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My 13 Years Old Has Become Terrible! I Want To Send Her Back To Nigeria - Family (13) - Nairaland

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Re: My 13 Years Old Has Become Terrible! I Want To Send Her Back To Nigeria by Dpharisee: 1:43pm On Feb 26
phorget:
Dont just send her to Nigeria but send her to a village where she will have to go to the farm,fetch water from the stream, cook with firewood, feel the bite of mosquitoes and tsetsefly, attend village schools and then learn your local language and culture. By the time she is done experiencing all these then she will become a changed person and beg you to come to her rescue.

Mrperfecto:
Hey guys really need ur advice since I can't sleep. This evening when I came back home I met my 11 years old looking so sad , I asked her what was wrong and she said nothing.

Later in the evening when I was sitting ouside in the garden to get some fresh air she followed me and asked me what does bastard mean..
I asked her where did she heard that from and she said her mummy call her that
. I asked her what did she do to mummy she said she was carrying her baby sister and she accidentally caused her to hit her head in the door, mummy got angry and call her a bastard .

It really shocked me and I had lied to her it doesn't mean anything bad but she said she knows the meaning because she had googled it. I wasn't happy with my wife no matter what the girl has done she doesn't have to use such words to her , despite being angry I was patient enough waiting for the little ones to go to bed.

I have confronted her calmly but I was so shocked that she has taken it to another level accusing me to be sleeping with my daughter mother.
We had a heated argument which she held me by shirt shouting at me if you are a man hit me without minding she is 7 months pregnant.

She knows hitting woman is not my nature and she was tempting me to hit her so she can call the police on me because she knows that we are in abroad and not in naija anymore. I have quietly left the house for her and I am now sitting in my car cooling down and I don't really know if I want advice but I just felt like to vent. Sorry for the long post
What can you add to your opinion on taking her back to the village after reading his post above from 2022?
Re: My 13 Years Old Has Become Terrible! I Want To Send Her Back To Nigeria by DaytonaAries(f): 8:13pm On Feb 26
Dpharisee:



What can you add to your opinion on taking her back to the village after reading his post above from 2022?




That is the same thing I mentioned. The behaviour the little girl is exhibiting is a cry for help. Imagine calling an 11 year old child a bastard.


If the Op sends her back to Nigeria, he is just playing to his wife's hands. How come she behaves when you are around, how come most of the issues she is having is with your wife? Doesn't that sound a little fishy at least.


There is a saying" once you have a step mum; you automatically have a step father". By sending your daughter back to Nigeria and neglecting her, your child might not be close to you again. From his previous post, it is obvious the wife has a problem with him having a child.

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Re: My 13 Years Old Has Become Terrible! I Want To Send Her Back To Nigeria by wjxavier(m): 12:59am On Feb 27
I bet you don’t have any framework for good behavior for her. Do you go to church? Do you practice the Christian walk Only the spirit of God can change a human. And you better give her that opportunity before sad things happen.

No. Don’t force her. Model the life yourself.

I recommend Christ Embassy. Lots of youth serving God and loving it. Thats the environment she needs. Plus good parents who are not hypocrites.


Mrperfecto:
I will just be brief without writing too much.

We are based we have 4 children, my first child is 13 from my previous relationship, she has become very terrible, she doesn't listen to me or my wife. She tells her that she is not her biological mother and she cannot control her. She had threatened to call the police on my wife telling her if she touch her she will fight her back and call the police. She goes to school and closes at 3.45 her school is 10 mins walk from home, but she is always late for home.

She comes home around 6 sometimes 7pm , as I am writing now every friday she closes at 12.30 but she is still hasn't come back home yet.

I am on my way to work. I start at 6.30pm till 2.30am so I rarely get to see her and she only misbehaving when I am not around. So far we have seized her phone because we had found so many inappropriate messages exchanges between her and boys. We had also removed the TV from her room and her behaviour has gotten worse. She is behaving like she's possessed.

My wife and I are fed up. Even her siblings are tired of her. We want to send her back to Nigeria maybe in a boarding school until she is 18 in order to protect her younger ones. If we keep her and she continues with her terrible behaviour I may beat her badly and we may end up loosing all 4 children to the authorities.

Please what advice will you give to me concerning this issue?
Re: My 13 Years Old Has Become Terrible! I Want To Send Her Back To Nigeria by Johel(m): 7:41am On Feb 27
ZeroWorries:


I am a woman sir. My name is Lucy.


Where are you from, where do you live in Nigeria?
Re: My 13 Years Old Has Become Terrible! I Want To Send Her Back To Nigeria by Johel(m): 7:42am On Feb 27
ZeroWorries:


I am a woman sir. My name is Lucy.


Lucy, I'm willing to assist you more than you asked, but I can be selfish too.. are you on WhatsApp?
Re: My 13 Years Old Has Become Terrible! I Want To Send Her Back To Nigeria by Johel(m): 7:43am On Feb 27
Mindlog:


Sending her back to Nigeria will never sort out the situation.


It'll, to an extent.

Or bring her to me, I'll teach her discipline.
Re: My 13 Years Old Has Become Terrible! I Want To Send Her Back To Nigeria by kot1917(m): 8:33am On Feb 27
Mrperfecto:
I will just be brief without writing too much.

We are based we have 4 children, my first child is 13 from my previous relationship, she has become very terrible, she doesn't listen to me or my wife. She tells her that she is not her biological mother and she cannot control her. She had threatened to call the police on my wife telling her if she touch her she will fight her back and call the police. She goes to school and closes at 3.45 her school is 10 mins walk from home, but she is always late for home.

She comes home around 6 sometimes 7pm , as I am writing now every friday she closes at 12.30 but she is still hasn't come back home yet.

I am on my way to work. I start at 6.30pm till 2.30am so I rarely get to see her and she only misbehaving when I am not around. So far we have seized her phone because we had found so many inappropriate messages exchanges between her and boys. We had also removed the TV from her room and her behaviour has gotten worse. She is behaving like she's possessed.

My wife and I are fed up. Even her siblings are tired of her. We want to send her back to Nigeria maybe in a boarding school until she is 18 in order to protect her younger ones. If we keep her and she continues with her terrible behaviour I may beat her badly and we may end up loosing all 4 children to the authorities.

Please what advice will you give to me concerning this issue?

I will recommend nigeria military school in Kaduna

She will be properly handled and you will be glad you did sir....
Re: My 13 Years Old Has Become Terrible! I Want To Send Her Back To Nigeria by Darlingme(f): 9:03am On Feb 27
I have been trying hard not to write anything here since I saw this post. I had to take my time to go through all your post. but my mind wouldn't let me.
I will say my mind
@Op, to be honest with you, your daughter's behavior is a product of you and your wife treatment towards her. You may decided to dispose her, so she wouldn't affect you and your other children, but just know that you did not really care and pay attention to her.


She's growing into a rebellious child because she can't find love and protection right under her father's house.
How can your wife call her a bastard at age 11, then you lied to her? She discovered the meaning of baster on Goggle. What an intelligent girl. You failed here.
You have always broke her trust in you. She didn't see you fight for her. ( I mean defending her)

When you heard, you could not man up and rebuke your wife to stop using such word in the house in front of her, so she can feel protected by you. Rather, you cover up and left her with her hurt.
You forgot to understand that why trying to be a good husband to your wife, you must as well try to be a good father to your daughter.
You and your wife tag her possesed? Why? That's horrible thing to say? Can she call her own child that name no matter how badly behalf there are?

If I may ask, where is her mother? Maybe it could be better to let her be with her own mother.
It's obvious your wife don't like her and can't forgive her. She abuse her when you're not around and your daughter will no longer tell you, because she knows, you can't defend her.

Why wouldn't she have messages from strange boys when noone love her from her home? She's looking for attention, care and love and she may end up making mistake.

Your wife already sees her as a daughter born out of your Intimac.y with her rival. That's why she's always accusing you even after several years.
Your wife would have been the best person to build her right, but can't forgive her. She's pushing her away.

I feel so sad for your daughter. She is the victim here.

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Re: My 13 Years Old Has Become Terrible! I Want To Send Her Back To Nigeria by brainycaleb(m): 2:56pm On Feb 27
This is a perfect case of "A child raising another child".

I don't need to lecture you on the piling negative consequences of sending your Daughter back to Nigeria, that action on your part would be likened to decapitation your very own head (worse, its a girl child).

Age 13 is the very first year of teenage hood and your daughter is simply reacting to the rushing emotions and complete imbalance of her entire existence and it is at this point that you need to become much closer to her and help her navigate the hurdles of her experience with physical body changes, emotional, psychological and mental changes.

She is trying to put 2+2 together and neither you nor your wife is sensible enough to help her through, you feel because you've finally taken her out of Nigeria for a few years it makes you think you've done her a huge favour! I'm sorry to say that it's stupid of you to think like that. Do you have any remembrance of how your early teenage years felt like? Like being trapped in a body that's not your own? That's pretty much how your daughter feels like right now.

I don't have much to say but If you make the mistake of returning her to Nigeria as Punishment, with all these sufferings we're going through right now thinking that a particular set of your stupid family members would have the time and effort to help you do your job of raising your own daughter for you while you send them some small amount of dollars every once in a while for her upkeep(an upkeep which they may carry out as they wish), then understand that you have lost your daughter completely. She may just be angry for a while but once she clocks 25 to 30 years, she will see your mistakes of bad parenting and will hate you for it.

Oh Lest I forget, your other kids who aren't 13 right now and haven't began experiencing pubescent changes, what guarantees do you offer that you won't throw them back to Nigeria too when they begin to falter along their development rails?


A word is enough for the wise. And I'm sorry if I turned out harsh in the last two paragraph but it's life bro...
Re: My 13 Years Old Has Become Terrible! I Want To Send Her Back To Nigeria by ZeroWorries: 4:00pm On Feb 27
Johel:



Where are you from, where do you live in Nigeria?

I live in Cross River state
Re: My 13 Years Old Has Become Terrible! I Want To Send Her Back To Nigeria by ZeroWorries: 4:01pm On Feb 27
Johel:



Lucy, I'm willing to assist you more than you asked, but I can be selfish too.. are you on WhatsApp?

Yes, I can be contacted via WhatsApp
Re: My 13 Years Old Has Become Terrible! I Want To Send Her Back To Nigeria by Johel(m): 9:44pm On Feb 27
ZeroWorries:


I live in Cross River state


No, I can only assist those within my region (Lagos)...I wish you all the best.
Re: My 13 Years Old Has Become Terrible! I Want To Send Her Back To Nigeria by ZeroWorries: 11:23pm On Feb 27
Johel:



No, I can only assist those within my region (Lagos)...I wish you all the best.

Hello sir, please you can still help me. Let it not be about my region please.
Re: My 13 Years Old Has Become Terrible! I Want To Send Her Back To Nigeria by Johnwrite(m): 8:11am On Feb 28
13 Years person nor be small person again nau
Re: My 13 Years Old Has Become Terrible! I Want To Send Her Back To Nigeria by ZeroWorries: 12:28pm On Feb 28
Johel:



No, I can only assist those within my region (Lagos)...I wish you all the best.

Sir please don't allow region or disitance be a barrier to helping me.
Re: My 13 Years Old Has Become Terrible! I Want To Send Her Back To Nigeria by Chibabe005(f): 6:37pm On Feb 28
Inspirer1:

While not absolving her step mum, one thing is that a biological child can do same over there.

Even in Nigeria, its not that easy to mentor a child to our liking, talk less of over there where there's absolute freedom.
Once a child is aware of his/her 'rights' over there, its only God that can make them still give that submissiveness.

You can use this scenario to judge too, here in naija, if a child knows that his/her mother is not that strict, the child will be closer to the mother, may even be reporting the father to the mother, so same thing with knowing those 'rights' over there.
Sincerely, it's only the grace of God that will make a cold turn out good over there especially those taken there at very young age.


Re: My 13 Years Old Has Become Terrible! I Want To Send Her Back To Nigeria by alphaNomega: 7:41pm On Feb 28
Mrperfecto:
I will just be brief without writing too much.

We are based we have 4 children, my first child is 13 from my previous relationship, she has become very terrible, she doesn't listen to me or my wife. She tells her that she is not her biological mother and she cannot control her. She had threatened to call the police on my wife telling her if she touch her she will fight her back and call the police. She goes to school and closes at 3.45 her school is 10 mins walk from home, but she is always late for home.

She comes home around 6 sometimes 7pm , as I am writing now every friday she closes at 12.30 but she is still hasn't come back home yet.

I am on my way to work. I start at 6.30pm till 2.30am so I rarely get to see her and she only misbehaving when I am not around. So far we have seized her phone because we had found so many inappropriate messages exchanges between her and boys. We had also removed the TV from her room and her behaviour has gotten worse. She is behaving like she's possessed.

My wife and I are fed up. Even her siblings are tired of her. We want to send her back to Nigeria maybe in a boarding school until she is 18 in order to protect her younger ones. If we keep her and she continues with her terrible behaviour I may beat her badly and we may end up loosing all 4 children to the authorities.

Please what advice will you give to me concerning this issue?

In today's America? society loves people like your daughter. Leave her to do what she wants, she will learn very well.
Re: My 13 Years Old Has Become Terrible! I Want To Send Her Back To Nigeria by Obierika(m): 5:42pm On Mar 07
DaytonaAries:
To everyone saying "send her back to Nigeria ", you need yto read his other posts. The situation with his daughter has everything to do with his new wife (her stepmum). From calling her a bastard to fighting against the Op for sending his daughter (9 or so then) to a more expensive school than her son who was in primary 2.


Unless you have no conscience and want to deceive yourself . You know why your daughter is acting out. Remove her from her stepmother and take her to therapy and you would be surprised at her change. (Don't send her back to Nigeria).


Everything you mentioned had neglect and a bit of abuse written all over it from your wife and you yourself. As someone said, sit her down and talk to her becuase from your other stories (2021) she wasn't like this. You and your wife made her this way.


Everything you wrote up there had your wife's manipulations written all over it. Do better for your daughter. She deserves a father the same way her siblings do. Influencing the other kids(as if). As if your wife would treat her own kids or call them bastard the same way she did to the little girl.



As for the rest commenting without looking at the issue deeply, that child is just looking for love and attention. Nothing else.


OP I hope you considered taking this advise

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