My wife left our home for the past 1 week to her parents house. She told me she just wanna pay them a visit unknown that she has another plan. I called to ask why she is taking long than expected in her parents but she didn't give a valid reason for staying. What is surprising to me is that her parents who gave her out during marriage condole her persistent staying with them for over one week. This is the 3rd time such is happening and her parents sees nothing wrong with their married daughter spending close to 2 weeks with them without finding out what is wrong from me. My wife's parents BIASED attitude is one of the major reason why I stopped talking to them because they have this habit of believing and accepting everything their daughter says without asking my own side of the issue. Interestingly, My wife is fighting me that I am not close to her parents! Abeg, how on earth will a person be close to parents who are notorious for taking SIDE and always supporting their daughter at any given occasion?. In summary, I told my wife today to come home to pack her stuff back to her parents house since she has been staying with them for close to 2 weeks without given any valid reason. In her response, she said she will will be home next week to pack her luggages and I told her never to come back if she attempts to move her stuff to her parents house. Plz note that our marriage is less than 2 years and we have a SON together. Abeg, ya all should let me know if I have done wrong ignoring her EXTREMELY BIASED PARENTS by not calling them and also telling my wife to come pack her stuff back to her parents house since she left me at home to reside with them?
PS: We had no quarrel before she left the house. She took her drama to the next level LESS THAN A MONTH THAT SHE GOT A JOB.

You need to calm down, why don't you pay them a visit and find out what's happening

Parents are evil. Parents are beasts. Parents are that. You've carefully schemed naive people like yourself that you're entirely innocent. Tell us your part that contributed to the problem first. Hypocrite

Realistt:
My wife left our home for the past 1 week to her parents house. She told me she just wanna pay them a visit unknown that she has another plan. I called to ask why she is taking long than expected in her parents but she didn't give a valid reason for staying. What is surprising to me is that her parents who gave her out during marriage condole her persistent staying with them for over one week. This is the 3rd time such is happening and her parents sees nothing wrong with their married daughter spending close to 2 weeks with them without finding out what is wrong from me. My wife's parents BIASED attitude is one of the major reason why I stopped talking to them because they have this habit of believing and accepting everything their daughter says without asking my own side of the issue. Interestingly, My wife is fighting me that I am not close to her parents! Abeg, how on earth will a person be close to parents who are notorious for taking SIDE and always supporting their daughter at any given occasion?. In summary, I told my wife today to come home to pack her stuff back to her parents house since she has been staying with them for close to 2 weeks without given any valid reason. In her response, she said she will will be home next week to pack her luggages and I told her never to come back if she attempts to move her stuff to her parents house. Plz note that our marriage is less than 2 years and we have a SON together. Abeg, ya all should let me know if I have done wrong ignoring her EXTREMELY BIASED PARENTS by not calling them and also telling my wife to come pack her stuff back to her parents house since she left me at home to reside with them?
PS: We had no quarrel before she left the house. She took her drama to the next level LESS THAN A MONTH THAT SHE GOT A JOB.

Oga, YOU ARE NOT WRONG... you are actually on your right....

BUT pls be humble enough to meet the parents to find out what is really going on, it may something you're not even aware of.

Dialogue before you jump to conclusion sir.

pls try to be patient....

Marriage nawao. Make una dey like me una no hear. After using your hard earned money to buy the girl from her parent now she don go back. Take heart!

yrhuhfy113:


Oga, YOU ARE NOT WRONG... you are actually on your right....

BUT pls be humble enough to meet the parents to find out what is really going on, it may something you're not even aware of.

Dialogue before you jump to conclusion sir.

pls try to be patient....

Yea I wish to dialogue with them but these people have seriously hurt my feeling by making conclusive and baseless statement based on what their daughter told them without asking my own side. You will only understand me when you directly deal with an extremely biased person or people.

Wodu89:
Parents are evil. Parents are beasts. Parents are that. You've carefully schemed naive people like yourself that you're entirely innocent. Tell us your part that contributed to the problem first. Hypocrite

Listen, I am a realist and I will always speak the truth whether it favours me or not. I am not claiming to be a saint. Yes, I have my own personal issues of hitting the nail on the head without mincing words whenever I am angry but I am never a violent person and have never been involved in domestic violence.

After few months I had this strong feeling that my ex wife's mother don't want me. I was right all along,no effort to mediate when I handed her over at the tenth year of our union. To her mother disapproval she wanted to come back but it was over for me

Better to have good in-laws than a bad wife. If her family wants you they would have reached out.
Don't waste your time fixing a marriage that has hit the rock

Realistt:


Listen, I am a realist and I will always speak the truth whether it favours me or not. I am not claiming to be a saint. Yes, I have my own personal issues of hitting the nail on the head without mincing words whenever I am angry but I am never a violent person and have never been involved in domestic violence.

Have I accused you?


If you won't tell the whole lump to get accurate responses, then my dear you're as terrible as they say you are

Save us the hypocrisy abeg

Realistt:


Yea I wish to dialogue with them but these people have seriously hurt my feeling by making conclusive and baseless statement based on what their daughter told them without asking my own side. You will only understand me when you directly deal with an extremely biased person or people.

Sir, honestly I understand your pain.... I deal with such people daily BUT I smile because it hides my true expression and many things.... You love your wife, so you have to fight for her.

Also you both need unbiased counseling.... pls ehn get a trusted relationship counselor

Make i hear say this thread no reach front page..
But on a more serious note why is it that once women begin to feel they are getting small change they start disrespecting their spouses and in most cases it's the same husband that usually set them up.

It beats my imagination. Next thing now you'll hear or find out that she's cheating on you, that's how these things usually play out.

shawante:
Make i hear say this thread no reach front page..
But on a more serious note why is it that once women begin to feel they are getting small change they start disrespecting their spouses and in most cases it's the same husband that usually set them up.

It beats my imagination. Next thing now you'll hear or find out that she's cheating on you, that's how these things usually play out.

If you judge marital crises from hearing just one side of the tale you would offend God. My dear, this Op is not just mischievous bit a liar and avictim that beats himself up that the world.is against him.


Anyone who wants truth must first come with equity. This one doesn't.

Clearly your wife is emotionally immature and runs to her family for every little thing. Seems like her mother raised her this way to depend on her, one of the many traits of narcissistic mothers. I can clearly spot a lot of issues in this your marriage and if care is not taken you are headed for trouble because lack of communication between you and your wife is glaring as well. Why haven’t you call your wife since she left to find out whats going on? Is this battle of the egos or is it that you actually did something wrong to your wife but left that out of your write out?

The lack of boundaries with her family is shocking to say the least. No matter what their daughter told them, they shouldn’t have allow her stay without her husband approval for this long a married woman for that matter.


Also seems to me like you have a grudge against her family just from the way you wrote. A mature husband would call and ask his in laws why his wife is still over there.

My man you have a lot of issues to work on, if you still treasure your marriage I suggest you put your ego aside and work on your communication with your wife. She also needs to grow up she clearly don’t know how marriage works or what marriage is all about, she’s has a lot of unlearning and work to do. She probably don’t know any better, if this is how how parents are behaving just imagine how she was raised by these folks clearly she doesn’t even know if she’s doing anything wrong her parents are her enablers and she’s immature. She needs serious help.


If you and your wife can work together, then the in laws issues will be easy to handle. What you encourage is what will continue they are just doing this because your wife has encouraged them.


Lastly you have to do better as a son in law. Don’t be so proud and arrogant with your in laws, try to bring your shoulder down a bit. Call them once a while, visit them once a while, check on them maintain a healthy relationship with your in laws, no one is asking you to kiss their asses but be a kind person and Learn to be respectful especially to your mother and father in laws. I have seen a lot of husbands be jerks to their in laws and expecting to have a happy home with their wife impossible!!!!

You can be respectful and loving to them and still set boundaries with them.

OP, your wife and in-laws are always doing this or that. Una no dey tire? In one of your threads last year, you said her parents don't like you and that you yourself dislike them even more. Why marry into a family in which you both hate each other?

Keep it cool sir and don't flinch at all.

They are cooking something and want you to make a wrong move and give them the justification they need urgently so don't oblige them.

When they are tired of their shenanigans, she will come back and only then will you react.

If her sins are unbearable, take your son back, and demand the brideprice you paid on head head.

I hate manipulative folks.

Realistt:
My wife left our home for the past 1 week to her parents house. She told me she just wanna pay them a visit unknown that she has another plan. I called to ask why she is taking long than expected in her parents but she didn't give a valid reason for staying. What is surprising to me is that her parents who gave her out during marriage condole her persistent staying with them for over one week. This is the 3rd time such is happening and her parents sees nothing wrong with their married daughter spending close to 2 weeks with them without finding out what is wrong from me. My wife's parents BIASED attitude is one of the major reason why I stopped talking to them because they have this habit of believing and accepting everything their daughter says without asking my own side of the issue. Interestingly, My wife is fighting me that I am not close to her parents! Abeg, how on earth will a person be close to parents who are notorious for taking SIDE and always supporting their daughter at any given occasion?. In summary, I told my wife today to come home to pack her stuff back to her parents house since she has been staying with them for close to 2 weeks without given any valid reason. In her response, she said she will will be home next week to pack her luggages and I told her never to come back if she attempts to move her stuff to her parents house. Plz note that our marriage is less than 2 years and we have a SON together. Abeg, ya all should let me know if I have done wrong ignoring her EXTREMELY BIASED PARENTS by not calling them and also telling my wife to come pack her stuff back to her parents house since she left me at home to reside with them?
PS: We had no quarrel before she left the house. She took her drama to the next level LESS THAN A MONTH THAT SHE GOT A JOB.

You said you guys have no quarrel before, so what really made her to bear such plans of packing out since and decided to hatch it now that she got a job

I can see that you are not even in close talk with your in laws, that means there is a cold war among you guys, your wife and your in law

See let me bring this to your notice

Women can hurt you and still report the story to her parents that you are the one that is hurting her
Now her parents will start feeling bad about it not knowing that you can't even breath in your marriage
And untill you speak out, the whole fault will be on you

I want you to calm down and cool your temper so that it will not lead to I don't care marriage after all

Both of you are going through what young couples in marriage goes through, because you're yet to understand your selves, couple with economic situation

There are some issues that are unattended to in you guys marriage and those issues are the cause of all this problems

While you snob those issues without looking into it
She is pilling those issues up to fight you in a cold war

So I will suggest you drop your anger

Take a visit to your in law's house, when you get there tell them you came to collect your family back home

Then if there are issues, they will bring it up and you too will speak out if you know that you are not at fault

Speak out to redeem your image which she has damaged in your in law's house and after that, tell them that on no condition will she come to them without your consent or permission, stop at that point ask her to follow you home

Now at this point all of you will settle whatever the problem is

But if her parents doesn't want to listen to you, maintain your ground that you are going with your family

If they refuse or she refuses to follow you
Just walk away home

If they later invite you for settlement, tell them you are busy and they will be the one begging you

But if you are at fault, then when you get there talk peace and carry your family home

If you really feel that you can't look for your family, then that means you lack the ability to manage your home affairs in the marriage and it also means that you no send any body

Meaning you are ready for nonsense

Look there are no sweet marriages

Every married couple are in one situation or another

In the aspect of not being close with her parents, well that's her own way of reasoning, just respect her parents even if you don't call them often of which am sure is part of the issues

garriAndsugar:
You need to calm down, why don't you pay them a visit and find out what's happening

See this one dey talk like say him be better person. Akikor. Hm!

Oga, calm down. You asked somebody to come and pack her things and she obeyed you, you are now getting angry again. You expected her to start crying and begging you?
Why are you men like this? Why should women always be at the receiving end?

You shouldn't have taken such a rash decision without first finding out why she's behaving like that. In fact, you should have seized the opportunity of her stay there to go have a meeting with her and her family and pour out your heart over the issue. There and then you ask her why she's does that and why the parents allow such. Then they'll let you know if you have done anything wrong or not. But now, you will never know if her actions were a fault of yours especially as you've asked her to go and never come back.

Citing her new job as the cause of her behavior is another thing you need to look into if the stress of managing the job and coping with looking after your son is not affecting her psychologically. Is your son in school? If not, Are you the one paying for childcare or she's the one struggling with it hence the need to be with her parents to help her look after the child while she goes to work?

One thing about you men, when a woman decides to get a job, youll leave her to sort herself out with childcare feeling after all, you didn't send her to go get a job therefore let her look for where to keep the child. Is that the situation in your home?

My 10 cents Go there before she comes to pack her stuff and hold a meeting with her and her parents to know what the problem really is then solve it once and for all, letting them know your stance on the whole matter and why it should stop.

This new generation marriage wey no dey last past 2 years is becoming an evil pattern in the society that needs to be broken. Wetin una don see under two years wey dey tire una wen our ancestors stayed together for 50-60 years and never got tired of each other.? Hm.

This generation marriage needs revival.

So because her parents mistakenly let you marry their daughter without noticing your bad character is why you think you're their agemate?

What audacity. You are extremely disrespectful and rude. And if you can behave this way to people that are old enough to have you as their child, it's no wonder your wife ran away from home.

If Nigerian women stopped talking to their in-laws because they feel disrespected 99% of all marriages for don break.

Why would you expect them to take your side?? They don't even know you like that and you obviously refuse the build the bond that would make them like you enough to see you as a son.

EriMma1:


See this one dey talk like say him be better person. Akikor. Hm!

I don't want to derail this thread so i will not swim in the mud with you for now.

Rokiat:
Clearly your wife is emotionally immature and runs to her family for every little thing. Seems like her mother raised her this way to depend on her, one of the many traits of narcissistic mothers. I can clearly spot a lot of issues in this your marriage and if care is not taken you are headed for trouble because lack of communication between you and your wife is glaring as well. Why haven’t you call your wife since she left to find out whats going on? Is this battle of the egos or is it that you actually did something wrong to your wife but left that out of your write out?

The lack of boundaries with her family is shocking to say the least. No matter what their daughter told them, they shouldn’t have allow her stay without her husband approval for this long a married woman for that matter.


Also seems to me like you have a grudge against her family just from the way you wrote. A mature husband would call and ask his in laws why his wife is still over there.

My man you have a lot of issues to work on, if you still treasure your marriage I suggest you put your ego aside and work on your communication with your wife. She also needs to grow up she clearly don’t know how marriage works or what marriage is all about, she’s has a lot of unlearning and work to do. She probably don’t know any better, if this is how how parents are behaving just imagine how she was raised by these folks clearly she doesn’t even know if she’s doing anything wrong her parents are her enablers and she’s immature. She needs serious help.


If you and your wife can work together, then the in laws issues will be easy to handle. What you encourage is what will continue they are just doing this because your wife has encouraged them.


Lastly you have to do better as a son in law. Don’t be so proud and arrogant with your in laws, try to bring your shoulder down a bit. Call them once a while, visit them once a while, check on them maintain a healthy relationship with your in laws, no one is asking you to kiss their asses but be a kind person and Learn to be respectful especially to your mother and father in laws. I have seen a lot of husbands be jerks to their in laws and expecting to have a happy home with their wife impossible!!!!

You can be respectful and loving to them and still set boundaries with them.

Thanks 🙏

May God help our marraiges of this era. Op, I like the stand you are taking. Do not allow anyone guilt trip you into thinking otherwise. No well brought up woman from a decent family leaves her matrimonial home without the husbands permission and stays away extensively. Only a woman who lacks proper training.
Imagine that you as the husband, because of a disagreement in your home, went and lodged in a hotel for even 3 days. What will society call you? Irresponsible right?

Because of your son, do what you can for your home and your marriage. But if your wife no wan hear, look for another woman outside and start planning introduction with her. Your wife brain go reset. Except if that child you call yours is not yours and your wife has another man outside and her parents know.

Wodu89:
Parents are evil. Parents are beasts. Parents are that. You've carefully schemed naive people like yourself that you're entirely innocent. Tell us your part that contributed to the problem first. Hypocrite

Why do you guys always come up with this childish line, even when you don't have the full information yet??

Who told you that men/husbands are always the culprits in every misunderstanding and must have done something wrong to a every woman alleged to have behaved badly?

Wodu89:



If you judge marital crises from hearing just one side of the tale you would offend God. My dear, this Op is not just mischievous bit a liar and avictim that beats himself up that the world.is against him.


Anyone who wants truth must first come with equity. This one doesn't.

But you're already judging him here.

Or you don't know the meaning of judgement??

It seems you have a special interest in this case.

A man really needs to be strong and firm to keep a relationship or marriage.

Yoruba have a saying " You don't use the whip for correction as a toy for a child"

Don't ever make threats you can't back up. The moment your bluff is called, you lose your importance and relevance.

Most women and even men are like sharks. They smell weakness from a mile away and mercilessly exploit it.

OP, you're a very weak guy.

ChybuzzDD:


But you're already judging him here.

Or you don't know the meaning of judgement??

It seems you have a special interest in this case.

Rather helping him see his condition

ChybuzzDD:


Why do you guys always come up with this childish line, even when you don't have the full information yet??

Who told you that men/husbands are always the culprits in every misunderstanding and must have done something wrong to a every woman alleged to have behaved badly?

It's simple. Whenever humans give one sided information where the are victims and other parties are evil, it's always because there are major things they're hiding.

Calm down bro. As already advised by people up there, visit the family and get to know what's up. It may be that ur wife has already painted a bad picture of you to them. Go take ur family back and try to talk things out with ur family. Ego trips doesn't work in marriages..

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tommy589:
After few months I had this strong feeling that my ex wife's mother don't want me. I was right all along,no effort to mediate when I handed her over at the tenth year of our union. To her mother disapproval she wanted to come back but it was over for me

Better to have good in-laws than a bad wife. If her family wants you they would have reached out.
Don't waste your time fixing a marriage that has hit the rock

Same words of wisdom my grandfather told my mum and what she tells me. It's better to have a bad wife and a good in-law than to have a good in-law and bad wife. The good in-laws would always call their child to order.
Since the parents are comfortable for a married woman to leave her home for 2 weeks and not reaching out to the husband to know if something is wrong, seems they don't wish her to leave them for selfish reason and she too is too attached to them.
This meddling and siding don't always end well.

Rokiat:
Clearly your wife is emotionally immature and runs to her family for every little thing. Seems like her mother raised her this way to depend on her, one of the many traits of narcissistic mothers. I can clearly spot a lot of issues in this your marriage and if care is not taken you are headed for trouble because lack of communication between you and your wife is glaring as well. Why haven’t you call your wife since she left to find out whats going on? Is this battle of the egos or is it that you actually did something wrong to your wife but left that out of your write out?

The lack of boundaries with her family is shocking to say the least. No matter what their daughter told them, they shouldn’t have allow her stay without her husband approval for this long a married woman for that matter.


Also seems to me like you have a grudge against her family just from the way you wrote. A mature husband would call and ask his in laws why his wife is still over there.

My man you have a lot of issues to work on, if you still treasure your marriage I suggest you put your ego aside and work on your communication with your wife. She also needs to grow up she clearly don’t know how marriage works or what marriage is all about, she’s has a lot of unlearning and work to do. She probably don’t know any better, if this is how how parents are behaving just imagine how she was raised by these folks clearly she doesn’t even know if she’s doing anything wrong her parents are her enablers and she’s immature. She needs serious help.


If you and your wife can work together, then the in laws issues will be easy to handle. What you encourage is what will continue they are just doing this because your wife has encouraged them.


Lastly you have to do better as a son in law. Don’t be so proud and arrogant with your in laws, try to bring your shoulder down a bit. Call them once a while, visit them once a while, check on them maintain a healthy relationship with your in laws, no one is asking you to kiss their asses but be a kind person and Learn to be respectful especially to your mother and father in laws. I have seen a lot of husbands be jerks to their in laws and expecting to have a happy home with their wife impossible!!!!

You can be respectful and loving to them and still set boundaries with them.

Matured and balanced advice. The op should take the one that belongs to him and work on it.
I didn't believe the op is totally fault free. By being blunt in expressing himself but not abusive domestically, I sense sharp mouth that would hurt more emotionally than even physical abuse.

You sound very tyrannical, like the biblical Pharoah that will never let God's people go till he learnt a BIG lesson. You really sound over-bloated with a false sense of importance.

No woman would leave a happy home and go and stay with her parents. You can quote me anywhere.
You don't do physical abuse, but what about the psychological abuse? Or any other abuse? Or is it only physical abuse that is there?
What does it take a treat a person right?

If we as Nigerian women ignored YOUR overbearing mothers and sisters, 99% of couples in Nigeria would have found their square root. And for her parents to care less if the marriage broke down or not, it just shows that you are very unpleasant to deal with.

AdolfHitlerxXx:
A man really needs to be strong and firm to keep a relationship or marriage.

Yoruba have a saying " You don't use the whip for correction as a toy for a child"

Don't ever make threats you can't back up. The moment your bluff is called, you lose your importance and relevance.

Most women and even men are like sharks. They smell weakness from a mile away and mercilessly exploit it.

OP, you're a very weak guy.

@AdolfHitler E be like say U sabi me lol 🤣😂. How am I WEAK based on the post I made? If I am weak, I would have danced to their music by allowing them indirectly control my home for me. If I am weak, there won't be issues arising coz I will accept all their shenanigans. Why not tell me how I am weak and what I should have done differently.