Hi guys

How do you deal with social anxiety as a parent/mother

It’s kind of affecting my marriage because I don’t want to go anywhere with my son if it’s not necessary. I know I’m a good mother in all other aspects, but I hate taking him to birthday parties or places where I have to socialise, especially if I have to go on my own. I tend to overthink everything and I end up not going. The guilt I normally feel is so intense because I know it’s affecting my son. I want him to be social but with the way I’m behaving it might have a terrible affect on him. I’ve been invited to a kids birthday for next week, but I’ve been dreading it, and I really don’t want to go, especially as I have to go on my own as my husband is busy, It’s been bothering me and I just feel like shutting down. I just like to go to work and come back home but I can’t live my life like this.

I really dislike my personality and I feel like it’s affecting my life terribly. Even my husbands family I barely relate with them. I don’t really have many friends and I don’t want my son to be affected by this. What advice can you give to me? Who has the same problem as me and what did you do to help yourself?

I would have said smoke weed but It will be as if I'm a bad person

At the right time, you would have to do some things not necessarily for your benefit but for his sake. I would rather say you should start simple maybe from taking him to church/mosque. Make friends with parents who have kids his age and bring them into your inner circle to the extent you can tolerate. You don't need to do best friends but at least, exchange ideas once in a while when you see and also, encourage your child to socialize.

This is not something you can overcome in a day. It is a gradual process. First, you have to work on yourself.
You are actually on the path since you are able to share how you feel with us, and you are also aware of how it can affect your child negatively. But it doesn't stop there.
You have to fight it by facing your fears.

Don't be scared, at least you go to work and you work with people not robots

I also love going to work and coming back home to enjoy peace and quiet.

I dread parties and social gatherings. It drains me.

But since you have a kid , you need to make some sacrifices for him.

Start by inviting any mother around that u relate with a little to go with you.

If u were in my location, I would av ask u to invite me🤓

Rachelfran:
The guilt I normally feel is so intense because I know it’s affecting my son. I want him to be social but with the way I’m behaving it might have a terrible affect on him. I’ve been invited to a kids birthday for next week, but I’ve been dreading it, and I really don’t want to go, especially as I have to go on my own as my husband is busy, It’s been bothering me and I just feel like shutting down. I just like to go to work and come back home but I can’t live my life like this. I really dislike my personality and I feel like it’s affecting my life terribly. Even my husbands family I barely relate with them. I don’t really have many friends and I don’t want my son to be affected by this. What advice can you give to me? Who has the same problem as me and what did you do to help yourself?

Start by seeking professional mental health counseling for your problem at least. It would not guarantee you would be able to take him out by next week but at least subsequent invitations may be possible the sooner you begin tackling the issue at its core.

Kobojunkie:
Start by seeking professional mental health counseling for your problem at least. It would not guarantee you would be able to take him out by next week but at least subsequent invitations may be possible the sooner you begin tackling the issue at its core.

mental health counselling?

Rachelfran:
mental health counselling?

Yes! I would like to tell you that there is some other easier way but I am afraid there is none as the best resolve is for you to tackle those fears that cause you anxiety either through behavioral changes or through medical treatment and both you can access via mental health therapy.

Klass99:
Kobo please ehn not everything is a mental health issue. Why is your go to solution for everything always mental health therapy/counselling? I read your first sentence and started laughing, I didn't bother reading the rest of it.
Lol 🤣. E shock you abi? Feel free to disregard that recommendation and laugh it off.

According to the Mayo Clinic, OP is an excellent candidate for mental health treatment at this point in her situation.

https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/social-anxiety-disorder/symptoms-causes/syc-20353561

Rachelfran:


I really dislike my personality and I feel like it’s affecting my life terribly. Even my husbands family I barely relate with them. I don’t really have many friends and I don’t want my son to be affected by this. What advice can you give to me? Who has the same problem as me and what did you do to help yourself?

You mean you're an introvert? 😂😂😂 I understand. I dodged all events too.. sss graduation party, university graduation ceremony, birthdays, etc.. you will be fine ma'am. The friction will come if your child is extrovert and you continue to stop them from experiencing life. Cause they'd hate you at the end of the day. If your kid is fine or not bothered about it then nothing to worry about. Being an introvert isn't a mental health issue oh jare.

kkins25:
You mean you're an introvert? 😂😂😂 I understand. I dodged all events too.. sss graduation party, university graduation ceremony, birthdays, etc.. you will be fine ma'am. The friction will come if your child is extrovert and you continue to stop them from experiencing life. Cause they'd hate you at the end of the day. If your kid is fine or not bothered about it then nothing to worry about. Being an introvert isn't a mental health issue oh jare.

OP is not an introvert... Introverts don't experience anxiety and fear of social gatherings. Introverts are not overwhelmed or removed from others in the way described by OP.

Please understand the difference between the two

https://mhanational.org/introversion-vs-social-anxiety

More like a personality disorder and just as Kobojunkie suggests, you need help or try to sm0ke weed.

Rachelfran:
mental health counselling?

Kobojunkie:
Start by seeking professional mental health counseling for your problem at least. It would not guarantee you would be able to take him out by next week but at least subsequent invitations may be possible the sooner you begin tackling the issue at its core.

This is a good start for the OP. What was described up there is a a lot deeper than it looks.

Gr8ness4:
More like a personality disorder and just as Kobojunkie suggests, you need help or try to sm0ke weed.

I no talk weed abeg!

Rachelfran:
mental health counselling?

It will create a personality disorder for your child too. This type of lifestyle can make children behave socially awkward when they grow up.

Even if you don't like going out, take your child to a birthday party, leave him in the midst of hi fellow children and go to the extreme end of the wall to hide yourself while he has fun with his mates.

When the party is over, pick him up and go home. You don't have to get involved with the fun. But don't deny him that childhood memories. You can't be a child twice in your lifetime, so let the little boy enjoy his growing up

start with visiting family members, attending family functions, and that of close friends.

it's one step at a time.

take strolls.

if you are a Christian, join groups in your church and be regular with their meetings, functions, and other gatherings.

little by little, you will improve

anthonyuncle:
start with visiting family members, attending family functions, and that of close friends. it's one step at a time. take strolls. if you are a Christian, join groups in your church and be regular with their meetings, functions, and other gatherings. little by little, you will improve

OP, no matter what you do, stay away from churches and Christian groups abeg! The last thing you need is to add another layer of delusions for your mind to have to resolve. You can go out to parks, libraries or even bars or people watch from a safe place but do not top up your mind with more delusions abeg!

Kobojunkie:
OP, no matter what you do, stay away from churches and Christian groups abeg! The last thing you need is to add another layer of delusions for your mind to have to resolve. You can go out to parks, libraries or even bars or people watch from a safe place but do not top up your mind with more delusions abeg!

if she wants to start socializing with others, she has to begin with environments that she is familiar and comfortable with.
she also has to get more involve with things she's used to.
you may have a cynical thought about a group, but it doesn't apply to all.

anthonyuncle:
■if she wants to start socializing with others, she has to begin with environments that she is familiar and comfortable with. she also has to get more involve with things she's used to. you may have a cynical thought about a group, but it doesn't apply to all.

1. The thing with delusions, from my experience, is they rarely ever resolve themselves as they instead pancake/pile themselves ontop of delusions one may already be burdened with making it seriously hard to address a particular layer without first tackling those lying atop it. OP already realizes her problem, so the last she should do is pile on other problems atop it but just work her way to a resolution from this point forward. She needs to get away from the old things that helped fuel the problem and religion happens to be one such.

Kobojunkie:
1. The thing with delusions, from my experience, is they rarely ever resolve themselves as they instead pancake/pile themselves ontop of delusions one may already be burdened with making it seriously hard to address a particular layer without first tackling those lying atop it. OP already realizes her problem, so the last she should do is pile on other problems atop it but just work her way to a resolution from this point forward. She needs to get away from the old things that helped fuel the problem and religion happens to be one such.

what is delusional about being in her church group?

anthonyuncle:
■ what is delusional about being in her church group?

1. Where do I even begin?

Kobojunkie:
1. Where do I even begin?

anywhere

anthonyuncle:
start with visiting family members, attending family functions, and that of close friends.

it's one step at a time.

take strolls.

if you are a Christian, join groups in your church and be regular with their meetings, functions, and other gatherings.

little by little, you will improve

Spot on 💯

anthonyuncle:
anywhere

For starters, religion is a man-made system of tools built atop contradiction-laden doctrines and traditions put forward by men, woven around the identity of a specific deity, as a tool with which to pursue power and control over the minds of lives of their fellow men. Your many religious leaders and authorities are such men in whose hands religion is the tool with which to satisfy their lust for power, fame, and greed.

Religion would be harmless if it didn't have to play on the minds of the people whose lives it seeks control over — the gullible sheep. That mind job carries potentially devastating mental penalties that could render some mentally incapacitated as in unable to bounce back to rationally processing reality for the rest of their lives. That is why I am against OP going anywhere near more religious nonsense.

Kobojunkie:
For starters, religion is a man-made system of tools built atop contradiction-laden doctrines and traditions put forward by men, woven around the identity of a specific deity, as a tool with which to pursue power and control over the minds of lives of their fellow men. Your many religious leaders and authorities are such men in whose hands religion is the tool with which to satisfy their lust for power, fame, and greed.

Religion would be harmless if it didn't have to play on the minds of the people whose lives it seeks control over — the gullible sheep. That mind job carries potentially devastating mental penalties that could render some mentally incapacitated as in unable to bounce back to rationally processing reality for the rest of their lives. That is why I am against OP going anywhere near more religious nonsense.

so,
you don't recognize/ associate with any religion?

Klass99:

Kobo please ehn not everything is a mental health issue. Why is your go to solution for everything always mental health therapy/counselling? I read your first sentence and started laughing, I didn't bother reading the rest of it.


Lol 🤣. E shock you abi? Feel free to disregard that recommendation and laugh it off.

Going for mental health counseling no mean say person don mad o, I go for it regularly because it is also a requirement in my line of work.

It is just talk therapy, pouring out your heart in a safe space where you sense the congruence, empathy, non-judgement and unconditional positive regard of the therapist who would in the case of the OP, help her explore Personality clusters and where she falls in and help her through psychoanalysis to see if there were childhood experiences that made her develop social anxiety and help OP develop healthy coping skills through cognitive behavioural therapy.

With a good therapist, OP would eagerly look forward to the next session after the first one.😊😊

Klass99:


For your information - This didn't cross my mind and it never does when I hear mental health therapy or counselling.

I never thought that and I never assume it is about madness either! It is Kobo's frequent recommendation of it here, as a one size, fit all, solution, that amuses me and nothing more.

Klass99:

please ehn not everything is a mental health issue. Why is your go to solution for everything always mental health therapy/counselling? I read your first sentence and started laughing, I didn't bother reading the rest of it.


Lol 🤣. E shock you abi? Feel free to disregard that recommendation and laugh it off.

.. 😆😆 😆@klass99... Happy Sunday to you...because of this your reply to our Nairaland in-house mental Doctor .(@kobojunkie)

Klass99:


For your information - This didn't cross my mind and it never does when I hear mental health therapy or counselling.

I never thought that and I never assume it is about madness either! It is Kobo's frequent recommendation of it here, as a one size, fit all, solution, that amuses me and nothing more.

😆😆😆😆... Biko.. Leave Dr. @kobojunkie..

You qaurel with your wife - "go for mental therapy"

Your baby do anyhow - "go for mental therapy".

Your husband/wife misbehave - "go for mental therapy"

You eat, the food no digest well - "go for mental therapy". 😆 😆 😆 😆