phorget:
Dont just send her to Nigeria but send her to a village where she will have to go to the farm,fetch water from the stream, cook with firewood, feel the bite of mosquitoes and tsetsefly, attend village schools and then learn your local language and culture. By the time she is done experiencing all these then she will become a changed person and beg you to come to her rescue.

Mrperfecto:
Hey guys really need ur advice since I can't sleep. This evening when I came back home I met my 11 years old looking so sad , I asked her what was wrong and she said nothing.

Later in the evening when I was sitting ouside in the garden to get some fresh air she followed me and asked me what does bastard mean..
I asked her where did she heard that from and she said her mummy call her that. I asked her what did she do to mummy she said she was carrying her baby sister and she accidentally caused her to hit her head in the door, mummy got angry and call her a bastard .

It really shocked me and I had lied to her it doesn't mean anything bad but she said she knows the meaning because she had googled it. I wasn't happy with my wife no matter what the girl has done she doesn't have to use such words to her , despite being angry I was patient enough waiting for the little ones to go to bed.

I have confronted her calmly but I was so shocked that she has taken it to another level accusing me to be sleeping with my daughter mother.
We had a heated argument which she held me by shirt shouting at me if you are a man hit me without minding she is 7 months pregnant.

She knows hitting woman is not my nature and she was tempting me to hit her so she can call the police on me because she knows that we are in abroad and not in naija anymore. I have quietly left the house for her and I am now sitting in my car cooling down and I don't really know if I want advice but I just felt like to vent. Sorry for the long post

Dpharisee:



What can you add to your opinion on taking her back to the village after reading his post above from 2022?

I bet you don’t have any framework for good behavior for her. Do you go to church? Do you practice the Christian walk Only the spirit of God can change a human. And you better give her that opportunity before sad things happen.

No. Don’t force her. Model the life yourself.

I recommend Christ Embassy. Lots of youth serving God and loving it. Thats the environment she needs. Plus good parents who are not hypocrites.

Mrperfecto:
I will just be brief without writing too much.

We are based we have 4 children, my first child is 13 from my previous relationship, she has become very terrible, she doesn't listen to me or my wife. She tells her that she is not her biological mother and she cannot control her. She had threatened to call the police on my wife telling her if she touch her she will fight her back and call the police. She goes to school and closes at 3.45 her school is 10 mins walk from home, but she is always late for home.

She comes home around 6 sometimes 7pm , as I am writing now every friday she closes at 12.30 but she is still hasn't come back home yet.

I am on my way to work. I start at 6.30pm till 2.30am so I rarely get to see her and she only misbehaving when I am not around. So far we have seized her phone because we had found so many inappropriate messages exchanges between her and boys. We had also removed the TV from her room and her behaviour has gotten worse. She is behaving like she's possessed.

My wife and I are fed up. Even her siblings are tired of her. We want to send her back to Nigeria maybe in a boarding school until she is 18 in order to protect her younger ones. If we keep her and she continues with her terrible behaviour I may beat her badly and we may end up loosing all 4 children to the authorities.

Please what advice will you give to me concerning this issue?

ZeroWorries:


I am a woman sir. My name is Lucy.

ZeroWorries:


I am a woman sir. My name is Lucy.

Mindlog:


Sending her back to Nigeria will never sort out the situation.

Mrperfecto:
I will just be brief without writing too much.

We are based we have 4 children, my first child is 13 from my previous relationship, she has become very terrible, she doesn't listen to me or my wife. She tells her that she is not her biological mother and she cannot control her. She had threatened to call the police on my wife telling her if she touch her she will fight her back and call the police. She goes to school and closes at 3.45 her school is 10 mins walk from home, but she is always late for home.

She comes home around 6 sometimes 7pm , as I am writing now every friday she closes at 12.30 but she is still hasn't come back home yet.

I am on my way to work. I start at 6.30pm till 2.30am so I rarely get to see her and she only misbehaving when I am not around. So far we have seized her phone because we had found so many inappropriate messages exchanges between her and boys. We had also removed the TV from her room and her behaviour has gotten worse. She is behaving like she's possessed.

My wife and I are fed up. Even her siblings are tired of her. We want to send her back to Nigeria maybe in a boarding school until she is 18 in order to protect her younger ones. If we keep her and she continues with her terrible behaviour I may beat her badly and we may end up loosing all 4 children to the authorities.

Please what advice will you give to me concerning this issue?

Johel:



Where are you from, where do you live in Nigeria?

Johel:



Lucy, I'm willing to assist you more than you asked, but I can be selfish too.. are you on WhatsApp?

ZeroWorries:


I live in Cross River state

Johel:



No, I can only assist those within my region (Lagos)...I wish you all the best.

Johel:



No, I can only assist those within my region (Lagos)...I wish you all the best.

Inspirer1:

While not absolving her step mum, one thing is that a biological child can do same over there.

Even in Nigeria, its not that easy to mentor a child to our liking, talk less of over there where there's absolute freedom.
Once a child is aware of his/her 'rights' over there, its only God that can make them still give that submissiveness.

You can use this scenario to judge too, here in naija, if a child knows that his/her mother is not that strict, the child will be closer to the mother, may even be reporting the father to the mother, so same thing with knowing those 'rights' over there.
Sincerely, it's only the grace of God that will make a cold turn out good over there especially those taken there at very young age.

Mrperfecto:
I will just be brief without writing too much.

We are based we have 4 children, my first child is 13 from my previous relationship, she has become very terrible, she doesn't listen to me or my wife. She tells her that she is not her biological mother and she cannot control her. She had threatened to call the police on my wife telling her if she touch her she will fight her back and call the police. She goes to school and closes at 3.45 her school is 10 mins walk from home, but she is always late for home.

She comes home around 6 sometimes 7pm , as I am writing now every friday she closes at 12.30 but she is still hasn't come back home yet.

I am on my way to work. I start at 6.30pm till 2.30am so I rarely get to see her and she only misbehaving when I am not around. So far we have seized her phone because we had found so many inappropriate messages exchanges between her and boys. We had also removed the TV from her room and her behaviour has gotten worse. She is behaving like she's possessed.

My wife and I are fed up. Even her siblings are tired of her. We want to send her back to Nigeria maybe in a boarding school until she is 18 in order to protect her younger ones. If we keep her and she continues with her terrible behaviour I may beat her badly and we may end up loosing all 4 children to the authorities.

Please what advice will you give to me concerning this issue?

DaytonaAries:
To everyone saying "send her back to Nigeria ", you need yto read his other posts. The situation with his daughter has everything to do with his new wife (her stepmum). From calling her a bastard to fighting against the Op for sending his daughter (9 or so then) to a more expensive school than her son who was in primary 2.


Unless you have no conscience and want to deceive yourself . You know why your daughter is acting out. Remove her from her stepmother and take her to therapy and you would be surprised at her change. (Don't send her back to Nigeria).


Everything you mentioned had neglect and a bit of abuse written all over it from your wife and you yourself. As someone said, sit her down and talk to her becuase from your other stories (2021) she wasn't like this. You and your wife made her this way.


Everything you wrote up there had your wife's manipulations written all over it. Do better for your daughter. She deserves a father the same way her siblings do. Influencing the other kids(as if). As if your wife would treat her own kids or call them bastard the same way she did to the little girl.



As for the rest commenting without looking at the issue deeply, that child is just looking for love and attention. Nothing else.