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My 13 Years Old Has Become Terrible! I Want To Send Her Back To Nigeria - Family (12) - Nairaland

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Re: My 13 Years Old Has Become Terrible! I Want To Send Her Back To Nigeria by Fa44me: 4:23am On Feb 25
Mrperfecto:
I will just be brief without writing too much.

We are based we have 4 children, my first child is 13 from my previous relationship, she has become very terrible, she doesn't listen to me or my wife. She tells her that she is not her biological mother and she cannot control her. She had threatened to call the police on my wife telling her if she touch her she will fight her back and call the police. She goes to school and closes at 3.45 her school is 10 mins walk from home, but she is always late for home.

She comes home around 6 sometimes 7pm , as I am writing now every friday she closes at 12.30 but she is still hasn't come back home yet.

I am on my way to work. I start at 6.30pm till 2.30am so I rarely get to see her and she only misbehaving when I am not around. So far we have seized her phone because we had found so many inappropriate messages exchanges between her and boys. We had also removed the TV from her room and her behaviour has gotten worse. She is behaving like she's possessed.

My wife and I are fed up. Even her siblings are tired of her. We want to send her back to Nigeria maybe in a boarding school until she is 18 in order to protect her younger ones. If we keep her and she continues with her terrible behaviour I may beat her badly and we may end up loosing all 4 children to the authorities.

Please what advice will you give to me concerning this issue?

According to you, the girl in question doesn't misbehave in your presence and you believe everything that was said about her in your absence? Look a the red flag now .Think twice on the step of sending her back to Nigeria. No body can handle her better than you, take it or leave it. If you take any funny step against her now, she might not forgive you, your wife and her siblings in the future. Is her mother not alive? You ma involve her if she's alive. Is it not what you did to her mother that's making her to misbehave? Lastly, pray for the girl and ask God to guide you before taking any step.

1 Like

Re: My 13 Years Old Has Become Terrible! I Want To Send Her Back To Nigeria by Charly68: 5:37am On Feb 25
Your intention is good and it is for her sanity and the sanity of the family too. You can be sure of a better outcome as you take that step. I can tell you that her brain will be reset when she spends a year at school at this end .
Re: My 13 Years Old Has Become Terrible! I Want To Send Her Back To Nigeria by mankettle(m): 5:42am On Feb 25
Baba.
You still haven't realised your issue.
Your wife does not like or want the progress of the girl.
Your wife is manipulating you, that's why the girl Is reacting the way she is. You are the only one that loves her in that home. Her step mum doesn't and I am certain that the half siblings will do as thier mother wishes.
For peace to reign. Send everyone back home. Let them all go to boarding house and you pay the bills from wherever you are. If that can't work. Tell the Step mum plainly. Either the girl stays and thrives or she and her children goes.

4 Likes

Re: My 13 Years Old Has Become Terrible! I Want To Send Her Back To Nigeria by Neddyogu(m): 6:43am On Feb 25
She's 13 for chrissakes! A teenager with her hormones all over the place. Go learn how to handle a teenage girl, no be everything dem dey use force handle. Sit with her and just talk, spend more time with her. She misses your presence in her life and this is her way of expressing it. Get closer to ur child.

3 Likes

Re: My 13 Years Old Has Become Terrible! I Want To Send Her Back To Nigeria by Evidenx(m): 6:57am On Feb 25
Mrperfecto:
I will just be brief without writing too much.

We are based we have 4 children, my first child is 13 from my previous relationship, she has become very terrible, she doesn't listen to me or my wife. She tells her that she is not her biological mother and she cannot control her. She had threatened to call the police on my wife telling her if she touch her she will fight her back and call the police. She goes to school and closes at 3.45 her school is 10 mins walk from home, but she is always late for home.

She comes home around 6 sometimes 7pm , as I am writing now every friday she closes at 12.30 but she is still hasn't come back home yet.

I am on my way to work. I start at 6.30pm till 2.30am so I rarely get to see her and she only misbehaving when I am not around. So far we have seized her phone because we had found so many inappropriate messages exchanges between her and boys. We had also removed the TV from her room and her behaviour has gotten worse. She is behaving like she's possessed.

My wife and I are fed up. Even her siblings are tired of her. We want to send her back to Nigeria maybe in a boarding school until she is 18 in order to protect her younger ones. If we keep her and she continues with her terrible behaviour I may beat her badly and we may end up loosing all 4 children to the authorities.

Please what advice will you give to me concerning this issue?
Send her back to Nigeria,make the hunger of Nigeria reset and humble her.
Re: My 13 Years Old Has Become Terrible! I Want To Send Her Back To Nigeria by omoharry(f): 7:44am On Feb 25
Mrperfecto:
I will just be brief without writing too much.

We are based we have 4 children, my first child is 13 from my previous relationship, she has become very terrible, she doesn't listen to me or my wife. She tells her that she is not her biological mother and she cannot control her. She had threatened to call the police on my wife telling her if she touch her she will fight her back and call the police. She goes to school and closes at 3.45 her school is 10 mins walk from home, but she is always late for home.

She comes home around 6 sometimes 7pm , as I am writing now every friday she closes at 12.30 but she is still hasn't come back home yet.

I am on my way to work. I start at 6.30pm till 2.30am so I rarely get to see her and she only misbehaving when I am not around. So far we have seized her phone because we had found so many inappropriate messages exchanges between her and boys. We had also removed the TV from her room and her behaviour has gotten worse. She is behaving like she's possessed.

My wife and I are fed up. Even her siblings are tired of her. We want to send her back to Nigeria maybe in a boarding school until she is 18 in order to protect her younger ones. If we keep her and she continues with her terrible behaviour I may beat her badly and we may end up loosing all 4 children to the authorities.

Please what advice will you give to me concerning this issue?
If you have relatives, like sisters , brothers or your mother back home , then I believe bringing her back to Nigeria is a welcome development. But if you don't have any mother figure, you can put her under, even while she stays in boarding school, then it's better to find an alternative.
Like others said, children should do their primary and secondary schools in Nigeria, then can do their university studies abroad.
Re: My 13 Years Old Has Become Terrible! I Want To Send Her Back To Nigeria by Johel(m): 8:05am On Feb 25
Mrperfecto:
I will just be brief without writing too much.

We are based we have 4 children, my first child is 13 from my previous relationship, she has become very terrible, she doesn't listen to me or my wife. She tells her that she is not her biological mother and she cannot control her. She had threatened to call the police on my wife telling her if she touch her she will fight her back and call the police. She goes to school and closes at 3.45 her school is 10 mins walk from home, but she is always late for home.

She comes home around 6 sometimes 7pm , as I am writing now every friday she closes at 12.30 but she is still hasn't come back home yet.

I am on my way to work. I start at 6.30pm till 2.30am so I rarely get to see her and she only misbehaving when I am not around. So far we have seized her phone because we had found so many inappropriate messages exchanges between her and boys. We had also removed the TV from her room and her behaviour has gotten worse. She is behaving like she's possessed.

My wife and I are fed up. Even her siblings are tired of her. We want to send her back to Nigeria maybe in a boarding school until she is 18 in order to protect her younger ones. If we keep her and she continues with her terrible behaviour I may beat her badly and we may end up loosing all 4 children to the authorities.

Please what advice will you give to me concerning this issue?


Send her back to Nigeria before it's too late.

1 Like

Re: My 13 Years Old Has Become Terrible! I Want To Send Her Back To Nigeria by Johel(m): 8:07am On Feb 25
ZeroWorries:
Please have mercy on me. Hardship is killing me. I had nothing to eat yesterday and no hope today. I have started feeling like want to faint. Help me with any amount please even if it's buy Garri and sip. Even Garri is not even cheap again. Thank you.

0015 442 845, Sterling Bank.


Na only woman I fit help sha...and not all women, I'm selective, I'm open to assist you if you reveal your identity openly.
Re: My 13 Years Old Has Become Terrible! I Want To Send Her Back To Nigeria by Idaytesj29(m): 9:34am On Feb 25
brain54:
You are sure your wife has nothing to do with this...?

I somehow get the feeling the young girl is being rebellious for a reason!

A possibility. Especially when he said she only misbehaves when he is not around. What is the wife doing to the girl when the man isn't around. He should get a CCTV installed in the house or a voice recorder to have an idea what happens in the house when he is not there before making his final decision. Women usually don't like their step children, they see them as a competition to their own children. The woman may want to evict the girl to have a her, her children and her husband alone family set up. A possibility!
CC: Mrperfecto
Re: My 13 Years Old Has Become Terrible! I Want To Send Her Back To Nigeria by Chienex24(m): 9:34am On Feb 25
Zupay:
You can't send her back to Nigeria, a girl for that matter. What excuse do you have to give to the management of the school she attends for withdrawing her? See you, see wahala.

I have a Ghanaian co-worker who told me he wanted to send her daughter who is 12 years old back to Ghana to finish secondary school and the daughter warned him if he should try making arrangements, she would inform her teacher, get social workers involved and if he forcefully wants to fly with her to Ghana, he would be arrested at the airport as her name will be on the immigration 's no fly list.

Lolz... The guy is somewhat daft... How on earth did he make his decision known to her daughter for crying out loud?

1 Like

Re: My 13 Years Old Has Become Terrible! I Want To Send Her Back To Nigeria by Mindlog: 9:40am On Feb 25
Johel:



Send her back to Nigeria before it's too late.

Sending her back to Nigeria will never sort out the situation.
Re: My 13 Years Old Has Become Terrible! I Want To Send Her Back To Nigeria by Goldkush: 10:37am On Feb 25
Send her to a boarding school in Nigeria Abuja, there are good boarding schools in Abuja, well disciplined boarding schools, this thing happened to my uncle's daughter in USA, she was a problem to her parents, her father sent her to a boarding school in Abuja, I enrolled her, did everything, she is now calm and respectful like a dove
Re: My 13 Years Old Has Become Terrible! I Want To Send Her Back To Nigeria by Wizman423: 10:50am On Feb 25
TheBillyonaire:
So you plan to leaver her alone in Nigeria to live in hostel and visit your siblings during vacations and holidays.
you use question answer question. I no sure say you Dey okay. If you don’t have a good reply just give one. I will advice he send her back to Nigeria because things may get worse with time since she’s not 18 yet and could cause problems related to you loosing the whole family. Better send her to Nigeria make she come wise. When you see and feel she’s okay to come back with you, then she can rejoin your family or better still university where she will live with other people studying and later from there start her life. Children of nowadays can make life a living her for parent.
Re: My 13 Years Old Has Become Terrible! I Want To Send Her Back To Nigeria by Exceed15: 11:02am On Feb 25
I believe your decision and judgement is right . See ehn when it comes to moral , African are still the best compared to a society where children take pills before going to school to avoid getting pregnant. Where your boy child will walk up to you and tell you he want to be girl. Then will now employ a more wicked spirit therapist to guide him through.
Re: My 13 Years Old Has Become Terrible! I Want To Send Her Back To Nigeria by sniperr007(m): 12:13pm On Feb 25
Mrperfecto:
I will just be brief without writing too much.

We are based we have 4 children, my first child is 13 from my previous relationship, she has become very terrible, she doesn't listen to me or my wife. She tells her that she is not her biological mother and she cannot control her. She had threatened to call the police on my wife telling her if she touch her she will fight her back and call the police. She goes to school and closes at 3.45 her school is 10 mins walk from home, but she is always late for home.

She comes home around 6 sometimes 7pm , as I am writing now every friday she closes at 12.30 but she is still hasn't come back home yet.

I am on my way to work. I start at 6.30pm till 2.30am so I rarely get to see her and she only misbehaving when I am not around. So far we have seized her phone because we had found so many inappropriate messages exchanges between her and boys. We had also removed the TV from her room and her behaviour has gotten worse. She is behaving like she's possessed.

My wife and I are fed up. Even her siblings are tired of her. We want to send her back to Nigeria maybe in a boarding school until she is 18 in order to protect her younger ones. If we keep her and she continues with her terrible behaviour I may beat her badly and we may end up loosing all 4 children to the authorities.

Please what advice will you give to me concerning this issue?

What about her mother? Is her mother in Nigeria?
Re: My 13 Years Old Has Become Terrible! I Want To Send Her Back To Nigeria by ello29(m): 2:08pm On Feb 25
Don't let her know you are bringing her to Nigeria. Do it in a smart way and get your family back home to help in taking very good care of her in helping to train her in a way she will know morals and respect. If she school her in the public or private school it will help as many have had good success doing so
Re: My 13 Years Old Has Become Terrible! I Want To Send Her Back To Nigeria by jmichael259(m): 2:57pm On Feb 25
Zupay:
I have a Ghanaian co-worker who told me he wanted to send her daughter who is 12 years old back to Ghana to finish secondary school and the daughter warned him if he should try making arrangements, she would inform her teacher, get social workers involved and if he forcefully wants to fly with her to Ghana, he would be arrested at the airport as her name will be on the immigration 's no fly list.

Firstly , I hope you are not that kind of child in question.
Secondly, such a child should get ready because I will voluntarily give her up to foster system.
Most importantly, how would the child know and why would you tell them that you are trying to leave them here?

Bring your children home to get acquainted with some parts of their culture, family, language etc You don't need to wait till a child is unruly before remembering to visit home.
Odemwingie, Iwobi, Jidenna, Obama, Dele Alli etc spent small parts of their lives in their home country growing up.
Re: My 13 Years Old Has Become Terrible! I Want To Send Her Back To Nigeria by ZeroWorries: 3:03pm On Feb 25
Johel:



Na only woman I fit help sha...and not all women, I'm selective, I'm open to assist you if you reveal your identity openly.

I am a woman sir. My name is Lucy.
Re: My 13 Years Old Has Become Terrible! I Want To Send Her Back To Nigeria by etrader(m): 3:31pm On Feb 25
ZeroWorries:
Please have mercy on me. Hardship is killing me. I had nothing to eat yesterday and no hope today. I have started feeling like want to faint. Help me with any amount please even if it's buy Garri and sip. Even Garri is not even cheap again. Thank you.

0015 442 845, Sterling Bank.

Not only you it everybody, God will help you. Nigeria is not easy now. If anybody have pls give him
Re: My 13 Years Old Has Become Terrible! I Want To Send Her Back To Nigeria by fof1: 3:38pm On Feb 25
Mrperfecto:
I will just be brief without writing too much.

We are based we have 4 children, my first child is 13 from my previous relationship, she has become very terrible, she doesn't listen to me or my wife. She tells her that she is not her biological mother and she cannot control her. She had threatened to call the police on my wife telling her if she touch her she will fight her back and call the police. She goes to school and closes at 3.45 her school is 10 mins walk from home, but she is always late for home.

She comes home around 6 sometimes 7pm , as I am writing now every friday she closes at 12.30 but she is still hasn't come back home yet.

I am on my way to work. I start at 6.30pm till 2.30am so I rarely get to see her and she only misbehaving when I am not around. So far we have seized her phone because we had found so many inappropriate messages exchanges between her and boys. We had also removed the TV from her room and her behaviour has gotten worse. She is behaving like she's possessed.

My wife and I are fed up. Even her siblings are tired of her. We want to send her back to Nigeria maybe in a boarding school until she is 18 in order to protect her younger ones. If we keep her and she continues with her terrible behaviour I may beat her badly and we may end up loosing all 4 children to the authorities.

Please what advice will you give to me concerning this issue?

Send her to her Biologist Mother or Grand Mother if they are Alive,Pls
Re: My 13 Years Old Has Become Terrible! I Want To Send Her Back To Nigeria by Prettychild(f): 3:38pm On Feb 25
Zupay:
You can't send her back to Nigeria, a girl for that matter. What excuse do you have to give to the management of the school she attends for withdrawing her? See you, see wahala.

I have a Ghanaian co-worker who told me he wanted to send her daughter who is 12 years old back to Ghana to finish secondary school and the daughter warned him if he should try making arrangements, she would inform her teacher, get social workers involved and if he forcefully wants to fly with her to Ghana, he would be arrested at the airport as her name will be on the immigration 's no fly list.
lol! That’s because the parents told her, this type of thing, you don’t tell them, you bring them back for vacation and not go back with that particular child
Re: My 13 Years Old Has Become Terrible! I Want To Send Her Back To Nigeria by mexxy1(m): 5:53pm On Feb 25
Mrperfecto:
I will just be brief without writing too much.

We are based we have 4 children, my first child is 13 from my previous relationship, she has become very terrible, she doesn't listen to me or my wife. She tells her that she is not her biological mother and she cannot control her. She had threatened to call the police on my wife telling her if she touch her she will fight her back and call the police. She goes to school and closes at 3.45 her school is 10 mins walk from home, but she is always late for home.

She comes home around 6 sometimes 7pm , as I am writing now every friday she closes at 12.30 but she is still hasn't come back home yet.

I am on my way to work. I start at 6.30pm till 2.30am so I rarely get to see her and she only misbehaving when I am not around. So far we have seized her phone because we had found so many inappropriate messages exchanges between her and boys. We had also removed the TV from her room and her behaviour has gotten worse. She is behaving like she's possessed.

My wife and I are fed up. Even her siblings are tired of her. We want to send her back to Nigeria maybe in a boarding school until she is 18 in order to protect her younger ones. If we keep her and she continues with her terrible behaviour I may beat her badly and we may end up loosing all 4 children to the authorities.

Please what advice will you give to me concerning this issue?

In 2020, you posted here that you changed the girls school when she was 9yrs and your wife started treating her as an enemy.
https://www.nairaland.com/5728674/decision-right-wrong

In 2022, you posted on same Nairaland here that your daughter was looking sad and told you her step mother called her a bastard for accidentally hitting the head of her younger sibling she was carrying against the door.
https://www.nairaland.com/7137380/confused

On both occasions, I don't think you took a proper stand to protect your daughter against her step mom. This is the girl fighting back because you haven't defended or protected her from a step mother that clearly hates her for no reason.

I think your wife is the problem here that has made the girl who she is turning to. She doesn't return home in time because she'll probably be abused emotionally and verbally by the step mother (your wife) who will in turn still be the first one to report to you whenever you get home despite being the antagonist.

My suggestion, get closer to your daughter now before it's too late because, at this her age, it's easier to be lost due to negative influences and peer pressure. You can still get your daughter back.

I understand you need to work to provide for the family but, if you do not pay attention to that family, then you'll be working for nothing.

Thank you.

5 Likes

Re: My 13 Years Old Has Become Terrible! I Want To Send Her Back To Nigeria by HaneefahRN(f): 5:53pm On Feb 25
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Re: My 13 Years Old Has Become Terrible! I Want To Send Her Back To Nigeria by CRNetwork(m): 6:22pm On Feb 25
Like your wife is uncomfortable with her and she wants you to throw her out. If she is the mother, this will never happen.
The problem is not the girl but how difficult it's for women to nurse other people’s children in their homes.
Just help the girl. Sending her home will expose her to exploitation including juvenile pregnancies and drugs especially as she will not have a father figure in her life
Let your wife allow her to slay for a while as she will enter university soon.

2 Likes

Re: My 13 Years Old Has Become Terrible! I Want To Send Her Back To Nigeria by madskills(m): 7:04pm On Feb 25
TheWinterBird:
13 is a sensitive age. If she's acting out, it's because she's not happy. At 13, she's going through lots of hormonal changes (e.g. puberty), so that alone can cause behavioral changes. Besides physiological factors, environmental factors (home and school) must be contributing to her unhappiness. How is her school life: is she being teased or bullied? How is her home life: do you treat her differently than her siblings (e.g. favoritism)?, how is her relationship with her stepmom?, how about her mom - does she keep in touch with her?

Everyone is shouting send her back to Nigeria, but don't do that, as you're going to create more disruption in her life. Try and get her into therapy/counseling and have her pour her mind using the above questions, preferably via a trained professional (e.g. Psychologist, Therapist). With the right help, she will change.



THE BEST ADVICE I HAVE READ THUS FAR

1 Like

Re: My 13 Years Old Has Become Terrible! I Want To Send Her Back To Nigeria by jef131: 7:15pm On Feb 25
Read the riot act to her.

1,. Behave and stay in the county with you and the rest of the family
,. Misbehave and get punished , the authority will adopt her and given to a strange parents who will treat her like shit
3. Ready to return to Nigeria where her brain will reset. Let her know you are prepare for the worst
Re: My 13 Years Old Has Become Terrible! I Want To Send Her Back To Nigeria by Lilfire(m): 7:22pm On Feb 25
I[b] will recommend Navy secondary school here in Nigeria any state you choose she will get same result Lagos or PH or Calabar are the best you have the blend of both rich and poor kids good education with supervision i no a lady who was brought to Lagos for the same reasons now she is thanking her parents for bringing her back, though Admission is not easy but with money most things are possible tell her you are coming for holydays and then boom the rest is history, all the best in trying to get your girl back to normal aga8n[/b]
Re: My 13 Years Old Has Become Terrible! I Want To Send Her Back To Nigeria by BRATISLAVA: 8:14pm On Feb 25
descarado:


When you didn't bring up your chikd with love, those posts are what you get.
Angry narcissists with low self esteem.

Really loveless people.
Re: My 13 Years Old Has Become Terrible! I Want To Send Her Back To Nigeria by lagosrd: 12:35am On Feb 26
immortalcrown:
Only a quack doctor treats an illness without trying to know the cause.

You can't have access to an emergency patience's history if he is in comma.
Re: My 13 Years Old Has Become Terrible! I Want To Send Her Back To Nigeria by DaytonaAries(f): 5:44am On Feb 26
To everyone saying "send her back to Nigeria ", you need yto read his other posts. The situation with his daughter has everything to do with his new wife (her stepmum). From calling her a bastard to fighting against the Op for sending his daughter (9 or so then) to a more expensive school than her son who was in primary 2.


Unless you have no conscience and want to deceive yourself . You know why your daughter is acting out. Remove her from her stepmother and take her to therapy and you would be surprised at her change. (Don't send her back to Nigeria).


Everything you mentioned had neglect and a bit of abuse written all over it from your wife and you yourself. As someone said, sit her down and talk to her becuase from your other stories (2021) she wasn't like this. You and your wife made her this way.


Everything you wrote up there had your wife's manipulations written all over it. Do better for your daughter. She deserves a father the same way her siblings do. Influencing the other kids(as if). As if your wife would treat her own kids or call them bastard the same way she did to the little girl.



As for the rest commenting without looking at the issue deeply, that child is just looking for love and attention. Nothing else.

1 Like

Re: My 13 Years Old Has Become Terrible! I Want To Send Her Back To Nigeria by virginchaser(m): 6:57am On Feb 26
7upnigeria:


Na this kind thing dem go see you.

Meaning?
Re: My 13 Years Old Has Become Terrible! I Want To Send Her Back To Nigeria by capnies: 10:16am On Feb 26
MY BROTHER HAVE A HEART TO HEART TALK WITH YOUR DAUGHTER, DON'T TAKE WHAT YOUR WIFE IS SAYING; PROMISE HER WHATEVER SHE TELLS YOU YOU WON'T TELL YOUR WIFE. MOST WOMEN ARE TERRIBLE, DON'T THINK SHE'S TREATING HER WELL IN YOUR ABSENCE, TILT TOWARDS YOUR DAUGHTER, TAKE HER OUT ALONE BUY HER SOMETHING, THEN SIT HER DOWN AND DISCUSS YOU WILL BE SURPRISED.

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