Babe1994:
not really.. I guess I just feel ashamed of the situation I’m in. But then I ask myself how hard will it be to find someone else.. especially with a child?

. Yes u can and u will but first were are u located and u can chat me privately

fyzaila:
What are sill doing with him? Force him to marry you or what? You made the mistake of cohabiting with him without marriage already. And with that he and his has no regard for you.

Pack up your things, take your kid and move far away from him and start your life afresh. This time around be more disciplined and don't allow any man ride you for free like this one.

In as much as I sympathize with d OP but der is always two side of d coin
And what makes you think the child belong to d mother alone as if the child is a sculpture made by d woman alone
That yur comment is very irritating
After all d woman is the only visitor in d house why should she steal a man property with his concert that she should go with d child if that what best for d child

Babe1994:
he has been like this right from the beginning. I’m not perfect too but I know I’m not too bad

Which of course begs an obvious question

I honestly do feel for Nigerian women abroad. There's no husband wanting to marry them and because of this yoruba demons take control. Nigerians abroad will marry anything other than a Nigerian woman so who will now marry Nigerian women. Pls women take it easy, don't be in a hurry to co-habit with a naija guy simply because no one has asked you out in years. you will only get pregnant and he will move on to the next. Sister count your losses and bounce... it's not easy being a single mother abroad but you will cope.

The problem is, you are an introvert and he is an extrovert. Nobody can tie you down in a useless marriage except you tied yourself. Free yourself GIRL

ayandee:
from her post, I think the guy did arrangee with some one else and he is having trouble divorcing the other woman so he can't legally marry op.

Which of course can also be just a PERFECT excuse not to marry the OP. How will OP know if he’s divorced??

Puss360:
Wahala.. if all these are present, then what actually attracted you to him?? I'm very sure it's not money... Is it sex?? What exactly?

Just file for divorce on grounds of irreconcilable differences....
Rent a small apartment, and go with the child...
Move on...
Don't involve his family or your family...as the case is, you don't need dialogue, you don't need "To exercise patience", you need space!!!
Move on...
He can come visit his kid...
But you move on... There are other men out there who are better than him in everything including the Sex aspect... Check well

Case Dismissed...
Next Case Please...

File for divorce?
Where did you read that they were married?

Marrying a smoker is the worst mistake you can ever make in this life

Babe1994:
not really.. I guess I just feel ashamed of the situation I’m in. But then I ask myself how hard will it be to find someone else.. especially with a child?

You gotta work on your self esteem

Hope he is not a yahoo boy getting cash out before but now things don change u com dey see his shortcomings,give us full story,na something draw u to him

Babe1994:
Hi

I’m a girl in her late 20s, I live abroad was born here but spent most of my schooling years in Nigeria. I came back to do university. I’ve been with a guy now for 7 years who hasn’t paid my bride price properly due to the fact he did an arangee marriage and the divorce process is taking too long. I got with him in my early 20s.. and have a child with him. I believed in him but now I’m at the point where I’m honestly frustrated and tired. I really don’t know who to run to to express myself. We are living together but I really want to run away and start my life afresh but I want to be told the truth. I really want to be married and content, It feels like this guy has reduced me to nothing. Im so ashamed of my situation with him, it’s like I’ve disgraced myself and my family. I’m going to try and list out all the issues we’ve been facing.

1. He’s very confused about his career path. One minute he’s a musician.. then he wants to be a painter.. then he wants to be chef. This is a man in his late 30s

2. He has anger issues. We have tussled on some occasions and he threatens to beat me when he’s angry but so far he hasn’t

3. He has addictions. Betting drinking smoking. To the point where he drank so much that he almost killed himself . I was honestly fooled by the fact that he was a worker in the church and I “believed” I could change him. Young and dumb I guess.

4. Cannot communicate properly. To the point we have not had a proper conversation in almost 2 months but we are living together. I feel so lonely and stuck.

5. He insults me so bad to the point where I question myself.

6. He is not very hardworking and I don’t gel well with his family and friends.

7. None of his family ever talk about marriage or paying my bride price. All they ever ask is when I’m having another child for him. They have reduced me to nothing and I can’t blame them.

I will say that when I’m angry I can be verbally abusive also. He also claims that I’m too reserved and isolated. I feel like I’ve been pushed to the wall and I can’t recognise myself.

I really want to run away.. and start afresh. Where will I start from? I have a son how easy will it be to find love again? All the love I have for this man has gone..I don’t know if it can be rectified. He has really seen me finish.



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I see only one problem here. And that's lack of communication. Every other thing you have mentioned are stages in most relationships (marriages included).

Paying your bride price is important but I dare say it's not a determinant in living a fruitful and happy life. I know a good number of couples who aren't legally married but you dare not suggest separation to either of them. One of them is my closest friend presently. He has three lovely kids with his partner. One will be going to a private university next year. They have been and are still building their family together regardless of what extended family members, friends or neighbours think. Who knows, maybe sometime soon they'll call us to come and eat wedding rice.

As regards his addictions, he'd hardly have time for those things if you both have set goals that you're actively pursuing. Don't get me wrong o. I know how serious and difficult to break addictions can be but I don't think his case is that bad yet. I may be wrong though.

You see that insult part, I think it comes with familiarity. Some don't see it as such a big deal. But since it's a big deal to you, then it's one of those things that communication should solve.

In summary, my advice to you is to find a way to communicate more with him. This is actually his duty but you asked. So talk, talk and talk to him. It doesn't always have to be serious talk. Just talk. Talk about anything and everything. General stuff, personal stuff, just talk. I'm pretty sure you'll start to feel that spark again.

NB: This might mean that you have to reduce external communication to it's barest minimum.

I wish you all the best ma'am.

Allisgud:
Hope he is not a yahoo boy getting cash out before but now things don change u com dey see his shortcomings,give us full story,na something draw u to him

I forgot to even mention this in addition to all his problems, It’s not even like he had a lot of money. I felt that was the only option for him as he didn’t have his documents at the time when we met, so he couldn’t work. I was just too naive.

Ofemmanu1:
Eh?!

Run to Niger!

look at your self and your comment

incandescentena:
You are unwell. How dare you call someone partner a "walking timebomb"?! Even the op didm't describe her man in such wreckless way. She only stated what she's experiencing with her gee

disobedience can be dangerous sometimes

Hmm I'm looking for love also but if u don't mind someone staying in Nigeria. Mail me on tyreezonline@gmail.com

luminouz:
Look at how everyone is advising her to leave him...not even trying to advise her to work things out using family or pastor or counselor. Yet when she does and becomes a single mom with kids, they will still abuse her and says no man deserves a single mother.

It's funny how the first solution to these issues from women on NL is to 'LEAVE HIM'. Yet many of these women have worse relationships offline and they never leave their men.

Make I just Waka dey go jejely.

I love your comment. Everybody go just open mouth waa 'leave' 'leave' to where exactly. Do you know where she is running to might even be worse off? Many single mothers opt in and opt out again cos once you have a kid, your partner becomes secondary to you. The truth is that no sane man would opt for a single mother cos it does not always end well. Involve pastors and cancellors, lem them call both of you. All those things you listed are not big deal.

Babe1994:
Hi

I’m a girl in her late 20s, I live abroad was born here but spent most of my schooling years in Nigeria. I came back to do university. I’ve been with a guy now for 7 years who hasn’t paid my bride price properly due to the fact he did an arangee marriage and the divorce process is taking too long. I got with him in my early 20s.. and have a child with him. I believed in him but now I’m at the point where I’m honestly frustrated and tired. I really don’t know who to run to to express myself. We are living together but I really want to run away and start my life afresh but I want to be told the truth. I really want to be married and content, It feels like this guy has reduced me to nothing. Im so ashamed of my situation with him, it’s like I’ve disgraced myself and my family. I’m going to try and list out all the issues we’ve been facing.

1. He’s very confused about his career path. One minute he’s a musician.. then he wants to be a painter.. then he wants to be chef. This is a man in his late 30s

2. He has anger issues. We have tussled on some occasions and he threatens to beat me when he’s angry but so far he hasn’t

3. He has addictions. Betting drinking smoking. To the point where he drank so much that he almost killed himself . I was honestly fooled by the fact that he was a worker in the church and I “believed” I could change him. Young and dumb I guess.

4. Cannot communicate properly. To the point we have not had a proper conversation in almost 2 months but we are living together. I feel so lonely and stuck.

5. He insults me so bad to the point where I question myself.

6. He is not very hardworking and I don’t gel well with his family and friends.

7. None of his family ever talk about marriage or paying my bride price. All they ever ask is when I’m having another child for him. They have reduced me to nothing and I can’t blame them.

I will say that when I’m angry I can be verbally abusive also. He also claims that I’m too reserved and isolated. I feel like I’ve been pushed to the wall and I can’t recognise myself.

I really want to run away.. and start afresh. Where will I start from? I have a son how easy will it be to find love again? All the love I have for this man has gone..I don’t know if it can be rectified. He has really seen me finish.



Thank you .

Nlfpmod front page please

Thanks

African . I laugh. What’s the difference if he marries you properly and now. Aunty no difference. The white stay with their partner for 20 yrs and bear children without any bride price or whatsoever. If he doesn’t treat you well now , He won’t treat you well when he pays fully even x2

Sijo01:


@bold, with this mentality of yours, you're never going to leave that abusive relationship.

Remove the thought of finding another relationship for now, leave the one you're into first, find/rediscover yourself, build your happiness on your own and not tieing it to anyman. Live for yourself, son and family then you can start talking about another relationship.

Can I take my own pound of flesh baby?

Babe1994:
Hi

I’m a girl in her late 20s, I live abroad was born here but spent most of my schooling years in Nigeria. I came back to do university. I’ve been with a guy now for 7 years who hasn’t paid my bride price properly due to the fact he did an arangee marriage and the divorce process is taking too long. I got with him in my early 20s.. and have a child with him. I believed in him but now I’m at the point where I’m honestly frustrated and tired. I really don’t know who to run to to express myself. We are living together but I really want to run away and start my life afresh but I want to be told the truth. I really want to be married and content, It feels like this guy has reduced me to nothing. Im so ashamed of my situation with him, it’s like I’ve disgraced myself and my family. I’m going to try and list out all the issues we’ve been facing.

1. He’s very confused about his career path. One minute he’s a musician.. then he wants to be a painter.. then he wants to be chef. This is a man in his late 30s

2. He has anger issues. We have tussled on some occasions and he threatens to beat me when he’s angry but so far he hasn’t

3. He has addictions. Betting drinking smoking. To the point where he drank so much that he almost killed himself . I was honestly fooled by the fact that he was a worker in the church and I “believed” I could change him. Young and dumb I guess.

4. Cannot communicate properly. To the point we have not had a proper conversation in almost 2 months but we are living together. I feel so lonely and stuck.

5. He insults me so bad to the point where I question myself.

6. He is not very hardworking and I don’t gel well with his family and friends.

7. None of his family ever talk about marriage or paying my bride price. All they ever ask is when I’m having another child for him. They have reduced me to nothing and I can’t blame them.

I will say that when I’m angry I can be verbally abusive also. He also claims that I’m too reserved and isolated. I feel like I’ve been pushed to the wall and I can’t recognise myself.

I really want to run away.. and start afresh. Where will I start from? I have a son how easy will it be to find love again? All the love I have for this man has gone..I don’t know if it can be rectified. He has really seen me finish.



Thank you .

Nlfpmod front page please

Thanks

Until we hear from the other side which is from your husband. But if this is how the story is, you need to get some value for yourself by moving out of that you called relationship.

You didn't mention just one good thing about this guy. I suspect there's more to this story.

Puss360:
Wahala.. if all these are present, then what actually attracted you to him?? I'm very sure it's not money... Is it sex?? What exactly?

Just file for divorce on grounds of irreconcilable differences....
Rent a small apartment, and go with the child...
Move on...
Don't involve his family or your family...as the case is, you don't need dialogue, you don't need "To exercise patience", you need space!!!
Move on...
He can come visit his kid...
But you move on... There are other men out there who are better than him in everything including the Sex aspect... Check well

Case Dismissed...
Next Case Please...

Fine for divorce when they are not married in the first place??

Babe1994:
I don’t think so. I think I can’t believe that I’ve reduced myself like this. It bothers me a lot..

what are your fears that will go bad if u left him

Babe1994:
Hi

I’m a girl in her late 20s, I live abroad was born here but spent most of my schooling years in Nigeria. I came back to do university. I’ve been with a guy now for 7 years who hasn’t paid my bride price properly due to the fact he did an arangee marriage and the divorce process is taking too long. I got with him in my early 20s.. and have a child with him. I believed in him but now I’m at the point where I’m honestly frustrated and tired. I really don’t know who to run to to express myself. We are living together but I really want to run away and start my life afresh but I want to be told the truth. I really want to be married and content, It feels like this guy has reduced me to nothing. Im so ashamed of my situation with him, it’s like I’ve disgraced myself and my family. I’m going to try and list out all the issues we’ve been facing.

1. He’s very confused about his career path. One minute he’s a musician.. then he wants to be a painter.. then he wants to be chef. This is a man in his late 30s

2. He has anger issues. We have tussled on some occasions and he threatens to beat me when he’s angry but so far he hasn’t

3. He has addictions. Betting drinking smoking. To the point where he drank so much that he almost killed himself . I was honestly fooled by the fact that he was a worker in the church and I “believed” I could change him. Young and dumb I guess.

4. Cannot communicate properly. To the point we have not had a proper conversation in almost 2 months but we are living together. I feel so lonely and stuck.

5. He insults me so bad to the point where I question myself.

6. He is not very hardworking and I don’t gel well with his family and friends.

7. None of his family ever talk about marriage or paying my bride price. All they ever ask is when I’m having another child for him. They have reduced me to nothing and I can’t blame them.

I will say that when I’m angry I can be verbally abusive also. He also claims that I’m too reserved and isolated. I feel like I’ve been pushed to the wall and I can’t recognise myself.

I really want to run away.. and start afresh. Where will I start from? I have a son how easy will it be to find love again? All the love I have for this man has gone..I don’t know if it can be rectified. He has really seen me finish.



Thank you .

Nlfpmod front page please

Thanks

The new problem you will still have is Okafors law. Your next man is going to suffer all these problems you created for yourself. However, must you live with a man to survive. In Nigeria, anyone who hasn't paid your dowry is not your husband. You can go with your child or leave the child for him and go your way. If he apologizes, give him conditions. If he fufills the conditions, they reconcile with him but I doubt you will find the happiness you are looking for. No man can make you happy if you are not happy with yourself first. So, get a job, get a nice place to stay and make yourself happy. A good man will still come and you will start telling him how your ex use to fuckkk better than him, now you are complaining he is on drugs... If you get a man that is not on drugs, don't complain of boring bedmatics oooo

Exceed15:
You didn't mention just one good thing about this guy. I suspect there's more to this story.

Don't mind them... I pity any man that want to satisfy that gender 100%. The guy no good at all and you open leg carry bele, move in with him, cohabited for over 10yrs and you are just realizing he is an addict and confused

Babe1994:
Hi

I’m a girl in her late 20s, I live abroad was born here but spent most of my schooling years in Nigeria. I came back to do university. I’ve been with a guy now for 7 years who hasn’t paid my bride price properly due to the fact he did an arangee marriage and the divorce process is taking too long . I got with him in my early 20s.. and have a child with him. I believed in him but now I’m at the point where I’m honestly frustrated and tired. I really don’t know who to run to to express myself. We are living together but I really want to run away and start my life afresh but I want to be told the truth. I really want to be married and content, It feels like this guy has reduced me to nothing. Im so ashamed of my situation with him, it’s like I’ve disgraced myself and my family. I’m going to try and list out all the issues we’ve been facing.

1. He’s very confused about his career path. One minute he’s a musician.. then he wants to be a painter.. then he wants to be chef. This is a man in his late 30s

2. He has anger issues. We have tussled on some occasions and he threatens to beat me when he’s angry but so far he hasn’t

3. He has addictions. Betting drinking smoking. To the point where he drank so much that he almost killed himself . I was honestly fooled by the fact that he was a worker in the church and I “believed” I could change him. Young and dumb I guess.

4. Cannot communicate properly. To the point we have not had a proper conversation in almost 2 months but we are living together. I feel so lonely and stuck.

5. He insults me so bad to the point where I question myself.

6. He is not very hardworking and I don’t gel well with his family and friends.

7. None of his family ever talk about marriage or paying my bride price. All they ever ask is when I’m having another child for him. They have reduced me to nothing and I can’t blame them.

I will say that when I’m angry I can be verbally abusive also. He also claims that I’m too reserved and isolated. I feel like I’ve been pushed to the wall and I can’t recognise myself.

I really want to run away.. and start afresh. Where will I start from? I have a son how easy will it be to find love again? All the love I have for this man has gone..I don’t know if it can be rectified. He has really seen me finish.



Thank you .

Nlfpmod front page please

Thanks

Sorry to read about your situation.
Can you say which country this is happening?

You can't continue to be in a relationship that doesn't make you happy, since is not working find a way to end it and go your part.

Babe1994:
Hi

I’m a girl in her late 20s, I live abroad was born here but spent most of my schooling years in Nigeria. I came back to do university. I’ve been with a guy now for 7 years who hasn’t paid my bride price properly due to the fact he did an arangee marriage and the divorce process is taking too long. I got with him in my early 20s.. and have a child with him. I believed in him but now I’m at the point where I’m honestly frustrated and tired. I really don’t know who to run to to express myself. We are living together but I really want to run away and start my life afresh but I want to be told the truth. I really want to be married and content, It feels like this guy has reduced me to nothing. Im so ashamed of my situation with him, it’s like I’ve disgraced myself and my family. I’m going to try and list out all the issues we’ve been facing.

1. He’s very confused about his career path. One minute he’s a musician.. then he wants to be a painter.. then he wants to be chef. This is a man in his late 30s

2. He has anger issues. We have tussled on some occasions and he threatens to beat me when he’s angry but so far he hasn’t

3. He has addictions. Betting drinking smoking. To the point where he drank so much that he almost killed himself . I was honestly fooled by the fact that he was a worker in the church and I “believed” I could change him. Young and dumb I guess.

4. Cannot communicate properly. To the point we have not had a proper conversation in almost 2 months but we are living together. I feel so lonely and stuck.

5. He insults me so bad to the point where I question myself.

6. He is not very hardworking and I don’t gel well with his family and friends.

7. None of his family ever talk about marriage or paying my bride price. All they ever ask is when I’m having another child for him. They have reduced me to nothing and I can’t blame them.

I will say that when I’m angry I can be verbally abusive also. He also claims that I’m too reserved and isolated. I feel like I’ve been pushed to the wall and I can’t recognise myself.

I really want to run away.. and start afresh. Where will I start from? I have a son how easy will it be to find love again? All the love I have for this man has gone..I don’t know if it can be rectified. He has really seen me finish.



Thank you .

Nlfpmod front page please

Thanks

You said you are already on the divorce process so you don't need help. Unless you are looking for a lawyer.

Puss360:
Wahala.. if all these are present, then what actually attracted you to him?? I'm very sure it's not money... Is it sex?? What exactly?

Just file for divorce on grounds of irreconcilable differences....
Rent a small apartment, and go with the child...
Move on...
Don't involve his family or your family...as the case is, you don't need dialogue, you don't need "To exercise patience", you need space!!!
Move on...
He can come visit his kid...
But you move on... There are other men out there who are better than him in everything including the Sex aspect... Check well

Case Dismissed...
Next Case Please...

Best answer.
Assuming you are married to him, we can advice more. You are just bed mate. Nothing but a dustbin. He did not go to ordinary registry with four people and the activity is thirty minutes.

You need separation and he knows that. He too is regretting marrying u and he sees u as liability. You just need to move on pls. You are not married. If you are hardworking, men will marry u

occfx:


Don't mind them... I pity any man that want to satisfy that gender 100%. The guy no good at all and you open leg carry bele, move in with him, cohabited for over 10yrs and you are just realizing he is an addict and confused

Hahahaha 😂

Ernesthugo:

Am asking because I can help