foskybaby, its obvious you want to stay in this relationship and need a little encouragement. I think many people may think that you're in a horrible position. . . believe me. . you're not. I know what horrible is. But anyway, its time for you to become the slave girl. That is what the man wants, that's what you should give him. After you have had enough, you can runaway.

@foksybaby, if you put yourself in the gutter, people will pour shit all over you. If you do not have enough self esteem to know that this guy is not good enough for you, then aint nothing nobody can say.

For you to be having doubts is more than enough for you to know that you deserve more than this. Life is too short and I sincerely belive that a man that causes you heartaches b4 you marry him, will continue after you marry him.

Women make a tragic mistake in thinking that a man will change after marraige but my dear, it aint true.

Remember if you marry him, tomorrow, you have no right to complain if he treats you like dirt. He has already told you his mind. My advice, find a man who will love you and treat you like the smart, intelligent, black woman you are.

I really appreciate all this advise I am happy I have the strength to now move on.

Yesterday I moved all my stuff out and I lodged into a hotel . I think I need time for myself alone and a little space I got this this nice place where I can swim, use the Jacuzzi and have a massage and do nothing other than eat and sleep. That’s what am getting up to all through out this week and guess what he is now calling me like crazy saying he is ready to settle with me that he did not mean all he said . But you know what I am ready to move on and not going back I have taken this rubbish for too long this is how he always begs and then I go back and I give him a month he will be himself again but not this time around I am not going to give him that chance. God help me

Go girl. Remember, you are a strong, beautiful black woman and aint no man on GOd's earth who can take you for a ride. Be strong. Better you cry now rather than have a lifetime of crying.

I kinda understand the situation you are in. Its not easy to leave a r/ship especially when you've invested so much time, money, attention and stuff like that. It's also not v easy to leave when you're used to the person n probably dated him/her for a long time. Sometimes you feel "the devil you know is better than the angel you don't know" and so you hang on believing that person will change but most times that person doesn't change but gets worse. Sweetie, you've got to move on with your life. One thing is sure, if he's destined for you, it will work out well.
All da best.

i'm proud of you! please, be strong!!!

go girl

Goodluck. i would suggest changing your number though. it helps when there is no contact at all. been there before. thing is when u eventually get yourself together, you will find someone worthy of you probably sooner than you think. also hook up with your close girl friends and hang out. trust me it does wonders and takes your mind off things.
let us know how you get on.

You better praise God that you're not his slave but I have one question
Why the F*** are you still with him?
Be with the man you deserve not the one that you tolerate.
How's a queen supposed to get a king if she's still playing around with Royal Jesters?
Be a woman-Omit him from your life
You'll be thankful trust me

you're the right g u y

@Rhodalyn come again

When I read some of these postings here I get a bit worried -
Perhaps we should try to define what should be regarded as slavery.-
Does respect and tolerance make a woman a slave?
Does not taking a boyfriend, when your husband cheat on you make a woman a slave.
Now here is a young woman in the prime of her life- I mean allot of girls are married at this age - and many of you are advising her to leave a relationship she has invested so long in.

@ nawah

Your opinion differs from mine, but I respect it. In my own mind I define a slave as someone who "MUST serve his/her Master regardless of their own mind/feelings/thoughts etc." In my soul, I feel that I can only feel & behave this way w/ GOD. I can not do this w/ anyone made of flesh & blood. I know that others may differ w/ me (& that's o.k.) but since she asked for advice/opinions I gave mine freely.

I also think that in life many women/men[b] invest time unwisely[/b] or become distracted. Some ppl spend YEARS w/ men/women who could NEVER be conducive/supportive/loving spouses. Is it better to stay, suffer w/ quiet dignity, & low self-esteem come what may? Or is it better to leave, (older,) face some embarrassment @ the wasted time, but wiser than when the relationship began? I will always vote for leaving.

A bad relationship is better than he bad marriage.If a guy tells his fiancee he wants a master-slave relationship,then it all depends on what the girl wants.If she decides to call it "tolerance",well she can go ahead with the relationship and face the consequences.I for one would get out as fast as possible even if i was 30 years old.

Please doscontinue this relationship at your earliest convenience. You've wasted 5 yrs. Waste no more time. It is normal that after you part ways with him, you will miss him (the good aspects i.e.) Try to curb that instinct to get back with him and all will be well in no time.

I feel all your advise , but no matter what i am not going back

Re: Boyfriend Won't Marry Me Because I Can't Be His Slave
« #47 on: Yesterday at 05:00:52 PM » 

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I feel all your advise , but no matter what i am not going back

Good for you!

At the end of the day,its your life and your choice.Someone once said"Our choices in life are made according to our sense of our own worth"Goodluck!!

I simply adore the ground my husband walks on and I tell him very often my life would be meaningless without him.I even go out of my way to make him see it. MY husband is currently away on a three week trip. I am not going to tank the car or change the bulb. I always do things like that to let him know I cannot manage without him. When he comes back it gives him a good feeling that he is needed. Even before he goes he does everything to make sure I have little stress, like filling the freezer etc.
I also do not like to think that I am not needed.
And age does matter allot, I have many friends today that are spending furtunes trying to have a child while I already have a Grandchild. You cannot turn back the hands of time,so be carefull, vanity often leads to ones downfall.

i realli feel u, u are realli passin through a lot, u shd try askin yurself whelter this guy lovesu,well if he does then he shd no that u shd not be treated like a slave, but like an angel that is dearest to his heart. u shd be lucky that he told u this b4 u guys got married, if not yur married life wud have been a living hellll. i believe , that someone better deserves u than the guy u are goin out with. move on with with yur yur life and i promise u that simeone better wud come 4 u. do not say age is not on yur side, cos nothin good comes easy. PLS DUMP THAT GUY AND MOVE ON WITH YUR LIFE. i no uwud feel bad but it is 4 the better.

oh my God he is not worth it,what kind of man will want a wife as a slave,sweetheart get out ta that realationship now!He is not just that into you.For get about the years you spent wit him and move on

MY husband is currently away on a three week trip. I am not going to tank the car or change the bulb. I always do things like that to let him know I cannot manage without him.

Now that is just pathetic, but if that works for you, then keep doing you.

The more a man thinks you can cope, the more he will let you do it all. I am not a feminist. I have no intention to slave away doing work meant for the man and the woman just to prove I have equal rights .

say A big bye bye to that guy. He aint worth you. Ladies are helpers not slavethaeyare entitled to thier own opinion cos we are all human and need each other to survive.

Foskybaby,
My advice is u should stay and marry this dude. The next guy out there could be worse. The devil u know is better than the one u dont know.

damn if dat woz me i wud ave kicked da boy's ass outta door when he said dat(it's not dat easy) i wud neva bow down 4 a boy/man.

dats a BIG insult 2 u, who does he even think he is? i mean just cuz its us women's job 2 cook and wash our husband's clothes and all dat dnt mean u have 2 do it. or does it?

i feel 4 u gurl, i do understand ur situation rite now. it's hard da "man aint showin no sense of emotions which means he doesnt give a ^*$% about u! ( neva know he mite have found da rite one so trynna use idea 2 get rid of u.

nawah:

The more a man thinks you can cope, the more he will let you do it all. I am not a feminist. I have no intention to slave away doing work meant for the man and the woman just to prove I have equal rights .

(Are you sure you aren't a feminist)

Jackal:

Foskybaby,
My advice is u should stay and marry this dude. The next boy out there could be worse. The devil u know is better than the one u don't know.

Hmmmm, don't listen to him my dear. That sounds like something the devil himself would say.

.

Anyway she is probably back to the guy already. The way she sounds.
We women we never learn when our butts get kicked except we get kicked right out.

@ nawah

But, I thought you wanted her to stay w/ the man. Now you sound critical of her. I'm confused on your position.

girl i think i feel u its difficult to leave someone u ve been with for sometime u feel hes all u have but believe mi when the signs come u really need the rethink.its not a mans world afterall.if u feel u cant cope with the fact that he wants u to be his slave then walk away its difficult but u have to try.

@ chinani
Why are u so quick to advise a fellow gal like u to break up wiv her man? Gals like u face worse scenarios and u stand by ur man so why break up someone else's relationship.
I am afraid but i think u r a prophetess of doom.
Had u say this in the mosaic days,U wld have been STONED to death!!!!!!!!!!