₦airaland Forum

Lastpage, what an advice? so with all, you have typed, you think you are doing a fellow brother a favour abi??

armyofone:
But ronkebp, what first madam did bad now, how can wifey be s.hagging inlaw,

Armyofone, true!!!! but na today shebi men dey shag their wives' sisters, madam pepper soup, secretary, househelp and widows (that is the latest) . the man just looked for an opportunity to pursue first wife to marry widow, now he has found a newer reason to pursue widow to marry lekpa!!!

This poster is not speaking the whole truth in the role he played in the break down of this marriage. i dont think he cared too much about the woman on the onset, but what could be gained. OP, i dont trust the act you have put up here. You seem to complain a lot about the woman, and you are here looking for support on your decision. You have already made up your mind, but you are looking for like minds to reaffirm your position. Look, you say you are in love. If i had money and was married, and i cheated on my wife i dont think i will ever get to the point to believe that the girl i am cheating with is in love with me. A small girl who can get a younger more active boy will all of a sudden fall madly in love with me. We both know this your relationship is a relationship of mutual understanding ( money for sex). In your quest or desperation you have confused it with love. If that girl can agree to be a baby mama for life, believe me you will pay dearly for it. You will never be comfortable and will always be scared about the secret you have. Every amount she will request from you will be x1,000,000. Having a child outside will complicate your life x100. You dont know people until you are married to them or joined by something (a child). The good thing is the current wife is of a traditional marriage. It can be easily dissolved. I personally suggest you take your time to find someone that is on your financial level and someone you can build a home with. Also remember to discuss all the things that are important to you before getting married to this new person. I suggest you divorce this second wife first. And be free to live your life. I suspect you have been caught cheating or your second wife knows you are cheating. . Always remember though, not every woman you meet will be able to give birth. You may marry a woman with problems giving birth.

^^^^^^ he has found that 'likemindedness' in LASTPAGE. He is seriously advicing him as a fellow brother!!!.

cheetah@02:
I am ready to forfiet everything now for my happiness.

It's my firm opinion that you will forfeit everything and still end up unhappy. The 80-20 principle.

http://akssara..com/2008/10/do-not-look-back-and-ask-why-look.html

In most cases, especially in relationships, you will only get 80% of what you NEED and you will hardly get the other 20% that you WANT in your relationship. There is always another person (man or women) that you will meet and that will offer you the other 20% which is lacking in your relationship that you WANT And believe me, 20% looks really good when you are not getting it at all in your current relationship.

But the problem is that you will always be tempted to leave that good 80% that you know you have, thinking that you will get something better with the other 20% that you WANT

But as reality has proven, in most cases, you will always end up with having the 20% that you WANT and loosing the 80% that you really NEED and that you already had.

Be careful in deciding between what you WANT and NEED in your life.

Adultery happens when you start looking for what you don't have. 'Wow, this girl in my office is a real looker. But it's not her Wynona Rider features that got me. I'm crazy about her because she's also understanding, intelligent, tender - so many things that my spouse is not'

Somewhere along the way, you'll find a woman or a man who will be more charming or sensitive. More alluring. More thoughtful. Richer. Have greater appeal. And you will find a woman or man who will need you and pursue you and go loco over you more than your spouse ever did.

Because no wife or husband is perfect. Because a spouse will only have 80% of what you're looking for. So adultery takes place when a husband or wife looks for the missing 20%. Let's say your wife is melancholic by nature.

You may find yourself drawn to the pretty clerk who has a cherry laugh no matter what she says: 'I broke my arm yesterday, Hahahaha . . , '

Or because your wife is a homebody in slippers and pajamas, smelling of garlic and fish oil, you may fall for a fresh-smelling young sales representative that visits your office in a sharp black blazer, high heels, and a red pencil-cut skirt Or because your husband is the quiet
type, your heart may skip a beat when you meet an old college flame who has the makings of a talk show host.

But wait! That's only 20% of what you don't have.

Don't throw away the 80% that you already have!

That's not all. Add to your spouse's 80% the 100% that represents all the years that you have been with each other. The storms you have weathered together. The unforgettable moments of sadness and joy as a couple. The many adjustments you have made to love the other. The wealth of memories that you've accumulated as lovers.

Adultery happens when you start looking for what you don't have.

But faithfulness happens when you start thanking God for what you already have.

But I'm not just talking about marriage.

I'm talking about life!

About your jobs.
About your friends.
About your children.
About your lifestyles.

Are you like the economy airline passenger that perennially peeks through the door of the first class cabin, obsessed with what he's missing? 'They have got more leg room! Oh my, their food is served in porcelain! Wow, their seats recline at an 80% angle and they've got personal videos!'

I guarantee you'll be miserable for the entire trip! Don't live your life like that. Forget about what the world says is first class. Do you know that there are many first class passengers who are miserable in first class -- because they are not riding in a private Lear Jet?

The main message

If you start appreciating what you have right now, wherever you are, you are first class!

QUOTE : DO NOT LOOK BACK AND ASK WHY, LOOK FORWARD AND ASK WHY NOT

2mch:
This poster is not speaking the whole truth in the role he played in the break down of this marriage. i dont think he cared too much about the woman on the onset, but what could be gained. OP, i dont trust the act you have put up here. You seem to complain a lot about the woman, and you are here looking for support on your decision. You have already made up your mind, but you are looking for like minds to reaffirm your position. Look, you say you are in love. If i had money and was married, and i cheated on my wife i dont think i will ever get to the point to believe that the girl i am cheating with is in love with me. A small girl who can get a younger more active boy will all of a sudden fall madly in love with me. We both know this your relationship is a relationship of mutual understanding ( money for sex). In your quest or desperation you have confused it with love. If that girl can agree to be a baby mama for life, believe me you will pay dearly for it. You will never be comfortable and will always be scared about the secret you have. Every amount she will request from you will be x1,000,000. Having a child outside will complicate your life x100. You dont know people until you are married to them or joined by something (a child). The good thing is the current wife is of a traditional marriage. It can be easily dissolved. I personally suggest you take your time to find someone that is on your financial level and someone you can build a home with. Also remember to discuss all the things that are important to you before getting married to this new person. I suggest you divorce this second wife first. And be free to live your life. I suspect you have been caught cheating or your second wife knows you are cheating. . Always remember though, not every woman you meet will be able to give birth. You may marry a woman with problems giving birth.

The lady i am involved with at the moment is not a gold digger. She is comfortable to an extent. I know she is not after material things- come to think of it, how much do i even have now. She has not even agreed to marry me. I am the one bugging her with that request. Sometimes she just shuts down on me when i pressure her with the issues of marriage because she is scared that she loves me to the extent she cant say no to my proposal. She is begging me to please go back to my present woman and beg her to at least agree to the surrogate mother idea. I dont want to leave this girl, she is all that gives me joy at the moment. Assuming things were different i know she would not have hesitated in marrying me. She (my girlfriend) is hurting seriously, i am hurting because of the situation we have found ourselves in. For God's sake this stress has taken its toll on my health- at what age, i am just 37 to be 38 in december for crying out loud. Is it fair that i should go through this.

When i met the widow, she didnt say anything about her inability to concieve. she didnt say she has had 4 C-sections. Yes we discussed on having our own kids at least 2, but she has reneged on that. The way and manner i am being treated is absurd. This whole thing has been on for a while, but i decided to stay put, thinking she would change.

As i stand now, i dont mind leaving the house with just my boxers and starting all over again. I dont see my life lasting another 2 years if i continue like this.

@lastpage
i spoke to my lawyers on changing the title documents to my name only, but they said i will need her consent to do that. Secondly leaving my house for another place would be a little painful because i built that house. Did i do wrong by marrying her and taking care of her kids. Is it right that i should be repaid in this manner

I am ashamed to say this, whenever i'm alone in the office or at home- i shed tears (as a man!) because this is just too much for me to handle. Right now as i speak to you, my girlfriend has relocated from her house to her aunt's place- she said she wants to be alone to make the right decisions. The truth is i dont want to loose that girl, she is all that gives me joy. Yes when we met, she didnt know i was married (yea, my bad), but as soon as we became serious- i just had to let her into the truth. My parents have met her and everyone likes her. I dont want to go to the streets and get any girl pregnant- Will they get pregnant and dump the baby with me or my mum? I want a home, where the children will have a father and mother, a home when my son is ill, i will as a man take him to the hospital, a home where the mom is there is put on little pink ribbons on my daughters hair while preparing to go to church. I just need a home and i am willingly to give all i have to have that now.

Wow! I'm so touched.

I know exactly how you feel.

Life hits us with some unexpected things. Its really such a pity. I don't know what else to say. The fact that you are married makes things complicated that's the truth.

Just tread carefully.

cheetah@02:
The lady i am involved with at the moment is not a gold digger. She is comfortable to an extent. I know she is not after material things- come to think of it, how much do i even have now. She has not even agreed to marry me. I am the one bugging her with that request. Sometimes she just shuts down on me when i pressure her with the issues of marriage because she is scared that she loves me to the extent she cant say no to my proposal. She is begging me to please go back to my present woman and beg her to at least agree to the surrogate mother idea. I dont want to leave this girl, she is all that gives me joy at the moment. Assuming things were different i know she would not have hesitated in marrying me. She (my girlfriend) is hurting seriously, i am hurting because of the situation we have found ourselves in. For God's sake this stress has taken its toll on my health- at what age, i am just 37 to be 38 in december for crying out loud. Is it fair that i should go through this.

When i met the widow, she didnt say anything about her inability to concieve. she didnt say she has had 4 C-sections. Yes we discussed on having our own kids at least 2, but she has reneged on that. The way and manner i am being treated is absurd. This whole thing has been on for a while, but i decided to stay put, thinking she would change.

As i stand now, i dont mind leaving the house with just my boxers and starting all over again. I dont see my life lasting another 2 years if i continue like this.

@lastpage
i spoke to my lawyers on changing the title documents to my name only, but they said i will need her consent to do that. Secondly leaving my house for another place would be a little painful because i built that house. Did i do wrong by marrying her and taking care of her kids. Is it right that i should be repaid in this manner

I am ashamed to say this, whenever i'm alone in the office or at home- i shed tears (as a man!) because this is just too much for me to handle. Right now as i speak to you, my girlfriend has relocated from her house to her aunt's place- she said she wants to be alone to make the right decisions. The truth is i dont want to loose that girl, she is all that gives me joy. Yes when we met, she didnt know i was married (yea, my bad), but as soon as we became serious- i just had to let her into the truth. My parents have met her and everyone likes her. I dont want to go to the streets and get any girl pregnant- Will they get pregnant and dump the baby with me or my mum? I want a home, where the children will have a father and mother, a home when my son is ill, i will as a man take him to the hospital, a home where the mom is there is put on little pink ribbons on my daughters hair while preparing to go to church. I just need a home and i am willingly to give all i have to have that now.

Now that i have a better understanding, you live and you learn. I am all for people being happy, but based on the fact that all efforts at reconciliation has been exhausted. You keeping an outside relationship as your marriage is going on is bound to cause this kind of issue. Take some time to think about this well, i hope you are not infatuated. I suggest you take steps to move out. I dont see why if you bought those properties, you cannot change the name on it, except you and your wife bought those properties together and had to sign the documents together. You know the chances of her signing off ownership are slim to none. For now, scout around for a place to rent. Make sure you have at least 2 years rent and a years living allowance based on the needs for you and your son. Then pack all the essentials and move to this place first, before informing your wife on your decision to quit the marriage. Start with a separation first. Although it is a traditional marriage, you guys have been married for 8 years, this marriage may be valid by the court. During this separation you can both decide how to share the properties jointly owned. Either she gives you money for your interest or you buy her out. At least you have learned another lesson that you put properties in your kids names, create a trust or create a will. Dont make this mistake again. Just in case you dont find happiness. Also, even if at the end of the day things with this new girl dont work out, you will find someone else. Just take some time. You dont always have to be in a relationship or marriage. Focus on your son, he is the most important thing, instead of relying on women to fill some emotional need or want. A traditional divorce simply involves the woman's family returning the bride price you paid. You also dont want to put this woman's life at risk, what if she loses her life what will happen to her own biological kids? With any new person take your time. Make sure you do all the blood tests and fertility tests early on for compatibility. Also look to God for guidiance and comfort not humans.The length of the union though will make the courts recognize the union for sharing of properties.

ronkebp:
BTW Poster, you siad you could not forgive your first wife because of her infidelity, but now that your cheating on your 'traditional wedded second wife'' you would expect her to forgive you when she finds out that you are being milked by another woman?? hen?abi no be so?

Sorry op  is not LEGALLY MARRIED to these woman.

For the first wife she deserve what she got for F*U*C*K*I*N*G his relation. GOOD RADIANCE TO BAD RUBBISH.

Some people don't know their limit.

cheetah@02:
The lady i am involved with at the moment is not a gold digger. She is comfortable to an extent. I know she is not after material things- come to think of it, how much do i even have now. She has not even agreed to marry me. I am the one bugging her with that request. Sometimes she just shuts down on me when i pressure her with the issues of marriage because she is scared that she loves me to the extent she cant say no to my proposal. She is begging me to please go back to my present woman and beg her to at least agree to the surrogate mother idea. I dont want to leave this girl, she is all that gives me joy at the moment. Assuming things were different i know she would not have hesitated in marrying me. She (my girlfriend) is hurting seriously, i am hurting because of the situation we have found ourselves in. For God's sake this stress has taken its toll on my health- at what age, i am just 37 to be 38 in december for crying out loud. Is it fair that i should go through this.

When i met the widow, she didnt say anything about her inability to concieve. she didnt say she has had 4 C-sections. Yes we discussed on having our own kids at least 2, but she has reneged on that. The way and manner i am being treated is absurd. This whole thing has been on for a while, but i decided to stay put, thinking she would change.

As i stand now, i dont mind leaving the house with just my boxers and starting all over again. I dont see my life lasting another 2 years if i continue like this.

@lastpage
i spoke to my lawyers on changing the title documents to my name only, but they said i will need her consent to do that. Secondly leaving my house for another place would be a little painful because i built that house. Did i do wrong by marrying her and taking care of her kids. Is it right that i should be repaid in this manner

I am ashamed to say this, whenever i'm alone in the office or at home- i shed tears (as a man!) because this is just too much for me to handle. Right now as i speak to you, my girlfriend has relocated from her house to her aunt's place- she said she wants to be alone to make the right decisions. The truth is i dont want to loose that girl, she is all that gives me joy. Yes when we met, she didnt know i was married (yea, my bad), but as soon as we became serious- i just had to let her into the truth. My parents have met her and everyone likes her. I dont want to go to the streets and get any girl pregnant- Will they get pregnant and dump the baby with me or my mum? I want a home, where the children will have a father and mother, a home when my son is ill, i will as a man take him to the hospital, a home where the mom is there is put on little pink ribbons on my daughters hair while preparing to go to church. I just need a home and i am willingly to give all i have to have that now.

It seems your are focusing all your attention on getting married.

Look you can have your children and train them well without being married to any woman.

I will advice you to leave the widow(whether your are legally married to her or not) because your are going to kill your of depression.

Get life together and plan for a better future.

Life is too short enjoy it while it last.

With what the poster has said, i still do not feel any pity for him, cry! cry !! baby, just simply say you have seen another fish that you want to marry, you see!!!! you did not even tell her at first that you were married (deceit). ehn!! hen!!, so?? what advice do you want from everybody?? to support that you throw the widow out and her two children while you marry your 'heart throb' ngwanu!!!! go ahead and marry her!!! and stop crying.

emmatok:
Sorry op  is not LEGALLY MARRIED to these woman.

For the first wife she deserve what she got for F*U*C*K*I*N*G his relation. GOOD RADIANCE TO BAD RUBBISH.

Some people don't know their limit.

Whatever!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!, am sure she is sleeping with another, men come and go, after all she is not crying on nairaland over her life.

Please people should ask this poster what the woman (woman with two children) what she has done to this man recently? that is making the poster want to run away from his home only in boxers; apart from the children issue. Is he sleeping in the balcony, is he being treated like a slave in his own home, is the wife beating him up or nagging him for every little thing i do not understand ooooo.

^^^^^^


What else can l say/do?

Lord have mercy!

What is wrong with your stepchildren? I would think that after 8 years you would love them as your very own, and you barely mention them and how they will be hurt by all of this. They lost their biological father that they barely remember and now they stand to lose you, the only father they have ever really known. Your wife wants to have a secure future for her children first and foremost. If she thinks you don't have genuine concern for them then she will do whatever it takes to make sure they don't suffer (ie. taking them to their biological family who love them, and securing property in case something happends to her).

From a woman's perspective I will tell you that your girlfriend doesn't trust you and she knows that if you are willing to cheat with her, you will cheat on her. What if she can't get pregnant? What if she has a miscarriage or still birth? What if the child has a physical/developmental problem? That's a whole lot of pressure.

Since she did not intend to date a married man, her love for you ended the day you told her that you were married to and sleeping with another woman. Her heart and soul is not into you the same way anymore, even though she feels for you. She may be pursuaded to marry you but she will not truly love you, which only sets you up for being cheated on. Cut her loose so she can find true love because she knows you are clinging to her out of desperation to leave your marriage and the desire to have your own child.

Leave the girlfriend and make a sincere effort to fall back in love with your wife. Your wife distrusts you because she can sense that you have one foot out the door. If you start to show her and the children genuine (undivided) care and love she will not refuse to pursue other options. If she tried IVF which is costly and also painful, it shows that she was willing to try at some point.

You can't win over the girlfriend because the relationship has no solid base to fall back on like your marriage does. You are not the man she fell in love with. Fight for your marriage. It is the hardest option you have but it will bring you the most reward.

emmatok:
Sorry op  is not LEGALLY MARRIED to these woman.

For the first wife she deserve what she got for F*U*C*K*I*N*G his relation. GOOD RADIANCE TO BAD RUBBISH.

Some people don't know their limit.

How ironic; he broke up with his wife who was supposedly sleeping with an uncle. He is now sleeping with another woman who is not his wife.

It's the biological son I feel sorry for in all this.

For everyone being judgemental on me for sleeping with my girlfriend resulting to cheating on my wife- Let me say this- It was not my intention ab initio to do that. We are humans here so let's try and not be super humans. My wife has neglected my needs. She only comes to me once in a blue moon when she is in the mood, as soon as she climaxes- the whole thing is over. My wife even if she obliges me her body, u will feel the coldness in the body and then you will get limp immediately.(I am opening up this way because I'm masked under this unknown identity and I'm in no way trying to disrespect her)

Infact I don't want to go on and on as to how I have been managing with her. When people come to the house, we try and act like a couple, we have so perfected the act of pretending to be happy that in my subconscious, I wear a fake smile most times.

@Ronke, you are being too harsh. But I pray nothing of such happens to you or your worse enemy. Sometimed I see myself wishing for death as if that's the only option.

Anyway, I thank you all for even trying to respond, Lastpage I wish I would see you on one and one basis. I will try my best and I hope I come out fine. I have spent the whole day on Nairaland and I have picked straight on points

I will just take a vacation and speak with God and my innermost being

Thank you all

@Cheetah@02

@lastpage
i spoke to my lawyers on changing the title documents to my name only, but they said i will need her consent to do that. Secondly leaving my house for another place would be a little painful because i built that house. Did i do wrong by marrying her and taking care of her kids. Is it right that i should be repaid in this manner

I am ashamed to say this, whenever i'm alone in the office or at home- i shed tears (as a man!) because this is just too much for me to handle. Right now as i speak to you, my girlfriend has relocated from her house to her aunt's place- she said she wants to be alone to make the right decisions. The truth is i dont want to loose that girl, she is all that gives me joy. Yes when we met, she didnt know i was married (yea, my bad), but as soon as we became serious- i just had to let her into the truth. My parents have met her and everyone likes her. I dont want to go to the streets and get any girl pregnant- Will they get pregnant and dump the baby with me or my mum? I want a home, where the children will have a father and mother, a home when my son is ill, i will as a man take him to the hospital, a home where the mom is there is put on little pink ribbons on my daughters hair while preparing to go to church. I just need a home and i am willingly to give all i have to have that now.

I am sure you know what you're asking for, when you put "your affairs" on a public forum!
You can be sure that some of those criticizing you NOW have not even "taken the walk of marital life", all they can count on as "life experience", from which they draw their advice, are[b] scenes they watched on Nollywood or read in some romance magazine![/b]

You can see that some "are judging you", even when they dont have the facts!
Some have even made up "statements" by themselves, just to justify what they have in mind!
You have seen statements like "I suspect that", "l think that" and so on, instead of making "what you said" (which we are assuming is true), as the basis of their advice!
Some are even out to "wickedly mislead you". They ask you to do things that they themselves will NEVER DO, if in your position!
I will suggest you go back and read the "previous contributions" of some of these "advisers" on similar 'marital issues' and you would see the "Wolf-in-sheep clothing" that they are!
I pray that everyone offering advice here will themselves (or their children or family member) be the Recipient of the same advice they are offering, if and when they are in the same position as this man!

I am at a loss as to why somebody will still be advising you to go and beg wife #1 (who slept with you blood relation ditto your uncle!)
What is there to reconcile about in that?

Wife #2 has also made her stand very clear! She does not trust you (maybe not anymore) and hence all the surreptitious moves she's been making!
*You dont "plead TRUST", you EARN IT.
*Marriage is dead without TRUST.
*Without TRUST , Marriage is just "an Adversarial Game"! The SMARTEST SPOUSE WINS!

Keep these words of mine,  somewhere, in the corner of your heart.

According to what you posted "to me" up there, you built the house you both live-in right now.
Thus, the idea of vacating it is uncalled-for!.
Its your house, She too has a house (like you said),
When Push-turns-to-shove, She would (MUST) leave and go to her own House. Its as simple as that.
She wont even sign any consent in her dreams!
But there are "ways round" any obstacle, as in this "House matter". (I cant say certain things here of-course )
Just get a rented apartment, as alternative, emergency accommodation, in the meantime 'cos two of you will leave the house eventually.
Even a single room will do.
Is your "finance"so bad right now?
I read somewhere on this NL where "some Women" said that "one of the ways to "SUBDUE A HUSBAND" is to ensure that he is short on money"!
True to a large extent, so you should expect that when issues like this arise, your finance would be targeted, big time! Its a way of making you incapable of taking any independent action.

Pay attention to your money. Dont entertain any 'funny request" that would deplete your savings or put some strange burden on your purse.
If she wants anything "strange", let her pay for it or forget it. SIMPLES!!

Open new Bank accounts, keep it to your chest, remove all "strategic documents" from the house, keep them with a trusted friend (ensure it is one that would not "double-cross" you with your wife o, you know! )
You're indeep shyte and you should know it! Dont be caught unawares again, NEVER!

Since you're not legally married to her, and NO KIDS invoved, you dont owe her naada!

Why are you even "step-daddy-ing" children that dont even bear your name? Since their dad is deceased, if wife #2 really loves you, she would have even suggested you adopt them properly so that you can really feel " a part" of those children's life;
Not this "use-and-dump" strategy.


Are you getting pushed to the "limit of your sane mind" somehow?
Take it easy and dont do anything stewpid, that you might regret later.

I dont care what people here would say or think, as long as l tell you what l will do, if l am in your shoes.
It represents the best advice l can give, based on the information available to me (from yourself).
I hope l dont find myself in your shoes, not enviable at all!

Anyway, "Its wont be an easy Task, to extract the Kernel, from a Palm tree", as the saying goes.
Right now, YOU ARE FIGHTING FOR YOUR LIFE and Emotions should be out of it.
Its either you will survive or you will die of hypertension! Simples!! 
Either way, Wife #2 will move-on! Your "biological son" will be the looser

As for your "step children", show them as much love as you can, AND AS MUCH AS THEIR MOTHER WILL ALLOW YOU TO!
Dont kill yourself trying to do the above cos their Mum will certainly be in your way.
She's made up her mind to be another "Single Mum". As a widow, you have tried your best, to be there when " a man " was needed.
We dont even know what killed the other man!

IN SIMPLE LANGUAGE, YOU AND WIFE #2 CAN NO LONGER LIVE TOGETHER AS HUSBAND AND WIFE!
She knows this. She's protecting herself and her children! YOU HAVE TO PROTECT YOURSELF TOO; By Whatever means!
Thats the simple truth!

Leave the New Gaal out of it for now. Deal with this current problem. When you "clear the environment and make it habitable", you can then do whatever you like from that point!
If she truly loves you that much, she would wait for you.
If she cant "sacrifice a few months" for you now, she cant and wont in the future.
There will always be "someone special" for any man that is up to standard, believe me.

Stop shedding tears. YOU ARE A MAN. DEAL WITH THAT ISSUE THAT IS MAKING YOU CRY instead of crying!
There are wicked men, just like there are wicked women.
Dont let anyone kill your destiny. Its your life, just one life you will ever live!

You know what, l'll set-up a Gmail account or yahoo and when you online, l will paste it here (and delete the account immediately after) so we can hav some more private chat on this your dilemma.
Mind you, l am not interested in you knowing me in real life (I prefer to remain anonymous so l can always speak my mind on issues) and l am not keen to know you either. Its better for both of us that way.

But there are things l cant say "on air" here. You never can say who is "reading and contributing" to the thread!
Just imagine if your wife #1 was one of the contributors here!
How would you know? No way!

Take heart and remain strong.

Lastpage.


BTW: I love the marriage institution but l detest one spouse (male or female) been made  a slave, taken advantage of, just to remain married. Marriage should be bliss, enjoyment, cooperation, unity of purpose, helping and sacrificing for each other, assisting each other, selfless, caring for one another, being truthful to one another, making the other person the source and goal of all your happiness! Well, an ideal marriage, like our fathers and Mothers had!
May God give you wisdom and strength.

send me a PM

OP, I'm one of those women who believe in marriage but not in a marriage at all costs. If all you've narrated here is true, why don't you just make a clean break?  Clearly you and no 2 will not agree so why don't you just your separate ways first and do that without putting a ring on woman no 3's finger or any other woman's for that matter.

In fact, if you were my brother, i'd tell you to steer clear of women and relationships for some time after you separate from no2 to get clearer perspectives; your future relationship can then start on a clean plate and whoever you get involved with will know from the onset what they have to contend with.

Goodluck and best wishes

waiting

Still here

Now, somebody is really talking to you here!

Re: Help Help Help
« #83 on: Today at 09:59:30 PM »

OP, I'm one of those women who believe in marriage but not in a marriage at all costs. If all you've narrated here is true, why don't you just make a clean break? Clearly you and no 2 will not agree so why don't you just your separate ways first and do that without putting a ring on woman no 3's finger or any other woman's for that matter.

In fact, if you were my brother, i'd tell you to steer clear of women and relationships for some time after you separate from no2 to get clearer perspectives; your future relationship can then start on a clean plate and whoever you get involved with will know from the onset what they have to contend with.

Goodluck and best wishes

You see my drift?
I thought l was the only one "insane" around here!

You are so unhappy   and yet you donot have to be.

I was  brought up by my stepdad dad after my dad passed on, My s.dad was an amazing dad and i couldn' never ask for better. We all got the cane and the love , always FAIR! It will break my heart to pieces kuwanu if he ever insinuated that i was not his, not once in deed or words so i will be an hypocrite raised to power 20 to say I donot feel for your wife's kids.

Now having said that everyone deserves happiness and if she is not considering your feelings to want more kids or consummating your marriage with steamy javelin seasons and it is not a medical condition that is beyond her control like having her wombs tied.

Also please realise that if you want to end a marriage there are many reasons to e.g she cooked my eggs too hard etc.
I do not know your wife but if you can work out things with her, that will be great. Sometimes our imagination can run ahead of us especially when times are not as rosy. If she was there for you then she has goodness in her, if she is now hiding documents something tilted.what is it?

Did you totally accept her kids as yours? Not just deeds like school fees but to go thru fire for them like if they were yours?

Because her statement of she took them to their fathers people without telling u is a divided home statement! why?

(she is not here so na you i go ask o)

Were you fair to her in your business transaction as if she is buying secret properties this are traits of a scorned woman acting out a grand plan.

Are you listening to 3rd parties?

About her body being cold, where there is no friendship or love , sex is bullcrap and body must cold.

This marriage may be at its end but if the lessons are not carefully siphoned it will be repeated with new oyoyo and the same pattern again.

My suggestion will be to date yourself for a year, no wifey or oyoyo just you. Deep in thought and find yourself!

Nothing makes a man more happy than to be with a woman who loves him and he loves back to find that you need to find you and loosing your business may be affecting your decisions here.

Finally most women are similar in some things and familiarity is one of them , when oyoyo enter she too may change so please bear this in mind.

p.s Please make yourself happy again , you are useless to anyone unless you are happy.

Your life is already complicated as it is now. Marrying another wife will make it even more complicated. And at the end of the day, you will suffer for all the wahala you brought on yourself. You will never have peace in your home.

Second marriages come with a lot of baggage and you need to be able to accept them from day one. Demanding your wife to go through another pregnancy and delivery after 4 c-sections is totally unfair. It simply shows you do not love her. Please do not put her through this. She is totally wrong by not informing you about this at the begining, but that is it, a baggage.

The both of your entered this union with your own different selfish intentions. She is obviously more experienced and is securing her children very well for tomorrow. Which shows that for some reason she does not trust you. Aside from the infidelity, is there some other way you have wronged this woman?

No marriage is perfect. No human being can give you all the love and comfort you need in this life. Only God can do that. You may have made some wrong decisions or choices in your life but throwing them away and going for ready made ones will not end your mistakes. You have to learn from them (while dealing with them), turn around and amend your ways.

Since you are hurting so much, why not go to God with this. Pick up your Bible (i.e. if you are a Christian). Let your past mistakes not discourage you. God really accepts us with our baggage and all. Get your wife involved as well, you should both take your baggages to God. He alone can give you true peace!

lastpage:
Now, somebody is really talking to you here!
You see my drift?
I thought l was the only one "insane" around here!

I got your drift long time. But having a child without marrying can be just as much - or more - drama than jumping from one relationship to another. There are a LOT of those casualties around.

See my drift?

@Cheetah, am sorry for sounding harsh, it is not that i am happy that you are going through what you are going through, i was just angry at some statements you made, that did not just sound right. You have every right to be happy, and if you are not happy in your marraige, then what the heck?. I just saw that you did the wrong things for the wrong reasons, except leaving your wife for infidelity (though, anybody can forgive the other and move on). You marrying that woman (second woman with her children) was just out of it. There are so many people that can render help without getting anything in return, it's like you returned a favour to her by marrying her just because she got a job for you, now you have seen clearer now, and gbam!!! you are thinking of jumping into another one. Your happiness is not in 'man' but God And please your son is the most important thing, he needs all the love and care he can get from his father. So if i comeoff as being 'unreasonable' i apoogise again.

@N101

I got your drift long time. But having a child without marrying can be just as much - or more - drama than jumping from one relationship to another. There are a LOT of those casualties around.

See my drift? Grin

My "quote" which you responded to, was directed at "naijababe', NOT AT YOU!
Having said that l am trying to, and still cant, "get your drift" in that response you posted.
Be kind to: go straight to the point.,.,. to the point - to the point - No Faking!

See, l do 'rapping' stuff too!

And let me share this inspiring words of Steve Job (from the Apple CEO) who had just passed away at the age of 58. He died of Pancreatic Cancer.

This is a "small part" of a speech he gave to graduating students of Stanford University's class of 2005.

"Especially to Cheetah02"

I am particularly "re-dedicating" Steve Job's speech to that man "Cheetah02" and all those who are yet to find "fulfillment in life", those who are still wondering in the wilderness of life[b]!
May you find your heart.,.,., and be brave enough to follow it![/b]

It started before I was born. My biological mother was a young, unwed college graduate student, and she decided to put me up for adoption. She felt very strongly that I should be adopted by college graduates, so everything was all set for me to be adopted at birth by a lawyer and his wife.

And 17 years later I did go to college. But I naively chose a college that was almost as expensive as Stanford, and all of my working-class parents' savings were being spent on my college tuition. After six months, I couldn't see the value in it. I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life and no idea how college was going to help me figure it out. And here I was spending all of the money my parents had saved their entire life. So I decided to drop out and trust that it would all work out OK. It was pretty scary at the time, but looking back it was one of the best decisions I ever made. The minute I dropped out I could stop taking the required classes that didn't interest me, and begin dropping in on the ones that looked interesting.

If I had never dropped in on that single course in college, the Mac would have never had multiple typefaces or proportionally spaced fonts.

Of course it was impossible to connect the dots looking forward when I was in college. But it was very, very clear looking backwards ten years later.

Again, you can't connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something — your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. This approach has never let me down, and it has made all the difference in my life.

Woz and I started Apple in my parents garage when I was 20. We worked hard, and in 10 years Apple had grown from just the two of us in a garage into a $2 billion company with over 4000 employees. We had just released our finest creation — the Macintosh — a year earlier, and I had just turned 30. And then I got fired. How can you get fired from a company you started? Well, as Apple grew we hired someone who I thought was very talented to run the company with me, and for the first year or so things went well. But then our visions of the future began to diverge and eventually we had a falling out. When we did, our Board of Directors sided with him. So at 30 I was out. And very publicly out. What had been the focus of my entire adult life was gone, and it was devastating.

But something slowly began to dawn on me — I still loved what I did. The turn of events at Apple had not changed that one bit. I had been rejected, but I was still in love. And so I decided to start over.

I didn't see it then, but it turned out that getting fired from Apple was the best thing that could have ever happened to me. The heaviness of being successful was replaced by the lightness of being a beginner again, less sure about everything. It freed me to enter one of the most creative periods of my life.
[b]
l'm pretty sure none of this would have happened if I hadn't been fired from Apple. It was awful tasting medicine[/b], but I guess the patient needed it. Sometimes life hits you in the head with a brick. Don't lose faith. I'm convinced that the only thing that kept me going was that I loved what I did. You've got to find what you love. And that is as true for your work as it is for your lovers. Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven't found it yet, keep looking. Don't settle. As with all matters of the heart, you'll know when you find it. And, like any great relationship, it just gets better and better as the years roll on. So keep looking until you find it. Don't settle.

Remembering that I'll be dead soon is the most important tool I've ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life. Because almost everything — all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure - these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already Unclad. There is no reason not to follow your heart.

Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma — which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of others' opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.

Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish.

Like some would say, THREE "APPLES" CHANGED THE WORLD!

1.) ADAM'S APPLE!
2.) ISAAC NEWTON'S APPLE!
3.) STEVE JOB'S APPLE!!!

Cheers,

Lastpage.

BTW: Its very unusual that l take "personal interest" in someone's "anonymous story" but somehow, THIS Cheetah02's own TOUCHED ME DEEP DOWN.

lastpage:
@N101My "quote" which you responded to, was directed at "naijababe', NOT AT YOU!
Having said that l am trying to, and still cant, "get your drift" in that response you posted.
Be kind to: go straight to the point.,.,. to the point - to the point - No Faking!

See, l do 'rapping' stuff too!

Let me re-state it again, the point is pretty obvious: having a child with a woman without marriage is not less complicated than marrying another woman to have a child. Trust me on this. I have seen the casualties from those "child but no marriage" relationships, they can become very complicated and nasty. It is naive to even think it's that simple.

Now do you get my drift?

^^^^Now l can see that "you're drifting"!

"Getting Married" has NOTHING TO DO with proper upbringing of children!
How cant you get that? So Simples!

"Marriage" itself is just a "formalization" of "the co-habitation" between couples!
Whether they formalize it or NOT, as long as they live together as husband and wife, it is perfectly legitimate to "raise children" and how those children turn-out, has NOTHING to do with such formalization or not.

We have seen children of "married peeps", turn out bad; ditto children of unmarried peeps!
We have seen children of married peeps, turn out GOOD; ditto children of unmarried peeps!

Either way, "getting married or not" is not a parameter to raising "good children"


That is the point you need to understand
.,.,. and enough of your drifting around please!

lastpage:
And let me share this inspiring words of Steve Job (from the Apple CEO) who had just passed away at the age of 58. He died of Pancreatic Cancer.

This is a "small part" of a speech he gave to graduating students of Stanford University's class of 2005.

"Especially to Cheetah02"

I am particularly "re-dedicating" Steve Job's speech to that man "Cheetah02" and all those who are yet to find "fulfillment in life", those who are still wondering in the wilderness of life[b]!
May you find your heart.,.,., and be brave enough to follow it![/b]

Like some would say, THREE "APPLES" CHANGED THE WORLD!

1.) ADAM'S APPLE!
2.) ISAAC NEWTON'S APPLE!
3.) STEVE JOB'S APPLE!!!

Cheers,

Lastpage.

BTW: Its very unusual that l take "personal interest" in someone's "anonymous story" but somehow, THIS Cheetah02's own TOUCHED ME DEEP DOWN.

[s]^Cough Bullshit^Cough[/s]

Of course it touched "you" deep down. . . "personal" stories tend to do that. . .touch "you" "personally" I mean.

Now that you have given yours. . . errr. . .I mean "him" the go ahead to leave "his" marriage, what more is there to say?