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The Things We've Learnt From Nollywood - Jokes Etc - Nairaland

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Things We've Learnt From Nollywood / Things We've Learnt From Nollywood / 24 Things We've Learnt From Nollywood (2) (3) (4)

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The Things We've Learnt From Nollywood by miztapheek(m): 12:17pm On Aug 29, 2011
Watch a Nollywood movie anyday,anytime

and tell me if i'm wrong.

Happy Viewing!!


1,Every problem is spiritual.na wa o

2,In every Romance movie, someone must die.shege!

3,It is possible to hit a person without actually touching them!!o ga o

4, Anyone who gets hit by a car dies immediately.*NOT AFTER HE/SHE HAS SCREAMED STANDING AND LOOKING AT THE CAR RUN HER\HIM OVER* naija

5,Poisoned food always tastes better.lwkm,

6,The best way to make money is by visiting a 'BABALWAO' DIBIA'

*Joining a cult,

*Sleeping with rich men.

7,One of a pair of twins(identical or not) is born evil!!

8,Ten years later; Same hair,same shoe,same phone,same HAIR?(what the hell?)

9,There is never an end to your suffering except death.abi,

10, With a Pastor, all things are possible.yes na,can i get an amen?

11, A movie can be tittled anything, such as

*They boy is mine

*Face me,I face you,

*Area mama



*Lady Gaga(? not yet) watch out tho**

*Two rats,



*Light out





*Just checked 114 now, i saw Eran & Erak?? (smh)

*Beyonce & Rihanna.

12, A movie has not been made if at least one actor|actress has not-

'shelled', or Twisted his\her lips to speak wrong phonetics.(so irritating! kemdi,remember that ngbeke that was saying deddy instead of daddy!! urghhh), na by force?

13,You are in love,
you want to take your girl out ,the best place

you take her to is,

*Mr Biggs(whats that??), where you'll most probably see an ex while feeding each other ice cream!!

*The beach= where it is imperative that you ride a donkey and carry her playfully.

*or the best= take her to buy some ugly new clothes,

14, An Igbo movie has been made if

*You visit a dibia,

*A fleet of cars is shown off at regular intervals for a total of half of the movie time.

*Kanayo 'o' Kanayo is in the movie. Pete Edochie is there too!!

*You hear those freaking interlude that makes you wanna scatter your house to find the rat making such unpleasant sounds! urghh!

*To get rich it is mandatory you join a cult, na so e dey be?

15, Gun shoots and Knock-outs sound the same!

16,Sometimes the title has absolutely nothing to do with the movie and

other times,
Once you read the title and see the poster,YOU KNOW IT ALL!!

ALL!!(Also the soundtrack gives you a headache because it just narrates the whole story repeatedly with a crunk Igbo Accent, urghh-So much for suspense and intrigue!!!!)

17, A love story has not been produced if it does not have one or two of the following-

*Ramsey noauh.

*Genevieve Nnaji.

*stephanie okereke.

*Nadia buari.

18,So the police are extremely EFFICIENT unlike their real life counterparts!!!!

19,An actress can wear the same hairdo for more than a year and even in FLASHBACKS!!!

20,It is permissible to wear dark shades at night!*JIM IYKE

21,So when you are shot in the chest,it really doesnt matter; your head will be bandaged!! same for the legs!!!

22,OK,so when advertising a movie,you really should shout because, people are deaf??GRAB UR COPY NOW(echoes till fade off)

23,When you are extremely poor, you will still be able to afford-

a beautiful house, very good furniture,TV, nice clothes and hair, but you wont be able

To send your kids to school??

24,The bad guy always dies or gets caught by none than the POLICE-Lol!

25,An actor must also sweat profusely when crying? *(whatever happened to air conditioners? ahh, ohh, sorii, they shoot movies with candle* MY BAD!)

26,An actor announces his death as he slowly dies-"You killed me" "I'm dying" "I'm dead".

27,In a case where a person is on his death bed,they must cough until they die?

28,Every ghost must wear a white cloth and have powder unevenly distrubuted on their faces.kai, make up, lol

29,A person dies on the floor,some other person carries her from the floor to a car and what?she holds unto his clothes so tightly? did she forget she was dead?

30,A person's heart beats even when the doctor has said "im sorry,we lost her", dey no fit play dead

31,At the end of a 3hour movie,you'll be reminded that



32,No matter the type of movie,
*TO GOD BE THE GLORY!!!, no be God do am, lwkmd!!!
Re: The Things We've Learnt From Nollywood by whiteroses(f): 12:26pm On Aug 29, 2011
you are 4 years and a kobo late tongue
Re: The Things We've Learnt From Nollywood by mikuz(m): 5:05pm On Aug 29, 2011
^ which kind rubbish talk be that?

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