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Time To Abolish Bride Price - Culture - Nairaland

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When The Bride Price Is Too High For Him To Pay / Why Do Yorubas Return The Bride-price To The Groom's Family? / The Most Ridiculous Bride Price You Have Ever Heard? (2) (3) (4)

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Time To Abolish Bride Price by osisi5: 4:22am On Sep 08, 2007
Why do communities especially in the South East and South south charge exorbitant fees to prospective grooms?
This is so bad that a community in Rivers state last year took out a full page ad in a national newspaper encouraging suitors that their girls were now at discount prices because the town was overflowing with overgrown girls.

How can we put such burden on a young suitor to basically spend all he has and sometimes borrow to marry the girl of his dreams.
Please what are your views?
Re: Time To Abolish Bride Price by FufuKing1(m): 5:08pm On Sep 08, 2007
I agree.

Me personally, I think it's demeaning to women, to sell them in the same manner that cows and chickens are sold.

Marriage to me is about a partnership. But with the dowry, the relationship is instead like master and pet. The pet has been purchased and paid for, so now master can do with it as he sees fit.

But Naija women don't say anything, so I guess they don't mind being a commodity?
Re: Time To Abolish Bride Price by Ikomi(m): 3:42am On Sep 09, 2007
My view is that u give urself free to me and set an example to other South East women. You know we would be happy together. And Ad take u on a cruise with the money we would have spent on Dowry. Think about it.

Ohhh my Osisissisisisisisisisisisisisisisisisi. How lovely thy name. grin
Re: Time To Abolish Bride Price by romeo(m): 6:47pm On Sep 09, 2007
lai lai dat one no fit happen for alaigbo grin grin grin, and not now that i have a daughter tongue
Re: Time To Abolish Bride Price by ochiaha1(m): 8:53pm On Sep 09, 2007
@Osisi, I think I know your other name  cheesy

Dowry payment during traditional weddings is part of our custom, however it should be made largely symbolic by asking Grooms to pay not more than N500.00.

Also, some bad mouthed men can go to the extent of asking their wives, "mkpuru ego isi gi", meaning : "did I pay your dowry", just to hurt them whenever their quarreling.So, dowry must be paid to put things in proper perspective.

Some ladies however use the issue of dowry to insult men, I know of a friend who was trying to woo a lady for marriage and the snobbish lady told him point blank that he should forget about it, as he cannot afford her dowry. In her words: "E won ike ikwu ego Isim? ".

I had to console the friend by telling him that the lady had a head that was too big anyway and this will make it too difficult for any one to pay for  grin
Re: Time To Abolish Bride Price by omoge(f): 1:36am On Sep 10, 2007
i don't support abolishing dowry. It must be Paid.
Re: Time To Abolish Bride Price by osisi5: 2:04am On Sep 10, 2007
omoge:

i don't support abolishing dowry. It must be Paid.

Chineke me e!!
omoge,you want our men to do amu robbery just to marry.
mba nu!
I'm not ashamed to say that my dear father gave my husband back the brideprice and asked for just 1 Naira.
I don't think anyone had N1.00 so I think they gave him N10 or so.
Re: Time To Abolish Bride Price by omoge(f): 2:16am On Sep 10, 2007
Yes oo let them pay. even if daddy decides to give the money back. future honeyomoge must pay something.

i will prefer they list native stuffs like one cowries, native salt, alligator pepper, kitchen things, mortar/odo, ugbegbe/native pot for the many years ahead of cooking native soup, umbrella, and other things the lady will take along. ship them oversea if that's where she is grin
Re: Time To Abolish Bride Price by osisi5: 2:20am On Sep 10, 2007
The dowry was given back but the list of things you provide for "umu ada" and grandmothers cannot be skipped.
The list included amongst other things rice,tubers of yam,even slippers, lux and talcum powder had to be bought.
Re: Time To Abolish Bride Price by omoge(f): 2:24am On Sep 10, 2007
true, can't be skipped grin
Re: Time To Abolish Bride Price by ThiefOfHearts(f): 2:25am On Sep 10, 2007
lol why even 1 naira at all, osisi dear

Also, some bad mouthed men can go to the extent of asking their wives, "mkpuru ego isi gi", meaning : "did I pay your dowry", just to hurt them whenever their quarreling.So, dowry must be paid to put things in proper perspective

I think I rather hear that than "you must do whatever I say since I paid your dowry" How is it any different than slavery?

Then again I doubt I'd ever even marry someone who even brings up "dowry" in a conversation. gross.
Re: Time To Abolish Bride Price by osisi5: 2:33am On Sep 10, 2007
ThiefOfHearts:

lol why even 1 naira at all, osisi dear

I think I rather hear that than "you must do whatever I say since I paid your dowry" How is it any different than slavery?

Then again I doubt I'd ever even marry someone who even brings up "dowry" in a conversation. gross.

I think the one naira was just to say my husbands people paid something,I don't know.
meanwhile do Yorubas pay dowry?
About how much would a beautiful well endowed americanised girl like you go for?
ROFL
Re: Time To Abolish Bride Price by ThiefOfHearts(f): 2:37am On Sep 10, 2007
85 trillion pounds. tongue

They do pay dowry, Im not sure if it's still required in YorubaLand however but I know that some still do it. My dad paid 2000 naira in 1980 for my mom's hand. Lol, ridiculous.
Re: Time To Abolish Bride Price by i4serious: 2:39am On Sep 10, 2007
osisi
when u said your dad asked for just 1.oo naira, did he reject all d tubers of yam, palmwine, assorted fish,cola asuming i know the town u are from I would have listed likely things that accompanies dowry payment  from your town like he goat she goat.
Did u reject all the assorted clothes,shoes and bag that are neigbours of dowry?
Re: Time To Abolish Bride Price by i4serious: 2:47am On Sep 10, 2007
Is just fun of it.The price on dowry is usually a token like 20naira,30 naira but its been updated now is 2oonaira .It will be on the list given to the family of the groom but u can put in any amount in it .On the d day it will not be announced how much that was included,95% of the yorubas will specifically sorted the dowry envelope out and give it back openly to the alaga iduro or the head of the family of the groom taht they are not selling their daughter.Like myself it was refunded back to my husband's family head and they all said thank u .But all other things were not refunded like fish ,etc.
Re: Time To Abolish Bride Price by osisi5: 2:50am On Sep 10, 2007
i4serious:

osisi
when u said your dad asked for just 1.oo naira, did he reject all d tubers of yam, palmwine, assorted fish,cola asuming i know the town u are from I would have listed likely things that accompanies dowry payment  from your town like he goat she goat.
Did u reject all the assorted clothes,shoes and bag that are neigbours of dowry?

My dad made absolutely no money from my husband.
It is customary for the man to pay for the "iku aka" AKA introduction ceremony and the "igba nkwu" Traditional wedding.
It is his manly duty LOL.

The "gifts" hubby bought were mainly the things for the men and women of the community,they are compulsory by tradition if my husband didn't get them,my father was to buy them from his money and that wouldn't be proper.
The goats and stuff were slaughtered and used in the ceremony.
Thankfully my parents are blessed financially so they didn't require anything of him.
The george wrappers,laces  and jewelry for bride,mother of the bride and grandmothers were bought but I think those are in order especially if the man can afford them.
Re: Time To Abolish Bride Price by i4serious: 3:02am On Sep 10, 2007
is not the dowry that is expensive but all other requirement like d wife's box of expensive clothes, wrist watch,gold necklaces e.t.c But if  d lady is the  considerate  type,she can just get few new clothes, few shoes and bag and add all her good clothes that she has b4 to make d box or bag heavy and lock up the box keep the key between the husband and wife so that it won't be opened on the engagement day . Moreso ,is not usually opened in the engagement ceremony.The alaga /presenter too understands she will just say waooooooooooooo see how heavy this bag is, that I can't even carry it up that let us say thank u to d groom's family for spending 6billion dolars on clothes.
With all that, nobody knows d content .Abeggggggggggggiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii let us all aplly wisdom
Men in the  house don't be scared! is not as difficult as  people  paints it.
Either ibo,Yoruba,Hausa or calabar there may be a general rule but family always consider their to be in - law.
Is just fun of life that needs to be laughed at. Also, the groom's family takes d responsibility of dowry stuff and not d groom.good luck.
Re: Time To Abolish Bride Price by grafikdon: 3:04am On Sep 10, 2007
Well. . . let me hand you the raw truth: Trying to abolish dowry is more difficult than drowning an elephant with a drop of water. The whole problem will sort itself out, because by the time Papa Ogbenyeanu drives away 5 potential grooms who couldn't cope with the ridiculous 300-page list. . . two things will happen:

1. Ms. Ogbenyeanu will tell them to shove it and marry her prince charming, dowry or not.

2. Papa Ogbenyeanu will gladly accept the four tubers of yam, One crate of 'Star', two crates of 'mineral', one keg of palm wine , a bowl of kolanut. . . and call it a day.
Re: Time To Abolish Bride Price by osisi5: 3:07am On Sep 10, 2007
LOL

There is now a high rate of "live in" in Igboland.
It used to be that people did Igbankwu ,wedded in church and became man and wife,now the girl may even have a kid or 2 in faraway Lagos and they now ask the man what he's waiting for and at this time even a bowl of alligator pepper and a bottle of schnapps will do.
Re: Time To Abolish Bride Price by i4serious: 3:07am On Sep 10, 2007
osisi,
I'm laughing seriously here .Ask me y the originator of this topic dowry stuff should'nt have said dowry but extortion  from traditional wedding requirements.
Cos d dowry is not the reall issue their but all other requirement like the groom buying clothes for the bride's mother grandmother thats alot of fortune being lavished on those people.no wonder men are picking race now.
Re: Time To Abolish Bride Price by osisi5: 3:11am On Sep 10, 2007
I searched the internet,this is a list I found,go figure
http://www.nathanielturner.com/marriageinigboland.htm


MARRIAGE LIST IN IGBOLAND

1. Ego maternity---------N1, 000.

2. Body cream; lux soap; big towel-------1 each

3. Ego ogo cherem---------N50, 000.

4. Yams-20; Eju (snails) -20; Okporoko (stockfish) -1; big tray-1

FOR IHE NGWA EFERE

1. YAMS---------------40PIECES

2. Okporoko (stockfish) -----2

3. Ukwu anu ewu (goat leg) ---------2

4. Morning rose powder-------24

5. Pomade-----------20

6. Sugar---------10packets

7. Ovaltine--------2big size

8. Bar soap--------1 carton

9. Tablet soap--------1 carton

10. Tin milk --------1 carton

11. Bread----------24 loaves

12. Salt-----------2 bags

13. Rice-------1bag

14. Tomatoes Tin--------1 carton

15. Red (palm) oil---------1 tin

16. Groundnut oil----------1 rubber

17. Kerosene------------1 tin

18. Maltina Drink---------2 cartons

19. Soft drink-------6 crates

20. Onions--------------40 bulbs

21. Ego ala abo (cash) ------N10, 000

22. Ego nfotu ite (cash) -------N1, 000.

23. Big basin----------2

24. Big umbrella-----2

25. Piece George--------2

26. Hollandis--------2

27. Blouse-------2

28. Head ties---------2

29. Wrist watch--------1

30. Shoes--------2pairs

31. Big Box--------1

32. Lamp-------1

33. Hand bag---------1

34. Nigerian wax-------1piece

35. Gold necklace and ear-ring-------1 piece

MARRIAGE LIST FOR UMUADA (ALL KINDRED DAUGHTERS)

SECTION A------SMALL WINE

1. 8 Kola nuts or cost price

2. 8 Gallons of palm wine or cash equivalent

3. 8 Heads of tobacco with potash

4. 1 Goat for umunna

5. 2 crates of minerals

6. 1 carton of maltina

7. 2 cartons of star beer

8. 1 carton of Guinness small stout

9. 8 packets of Benson and Hedges

10. 2 bottles of Ground snuff

11. Lump sum (ogwe ego) ---------N2,000

12. 2 bottles of seaman's schnapps (Millennium Brand)

SECTION B        NMANYA UKWU (BIG WINE)

1.16 Kola nuts or Cash equivalent

2.20 Gallons of palm wine or cash equivalent

3. 2 Crates of minerals

4. 2 Cartons of maltina

5. 2 cartons of Guinness small stout

6.10 cartons of star Beer

7. One roll of Benson and Hedges

8.12 Heads of Tobacco with potash

9. 4 Bottles of seaman's schnapps (millennium brand)

10. 4 Bottles of Ground Snuff

11. "Ego Ala Ezi"-----------N1, 500

12. Officers money -----------N1, 000

SECTION C   OPENING OF GATE

1. 32 Kola nuts or cost price (CP)

2.30 Gallons of palm wine or CP

3. 2 Crates of minerals

4. 2 cartons of maltina

5. 2 cartons of Guinness small stout

6. 10 crates of star beer

7. 2 rolls of Benson and Hedges

8. 32 Heads of tobacco with potash

9. 4 bottles of seaman's schnapps (millennium brand)

10. "Umunna Ahuna Ego"-------------N1, 500

11. Toasting of wine (Ncha kishi udu) -------------N1, 000

12. 1 bottle of seaman's schnapps + N500 for Onye Eze (village chief)

13. "Ego Umuama" ---------N1, 000

14. "Ogwe Ego" (Lump sum) --------N1, 500

15. "Ego mpatu Anya"(Jealousy money) ------N1, 200

16. "Ikpo Onu Aku Nwanyi" (BRIDE PRICE) --------? (negotiable)
Re: Time To Abolish Bride Price by i4serious: 3:13am On Sep 10, 2007
Grafkdon,
which state u dey fight for?u go dey stubborn small oooooooo( joke) cos u want to play hide and seek game with ur in-law that if papa wetin u called him doesn't get his 300pages of list fulfilled he would settle for low things.
U ARE TOOOOOOOOO FUNNY. I LIKE UR IDEA OOO MY PERSON.
ARE U AN IJEBU MAN ?COS IS IJEBU MAN THAT WILL ACT THIS WAY JUST JOKINNNNNNNNNNNNG OOOOOOOOOO
Re: Time To Abolish Bride Price by osisi5: 3:15am On Sep 10, 2007
i4serious:

Grafkdon,
which state u dey fight for?u go dey stubborn small oooooooo( joke) because u want to play hide and seek game with your in-law that if papa wetin u called him doesn't get his 300pages of list fulfilled he would settle for low things.
You ARE TOOOOOOOOO FUNNY. I LIKE UR IDEA OOO MY PERSON.
ARE You AN IJEBU MAN ?COS IS IJEBU MAN THAT WILL ACT THIS WAY JUST JOKINNNNNNNNNNNNG OOOOOOOOOO

all I can say is if grafikdon is not married,he'd better start saving up and pray for discounts,wives ain't cheap.
Re: Time To Abolish Bride Price by i4serious: 3:18am On Sep 10, 2007
OSISI,
is it negotiable?
Where I have been asked to pay 2ooo naira can I just put 500 naira?
will it be inspected ?
But each family uses their head not to send their to - be in-law to hell .They cut it but they won't blow their trumphet that they are collecting lesser things.But those ones that needs to get to d other family  members I think should be collected accurately cause of public eyes
Re: Time To Abolish Bride Price by i4serious: 3:23am On Sep 10, 2007
but le tus not rely on the link u have above .cause there could be exaggeration.But the list may be similar to that oo but the money may not be as high as dat .
Or ur list requested for 50,000 naira ?
But all these in- law requesting for this and that oooooooooooo when their son is going out to marry they will be d one trying to negotiate with their own in- law to consider them oooooooooo
Re: Time To Abolish Bride Price by osisi5: 3:26am On Sep 10, 2007
I agree with you some basic"gifts" cannot be negotiated.
But that list above is terrible!
I wonder which village charges those things?
what does the man have to pay maternity money for?
and other maternity gifts
why should he have to pay the family for giving birth to her
what's with the 24 loaves of bread?.
This is just ridiculous.
Re: Time To Abolish Bride Price by i4serious: 3:27am On Sep 10, 2007
i even learnt the level of education of the wife is a great determinant factor to how high the list could be.
Cause is like we have invested so much in  her so u need to pay higher than some one who is just a school cert holder
The marriage list for a master holder is to be settled at world bank.Not to even talk of Master holder with proffessional dgerees.
But theis doesn't happen in some tribe
just few things are needded.
Re: Time To Abolish Bride Price by osisi5: 3:29am On Sep 10, 2007
some communities are worse o.
That list is not too much of an exageration,Mbaise and owerri area of Imo state are notorious.
Their lists fill an exercise book and the dowry is dependent on the girls educational qualification as you rightly said.
I know this first hand,I have cousins who married from that area.
Re: Time To Abolish Bride Price by i4serious: 3:30am On Sep 10, 2007
Am going to bed catch ya 2morrow .Have a blessed sleep ooooooooooooooooooo.
Re: Time To Abolish Bride Price by osisi5: 3:31am On Sep 10, 2007
me too.
good nite dear
Re: Time To Abolish Bride Price by grafikdon: 4:01am On Sep 10, 2007
@4serious na so now. . . before nko? If the man wan seven cows and seven goats, we go beging play Marco Polo until he accept my term. . . because I am not giving anything more than alligator pepper, few tubers of yam, kolanut, crate of 'Stout' and crate of 'mineral'. . . I will bring a cow and Hennesy out of my own free will but if I find anything that looks like a cow in their list. . . they's be lucky if they get one eyed rat from me. . . That's not how we do it in my 'village'. . . cool

@ osisi, our people never jam mbekwu (tortise) I can always make them dance to my tune when the time comes, ain't nobody pushing me into bringing a herd of cows for umunna and umuada grin. . . one I offer them kolanut, he goat, palm wine and cowries. . . the rest is up to me.

But seriously, the lsit is highway roberry. It's not about affordability because some people can afford a herd of cows but they will always frown, knowing they are getting ripped off. Since when did benson and Hedges become our tradition shocked On the other hand, if you love your wife, you will do anything (including amu robiri) to secure that queen. You can always complain later. . .
Re: Time To Abolish Bride Price by laudate: 9:17am On Sep 10, 2007
Hehehehe. . . . . . .I haven't had this much fun in years!!
i4serious:

i even learnt the level of education of the wife is a great determinant factor to how high the list could be.
Cause is like we have invested so much in  her so u need to pay higher than some one who is just a school cert holder
The marriage list for a master holder is to be settled at world bank.Not to even talk of Master holder with proffessional dgerees.
But theis doesn't happen in some tribe
just few things are needded.

i4serious, you are too funny for words!!  grin  grin I heard that one too, a long time ago! In fact, one of my female friends was dropped by a guy from her area, because she had two master's degrees. He did some quick calculations and ended up marrying an OND holder! grin

Oh, by the way, in the South-West, Edo, Middle Belt and in many parts of the North, bride price is NOT negotiable o! To ask for a discount or to negotiate the figure, is considered to be in very bad taste!

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