Men just don't turn monsters over night. I'm posting this in response to a currently trending post on the front page.
https://www.nairaland.com/7812688/guilt-locking-husband-up-two

I am by no means a party to anyone in that marriage. Not the wife, not the husband. However, I will choose to elucidate the perspective of any reasonable man in that situation. Because I have been there.

Like the topic of my post says, reasonable men don't just turn monsters overnight. A key detail that was overlooked by the poster whose link I shared was that she did not mention that her husband was abusive BEFORE he lost his job. So what changed?

I'll give reasons why. Starting with this link to a similar issue that was posted right here on nairaland.
https://www.nairaland.com/7805898/why-high-status-career-women-seem

Could the wife have looked down on him in words and actions? Could she have become emotionally distant? Could sexual deprivation have come in? Did 'MY MONEY IS MY MONEY' come in? Were there elements of rebellion and contention? I ask these because no married man suddenly starts drinking and smoking. AND IF THESE were not an issue when the man was providing, why are they an issue now?

No reasonable man changes overnight. No reasonable man starts beating the wife. It takes a foundational failure in preparing for marital life before these incidents happen. Husbands change, wives change. That's true. But change can be managed when both parties actively know what marriage entails.

Marriage is 'US'. Marriage is TOGETHERNESS. Marriage is SHAME COVERING. Marriage is SELF SACRIFICE.
That's why it is derived from 'MARRY AGE'.

If a spouse loses his or her means of sustenance and the other spouse can step up to cover for the home, it behoves that the partner that is more financially buoyant, should cover for the other within reasonable bounds. And not look down on the less to do spouse.

Ladies, I'll say this. No one has a more touchy ego than a broke husband. If your husband was responsible before and he is currently facing financial challenges, you need to apply wisdom. Proverbs 31 remains a key guide.
However, the main point of this post is this. Any marriage that has resulted in external parties becoming involved, did not handle its foundation properly.

More pointedly, women need to know how to manage success. Wives need to know how to manage broke husbands or husbands less to do than them. A man's ego is a bomb ever waiting to explode. A man's ego and a woman's emotions defy all logic. Every marriage that has failed, has failed on the basis of ego and emotions.

Stand by, with and for your spouse. Never allow your actions or words as a husband or wife, put your spouse down. Actions draw reactions. May they not be negative actions and reactions.

May God provide healing to that home. Amen.

😊😊

Live

.

Truth is most people don't marry on the basis of true love anymore. It's "what's in it for me, " or transactional, be it for social security, to feel good, establish connection e.t.c. For men it's his ability to always provide no matter what.
The failure of one party to meet these expectations at any time will always cause friction in this kind of set up.

A man can become a beast when
1. His respect due him is not given
2. When he feels handicapped by his wife
3. Some is frustration.
I think husbands needs emotional support

Don't mind those Virginia people
They all think that everything starts and ends with breast and towtow especiall Nigeria girls.... rubbish

Anyway, men's life matters

If a man come become beast wetin him gain?

Will he be the richest man in the land?

Na money be the main thing.

Let’s be less emotional.

The man can send the woman away.

Why worry over one woman when you can get many.

LikeAking:
If a man come become beast wetin him gain?

Will he be the richest man in the land?

Na money be the main thing.

Let’s be less emotional.

The man can send the woman away.

Why worry over one woman when you can get many.

Just likeAking.

Nairaland is burning at the moment I love the drama,the stage is lit and the actors are flawless.

I'm here to read comments.

Nigerian men and their ego that remains in Nigeria when traveling abroad.

Instead of you to tell Nigerian men to work of themselves, they don't have money lasan like this they must frustrate the hell out of the wife's life, if it's not the man it's his family.

If she succeeds lasan, she has used his glory / destiny.
If she coughs it's beacsue she's providing
If she yawns it's because she's providing.

The major problem is that most Nigerian men feel useless without money, Money is the only thing a lot of them can bring so without that money they feel helpless and useless, full of rage and looking for who to pour aggressions on. OP tell the men to work on that.

You think the women too don't have emotions that need to be pampered. She's providing and won't even have peace of mind while at it.


Point it a lot of Nigerian men turn monsters overnight when they don't have money. Shikena.

I'm still wondering what she should have done in a violence situation like that, her life was in danger for God's sake. I don't see anything wrong in involving the police to protect her from physical harm.
May they find the needed help.

Una just dey talk my mind.

NoToPile:

Nigerian men and their ego that remains in Nigeria when traveling abroad.

Instead of you to tell Nigerian men to work of themselves, they don't have money lasan like this they must frustrate the hell out of the wife's life, if it's not the man it's his family.

If she succeeds lasan, she has used his glory / destiny.
If she coughs it's beacsue she's providing
If she yawns it's because she's providing.

The major problem is that most Nigerian men feel useless without money, Money is the only thing a lot of them can bring so without that money they feel helpless and useless, full of rage and looking for who to pour aggressions on. OP tell the men to work on that.

You think the women too don't have emotions that need to be pampered. She's providing and won't even have peace of mind while at it.


Point it a lot of Nigerian men turn monsters overnight when they don't have money. Shikena.

I disagree with you.
There is nothing that will make a non-violent person turn violent.

Nothing my wife or anyone for that matter will do to incite a violent reaction from me.

My philosophy in life is that , good people don't just turn bad overnight while bad people can pretend to be good for so long until a situation or an event brings out that badness/violence in them.

That man-child has always been a closet violent person and it only took a job loss to bring out his true nature. The tendencies has always been there.
All my life, i have avoided fights with sweet mouth and negotiations.
There must be a way for me to deal with you that will never involve violence.
I don't forget and i don't give people a second chance easily but never violence or smashing of my wife's toys.

Wtf!

[quote author=Persephone1 post=125295226]A person don't just turn monster overnight but a single event can bring out the monster in a person. Know this and know peace.

To your topic, Women aren't made to take up men's role. Women aren't made to provide for the family. By provide it doesn't stop at financial responsibility,it includes security, stability and general family welfare. A woman isn't made to singlehandedly run a home with a family or four or maybe more.
The woman in you sight as an example did all these for two years while still maintaining her own roles please cut her some slacks if she defaults in some ways. The man brought whatever he might have gone through on himself the minute he decided to be a helpless sulking kiddult!

Naturally it takes a lot more for a woman to want and enjoy sex. Do you think a man with alcohol stench probably out of shape would appeal any one? And even if she struggle to fulfill her marital roles, there are bills, kids, chores to take care of. How do you really expect her to feel? Please be realistic.

The man did wrong, the woman tried.

Togetherness in Marriage means not pushing each other to limits and helping to ease burden.. [/quote
==≈==========================

your point is, a women should leave her matrimonial home or marriage when difficult time takes too long ? just because she now assums responsibility of the home something the husband has been handling for years without complaining.

women ain't meant to provide for the home 🏡 okay I gree, so whats the function and responsibilities of the wife aside giving birth and why did the bible call them helper, please does two shall come together to become one means something to you.

two shall come together too become one means nothing anymore or a woman shall be a helper to the husband means nothing to you.

many woman go die single because of your comment.

[quote author=babzlim post=125300111][/quote] You can't quote right, I'd be wicked to expect anything sensible.

If that's all you can come up with from my post then I'm sorry for those around you.

Bye Feliman

Persephone1:
You can't quote right, I'd be wicked to expect anything sensible.

If that's all you can come up with from my post then I'm sorry for those around you.

Bye Feliman

if your married or not am so so sorry for your future or present family.

cheers 🥂.

Men who are monsters, have always been monsters right from their adolescence, some way back from their childhood but societal restrains, laws and earning an income have helped in suppressing their demons.

If you know you are becoming monstrous, go see a therapist who is professionally trained to help you through it because your spouse is not one.

All I keep seeing is 'ego' everywhere. Who 'ego' help besides you seem to skip the part where she mentioned helping him get something to do but he didn't take it because it's beneath his level but he is okay not doing anything.

A lot of us have at certain points in our lives had to take jobs, sell things that looked like it was beneath us but it could help us sort out things who cares.

Okay, you said the man is depressed, only to go out to pick up new vices like smoking and drinking which won't help his life or situation but drain him further.

Talk is cheap and things are easier said than done because most of the talk has been around depriving him of sex but look at it objectively. If they are based in Lagos, the woman goes to work or for her business, takes care of the children full-time, picks them up from school, cooks and clean with no assistance from the man or anybody and still provides everything, you expect her to not be tired, frustrated and be happy to have sex willingly with a man who does nothing all day than smoke and drink, he may even be sleeping around who knows, then comes home to take out his anger and frustrations on her which he dares not do outside. She is human after all. A woman is a helpmate and this woman in this story is trying if all she said is how it happened. Most men can't take what they dish out if roles were to be reversed.


If the man was probably learning skills that can help with income generation or helping her with his children and stuffs around the house, it might have been a little better. The purpose of marriage is for them to help each other during their downtimes as there would always be downtimes, egos, and whathaveyous should be kept aside. I wish them well as I am not an advocate for divorce if the situation isn't related to Adultery and domestic violence.

Toxic individuals exist among both men and women. You are excusing toxic behaviour instead of advising toxic men to stop being toxic. Some men are simply dream killers; all they want is a woman they can enslave. They label it submission and twist Biblical teachings to suit their objectives. They always try to pressure their wives to forsake their dreams and aspirations in order to keep them beneath, control them, and dictate their every move.

I would have married a control freak if I had not stood my ground. This guy was so controlling to the extent that he dictated my dress code. He even demanded that I cover my hair with a scarf whenever I went out, as if I were a nun.

Mindlog:
Men who are monsters, have always been monsters right from their adolescence, some way back from their childhood but societal restrains, laws and earning an income have helped in suppressing their demons.

If you know you are becoming monstrous, go see a therapist who is professionally trained to help you through it because your spouse is not one.

Exactly.