1) You get $1,000,000 every year but you need to suck a big fat penis every 16 months
2) you get $200,000 a year but you need to do anal(of your choosing) every 6 months
3) you pay a $20,000 penalty every year to avoid ever sucking a penis in your lifetime
4) You get your dick sucked 4x a week by any woman you desire but your income is restricted to $10,000 annually. If you make more than $10,000, you must suck a penis for each additional $1 you make.
5) You get 1 oz of silver every time you masturbate

Is this how jobless you are?