I'm not a new nairalander ,but I created a new ID to conceal my identity,just in case.
I've been married for two and a half years and we have a baby. I always thought my husband was madly in love with me,as all his friends always told me my husband talks abt nothing else but me. He tells me how much he loves me,buys me gifts,helps out in chores and even takes care of our baby more than I do. I couldn't ask for a better man.
However,he has a habit of coming back late from work. He's a banker,and always claims that one thing or the other kept him. His can stay as late as 11pm. I always complained abt it cos some of his colleagues who are our neighbours usually come back btw 7-8pm. I attributed it to overzealousness until recently.
Abt 3wks ago,he left home around 5pm(it was a weekend),saying he had to see some friends. Around 11pm,I got worried cos quite unlike him,he didn't call. I tried calling,but his phone was switched off. I waited till 11:30pm,then called the friend he said he was going to see. To my shock,he said he hadn't seen him that day. I had to call his colleague who is a neighbour who had to call a few other people to get the number of the other friend he was going to see. When I called this friend, He also said he hadn't seen him that day. I was afraid something had happened to him. It didn't even cross my mind that he could be at a woman's place. He later came in around 12mn,told me a cock and bull story of how he was with an old male friend of his,and how network was so bad he couldn't reach me. Was annoyed with me for calling his colleagues,saying they're now suspicious of him.

chuckles
wat more cld dis woman possible want?
he takes care of u n ur kids, does things most men cant do n u dont praise him?
jst try b d best wife u cld b so he kips findin u irresistable

His frequency of late-coming increased. Then last Friday,he called around some minutes to 11pm ,saying he was on his way home. I waited for him till 12mn and then went to bed. By 1am,I called him,and he told me his car developed a fault,that he was with some mechanics and would come home as soon as he was thru. Maybe,it was the echo in the background which showed he was in an enclosed space and not in the open as he wanted me to believe,or the sound of a dog barking in the background,or his sleepy voice,I don't know,but I suddenly realized he was lying. I told him I thought he was lying,which he denied. I switched off the line. He came back some minutes to 2am,pretended all was well,and hit the bed snoring.
    The ff morning,I told him I thought he was having an affair,and that I've realized I'm on my own in this marriage. I told him To build his house alone,that I'd no longer support him,and that I'll not sleep with him again b4 he gives me HIV(I was bluffing). I was on my way to work and he was driving. He started begging,was crying,and almost caused an accident due to loss of concentration. He still denied having an affair,but from te way he cried,I knew something was up. He later bought me a sorry card,and some gifts. I told him I'd forgiven him,but deep down I knew he wasn't telling me everything.

lucky u woman
he accepts his faults n willin 2 mk it all up
look deep within u n do 2 him d things u v neva done
change d atmosphere of your realationship
show him u love him even more
mk him your frnd
erase d aspect of him cheatin
spend much tym wit him, m sure all he s gettin outside s nottin oda dan Se.x, attention, a listenin hrt
u know him beta, give him all he saw in u b4 marriage
mk d marriage new

So,last Sunday night,I picked up his phone and scrolled thru the messages. I kept on seeing a number with no name. I opened one of messages and a love message greeted me. Same with others. I saw a message by 11pm on that Friday,reminding him he said he was coming,and that he should bring some bestseller movies along. My husband came in while I was  reading the messages,and I showed him one of the sms. He couldn't talk. I went to the sent messages,and I saw the shocker. He was also sending love messages to her!!! We had some family members around,so we couldn't talk then.
    He later tried to explain that the girl was a schoolmate who recently had a bad breakup,and was now after him. Said he sent those messages out of pity. Said he was not with her that night but in another friend's place. I refused to believe that. He later said he was with her all those nights,that he was drunk,but that he never slept with her. That he was trying to be nice to her. I insisted he must tell me the truth abt if he slept with her or not,otherwise,that I wouldn't forgive him. He kept on denying it. Annoyed me further by calling his mother to talk to me,who told me to take it in my stride and endure. Later threatened to commit suicide if I didn't forgive him. He had to miss work on Monday,trying to convince me. Guess who the 1st caller that morning was,the babe.
   I got him to call her in my presence and tell her it is over. I forgave him and for the 1st time in a long while,he reached home by 6pm yesterday.
However,I'm afraid he's just trying to pacify me and may go back to her. He is still denying sleeping with her. I also don't like the fact that I have to be suspicious of him all the time. I wish all this didn't happen. I decided to post this here because I can't talk to anyone abt it,But I have to let it out.
Your comments will be appreciated.

sighs
u know d root of all dese probs?
u v nt 4given him yet
i feel u, i know exactly wat s it u goin thru, bt madam u got b positive n kip d love flowin, it hurts wen ur patner cheats bt love takes all n dont rem any bad experience
jst b ursef n explore

..

So what if he cheats again? She shud repeat everything you just told her? I'm sorry but Nigerian guys are hopeless. They don't even try and claim its in their DNA to cheat. How exactly is it the woman's fault in this case. Obviously the guy felt he was dng enuf for her that's why he felt you cud step out of d marriage. As you rightly put it, if it was the woman who cheated we won't hear the last of it but if its a man then its the woman's fault. Completely retarded society we have. P.S. I neva advocated you leave ur marriage. Look for a way to sort it out. But when dis becomes a constant habit I think its time you figured out what to do. No wonder AIDS is so prevalent in Nigeria. No one can keep it together anymore.

@Op, sympathy for pain and disappointment you are going through. Such things happen in life. You got 1 out of this 2 options fight for him or fight with him. But my advise will be the first one.

@Meddler
why stereotyping. tell me which nation, race or tribe in this world that does not cheat, Tiger woods, Clinton, Ashley Cole just to mention a few. Men are different from women, the composition is different. While I am not trying to defend cheating (it hurts), I am not for stereotyping as well

@likeme - I apologize and u're right not all men cheat. But I really hate it when a guy attempts to justify his act by saying its in their DNA. WTF! is that supposed to mean? I guess when a thief steals from you, the thief can turn around and say its in his/her DNA too.

Why do they keep sex offenders register? because it is their blood and they might not change
kleptomaniaca Can they change, unless God change them

can ladies stop loving new bags and shoes?? No way

Cam men stop having feeling for other woman apart from his wife? it takes God's grace and discipline. BTW you women are very and sometime too beautiful to just press IGNORE button on.

@ Poster, i really feel for you especially, when the person you trust misbehaves and shatters the whole thing, with unnecessary mistakes. But the truth is, this is marraige and not a relationship, i am only going to give you this advice as if it were me. I will forgive him and let the past be. Though he will suffer some punnishment from me ooo for betraying my trust, oh well!!! he is in big soup. But would i leave my home for some i.diot to come and take all you have been building, hell NOOOOOOOOOO!!!! IT WILL NOT HAPPEN, is there a possibility for your hubby to cheat again, YES!!!! (sorry to burst any bubble you've got left) and there is a possibility for him to really be remorseful and just be faithful. FORGIVE HIM and LET IT SLIDE.

Meddler:

@likeme - I apologize and u're right not all men cheat. But I really hate it when a guy attempts to justify his act by saying its in their DNA. WTF! is that supposed to mean? I guess when a thief steals from you, the thief can turn around and say its in his/her DNA too.

Asin its so annoying! I hate it when they attempt to justify their acts by saying its in their DNA! What an excuse!

Thanks@all for ur advice and encouragement.
@chaircover,I'll have a heart-to-heart talk with him as u suggested. I'm really curious to know why he did that.
@Meddler,thanks for ur concern. I'm seriously on the watch from now on. I don't want to die young.
@ronkebp,I never believed it could happen to me. Hope he's truly remorseful as I want this marriage to work.
@likeme,I'll take ur advice.
But MYY GODDD!!! Ain't I enjoying this early homecoming? I've decided to give him sex anytime he wants,whether I'm tired or not. But he has a high sex drive,God help me.

Hmmm!!!

Just keep making efforts and he will change

About the high sex drive - prolong the pre-intimacy till he's about to gizz then mount him. Find ways of reducing the amount time but make sure he enjoys it.

Don't need to add on the cheating thing a lot has been said already. Good luck.

Can that Dyt of a character STFU.

^^ Please don't start. am actually enjoying this thread.

Chaircover u said it all. I have picked up much lessons from ur post.

^^^Try stopping me

From experience it takes the grace of God for a man to keep away from infidelity. I have been married for over 10 years and i will tell you you have to first settle it out on your knees(prayer). Then show your hussy more love , let him know he can always have a dependant in you. Have an open Heart with him , do not be suspicious always or else you could jeopadise your health. God hates Divorce. I pray you get over these phase. Amen.

From experience it takes the grace of God for a man to keep away from infidelity. I have been married for over 10 years and i will tell you that you have to first settle it out on your knees(prayer). Then show your hussy more love , let him know he can always have a dependant in you. Have an open Heart with him , do not be suspicious always or else you could jeopadise your health. God hates Divorce. I pray you get over these phase. Amen.

Im sorry there is no point if he doesnt plan to change.

I would sit him down and ask why he felt the need to cheat Im sure he will deny it. But Im sure it was just boredom. Him weeping like a little wimp shows there is actually no issue in the household apart from he wants to feel free again.

The good side he will be showering you with amazing attention for a long time. The sad thing is you will always doubt him for a very long time.

Oh well its his bed let him lie in it. Just remember your health is your wealth dont let someone give you hypertension

jennykadry:

Can that Dyt of a character STFU.

u dont nid poo in ur pant ma'm

^^Good, you got the message. Calm down, all I did was tell you to STFU.

i wldnt want u nack ur head on dat pc
ow s u 2day?

I hope and pray along with you that he is truly repentant. From your story it seems he has not gone so far with the lady but you need to be on your guard without putting yourself under tension. No matter what, avoid nagging and show him love as you are currently doing to ensure that you remain No 1 in his consideration any day. Also discuss how he copes with high sex drive when you are unavoidably unavailable. He may not tell you the whole truth but you will be able to form an opinion to guide you.

The problem sometimes is that some men are addicted to cheating because they are easily tempted, they feel sexually unsatisfied or just for adventures sake. Strangely they still love their wives but seem capable of living double lives. Most men who love their wives but still cheat learn to become smooth operators over time such that its not so easy for you to find out.

Just let it slide abeg and the way you described him, I m very sure he wont be slack again for you to find out (its better if you dont know) and you dont want to die young, men will remarry in 6 months max. Dont result to nagging every time he does something wrong in the house especially on his day offs, he ll run back (from experience) especially men that dont like trouble. and dont starve him the THING

Stuff happens and if you want a man to grow old with, you ll have to be VERY patient, its called ''other woman experience''(very unsettling). It is well.

I am Natasha Oxborn form Cyprus, i want to testify of how i got back my boyfriend after breakup, I and my boyfriend have been together for 3years, I love him so much, recently he accused me of cheating on him with a friend of mine, i did all i could to make him understand i wasnt cheating but all went to no avail and it eventually led to break up, i was emotionally divastated and frustrated because i loved him so much until i saw a post on a love forum about a spell caster who helps people re-unite broken relationships and marraiges, at first i doubted it but decided to give it a try, when i contacted the spell caster via email, he helped me cast a re-union spell and my boyfriend came back to me within 72hours apologising. Contact this great spell caster today for your relationship or marriage problems via email ikedispiritualtemple@gmail.com Goodluck

double post

Strangely they still love their wives but seem capable of living double lives

so true