"My wife, then my girlfriend, betrayed my trust by cheating with a male friend she used to call 'Beastie'. It was a devastating blow, and I contemplated calling off our plans to marry. However, something within me urged forgiveness. The night before she returned from her trip, I dreamt of a face I had never seen in person - the same face she revealed upon her return.

She tearfully confessed and asked for my forgiveness. When she showed me photos to identify people from my dream, I pointed to the exact person she had betrayed me with. It was a painful revelation. Since our marriage, they've maintained contact, but I've been uncomfortable with it, believing she still harbors feelings for him. I've tried to distance them, but it's been a struggle, and I worry about overstepping.

Now, he's getting married, and she wants to attend. She sees it as a gesture of friendship from their school days. The wedding is in Lagos, and he's traveled from the north for it. I'm torn. If I say no, it may seem like I don't trust her, and I don't want our marriage to feel like a prison. I've forgiven her once, but if trust is broken again, I fear it may be the end of us." Should I allow Her go for the wedding?

This one said this mumu story is urgent .

How much is Seun even paying for this tales by the moonlight.

This is not a hypothetical situation; this is my reality. If you were in my position, what course of action would you take?

rdsco:
No way this is real.
I believe this is seun and his bots driving traffic anyhow they can.

You can't be serious here. Wait... Is she the one catering for you? as that is the only thing that can make a man this weak.

Your wife still keeps contact with the man she cheated on you with and you're still cohabiting with her. Now You're asking if you should let her visit the same man? Let me believe this not real cos if it is, then you're are a goner. This one is no longer marriage but bondage.

You should understand that everyone faces their own challenges daily, and right now, my mind feels overwhelmed. This isn't a fabricated tale; you may think it's foolish or mumu story, and that's alright. I had a restless night, and when she requested to use our jeep for the wedding, I hesitated. However, I could see the sadness in her eyes, and it made me rethink my initial reaction

doggedfighter:





This one said this mumu story is urgent .

How much is Seun even paying for this tales by the moonlight.

So you think your wife will mess up again with the man? Well, I don't think so.

b

The infidelity occurred before I proposed, back when we were dating. They had known each other long before I entered the picture. It's not about telling her not to go; it's about the delicate balance of trust in a marriage. She's expressed her desire to attend, and she's been invited. I want to respect her wishes, but I'm also grappling with the trust aspect that's crucial in any marriage.

Jewessgratitud3:
You can't be serious here. Wait... Is she the one catering for you? as that is the only thing that can make a man this weak.

Your wife still keeps contact with the man she cheated on you with and you're still cohabiting with her. Now You're asking if you should let her visit the same man? Let me believe this not real cos if it is, then you're are a goner. This one is no longer marriage but bondage.

sheetred:
The infidelity occurred before I proposed, back when we were dating. They had known each other long before I entered the picture. It's not about telling her not to go; it's about the delicate balance of trust in a marriage. She's expressed her desire to attend, and she's been invited. I want to respect her wishes, but I'm also grappling with the trust aspect that's crucial in any marriage.

Why marry someone you can't trust in the first place? Once there's trust issues in marriage forget it! That marriage will never be healthy and the spouse on the receiving end will also not have peace of mind
If you had a revelation that came to pass the first time she cheated, then your instincts won't be lying to you about the premonition you're having about this next move of hers.

My own is.. why would you accommodate the idea of her still keeping in touch with her ex and still be making excuses for her that you want to respect her wishes bla bla bla? No be who get sense Dem dey respect her wishes? I don't get it... Or did she jazz you?

Even if she wasn't caught with her ex, normally she's supposed to cut all ties with him the moment she starts dating you how much more now that shes married to you. The ex should never be mentioned in your home but it seems there's something you're not telling because all this excuses you're making for her is not ordinary.

Chai,so u cant tell her capital ...NO ...where una get this simp genetics from.she even get mind tell you say she wan attend.God forbid. I dont take this type of thrash

The kind of men that are being churned out lately would mean in the next 20 years there would be no men again, just people with peeniss.

First, you don't forgive a cheating woman in your relationship, thats the number one rule. Never, ever forgive a cheating girlfriend, never. For petes sakes, I hope younger men are reading this, when you forgive a cheating woman, she sees you as very weak and lacking in authority, even if you marry her you are doomed just like the op.

Second, @op how come you did not make your wife cut off all contacts with the guy ? Hehehehe, imagine the op talking about feeling and the woman has the gut to even tell you she has been invited to his wedding and want to attend the wedding of a man she cheated on you with ?
The fact she can even stand to tell you this tells me you are not a man, oh my days, I am almost moved to tears writing this.

What kind of men are we raising these days ? Damn, do you even know what it means to be a man ?
You cannot command fear in your wife and she can even come at you with that request ?

As a man, you not only show your gentle side, you equally show your hard side so your wife knows you are only being gentle not that you are not capable of violence...

It's not about protecting her, it's just that things are incredibly complicated. She insists he's her longtime best friend from school, and what happened was a regrettable mistake. She swears it won't occur again and maintains they never dated. I'm in the process of planning a trip to Canada, and another revelation about her and this same guy has come to light. Part of it involves her securing a place on the mainland for work, due to the distance from home. When I returned unannounced, I sensed something wasn't right - she seemed to be hiding things, even giving away the car I gave her. Now, she's landed a well-paying job on the mainland, coincidentally in the exact area I dreamt about. She hasn't worked for three years, and I feel compelled to support her in taking this job, despite the distance. She often feels unhappy relying on me entirely.

I woke up, prayed, and shared my concerns with her. I made it unequivocally clear that if history were to repeat itself, it would be the end of our marriage. She assured me it won't. She's reluctant to lose her newfound independence. Sharing this here helps me sort through my thoughts and find some relief. It's something I never intended to disclose. She's a deeply spiritual person, and it's that faith that holds me back from making unilateral decisions, even though, by all accounts, she should respect our union out of reverence for God.

Jewessgratitud3:


Why marry someone you can't trust in the first place? Once there's trust issues in marriage forget it! That marriage will never be healthy and the spouse on the receiving end will also not have peace of mind
If you had a revelation that came to pass the first time she cheated, then your instincts won't be lying to you about the premonition you're having about this next move of hers.

My own is.. why would you accommodate the idea of her still keeping in touch with her ex and still be making excuses for her that you want to respect her wishes bla bla bla? No be who get sense Dem dey respect her wishes? I don't get it... Or did she jazz you?

Even if she wasn't caught with her ex, normally she's supposed to cut all ties with him the moment she starts dating you how much when you're both married. The ex should never be mentioned in your home but it seems there's something you're not telling because this whole protection you're giving her is not ordinary.

sheetred:
It's not about protecting her, it's just that things are incredibly complicated. She insists he's her longtime best friend from school, and what happened was a regrettable mistake. She swears it won't occur again and maintains they never dated. I'm in the process of planning a trip to Canada, and another revelation about her and this same guy has come to light. Part of it involves her securing a place on the mainland for work, due to the distance from home. When I returned unannounced, I sensed something wasn't right - she seemed to be hiding things, even giving away the car I gave her. Now, she's landed a well-paying job on the mainland, coincidentally in the exact area I dreamt about. She hasn't worked for three years, and I feel compelled to support her in taking this job, despite the distance. She often feels unhappy relying on me entirely.

I woke up, prayed, and shared my concerns with her. I made it unequivocally clear that if history were to repeat itself, it would be the end of our marriage. She assured me it won't. She's reluctant to lose her newfound independence. Sharing this here helps me sort through my thoughts and find some relief. It's something I never intended to disclose. She's a deeply spiritual person, and it's that faith that holds me back from making unilateral decisions, even though, by all accounts, she should respect our union out of reverence for God.

From your write up it shows you have lost control and authority in your own home.
I have noticed this very trend with so called pentecostal christians who have totally ditched the traditional system of marriage and taken on the "Modern" form of Christianity, I can bet my last card you attend New Generation pentecostal churches.

The fact is there for all to see that you do not have authority or control in your own home, how can a woman who hasnt worked for 3 years and you are feeding have the gut to stand up to you in this manner.

Men should learn from the OPS dilemna, as a man, do not marry a woman that you cannot control, make sure the line of authority in your home is clear and defined, just imagine op is even afraid to give his own wife a command ?

sheetred:
It's not about protecting her, it's just that things are incredibly complicated. She insists he's her longtime best friend from school, and what happened was a regrettable mistake. She swears it won't occur again and maintains they never dated. I'm in the process of planning a trip to Canada, and another revelation about her and this same guy has come to light. Part of it involves her securing a place on the mainland for work, due to the distance from home. When I returned unannounced, I sensed something wasn't right - she seemed to be hiding things, even giving away the car I gave her. Now, she's landed a well-paying job on the mainland, coincidentally in the exact area I dreamt about. She hasn't worked for three years, and I feel compelled to support her in taking this job, despite the distance. She often feels unhappy relying on me entirely.

I woke up, prayed, and shared my concerns with her. I made it unequivocally clear that if history were to repeat itself, it would be the end of our marriage. She assured me it won't. She's reluctant to lose her newfound independence. Sharing this here helps me sort through my thoughts and find some relief. It's something I never intended to disclose. She's a deeply spiritual person, and it's that faith that holds me back from making unilateral decisions, even though, by all accounts, she should respect our union out of reverence for God.

A "spiritual' person itching to see her ex again after a terrible mistake in the past? Normally, What should her spirituality tell her about such temptation knowing she has a thing for the guy? Is it not to flee? Spiritual indeed!

Look I don't know what else you want to hear after all the revelations you had have pointed out the red flags enough for you to decode what you're dealing with. Or is it the new job she just landed that is making you shake? Hian!

Uncle, do you Biko.

I understand if you perceive it as a weakness, and I wouldn't fault you for that judgment. It's easy to criticize when you're not personally involved. However, the one wearing the shoe knows exactly where it pinches. I've been known to label men who don't take full charge of their households as 'weaklings'. Forgiving her the first time, especially during our dating phase, goes against my usual disposition. Yet, I firmly believe God directed me to marry her after I sought His guidance in that matter. Sometimes, I wonder if I should have approached her about the initial revelation then, as I believe God revealed it to prevent it from happening then. To be honest, since our marriage, God has shown His presence in remarkable ways. From relatively humble beginnings, I was able to acquire about seven SUVs within the first year of marriage, a testament to the blessings that followed our obedience to God's will. Even marrying her was a significant struggle due to the inter-tribal nature of our union. She has proven to be an excellent wife without a doubt. Yet, the specter of the past still lingers, causing me concerns about trust.

nairagenone:

From your write up it shows you have lost control and authority in your own home.
I have noticed this very trend with so called pentecostal christians who have totally ditched the traditional system of marriage and taken on the "Modern" form of Christianity, I can bet my last card you attend New Generation pentecostal churches.

The fact is there for all to see that you do not have authority or control in your own home, how can a woman who hasnt worked for 3 years and you are feeding have the gut to stand up to you in this manner.

Men should learn from the OPS dilemna, as a man, do not marry a woman that you cannot control, make sure the line of authority in your home is clear and defined, just imagine op is even afraid to give his own wife a command ?

sheetred:
I understand if you perceive it as a weakness, and I wouldn't fault you for that judgment. It's easy to criticize when you're not personally involved. However, the one wearing the shoe knows exactly where it pinches. I've been known to label men who don't take full charge of their households as 'weaklings'. Forgiving her the first time, especially during our dating phase, goes against my usual disposition. Yet, I firmly believe God directed me to marry her after I sought His guidance in that matter. Sometimes, I wonder if I should have approached her about the initial revelation then, as I believe God revealed it to prevent it from happening then. To be honest, since our marriage, God has shown His presence in remarkable ways. From relatively humble beginnings, I was able to acquire about seven SUVs within the first year of marriage, a testament to the blessings that followed our obedience to God's will. Even marrying her was a significant struggle due to the inter-tribal nature of our union. She has proven to be an excellent wife without a doubt. Yet, the specter of the past still lingers, causing me concerns about trust.

The bolded confirms exactly my initial guess that you are a modern pentecostal christian, lots of marriages like yours in that Lagos limping about on one leg.
How can you say that you acquiring money is a testament of Gods blessings ? Don't unbelievers acquire money too ?
What is wrong with you supposed Christians that you have allowed money to take over your soul so much that you measure Gods presence or lack of it by the amount of money that you are able to acquire ?

You said she has proven to be an excellent wife, yet you are unable to sleep with 2 eyes closed because you fear she will cheat on you. The fact she has the gut to demand your suv to attend her ex whom she cheated with is even a testament that something is wrong with both you and her.

Look my friend, it doesn't seem like your house is in order, trust is like an egg, once its broken it cannot be the same again, you will suffer this kind of feeling for the rest of your life, it doesn't matter that you have forgiven her, forgiveness does not take away consequence.

I hope unmarried men reading this will learn from your story.

I wish you all the best.

I genuinely appreciate your advice and concern. However, rest assured, I won't let these feelings linger indefinitely. I already feel a sense of relief. Thank you.

nairagenone:

The bolded confirms exactly my initial guess that you are a modern pentecostal christian, lots of marriages like yours in that Lagos limping about on one leg.
How can you say that you acquiring money is a testament of Gods blessings ? Don't unbelievers acquire money too ?
What is wrong with you supposed Christians that you have allowed money to take over your soul so much that you measure Gods presence or lack of it by the amount of money that you are able to acquire ?

You said she has proven to be an excellent wife, yet you are unable to sleep with 2 eyes closed because you fear she will cheat on you. The fact she has the gut to demand your suv to attend her ex whom she cheated with is even a testament that something is wrong with both you and her.

Look my friend, it doesn't seem like your house is in order, trust is like an egg, once its broken it cannot be the same again, you will suffer this kind of feeling for the rest of your life, it doesn't matter that you have forgiven her, forgiveness does not take away consequence.

I hope unmarried men reading this will learn from your story.

I wish you all the best.

Go with her.