This topic was debated around october 2007 here on nairaland and was touched by two instances that was given.

1 A husband had a fight with is wife and decided to give a silent treatment.After 4days the wife couldnt take it any longer so one sunday they went to church together the husband left her behind knowing fully well that she was still going to be ignored she decided to go to a friends house.armed robber came to the house and violated the wife.she told her husband and he started blaming himself for his action.

2 Another husband beat his wife as if that is not enough he decided to ignore her.during the beating she sustained an internal injury which led to an internal bleeding.she couldnt tell him because he was not talking to her.they went out together he left her in the car expecting her to join him.after sometime he didnt see her so he came back to the car only for him to see her dead body.

For me,i see silent treament as an alternative to yelling and beating and i use it only to get an apology but reading peoples coment they made it sound like something evil.
What do you thinkto an internal bleeding.she couldnt tell him because he was not talking to her.they went out together he left her in the car expecting her to join him.after sometime he didnt see her so he came back to the car only for him to see her dead body.

For me,i see silent treament as an alternative to yelling and beating and i use it only to get an apology but reading peoples coment they made it sound like something evil.
What do you think

Silent treatment is a two face thing,sumtimes it pays sumtimes it fails btdebutsor me i will prefer punishing my offenders with silent treatment than laying my hands on d person   Silent treatment is a two face thing,sumtimes it pays sumtimes it fails bt aBTUfor me i will prefer punishing my offenders with silent treatment than laying my hands on d person

I had someone who used silent treatment as a weapon - and since I had never experienced silent treatment - it was very painful to me and hurt me deeply.

Then after a few years of dealing with this person (a mate) and I studied that individual closely to ascertain/figure him out.  It dawned on me how to remove "silent treatment" from my life. 

The first thing you have to do is to immediately go into "automatic pilot" and stop caring about him speaking or not speaking to you and START focusing on yourself.

Also introduce him to "gorilla warfare-type of attention grabbing conversation items"

1.  I started spending his money (normally I am a saver-when he stops speaking it initiates that very lavish spender that resides within  )
2.  I started selling things out of the home that I knew he would miss
3.  I interrupted his daily routine (relocated his hygiene products and shaving/bath items as well as his underwear)

I also did not do the above list in the order listed and I did not do them ALL TOGETHER - I also did it really QUIETLY WITHOUT SOUND or advance notice of any sort - and I would do them randomly and then go to the gym or the spa or visit friends for hours and hours and hours so that I am not seen or heard when he comes home and I MAKE SURE THAT I intentionally am not around as his frustrations peak as they usually peak whenever he cannot find this or that (he would arrange his personal items according to shape, size and color) - after a few times of not being able to find this or that - he immediately stopped the silent treatment and when he stopped and started speaking and asking me - "where is this and where is that and what I am doing and where am I going" - I decided on my own to extend his silent treatment routine FOR HIM - just because he wants to now stop doesn't mean that I am going to stop from staying silent so "I continued to stay quiet until I was ready to talk"

When I turned and flipped "his silent treatment" back on him - he stopped - but it took me some time to figure out how to rid my life of that nonsensical manner of his.

If you have a problem with me - we need to discuss it - or I will make you join me in the "hell you create" in your attempts to control me.  You will be my partner in that hell.  Adults should learn to be adults or pay the consequences that comes from irrational behavior.

prettyjulie:

   Silent treatment is a two face thing,sumtimes it pays sumtimes it fails btdebutsor me i will prefer punishing my offenders with silent treatment than laying my hands on d person   Silent treatment is a two face thing,sumtimes it pays sumtimes it fails bt aBTUfor me i will prefer punishing my offenders with silent treatment than laying my hands on d person

Silent treatment and silent treatment revenge are both childish in my opinion. Only children engage into childish behavior. Its like having a temper tantrum when someone doesn't give you what you want and I wouldn't lower myself to that level to prove a point.

^^^^

Revenge is a response directed "out of spite" - to pay someone back.

I don't call doing what I did - revenge - because my motive wasn't one of "spite" - I needed "results" that would eliminate my having to experience "silent treatment"

I posted my post so that anyone experiencing silent treatment could also "eliminate" it from their video by knowing that there are "options" available to them - just because someone "dishes" out something doesn't mean you have to "take it".

You can decide what you will and what you won't put up with,

From a spouse or a mate.  Many people don't consider "silent treatment" as childish, I actually consider it as "uneducated" - many people actually consider the use of silent treatment as a better option than arguing or violence - they consider "silent treatment" as quite adult compared to arguing.

I don't categorize it as either - I just refuse to accept it.  We will discuss things like adults or you will find yourself following me around "just to get me to talk to you"

Shy-One:

I had someone who used silent treatment as a weapon - and since I had never experienced silent treatment - it was very painful to me and hurt me deeply.

Then after a few years of dealing with this person (a mate) and I studied that individual closely to ascertain/figure him out.  It dawned on me how to remove "silent treatment" from my life. 

The first thing you have to do is to immediately go into "automatic pilot" and stop caring about him speaking or not speaking to you and START focusing on yourself.

Also introduce him to "gorilla warfare-type of attention grabbing conversation items"

1.  I started spending his money (normally I am a saver-when he stops speaking it initiates that very lavish spender that resides within  )
2.  I started selling things out of the home that I knew he would miss
3.  I interrupted his daily routine (relocated his hygiene products and shaving/bath items as well as his underwear)

I also did not do the above list in the order listed and I did not do them ALL TOGETHER - I also did it really QUIETLY WITHOUT SOUND or advance notice of any sort - and I would do them randomly and then go to the gym or the spa or visit friends for hours and hours and hours so that I am not seen or heard when he comes home and I MAKE SURE THAT I intentionally am not around as his frustrations peak as they usually peak whenever he cannot find this or that (he would arrange his personal items according to shape, size and color) - after a few times of not being able to find this or that - he immediately stopped the silent treatment and when he stopped and started speaking and asking me - "where is this and where is that and what I am doing and where am I going" - I decided on my own to extend his silent treatment routine FOR HIM - just because he wants to now stop doesn't mean that I am going to stop from staying silent so "I continued to stay quiet until I was ready to talk"

When I turned and flipped "his silent treatment" back on him - he stopped - but it took me some time to figure out how to rid my life of that nonsensical manner of his.

If you have a problem with me - we need to discuss it - or I will make you join me in the "hell you create" in your attempts to control me.  You will be my partner in that hell.  Adults should learn to be adults or pay the consequences that comes from irrational behavior.

Oh you learn everyday, I love this one a lot.
Infact will put it to use right away.

Shy-One:

^^^^

Revenge is a response directed "out of spite" - to pay someone back.

I don't call doing what I did - revenge - because my motive wasn't one of "spite" - I needed "results" that would eliminate my having to experience "silent treatment"

I posted my post so that anyone experiencing silent treatment could also "eliminate" it from their video by knowing that there are "options" available to them - just because someone "dishes" out something doesn't mean you have to "take it".

You can decide what you will and what you won't put up with,

From a spouse or a mate.  Many people don't consider "silent treatment" as childish, I actually consider it as "uneducated" - many people actually consider the use of silent treatment as a better option than arguing or violence - they consider "silent treatment" as quite adult compared to arguing.

I don't categorize it as either - I just refuse to accept it.  We will discuss things like adults or you will find yourself following me around "just to get me to talk to you"

Revenge ke , Discipline you mean, Thanks love it

Shy-One:

^^^^

Revenge is a response directed "out of spite" - to pay someone back.

I don't call doing what I did - revenge - because my motive wasn't one of "spite" - I needed "results" that would eliminate my having to experience "silent treatment"

I posted my post so that anyone experiencing silent treatment could also "eliminate" it from their video by knowing that there are "options" available to them - just because someone "dishes" out something doesn't mean you have to "take it".

You can decide what you will and what you won't put up with,

From a spouse or a mate.  Many people don't consider "silent treatment" as childish, I actually consider it as "uneducated" - many people actually consider the use of silent treatment as a better option than arguing or violence - they consider "silent treatment" as quite adult compared to arguing.

I don't categorize it as either - I just refuse to accept it.  We will discuss things like adults or you will find yourself following me around "just to get me to talk to you"

That's your opinion and you are entitled to it.   If you couldn't put up with his childish ways, you would have left him and not scooped down to his level. 

I know for a fact a real man wouldn't follow a woman around just because she is having a temper tantrum.  If she isn't woman enough to come to the man like a grown woman and lay everything on the table then she doesn't deserve his attention nor time.  I know men for sure will attest to this. 

In my opinion, it is childish both ways.

so all kinds of bad things happened to the wife only, you dont say, poster.


yeye.

una don start una craze, abi.

All husbands have irritating ways - you don't walk out of a marriage

you focus on change - IT WORKED and HE CHANGED

for the better - might I add -  

let me refocus and pull your attention back to the thread topic

CalienteMi:

That's your opinion and you are entitled to it.   If you couldn't put up with his childish ways, you would have left him and not scooped down to his level. 

I know for a fact a real man wouldn't follow a woman around just because she is having a temper tantrum.  If she isn't woman enough to come to the man like a grown woman and lay everything on the table then she doesn't deserve his attention nor time.  I know men for sure will attest to this. 

In my opinion, it is childish both ways. 

this isn't about temper tantrums - AS NO ONE WAS HAVING A TEMPER TANTRUM

This isn't about being "woman enough or being a real man" - seems like you want to just "wing it and start a new topic by evolving my response into another topic entirely"

This is about 2 people in a relationship or a marriage where one party gives the other the "silent treatment" - silent treatment means "No Talking" - "No Listening"

"Laying it on the table doesn't occur when one party doesn't listen, doesn't talk and doesn't respond"

Anyone who has experienced "silent treatment" can attest to what I am saying.  

So your response to me - is obsolete.

Can we stay on topic?  For the sake of the poster?  Thanks

I don't know about you but I am on topic and voiced my opinion that silent treatments are temper tantrums and those who scooped to that level are just as childish as the one doing the silent treatment.

I know for a fact I wouldn't waste my time doing what you did above because I believe in effective communication and do not let the sun go down without at least attempting to talk about it like adults. 

Again that is my opinion.

phew

REALITY101:

phew

What are your views about silent treatments between adults?

CalienteMi:

What are your views about silent treatments between adults?

I don't care

horny4u:

Oh you learn everyday, I love this one a lot.
Infact will put it to use right away.
Revenge ke , Discipline you mean, Thanks love it

Thanks - it worked like a charm - There are times when you have to just put your foot down in "non traditional ways"

I believe in being effective and not wasting time - No yelling, no screaming - you also have to observe what is effective for "Your particular situation" - my husband was a neat and tidy individual - very, very, very clean - fastidiously so - and needed to be surrounded by order at all times.

So relocating his items - really offset him - he kept a super busy agenda and calendar and didn't have a lot of time to replace this or look for that.  Very intelligent.

He would ignore those he didn't want to be bothered with - when he turned it on me - at first I was unsure of what was going on, then once I caught on and decided to not put up with it any longer, then I just politely removed the floor from beneath him in very "untraditional manners" - later we looked back and laughed - especially when he had shaving cream on his face and couldn't find his razor and he needed to go to work but decided to not speak to me because of his "feelings of anger" over whatever I did or didn't do.

It is important to remove behaviors that will kill a relationship - remove them early in the relationship so you can thrive and bond for a lasting marriage.  

If you have dealt with the "silent treatment" for a number of years - it is still not too late to change that individual.  Observe them and find out what is an irritant to them - and remove what they value - do it quietly with little fuss - and just keep you lips sealed - don't respond to their reactions unless they are of a violent nature.

Let them know that "we need to meet and talk things over that silent treatment can backfire and will only elevate the situation to an unbearable level"

There are certain behaviors I just won't deal with and "silent treatment" is one of them.

Remember you are in the relationship/marriage with them - they didn't go into it alone.  They can't alone dictate how your interaction should be.

if they're adults, i'm not sure how the matter concerns anyone else, the thread starter's s.tupid post aside.


silent treatment without malice and grudge keeping is far better than ranting and raving all over the place.

however, if the silence is accompanied by maliciousness, then that's witchcraft on the part of either the man or woman.


imo, its not everything that needs to be carried on one's head. Sometimes we need to learn to let things go and stop majoring in minors.

REALITY101:

I don't care

Of course you don't.

Shy-One Are you into human trafficking? why posing those kids on your profile? I bet they don't know what you did. . .

CalienteMi:

I don't know about you but I am on topic and voiced my opinion that silent treatments are temper tantrums and those who scooped to that level are just as childish as the one doing the silent treatment.  

I know for a fact I wouldn't waste my time doing what you did above because I believe in effective communication and do not let the sun go down without at least attempting to talk about it like adults. 

Again that is my opinion. 

Then you must have stumbled in the wrong thread

That is the difference between you and I - what is seen as a time waster to you - brought me many results - as I no longer had to deal with "Silent Treatment"

Many men and women use silent treatment in this manner - it is good that you "didn't let the sun go down without attempting to talk" - the problem with your response is that you are responding to a thread that is directed at those "Who are UNLIKE YOU"

@ Thread Topic

Those who have dealt with silent treatment know that to "make attempts to talk is a time waster" - for the one who directs the silent treatment and authors it - won't stand still long enough to listen to your attempts to talk nor will they give you audience in the bed, kitchen, bath or living room and if they do look at you long enough to hear anything you have to say - they generally will remain stone-faced and refuse to answer.

My response to the forum is that you can either "deal with it" or get effective in deleting it.

I was effective and my method worked on my mate and it didn't take long at all.  I was able to help him through his inability to communicate but it took me some time to figure out what would work for him and for me in our situation.

REALITY101:

Shy-One Are you into human trafficking? why posing those kids on your profile? I bet they don't know what you did. . .

I know - aren't they handsome? Handsome guys - they don't know and they wouldn't care if they did know. They are all listed on other websites as well so they are used to attention.

Human trafficking, hmmmmm, now that's a thought. lololol

tpia@:

if they're adults, i'm not sure how the matter concerns anyone else, the thread starter's s.tupid post aside.


silent treatment without malice and grudge keeping is far better than ranting and raving all over the place.

however, if the silence is accompanied by maliciousness, then that's witchcraft on the part of either the man or woman.


imo, its not everything that needs to be carried on one's head. Sometimes we need to learn to let things go and stop majoring in minors.

I like that - "stop majoring in minors" - I'm going to remember that - you are actually quite right.

tpia@:

if they're adults, i'm not sure how the matter concerns anyone else, the thread starter's s.tupid post aside.


silent treatment without malice and grudge keeping is far better than ranting and raving all over the place.

however, if the silence is accompanied by maliciousness, then that's witchcraft on the part of either the man or woman.


imo, its not everything that needs to be carried on one's head. Sometimes we need to learn to let things go and stop majoring in minors.

Granted some people doesn't talk much when they are upset and that is natural but to engage in silent treatment to get something or because you didn't get your way or what you wanted is childish and temper tantrum-ish.    

Real adult men and women should talk to each other and work it out without having to go kindergarten on each other.

Shy-One:

Then you must have stumbled in the wrong thread

That is the difference between you and I - what is seen as a time waster to you - brought me many results - as I no longer had to deal with "Silent Treatment"

Many men and women use silent treatment in this manner - it is good that you "didn't let the sun go down without attempting to talk" - the problem with your response is that you are responding to a thread that is directed at those "Who are UNLIKE YOU"

You responded to my initial response to someone's else post so you stumbled on the wrong person.

Good for you the childish method worked on the guy and did you and the guy lived happily ever after?

Yes, I don't waste my time majoring minors.

Shy-One:

I know - aren't they handsome?  Handsome guys - they don't know and they wouldn't care if they did know.  They are all listed on other websites as well so they are used to attention.

Human trafficking, hmmmmm, now that's a thought. lololol

Attention? are they in Gambia?

CalienteMi:

You responded to my initial response to someone's else post so you stumbled on the wrong person. 

Good for you the childish method worked on the guy and did you and the guy lived happily ever after?   

Yes, I don't waste my time majoring minors.   

ok - how old are you?  you sound ignorant and childish - almost like a very unhappy woman who enjoys nitpicking and constantly finding fault with others - you contribute very little that is helpful - but you are quick to contribute counter-productive "name calling" to those who do contribute

my contributions to the thread are to help others who are dealing with this type of behavior - while I am contributing helpful suggestions - you are quick to call me and others "childish" and other "degrading" names - you sound like Chima under a new username - I wonder just how correct I am - if it is Chima - what I find childish is your constant bans, over and over and over again and your constant "new usernames" - you are so desperate to stay on NL you clutch at straw after straw after straw to maintain your presence - now how "childish" is that - you who are such a "grown woman" - who doesn't engage in "silent treatment" - I wonder if your husband many times gets on his knees and prays that you do "go to bed at night giving him the silent treatment" - that you say you don't do - I can bet if he had the money he would pay you to stay quiet.

he would hope that you would gift him with silence

REALITY101:

Attention? are they in Gambia?

Shy-One:

You're one chick I would love to go on a date with. . Imagining what she looks like 

Ms. Chima please don't interfere  

Shy-One:

ok - how old are you?  you sound ignorant and childish - almost like a very unhappy woman who enjoys nitpicking and constantly finding fault with others - you contribute very little that is helpful - but you are quick to contribute counter-productive "name calling" to those who do contribute

my contributions to the thread are to help others who are dealing with this type of behavior - while I am contributing helpful suggestions - you are quick to call me and others "childish" and other "degrading" names - you sound like Chima under a new username - I wonder just how correct I am - if it is Chima - what I find childish is your constant bans, over and over and over again and your constant "new usernames" - you are so desperate to stay on NL you clutch at straw after straw after straw to maintain your presence - now how "childish" is that - you who are such a "grown woman" - who doesn't engage in "silent treatment" - I wonder if your husband many times gets on his knees and prays that you do "go to bed at night giving him the silent treatment" - that you say you don't do - I can bet if he had the money he would pay you to stay quiet.




[/quote

Now I see why the guy acted childish, he was matching style for style.

Oh you really want to get into personal tic and tac Ms. Going to See A Man You Don't Know, Never Met, and Don't Trust?

I will adhere to Mukina's warning about not derailing threads and will not get into a bout with you.

Excuse me OP this person doesn't want someone to have an opinion that is differ from hers and take minor things extremely personal.

Shy-One:

I had someone who used silent treatment as a weapon - and since I had never experienced silent treatment - it was very painful to me and hurt me deeply.

Then after a few years of dealing with this person (a mate) and I studied that individual closely to ascertain/figure him out.  It dawned on me how to remove "silent treatment" from my life.  

The first thing you have to do is to immediately go into "automatic pilot" and stop caring about him speaking or not speaking to you and START focusing on yourself.

Also introduce him to "gorilla warfare-type of attention grabbing conversation items"

1.  I started spending his money (normally I am a saver-when he stops speaking it initiates that very lavish spender that resides within  )
2.  I started selling things out of the home that I knew he would miss
3.  I interrupted his daily routine (relocated his hygiene products and shaving/bath items as well as his underwear)

I also did not do the above list in the order listed and I did not do them ALL TOGETHER - I also did it really QUIETLY WITHOUT SOUND or advance notice of any sort - and I would do them randomly and then go to the gym or the spa or visit friends for hours and hours and hours so that I am not seen or heard when he comes home and I MAKE SURE THAT I intentionally am not around as his frustrations peak as they usually peak whenever he cannot find this or that (he would arrange his personal items according to shape, size and color) - after a few times of not being able to find this or that - he immediately stopped the silent treatment and when he stopped and started speaking and asking me - "where is this and where is that and what I am doing and where am I going" - I decided on my own to extend his silent treatment routine FOR HIM - just because he wants to now stop doesn't mean that I am going to stop from staying silent so "I continued to stay quiet until I was ready to talk"

When I turned and flipped "his silent treatment" back on him - he stopped - but it took me some time to figure out how to rid my life of that nonsensical manner of his.

If you have a problem with me - we need to discuss it - or I will make you join me in the "hell you create" in your attempts to control me.  You will be my partner in that hell.  Adults should learn to be adults or pay the consequences that comes from irrational behavior.

Lol.

Sister Shy, this is funny, and quite strategic I must admit. You cornered him.

REALITY101:


You're one chick I would love to go on a date with. . Imagining what she looks like 

Ms. Chima please don't interfere  

Trust me you are on your own and I don't have any interest of derailing this poster's thread.  


Moma Mukina, Please read the beginning of the thread and see for yourself I adhered to the rules unlike some people.

Mukina I surrender. . I inherited drailing from the poster above

Shy-One:

ok - how old are you?  you sound ignorant and childish - almost like a very unhappy woman who enjoys nitpicking and constantly finding fault with others - you contribute very little that is helpful - but you are quick to contribute counter-productive "name calling" to those who do contribute

my contributions to the thread are to help others who are dealing with this type of behavior - while I am contributing helpful suggestions - you are quick to call me and others "childish" and other "degrading" names - you sound like Chima under a new username - I wonder just how correct I am - if it is Chima - what I find childish is your constant bans, over and over and over again and your constant "new usernames" - you are so desperate to stay on NL you clutch at straw after straw after straw to maintain your presence - now how "childish" is that - you who are such a "grown woman" - who doesn't engage in "silent treatment" - I wonder if your husband many times gets on his knees and prays that you do "go to bed at night giving him the silent treatment" - that you say you don't do - I can bet if he had the money he would pay you to stay quiet.

he would hope that you would gift him with silence

CalienteMi:

Now I see why the guy acted childish, he was matching style for style.

Oh you really want to get into personal tic and tac Ms. Going to See A Man You Don't Know, Never Met, and Don't Trust?

I will adhere to Mukina's warning about not derailing threads and will not get into a bout with you.

Excuse me OP this person doesn't want someone to have an opinion that is differ from hers and take minor things extremely personal.

*in my J. Anthony Brown voice*

[size=18pt]'Oh Goddamn!' [/size]