Hello everyone, my boy has been exhibiting some characters i don't find funny at all especially towards his education. His attitude towards his studies is zero... As in its soooo discouraging and disappointing so much that 3 of his teachers have called to complain bitterly. The major facts are below:

He is 10years old, in J. S. S 2 and wishes to be a pilot in future.

1. He plays wayyy too much in school and at home. Infact everywhere.

2. He is very sluggish in doing things. He does everything slow.... I mean everything you can think of. He can use 2 hours to eat a plate of food. Same food his younger ones will consume in less than 30minutes. Is it to wash few pieces of plates? He does that and everything else sooo slowly.
Its only when i remind him of time or give him like " you have exactly 10 minutes to do this or that) that he speeds up whatever he is doing at that particular time.

He can't keep up with copying notes in class because they clean the board before he is even half way. You need to see his books... Almost empty while his classmates notes are filled up. He is always borrowing notes to copy to the extent that his classmates have stopped giving him because they are tired.

3. He doesn't like to study. Reading his books is like punishment.
I have to talk, talk and talk before he will pick up his books. Even when he does, he won't really be studying.

His grades are extremely poor.

I am scared for him and his future.

I used to remind him that he can't be a pilot by playing away his time when he can devote such time to study.

For those who would be curious to ask about his birth father... Please just assume he is not in the picture and give whatever meaningful advice you may have.

I desperately need a mentor for him. It has nothing to do with me.
I need him to improve and take his education more seriously.

There musn't be physical contact. I am totally cool with phone calls (not to me please or whatever that can work out).

Someone to speak with him, advice him, talk to him about the harsh realities of life and the future and so on

I will throw more light if anyone have questions.

My email is legithustlingbabe@gmail.com


This is a big deal to me... Not a playing matter.
The future of my first child is at stake.

At what age did he start school, I mean Kindergarten?

While waiting for a mentor for him, please find a book about a person who became a pilot and get him to read it to you for 30 to 45 minutes a day.

Below is two things he can read to you while you search for books. Though the second might put him off.

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wright_brothers

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Amelia_Earhart

Make sure you reward him for reading to you please! An egg, a fruit will do. It must not be something huge And don't you ever stop having him read to you every day from now on. And they don't only have to be books about pilots, but never Bible or whatever religious book is yours! He can read that to you but not as part of this program.

That's where an uncle comes into play. It's your brother's job to come in and serve as a father figure.

10 years and in J.S 2

I don't know why parents in Nigeria push their kids to skip levels in their education. Where are we rushing them? My daughter is eight years and in primary 4 and doing very well. She must be well rounded and up to 11 or 12 before proceeding to secondary, J.S 1

My son is seven and in primary 3. He was given double promotion but I told the proprietress that he must do primary 3 instead of moving him from primary two to four.

Two of them must do primary six and be between 11 and 12 years before entering J.S.S 1. There is no rushing. Slow and steady gets you there. Nigerian parents would want their kids to be 14 years and done with secondary school.

Just get him a private school teacher and let him make friends with good pupils in your neighborhood and in the same class with him so that they study together. His age is not the age of getting a mentor. He should mingle more with his age mates and do assignments together with them.

He didn't become sluggish overnight, you failed to correct him when he was much younger. This is the problem with ajebuta parents, they pet their children too much till they go astray.

Don't look for any mentor for that boy, do your homework very well.

budaatum:
While waiting for a mentor for him, please find a book about a person who became a pilot and get him to read it to you for 30 to 45 minutes a day.

Below is two things he can read to you while you search for books. Though the second might put him off.

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wright_brothers

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Amelia_Earhart

Make sure you reward him for reading to you please! An egg, a fruit will do. It must not be something huge And don't you ever stop having him read to you every day from now on. And they don't only have to be books about pilots, but never Bible or whatever religious book is yours! He can read that to you but not as part of this program.

Thank you so much. Will start working on it tomorrow.

Legitmenaija:


Thank you so much. Will start working on it tomorrow.

Please do. And be committed. He must read something to you every day. And if you can, please put The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Teenagers by Sean Covey on his read to you list.

budaatum:


Please do. And be committed. He must read something to you every day. And if you can, please put The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Teenagers by Sean Covey on his read to you list.

Okay sir.

Sincerely i am grateful.

Let me see if u can get the books to download online.

Legitmenaija:


Okay sir.

Sincerely i am grateful.

Let me see if u can get the books to download online.

This seems to work.
https://ia902800.us.archive.org/18/items/7Habits2014PDF/7%20Habits%202014%20PDF.pdf

Good one.....that boy is a day dreamer too. You dont really need a faceless mentor,you have to step into that role yourself. Reading helps a lot, it would soon become his habit. Also, try to get into his mind...

What was he always thinking when washing plates or copying notes or eating? His mind must be miles away. Once you find out,next is to help him focus on doing, instead of thinking. It is well. Good luck mama....his future will thank you

you and some of the teachers complaining are part of the problem, infact the major problem.

1. people learn at different degree, everybody is not a fast learner, its a teacher's role to identity each student level and how to bring out the best in him/her and not comparing
2. I feel you're rushing him too much. dude is just 10years and he is already in jss2. slow down abit pls.
3. The play part is not today, you allowed it, now begin to reduce it if you have his time.
Make it a law, everyday after school, he eats, rest (sleep) and do a compulsory 2 hours reading, it works for me then (maybe 4pm to 6). everyday. gradually with time, he will get use to it. let him copy notes from his colleagues but I will advice you get the teacher to allow him copy directly. why are they too fast, they are rushing them too much and you should complain, are you not paying school fee. please make sure his notes are up to date.
you will need to help him too. do home work with him, check his books, seat with him, ask him one or 2 things and if you can afford it, get him a home lesson teacher.
finally, he need a man figure in his life, friend, uncle, brother, please he need one very well.

finally finally, take things easy with him. gradually things with change with proper monitoring like you're beginning to do now and guidance, he will pickup and fly. please be calming down.

all the best.

10years JS2? Madam you are majorly the problem of your child. What is a 10years old doing in JS2? Why rushing him when he’s not fit to be in that class yet?

Lord have mercy!!

10 years in JSS2 is huge..haba
Assuming he is a genius, I would understand but he is not because you would have state other things he does that speaks volume of his intellect.
He can't cope with the peers you have moved him with, which might be why he has being affected greatly. It took you long enough to find out.
I don't know if reading books will bring him to speed because he is not supposed to be at that level yet.
Well, like someone suggested above, find him a private teacher to come down to his level and try to make him meet up to the level you have rushed him into.

sweetman2022:
10 years in JSS2 is huge..haba
Assuming he is a genius, I would understand but he is not because you would have state other things he does that speaks volume of his intellect.
He can't cope with the peers you have moved him with, which might be why he has being affected greatly. It took you long enough to find out.
I don't know if reading books will bring him to speed because he is not supposed to be at that level yet.
Well, like someone suggested above, find him a private teacher to come down to his level and try to make him meet up to the level you have rushed him into.

yeah I agree with you, a private teacher would be able to come down to his level, maybe his brain is still too small to learn jss2 work

budaatum:


This seems to work.
https://ia902800.us.archive.org/18/items/7Habits2014PDF/7%20Habits%202014%20PDF.pdf

I downloaded it but it says the file is corrupted.

Legitmenaija:


I downloaded it but it says the file is corrupted.

Get my email address off my profile and email me and I'll send you a copy.

P.s. it might be too mature for a 10 year old but you might learn from it yourself.

sisisioge:
Good one.....that boy is a day dreamer too. You dont really need a faceless mentor,you have to step into that role yourself. Reading helps a lot, it would soon become his habit. Also, try to get into his mind...

What was he always thinking when washing plates or copying notes or eating? His mind must be miles away. Once you find out,next is to help him focus on doing, instead of thinking. It is well. Good luck mama....his future will thank you

I am so happy i put out this post. No regrets at all. With comments like yours which attacks the main issue and profers solution plus encouraging mails i have received, i am super happy because i am gradually getting solutions to the issue at hand.

Regarding your suggestion, i will have a one on one with him today and try to get into his mind.

He tells me everything so it will be easy to know what's going on in his mind and teach him to focus.

Thank you sisi.
God bless you.

culf:
you and some of the teachers complaining are part of the problem, infact the major problem.

1. people learn at different degree, everybody is not a fast learner, its a teacher's role to identity each student level and how to bring out the best in him/her and not comparing
2. I feel you're rushing him too much. dude is just 10years and he is already in jss2. slow down abit pls.
3. The play part is not today, you allowed it, now begin to reduce it if you have his time.
Make it a law, everyday after school, he eats, rest (sleep) and do a compulsory 2 hours reading, it works for me then (maybe 4pm to 6). everyday. gradually with time, he will get use to it. let him copy notes from his colleagues but I will advice you get the teacher to allow him copy directly. why are they too fast, they are rushing them too much and you should complain, are you not paying school fee. please make sure his notes are up to date.
you will need to help him too. do home work with him, check his books, seat with him, ask him one or 2 things and if you can afford it, get him a home lesson teacher.
finally, he need a man figure in his life, friend, uncle, brother, please he need one very well.

finally finally, take things easy with him. gradually things with change with proper monitoring like you're beginning to do now and guidance, he will pickup and fly. please be calming down.

all the best.

Thank you.

I am gradually beginning to see my errors now and ammends will be made and i will be making efforts to close my business on time and be at home with them immediately after school.

I Sincerely appreciate your advice. Already screenshotting helpful comments with solutions.

budaatum:


Get my email address off my profile and email me and I'll send you a copy.

P.s. it might be too mature for a 10 year old but you might learn from it yourself.

Okay sir. Will do that right away.

budaatum:


Get my email address off my profile and email me and I'll send you a copy.

P.s. it might be too mature for a 10 year old but you might learn from it yourself.

I just emailed you.

You are right to want a mentor for him but also know that you are also part of his problem for always trying to compare him to others. Camparison of him and the pushing of him to level up with others at all time is highly dangerous, I repeat it is highly dangerous, I speak from my personal experience as a child and as a teacher.

When I was still actively teaching what I usually do with such children is to join them in their playful imaginary world through things like story telling that requires their playful response too. The words that they usually use in their response is what I then always use in explaining serious stuff like mathematics and other subjects that they hate or find difficult.

Believe me this works greatly, with this I was able to always get through to them and help them overcome their changes. But I always add a little bit of prayers unto God for them too in my secret because if knowledge and wisdom can only be gotten solely by man effort then Solomon won't have prayed unto God for it in the first place. 08131136076 is my contact in case you may need further tips.

Na wa oh. You're part of your son's problem. 10 years in JSS 2, when he should be in primary 4 or 5.

You're simply overworking his brain and capacity for his age. You need some counseling, to start with

It's a pity all you do to a 10 yr old jss2 boy is talk when you should mete out some corporal punishment in addition to talking to him. Talking is not enough.

If he has to be grounded from playing or reduce his playtime hours then do it.

Lastly, get him a strict lesson teacher to handle him. I have someone I can recommend. Hes a mathematics teacher in one of my schools.

There's a new boy that joined us last term and he was exactly like your son when he came. Slow in everything. By the time this maths teacher handled him, he became smart overnight and is doing very well in his studies now.

The guy (maths teacher) flogs o but you'll see a huge difference.

Legitmenaija:


Thank you.

I am gradually beginning to see my errors now and ammends will be made and i will be making efforts to close my business on time and be at home with them immediately after school.

I Sincerely appreciate your advice. Already screenshotting helpful comments with solutions.

spot on, awesome! I'm giving you the best mom of the week and Thank you for appreciating me

meanwhile, pls try to strike a bal, so business will not suffer too, closing business by his closing time I think is pretty early. just try and find a way around it so that both won't suffer.
All the best and my greetings to him.

Focusmind:
10 years and in J.S 2

I don't know why parents in Nigeria push their kids to skip levels in their education. Where are we rushing them? My daughter is eight years and in primary 4 and doing very well. She must be well rounded and up to 11 or 12 before proceeding to secondary, J.S 1

My son is seven and in primary 3. He was given double promotion but I told the proprietress that he must do primary 3 instead of moving him from primary two to four.

Two of them must do primary six and be between 11 and 12 years before entering J.S.S 1. There is no rushing. Slow and steady gets you there. Nigerian parents would want their kids to be 14 years and done with secondary school.

Just get him a private school teacher and let him make friends with good pupils in your neighborhood and in the same class with him so that they study together. His age is not the age of getting a mentor. He should mingle more with his age mates and do assignments together with them.

I don't think there's anything wrong with a child being in a higher class based on capacity. It's better than that child being in a class that we think their age should be in while they remain unchallenged and undermaximized.

Some parents actually hold their children back from reaching their maximum capacity with the excuse that they don't want to rush the child. And this happens a lot with Nigerian parents.

My daughter was put in pry 2 at 4yrs. She just clocked 5 now. She's very studious and always pushes herself. Holding her back would not have helped her.

It is left for us to monitor these children and push them in the right direction according to their strengths and capabilities.

I totally understand your frustration. You need to get tougher with him, some kids are like that, they need to be pushed hard.

My kid does quite well in school, he is quite smart. However, this same boy will come last if we let him have his way. He doesn't want to do anything. He wants to play every single minute.

The secret is to go tough, we make sure he does his homework regularly, set a timetable for him and give him personal homework to do. Sometimes, the temptation to want to let him play is there, but knowing that this world is tough is enough to make us push him hard. If he is successful tomorrow, the benefits are majorly for him.

By the way he is given play time too, but the play time is a reward for doing all his tasks successfully. Try and adopt this same approach, it may help.

pinkylipsguy:
You are right to want a mentor for him but also know that you are also part of his problem for always trying to compare him to others. Camparison of him and the pushing of him to level up with others at all time is highly dangerous, I repeat it is highly dangerous, I speak from my personal experience as a child and as a teacher.

When I was still actively teaching what I usually do with such children is to join them in their playful imaginary world through things like story telling that requires their playful response too. The words that they usually use in their response is what I then always use in explaining serious stuff like mathematics and other subjects that they hate or find difficult.

Believe me this works greatly, with this I was able to always get through to them and help them overcome their changes. But I always add a little bit of prayers unto God for them too in my secret because if knowledge and wisdom can only be gotten solely by man effort then Solomon won't have prayed unto God for it in the first place. 08131136076 is my contact in case you may need further tips.

Thank you so much.

culf:


spot on, awesome! I'm giving you the best mom of the week and Thank you for appreciating me

meanwhile, pls try to strike a bal, so business will not suffer too, closing business by his closing time I think is pretty early. just try and find a way around it so that both won't suffer.
All the best and my greetings to him.

Okay sir. Thank you.

zed7:
I totally understand your frustration. You need to get tougher with him, some kids are like that, they need to be pushed hard.

My kid does quite well in school, he is quite smart. However, this same boy will come last if we let him have his way. He doesn't want to do anything. He wants to play every single minute.

The secret is to go tough, we make sure he does his homework regularly, set a timetable for him and give him personal homework to do. Sometimes, the temptation to want to let him play is there, but knowing that this world is tough is enough to make us push him hard. If he is successful tomorrow, the benefits are majorly for him.

By the way he is given play time too, but the play time is a reward for doing all his tasks successfully. Try and adopt this same approach, it may help.

Thank you so much for the tips. I am grateful.

Legitmenaija:

Okay sir. Thank you.

you're welcome ma.

Legitmenaija:
I used to remind him that he can't be a pilot by playing away his time when he can devote such time to study.

For those who would be curious to ask about his birth father... Please just assume he is not in the picture and give whatever meaningful advice you may have.

I desperately need a mentor for him. It has nothing to do with me.I need him to improve and take his education more seriously. There musn't be physical contact. I am totally cool with phone calls (not to me please or whatever that can work out).

Someone to speak with him, advice him, talk to him about the harsh realities of life and the future and so on.

How did the boy make it into JSS2 abeg?

And with all you highlighted, why are you convinced he needs someone to advice him? He probably needs professional psychiatric help to help you, his parent better understand what the boy may be going through.

My guess is he gets "lost" a lot of the times and even that can be a serious issue in itself.