Good morning my dear people of Nairaland . Am not a good writer please try and understand my write up because it may help me a lot base on your contribution. Am in my early 30s and I got married in the year 2020 with one kid. Before I got married to my wife I dated her . So I will say I know most of her characters very well and her temperament. Before now we have been living well in terms of family needs, I provide for the family in everything. Though she was working before I got married to her but she always complain that her boss is lusting after her which am aware of. When she delivered our kid, the company gave her two months to resume work. But that did not go down well with me so I ask her to quit the job, because I'm planning to open a supermarket for her when we move out of the current apartment we were living. Because I want her to take care of our kid and that the work my stress her together with the house chores. She agreed on my idea. So we got a new apartment. We lived there with just four months my business crashed down. But when my wife stopped working I was paying her #1k daily and asked her what ever she want to buy for the family she should tell me. I ask her to save what ever she can that you never know what tomorrow brings. In our new apartment I continue to struggle in other to provide for the family but it's never enough, even though I usually buy foodstuffs of all kinds but it will definitely finish if you don't replace it. It's resulted to borrow money from loan shark that I so much despise. But I don't have a choice. Because I discovered that help will not come and my family is hungry. I need to find a temporary way to get money but I will not steal. So my wife later start a POS business with the little money she had according to her . She told me that from 2023 she will not wash my clothes again, or do most of the house chores, even though I bought her Washing machine . That's she is always tired because of her business and that she don't have time to do all that especially Washing my clothes and that of our kid. I ask her no problem that it should start right away that no need for the 2023. Ever since we have been quarrelling, sometimes she would wake up Good morning can never come out of her mouth. Still I don't want to involve family because I don't like it. Currently, am learning how to drive because I believe transport will help me get back to my feet and I base in Lagos. A good advice is needed please. Because right now we don't communicate with each other all because am broke. Honestly She has been providing money to make stew and food but now stop that she don't have money. Upon my financial issues I still support her for us to eat. Even the POS she's using am still the one that bought it, and still gave her little money that I have. I don't like taking my family issue to anybody and am dieing in silence and pressure. Dept is increasing. Please, am totally depressed that's what made me to bring it out here before I take a wrong decision. I can't write up everything here I have to endure some. Mod please move it to the front page.

One more reason to fear marriage

God go help you

I don comot hand from issue wey concern peopl wey don see each other unclothedness

E go better is all I have to say

Women are not wired to provide bro
Is either you pull her up or she drags you down😊

You need to find means to make the 💰 cus hyenas are all around you willing to give your wife anything just to báng her 😫

Hmmm......When pastors tell couples at the alter to make a vow and say "For better for Worse", I sure know it was a Scam of the century.

Oga, I see you have a very good intention for your wife. .......How you wanted extra months for her from her office so she can nurse your baby, how you planned start up a supermarket for her, but unfortunately those plans never worked out. And now its like she is beginning to show ger real colours.

I sha pray you bounce back soon. Never give up.

Marriage is not for the light hearted

Whatever happens just take it easy, nothing last for ever

Simple. Learn how to drive very very well. Tolerate the hunger for the period you will use in learning. When you master it, enter garage and talk to fellow riders to link you up that you like to drive. Drivers take home at least 100,000 Naira per month

Be determined and man-up and you will succeed

POS business has crashed for now , sit her down and talk to her, may God help you

I find this hard to believe , maybe you have treated her badly when you where working,e.g
coming home late
Not caring for her financially
Not having time for her
Making her feel worthless and all that
I think she's just trying to give you a Little dose of your own medicine but if you where nice to her all the while you were working,then she needs deliverance

Emco1:
Good morning my dear people of Nairaland . Am not a good writer please try and understand my write up because it may help me a lot base on your contribution. Am in my early 30s and I got married in the year 2020 with one kid. Before I got married to my wife I dated her . So I will say I know most of her characters very well and her temperament. Before now we have been living well in terms of family needs, I provide for the family in everything. Though she was working before I got married to her but she always complain that her boss is lusting after her which am aware of. When she delivered our kid, the company gave her two months to resume work. But that did not go down well with me so I ask her to quit the job, because I'm planning to open a supermarket for her when we move out of the current apartment we were living. Because I want her to take care of our kid and that the work my stress her together with the house chores. She agreed on my idea. So we got a new apartment. We lived there with just four months my business crashed down. But when my wife stopped working I was paying her #1k daily and asked her what ever she want to buy for the family she should tell me. I ask her to save what ever she can that you never know what tomorrow brings. In our new apartment I continue to struggle in other to provide for the family but it's never enough, even though I usually buy foodstuffs of all kinds but it will definitely finish if you don't replace it. It's resulted to borrow money from loan shark that I so much despise. But I don't have a choice. Because I discovered that help will not come and my family is hungry. I need to find a temporary way to get money but I will not steal. So my wife later start a POS business with the little money she had according to her . She told me that from 2023 she will not wash my clothes again, or do most of the house chores, even though I bought her Washing machine . That's she is always tired because of her business and that she don't have time to do all that especially Washing my clothes and that of our kid. I ask her no problem that it should start right away that no need for the 2023. Ever since we have been quarrelling, sometimes she would wake up Good morning can never come out of her mouth. Still I don't want to involve family because I don't like it. Currently, am learning how to drive because I believe transport will help me get back to my feet and I base in Lagos. A good advice is needed please. Because right now we don't communicate with each other all because am broke. Honestly She has been providing money to make stew and food but now stop that she don't have money. Upon my financial issues I still support her for us to eat. Even the POS she's using am still the one that bought it, and still gave her little money that I have. I don't like taking my family issue to anybody and am dieing in silence and pressure. Dept is increasing. Please, am totally depressed that's what made me to bring it out here before I take a wrong decision. I can't write up everything here I have to endure some. Mod please move it to the front page.

Try your best to start working on labour's most especially around wharfs and sea port

She is trying to start a fight with you so that she can leave you.
I would advice you not to believe me tho so that you can see for yourself.

this is why its best to meet a woman when you are still struggling so that when money goes she wont leave.

Channel this anger on getting back to your feet and take charge of your home.

You can as well add another wife incase she misbehave the other wife will console you.

How old is your child?

I have the feeling that you don't understand your wife. She is stressed for sure and your financial situation is one of the reasons but the issue with the laundry is actually showing that she is asking for more support with the kid and around the house. You might not be able to turn around things financially right away but look for ways to ease her stress. It's not easy to have a baby/toddler and do everything else alone too.

In as much you meant well for your wife regarding setting her up with a supermarket, it was a huge risk getting her to quit her job without the business already on ground then your own business collapsed, her dream of owning a supermarket collapsed with it......a huge loss to her.

Experiencing loss and grief, is not limited to losing someone to death but it is also the loss of expectations, just like miscarriage where the parents are looking forward to the birth but the journey ended abruptly. She had quit a job that gave her some form of Identity replaced with an unfulfilled dream...she is also grieving.

Many Nigerians who owned businesses also experienced their businesses crashing, so you owe yourself self-compassion.

This is a low moment in your marital life and both of you needs each others support, not time to be blaming each other.

Have your kid looked after by someone else, take your wife out to one of the public gardens in Lagos, go with a blanket and whatever snacks and drinks you may need. Spread the blanket on the grass and have both of you seated on it,, facing each other as there is something therapeutic about sitting on the ground.

Now, no distraction of the child and home environment.......... communicate with each other as you both need that talk as you go through that rough patch, you need each other's support to lessen the stress.

DeeBaDan:
Simple. Learn how to drive very very well. Tolerate the hunger for the period you will use in learning. When you master it, enter garage and talk to fellow riders to link you up that you like to drive. Drivers take home at least 100,000 Naira per month

Be determined and man-up and you will succeed

Thank you very much

Jesslove:
I find this hard to believe , maybe you have treated her badly when you where working,e.g
coming home late
Not caring for her financially
Not having time for her
Making her feel worthless and all that
I think she's just trying to give you a Little dose of your own medicine but if you where nice to her all the while you were working,then she needs deliverance

No I never came back late , when ever I close my shop buy some stuff for her and the kid it's home straight. I don't normally go outting alone. I always carry them along because I love my wife.

Mindlog:
In as much you meant well for your wife regarding setting her up with a supermarket, it was a huge risk getting her to quit her job without the business already on ground then your own business collapsed, her dream of owning a supermarket collapsed with it......a huge loss to her.

Experiencing loss and grief, is not limited to losing someone to death but it is also the loss of expectations, just like miscarriage where the parents are looking forward to the birth but the journey ended abruptly. She had quit a job that gave her some form of Identity replaced with an unfulfilled dream...she is also griefing.

Many Nigerians who owned businesses also experienced their businesses crashing, so you owe yourself self+compassion.

This is a low moment in your marital life and both of you needs each others support, not time to be blaming each other.

Have your kid looked after by someone else, take your wife out to one of the public gardens in Lagos, go with a blanket and whatever snacks and drinks you may need. Spread the blanket on the grass and have both of you seated on it,, facing each other as there is something therapeutic about sitting on the ground.

Now, no distraction of the child and home environment.......... communicate with each other as you both need that talk as you go through that rough patch, you need each other's support to lessen the stress.

Thank you very much for the advice.

Damn!! How did you fall from wanting to open a supermarket for your wife to learning how to drive? Damn man!! I don't even know what to advice you.

Mindlog:
In as much you meant well for your wife regarding setting her up with a supermarket, it was a huge risk getting her to quit her job without the business already on ground then your own business collapsed, her dream of owning a supermarket collapsed with it......a huge loss to her.

Experiencing loss and grief, is not limited to losing someone to death but it is also the loss of expectations, just like miscarriage where the parents are looking forward to the birth but the journey ended abruptly. She had quit a job that gave her some form of Identity replaced with an unfulfilled dream...she is also griefing.

Many Nigerians who owned businesses also experienced their businesses crashing, so you owe yourself self+compassion.

This is a low moment in your marital life and both of you needs each others support, not time to be blaming each other.

Have your kid looked after by someone else, take your wife out to one of the public gardens in Lagos, go with a blanket and whatever snacks and drinks you may need. Spread the blanket on the grass and have both of you seated on it,, facing each other as there is something therapeutic about sitting on the ground.

Now, no distraction of the child and home environment.......... communicate with each other as you both need that talk as you go through that rough patch, you need each other's support to lessen the stress.

Emco1:
Thank you very much for the advice.

Op, this advice right here is the koko. You and your wife need this talk to get on the same page. The stress and set back is affecting you as a family but seems you are both dealing with it individually.

Acknowledge it together as a couple, assess what it is you do have right now, however little and strategise on how you can both make it work and carry you through this storm. Agree on what is expected from each other and learn from this experience.

One lesson is that it better for both parties to work regardless of kids as the second income stream serves as a back up if something happens to first.
As a compromise, assist with keeping the house in order and your child, work as a team in keeping house and finances in order...many hands makes light work.

Lastly, use contraception. Do not accidently bring in another kid whilst you are trying to figure things out, adding to your overall stress.

Goodluck, this too will pass, with the right mental attitude from both of you.

I am currently going through the same situation in my marraige right now. I can never understand how women change once the husbands finances are distressed. Through all this, i single handedly take care of every damn thing in my home even if it is as small as 100 naira. And my wife will have money and yet lock up.
These days, i keep to myself and eat outside. I have seen hell.
I'll advise any young man, whatever you do, never marry a girl from a home that the mom raised them alone. Those ladies will give you hell in your home. The concept of submission and partnership in the affairs of the home are alien to them.
For now, I'm bearing my cross. But I'm close to walking out the marriage.

It's well.

You have failed her and your family by your boyish decision of yours. You asked her to resign her job on the promise that you will open supermarket for her, she did her part by resigning. On your part, you reneged on your promises. That is no 1 error of judgement.

No 2 mistake is when you lost your job or your business suffered setback, the reasons for the setback were not said here. Maybe due to your poor financial rascality and imprudence. imagine giving your wife 1k every day, why wouldn't you give her bulk 25k to 30k monthly at least to help her buy her women things.

All these your accumulated failure and mistakes over the years coupled with your current brokeness, compounded her resentment toward you. She is being threatened by what future will hold for her. Her bad attitude said them all.

Solution. Accept your faults and apologize to her. Next time, don't take decision alone, ask her opinion before taking any decision that may affect her.

Take her to cool place to reset your brains and senses with Lovemaking to default state.

I feel for you OP

Advise to newly weds. NEVER you tell your wife to resign so she can care for the baby. It's a NO NO.

If the company tells her to resume a month after delivery, let the decision to resign come from her. Even if you set up a good business and it fails in the future, she will still blame you for resigning her previous job.

OP: You've gotta double your hustle and hope to work out well pretty soon.

Sadly you never knew the woman you married Enough.
Number 1 , there is nothing bad in you suggesting she give up her job, most often such jobs pays little or nothing & you as the husband ends up paying for her transportation and even feeding .
Number 2, are you fully engage in fellowship with God? . Belong to a church and let the word sink deep into you both heart.
Trails like this are normal and they happen to bring out our real personalities

.

Show her much love. Wash her clothes and cook delicious food, she will respect you, even without money. don't forget to do fasting and prayers for her, she will change 🚶🏼‍♀️🚶🏼‍♀️

galantjoe:
You have failed her and your family by your boyish decision of yours. You asked her to resign her job on the promise that you will open supermarket for her, she did her part by resigning. On your part, you reneged on your promises. That is no 1 error of judgement.

No 2 mistake is when you lost your job or your business suffered setback, the reasons for the setback were not said here. Maybe due to your poor financial rascality and imprudence. imagine giving your wife 1k every day, why wouldn't you give her bulk 25k to 30k monthly at least to help her buy her women things.

All these your accumulated failure and mistakes over the years coupled with your current brokeness, compounded her resentment toward you. She is being threatened by what future will hold for her. Her bad attitude said them all.

Solution. Accept your faults and apologize to her. Next time, don't take decision alone, ask her opinion before taking any decision that may affect her.

Take her to cool place to reset your brains and senses with Lovemaking to default state.

Thanks for the advice sir. One of the main reason ask her to quit her job was that the salary is too poor #20k although the boss usually give them up to #200k to #300k at the end of the year. I always give her #1000 to #1500 for transport and feeding everyday.

Well, talk to your wife one on one. Try and sought out things with her. Don't listen to people that will try to destroy your marriage. There is no marriage without its challenges. What matters is how you go about it.
Hope, the new apartment you parked into, doesn't have an evil foundation? Just thinking🤔.

Emco1:
Thanks for the advice sir. One of the main reason ask her to quit her job was that the salary is too poor #20k although the boss usually give them up to #200k to #300k at the end of the year. I always give her #1000 to #1500 for transport and feeding everyday.

Even if a woman is bringing in #20 everyday, it's better than nothing.



Beg for her forgiveness, then encourage her to get another job no matter how small.


Next time you have money, always give her in bulk, not daily.


I wish you all the best.

It's well with o


Marriage matter I no dey o

I'll be honest with the bitter truth

Nigerian women are wired this way. They have a short memory, only live for the present and are insensitive to what you've done for them before nor your situation. There will be compassion at the beginning but it will fade as long as your troubles continue.

Your situation is not unique. It has and is currently happening to married men who have faced financial difficulties across Nigeria. Remove the notion of divorce cos unless you're going for a foreign woman, chances are the same thing will happen with the new woman when you have prolonged difficulties.

My advice for you is to man up. Do not think about the situation. Brooding or fighting over her behavior will not change anything. You must make efforts to improve your situation legally. Do not make rash decisions that will affect your future. With hardship comes ease. Today will be history in a few hours same way your current difficulties will be history.

This is part of the experience of life and marriage. Now you know not to expend future earnings on pleasing your wife, children, family or friends and rather invest or save a percentage of them for the rainy days.

POS business has been bad for almost 2 months now that alone make her feel frustrated. So possibly she stopped providing the little she does for stew simply because the business went bad.

I know two young ladies that have been jobless because of this POS issue.

You guys will have to weather this storm together and try to think of new ways to make money.

This too shall pass OP.

That said, are you sure about that apartment? Some houses are jinxed bros.