudy him and start acting like him. Learn the good thing he does, if he is a womaniser and you don't like it, modify your pattern. Read books like 48 laws of power, Mafian manager etc. But don't be a douchebag, know you are recreating yourself to who you want to be not a follow follow.

My roommate is good with ladies and social life. It got to a point in school when I vibe, people mistake me for him. I even study his laughter and added some stuffs to mine. All in all be DELIBERATE to change to whom you want and model everything you do towards it. De-Liberate! Know is a mission to give your inner self freedom, so do it consciously. Today, once timid guy is now ladies guy. Hey! I don't go around bleeping girls but learnt the ART OF LOVE AND HEART. When I comment on my secondary schools and other forums now, everybody asks is this the same guy we knew...

Know also that your reserve self gives you an edge to be more than your guy, because by now you would have been in mastery of coded life..apply it to anything you don't approve totally with the guys vibe. WHY YOU ACT THE WAY YOU DO is a good read.

Engage in good games like CHESS AND SCRABBLE...people in this level of life is way smarter than you, learn from them to and improve. The will really burn somethings out of you, especially timidity.

You are cautious of your state, so be DELIBERATE to redeem yourself. You new self will be loved by all.

Don't go about hating popsi dem...the thought it was best for you. When you change to who you want to be, you will see the effect of their actions positively.

Ablemed:
Can therapy work for me?? isn't it to late at 24years of age?? I just finished calling mum now and accused her of everything that has happened to me, I told her I don't want to hear from her, not anytime soon. I'm tried calling my Dad to but his line is switch off, I just wanna cut both of them off, They put me in this mess that I have to fight alone now

Don't do what you will forever regret. You are just dull by nature. Your parents are not the cause of your problem.

There are people who would be raised in the same way you were raised but they will still be brave and courageous.

You never displayed stubbornness and insubordination while growing up. A child that would be wild would start from 2 years to defy his parents' orders and dawn the consequences.

But, you were just a sissy by nature, so accept that truth and deal with it.

Your parents are not to blame. Accepting defeat already when you've not even started life is one of the most annoying thing to do in life. There are people who lost both parents at a very tender age, they had a first hand experience with suffering that almost run them aground but they choose to stand tall and came out successful by all standards. If you share your experience with them, they'll surely spit on your face. Your parent pampered you, but gave you the best in life even trained you to university level. So while in higher school for four years, were they also there to tell you what to eat and where to ease yourself? You just couldn't man up to redefine and create a pathway for yourself. If they had left you unattended to from your childhood up till now, you would have accused them of being the cause of your uselessness; now they gave you the best life can afford, you couldn't make anything out of it. Man up and face life, there is a time for everything. There is a point when life begins to treat you like a man, but if you relapse and respond like a kid, the changes it was meant to bring to your life will destroy you instead of building you. It's not too late, call your mum and apologize to them, thereafter fix yourself in a skill acquisition centre and get some lucrative skill like web design, Graphics design, UI/UX and so on. You'll come off your cocoon and self pity sooner than you thought. Once a man You'll be destroying yourself blaming others for your failure, while refusing to take responsibility. Be determined to Make yourself, parents, siblings,future wife and children proud by starting out somewhere, never say never. As for your room mate who frolic with different women; better don’t let that be an example you wish to copy in life. Get a good mentor to pattern your life after, not after a man who have lost focus in life.

Don't forget temperament defines who you are.......dont envy others...they are also envying .

i think you under estimate yourself too much....and you put your self down for no reason...

try reading some books to gain wisdom


i recommend this guy on youtube for you...ELIJAH AMMI.....Start there...you will slowly find yourself.

don't blame your parents...they did their best according to their knowledge and capability.

Do not join army/

Don't pressure yourself into leaving your parents house....go back home and start something with your money....talk to your parents that they will no longer decide for you...if you leave your parents house business capital becomes house rent and expenses.
at 24...bros...in Nigeria you are still a boy...understandably so

look into learning forex....try Jeffrey Benson on youtube......do not put your shishi until you know what you are doing....hope to spend up to 2 years learning....you might be good at it.

learn coding....

in the meantime put your money to work...small shawarma joint or dry cleaning business or anything that will move in your area

don't be afraid to ask your parents for more capital

STOP PORN AND MASTURBATION....it is not real life...you will never find a girl that fuukks like porn...don't let that distort your mind further

JOIN NSPPD

Michelle70:


i think its very immature of me to say this but i hate ur parents.

han-han... Easy, no drink 'panasharp' for another person body pain. Instead, jinger courage and boldness enter the op. Head.

I have read through your post and it's interesting, alot of kids have had to deal with that while growing up.

Myself inclusive, At 24, you have the whole world in front of you. You have the time to still become whatever you want.

Name it, the bold guy? the outspoken fellow? Whatever!

Sit back and decide what you want your life to look like and go for it. No one else will do that for you.

As for skills, get it especially those in your area of interest. It's important especially in Nigeria of today.

Good luck Man! Best Wishes.

Ablemed:
Can therapy work for me?? isn't it to late at 24years of age?? I just finished calling mum now and accused her of everything that has happened to me, I told her I don't want to hear from her, not anytime soon. I'm tried calling my Dad to but his line is switch off, I just wanna cut both of them off, They put me in this mess that I have to fight alone now

You can only cut them off when you are ready to take responsibilities for yourself. It is a good thing that you have discovered your weaknesses,all you need to do is to work on yourself. You have to let them believe in you and trust your judgement.
At 24, it is not late to change the direction of your life.

Ablemed:
I'll [/b]

Firstly, as stated by someone here, you have a bright side as you are already aware that something odd is going on in your life and it needs change, that's a good start.
Secondly, kindly note that you are not the only one in this world or even in the city you currently are that is going through this kind of experience.., there are so many..., others too have passed through worse and are now living the kind of life they desire,... this means if the others can, you too can.
Thirdly, be soft with your parents,.. till you become one and pass through what they went through you wouldn't understand their over protection of you, you've stated clearly yourself that you came last after a long time of waiting. You wouldn't know how much they invested in terms of prayers, fasting, alms giving in order to be blessed with a male child. They could have made vows to God self, just to have you...
Like I stated earlier, you wouldn't understand till you become a parent and pass through what they went through. Guess you know that whatever you cherish most today, you never keep carelessly or allow everyone access to it,... You are much more to them. Most of what they did as protection of you was in their subconscious minds, it's a natural instinct. Be deliberate in understanding them while you pull out of being under their overbearing protection, when you handle it with maturity they will reduce, rest assured parents won't stop looking out for their children till their last breath, except such parents are irresponsible.
It's normal for you not to know where to go after NYSC, and what to do. But with the little saved up, and assurance of support by your parents and older sisters, you can engage in meaningful journey to growth, whether in further study (Masters or membership of professional body) or in business. Identify what interests you. Wherever your interest lies find the connection between it and technology and learn the technology aspect with a view to becoming relevant in this evolving world.
About girls, don't fret or beat yourself, there's always a lot of women out there for every kind of man. While you work on relating more with people you will unconsciously start relating with girls. There are places that by virtue of what they do help people to socialize and these places include fellowship groups in places of worship, alumni of University, old student associations (secondary), voluntary organizations like FRSC Corps Marshall, gyms, membership of social or recreational clubs etc.
Generally, your problem is not really a problem, rather it's a big blessing, just change your view of it and see how you'll turn all those things you view as problems into opportunities.

Young Man you are too young to sound the way you do. About 3years older than my daughter and I can tell you that due to some circumstances, not from me though, she really went through hell. But today by God's grace, I've been able to pull her through great transformation that I even admire what she is becoming.
Personally I was not pampered, but a hard core introvert and with no one to call friend, but having many trying as much as possible to reach you as a minister. That is a making of my believing in God's gift in me and HIS GRACE.
Please stop blaming your parents. They were trying to protect you, but really got it wrong yet has no reason to keep you in the past when you can brush up yourself and choose an awesome path to life fulfilment.
You can make it, coming out bold with a good testimony. Remember though your parents made a mistake in your upbringing will never robe God in any form of mistake in keeping you alive and have taken you through the level you have come in life.
Please quickly run to God, explore what He has truly made you to be that is really lying inside you waiting for activation. Your parents mistake does not kill it. You really CAN.
Lastly mind you; SUICIDE IS ONLY CONSIDERED BY COWARDS AND YOU ARE NOT ONE.
You can as well reach out for more from me as we are called among people like you.

Ajoself:
Dear OP,
I really feel for you. I am happy you are aware of your situation. Next, it's time to retrain yourself to someone you want to become. I have some steps to help you through this stage of life. It's not possible to state all here, but if you can message me I would help you out.

How can I reach you. thanks

Guy, if u dey take advice, remove military 4 ur plans.
As 4 ur self esteem, try learning handwork, hairstyling to be precise, by the time u dey among girls, u go learn their ways. Learn Ghana weaving bcus that will take u time to learn, meaning more time to build on your socialisation with girls or women.
BTW which state are u from?