Gridlock:

Yeah right. Okada my ass. That's when you'll remember that your parents had one rich chief in mind and they are "pressuring you", and you'll leave the guy

I'm serious oh.
Driving okada is hundred times better than him sitting around doing nothing.

toshmann:

gentlemen of nairaland let us tell ourselves some hard truths, never pray to be unemployed while your partner is working. if that happens, you will see the "other side" of women in your partner. you'll lose respect and honor before her and u'll be reminded as often as possible who is paying the bills, u'll endure any shit to avoid a quarrel b/c every quarell will be punctuated by. . ."how much did you bring"

leave all these babes wey de yarn encouragement for this thread. just pray it doesn't happen to you, and woe betide you if it happens to you and the partner in question is an ibo babe life go tire you

if it's the babe that's unemployed, life would go on as normal. very very normal, but for you heheheheheheeeee. problem dey

that, my brothers, is the sad truth

truth hurts

Unfortunately, Toshmann, there are lots of women out there and very few wives. In my last post, you will see that I capitalized REGULAR in qualifying home that either of the couple losing job should not be a biggie. This is to acknowledge that there are irregular homes and a man losing job in such will become the fellow in your post. At any rate, a marriage that is initiated and runs on God's principles will survive any storm.


On a lighter mode, I totally disagree with your putting the Ibo tribe on the spot vis-a-vis this issue. I don't know what experiene you have with the Ibo babes but for me I am more than convinced that they are direct descendants of Sarah, Abraham's wife, in the bible. Why? See 1 Peter 3:6 - Even as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord Talking of the tribe whose female folks know how to treat a man right, I give it to them!!!


Shalom

that Bleep, most nig girl are thief, if they see a boy or a rich men they will ass

If you're unemployed in the first instance,as a man, you'd be out of your mind to be "chasing skirts" for anything meaningful. A jobless man has no business seeking any woman to make unhappy. Take care of yourself first, the women will come naturally, I mean, where you used to blubber and stutter, you'd assume confidence and poise. Its innate in us guys and following otherwise tends to have distastrous consequencies.

If you're already dating and then lose your job, for guys again, please be up and doing or else you'll be humming "lonely" pretty soon. Forget the happy endings we see in Nollywood(Where de guy suddenly hits it big and all his travails are over, ),its just to sell tapes.

In other word, you are advocating that if anyone, preferably a man, don't have job, he should forget about dating?

What if during the period of hibernating, he has the desire to cuddle a lady, a natural sexual appetite. What should he do?

Supposing he eventually make it say at 32 in Nigerian situation, would he then start looking for a lady? How many of such men had been humiliated on NL for daring to search for fitting wife? Tell me your view about that observations.

Boondoggle:


Unfortunately, Toshmann, there are lots of women out there and very few wives. In my last post, you will see that I capitalized REGULAR in qualifying home that either of the couple losing job should not be a biggie. This is to acknowledge that there are irregular homes and a man losing job in such will become the fellow in your post. At any rate, a marriage that is initiated and runs on God's principles will survive any storm.


On a lighter mode, I totally disagree with your putting the Ibo tribe on the spot vis-a-vis this issue. I don't know what experiene you have with the Ibo babes but for me I am more than convinced that they are direct descendants of Sarah, Abraham's wife, in the bible. Why? See 1 Peter 3:6 - Even as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord Talking of the tribe whose female folks know how to treat a man right, I give it to them!!!


Shalom

May all your dreams come true.

_{Toshmann,repent!}

Unemployed man + Emplyed babe:
The relationship will not last at all, cos of the man's ego, any lil thing that lady say or do, the man will find it offensive and think that it is cos the lady has a job and be doesnt, especially if the babe has to help the man with some change sometimes, God forbid one day, if the babe say he has no money, the guy will just find faults in everything.

Unemployed woman + Employed Man:
Relationship wont last too long, if the babe is the type that questions what the man does too much, cos i am sure the man will think he can do all he wants and wont be questioned, since he is the one taking care of all expenses, and one day, the babe will be tired and break down.

Unemployed man + unemployed mate:
Dead body get accident, yeeeepppaaaaaa, na poverty dey make a man yab his in-laws oh.

Employed Man + Employed Woman:
Heave on earth relationship, the man give the babe a gold watch and the lady give the man nice hand chian, the man buy the babe a nice see thru lingerie and the babe by the man a nice boxers, yummmmmyyyyyyyyyy

Bottom line, may the good Lord never test us with such oh

Osisi(my darling sister)
wetin i talk na true. hoha. during a serious marital tiff, the woman breadwinner will remind any man that she pays the bills. if your man does "okada", one day, another talkative sister will yab you that ur husband is an okada man, then the lady yabbed will vent her spleen on the poor struggling okada man.

@boondoggle
i am ibo-to the core, i know my sisters. and if you are talking about treating their men well, look at a very good calabar woman. i emphasise the word good. a good calabar woman will treat a man well. a good igbo woman is a great partner. but just make sure you earn more than her.

truth hurts

toshmann:

Osisi(my darling sister)
wetin i talk na true. hoha. during a serious marital tiff, the woman breadwinner will remind any man that she pays the bills. if your man does "okada", one day, another talkative sister will yab you that your husband is an okada man, then the lady yabbed will vent her spleen on the poor struggling okada man.

@boondoggle
i am ibo-to the core, i know my sisters. and if you are talking about treating their men well, look at a very good calabar woman. i emphasise the word good. a good calabar woman will treat a man well. a good igbo woman is a great partner. but just make sure you earn more than her.

truth hurts

The Bible says the love of money is the root of all evils but babyosisi will add that the lack of money is the end of a happy home.
I remember my grad school days,unmarried,eating quaker oat breakfast lunch and dinner before my stipend came through.
It was tough.
Imagine having papers to write and opening your cupboard and all you see is Instant oatmeal,ramen noodles and a tin of carnation.LOL.
Then imagine being that "poor" and married perhaps with kids na suicide now.

lacking money is depressing,I know,I've bought $2 gas just to get home in my suffer head days.
Being comfortable and being able to afford some things is a whole lot better,I can attest to that too.

Some babes not only expect a jobbed man, the type of job also matters!

This husband and wife were living together somewhere in California. The man actually came down to Nigeria to marry her. He arrived as a student to the US way back in the late 70's or early 80's, but for several reasons did not complete his degree, and ended up a cabby (real fancy name for taxi driver) . When the determined babe landed America, she went into nursing and soon started landing some heavy bucks. The next thing, she started talking about the man promising to get his degree and getting a decent job . Before long, they were separated. The man said that he doesn't want to go to school anymore, and is quite comfortable with his job as a cabby. However, the girl felt the job was degrading to her level or some yamayama talk. Can you imagine, some of her folks (especially her mom) supported her. They dismissed the man as lazy. I really feel sorry for the guy. He left the house (paid off no more - mortgage payments) for the ex-wife and kids, and now rents an apartment, still driving his cab . Some women are just plain evil

nwanne nke m is talking.

The sad part is that now they are divorced, and the girl's mom has moved her permanent residence to California, living in the cabby's house. Chai. I pray for men like that who have suffered so much at the hands of so-called ambitious, determined, goal-getting women.

Go do your ambition and goal-getting, leave taxi driver/okada driver/Obioma alone. All na work.

RichyBlacK:

Some babes not only expect a jobbed man, the type of job also matters!

This husband and wife were living together somewhere in California. The man actually came down to Nigeria to marry her. He arrived as a student to the US way back in the late 70's or early 80's, but for several reasons did not complete his degree, and ended up a cabby (real fancy name for taxi driver) . When the determined babe landed America, she went into nursing and soon started landing some heavy bucks. The next thing, she started talking about the man promising to get his degree and getting a decent job . Before long, they were separated. The man said that he doesn't want to go to school anymore, and is quite comfortable with his job as a cabby. However, the girl felt the job was degrading to her level or some yamayama talk. Can you imagine, some of her folks (especially her mom) supported her. They dismissed the man as lazy. I really feel sorry for the guy. He left the house (paid off no more - mortgage payments) for the ex-wife and kids, and now rents an apartment, still driving his cab . Some women are just plain evil

This is a sad story but not uncommon.
The girl didn't love him in the first place.

personally,I could not marry a cab driver.
I'm being sincere.
I would not have married any man without a college degree,period,that is a requirement.
I have one,even my dad and mom have college degrees so why would I marry a man without?

But if my husband lost his job and while looking for one,starts to drive a cab,I could handle it.
The problem is that people want to change their spouses after they've married them,that's not right and it will never work.
The woman should have never married him in the first place if she was embarrased by him.

but richyblack,there's always 2 sides to any story.
You may not know what the girl suffered before she decided to leave.
Any man would tell a story to suit his listeners.
The cab thing may be just a tiny aspect in the whole marital breakdown

+osisi:

This is a sad story but not uncommon.
The girl didn't love him in the first place.

personally,I could not marry a cab driver.
I'm being sincere.
I would not have married any man without a college degree,period,that is a requirement.
I have one,even my dad and mom have college degrees so why would I marry a man without?

But if my husband lost his job and while looking for one,starts to drive a cab,I could handle it.
The problem is that people want to change their spouses after they've married them,that's not right and it will never work.
The woman should have never married him in the first place if she was embarrased by him.

@+osisi,
I agree, don't marry and expect to change. But, the guy had an OND (clearly a degree) from Yabatech before going to the States. He also did other jobs before finally settling for taxi-driving. The woman knew all this before marrying the guy.

+osisi:

but richyblack,there's always 2 sides to any story.
You may not know what the girl suffered before she decided to leave.
Any man would tell a story to suit his listeners.
The cab thing may be just a tiny aspect in the whole marital breakdown

It was the girl's mom that told me live and direct over a two-hour phone session that it was the man's "laziness" that caused the katakata. Well, it's possible that the man became a bit relaxed when the wife started making way more than him, but that talk of "promise to get his degree" was mentioned by the mom. I've not even heard the guys's side 'because I'm related (distant) to the girl's dad. Even the dad was not too happy with his daughter's moves. Methinks some doctor started doing some on-call-after-hours-hanky-panky with the babe, and she started getting ideas.

The number of Nigerian nurses that have left their husbands is astounding.
And it's always the same old story.
A man goes to Nigeria and marries a girl,sometimes just schol certificate holders, suffers and brings her over here,sends her to nursing school and she then becomes the better bread winner and then the marriage dissolves.

I wonder why. I think a lot of it is because of money and status. Guys should be careful with coming to Naija to get a would-be nurse.

these men should stop running home to marry ,
There are plenty of women here to go around.
Women who are already here are not tickled by those things that will  shark a girl coming from Nigeria.
But no,you men want "untouched girls from isiekenesi"
give them 3 years and they'll become more american than an akata.
that is the problem

+osisi:

This is a sad story but not uncommon.
The girl didn't love him in the first place.

personally,I could not marry a cab driver.
I'm being sincere.
I would not have married any man without a college degree,period,that is a requirement.
I have one,even my dad and mom have college degrees so why would I marry a man without?

But if my husband lost his job and while looking for one,starts to drive a cab,I could handle it.
The problem is that people want to change their spouses after they've married them,that's not right and it will never work.
The woman should have never married him in the first place if she was embarrased by him.

hmmmm -osisi will not marry drop outs like me? even though we are very heavy on the 4 pockets!! wonders shall never end

who wan bring woman from naija come? all those girls wey dem package come here na wa for dem! come see gossip for Europe ohh, African shops na there meeting points, if you see her you'll know because they always tie babies at the back with wrapper, hm abeg make i no carry cross boundary (topic)

nahh you go die of hypertension if your wife get money and you no get work

+osisi:

these men should stop running home to marry ,
There are plenty of women here to go around.
Women who are already here are not tickled by those things that will shark a girl coming from Nigeria.
But no,you men want "untouched girls from isiekenesi"
give them 3 years and they'll become more american than an akata.
that is the problem

ROFLMAO
Osisi, you realy cracked me up there. You be real Igbo woman o.

@ osisi & toshman

I totally agree with you on all you've said. I've been there and done that; its not easy coping with an unemployed partner, infact its a real test of love and you actually do not know how you'll react until you find yourself in such a situation.

For me, i can say that it  was a really big challenge cos i have a fairly good job and just changed jobs to even a better multi-national oil company. At some point, there's hardly anything you do, its always mis-interpreted to mean you're hurting their pide. Some form of complex on the part of the would ALWAYS set in and and this is the biggest threat to the relationship.

So when some of these guys say that the babe would run away, it might not necessarily be because she has found a richer guy; it might just be because the attendant pressure she's getting from the guy and his ego-tripping was getting too much for her to bear.

My 2 cents,

And the marriage between the cabby and nurse ended? is any one really surprised? of course, the guys think it was all the lady's fault. Tell me how many of you as professional people would hook up with a maid or cleaner. And I am not disparaging people like that. But the social gap is really wide, If you are really truthful none of you will

If anyone is employed especially the guy. It shouldnt be muc. If of a problem. The girl should just continue to respect the man and be humble, you dont have to rub it in his face or always be too forward to say things like "let me get the bill, i know you cant" cuz guys are sensitive, maybe over sensitive, no need to flog his ego.
Then continue to pray that God will provide a job for him

The level of trust and understanding between the two parties is what matters

My brethren,it doesnt really matter who among the two is on job, the basic thing is How Real is their Love for each other, Though history points hand at the ladies,in situations where the man is out of job,, ladies seem to loose their grip on men easily

Someone said if you were giving your husband 50% love & care before you should increase it to 100%

How? are you a Superwoman?
In the midst of all the responsibilities you have to carry as a home maker and bread winner, how do you manage this effectively?

You may even have to work longer hours at work because you cannot afford to tell your boss off since it is the
only job your family depends on and you are expected to still care for someone's 'ego' when you get home?
you can only do that for a while, it will taya you! no matter how many times you read Proverbs 31.

Let one pray not to find oneself in that situation at all

Men say some things about what they expect from a woman and they cannot do 1/4th of them.

When a man is the only breadwinner, he is allowed to talk to you anyhow, he tells you how he has been working hard all day to feed you and 'your' children.

You give him a list of the family's needs and he is asking you how you expect him to afford all you have on the list, he feels his salary is his own and no one can tell him what to do with it, some will even have a girlfriend on the side that is collecting her own share

I do not encourage working wives to lord it over thier husbands but please let us be fair, and put ourselves (practically)in the woman's shoes sometimes.

I beleive men who treat thier wife's well when they are employed will get an even better treatment if they become unemployed except the woman is troublesome

Oh, by the way, is Nursing for women alone? Why can't the men also go and sturdy the nursing? is it easy?
I heard that some guys from the US come home looking for girls with a Science/Medical background to marry,you want to use another human being and you expect her to sit down and watch you do that?

, Osisi my brother, are you talking from experience or out of wisdom, ?, God forbid i loose my job while in a relashionship,,,i would rather take up OKADA work than to sit at home to welcome my woman day after day, pending on when the BONE shall rise again

I strong have objection to some of what +osisis had been posting. She is speaking for one backround and not general background. You lives in USA and in one part. That experience you might have is never the general norms. I want you to realize that, I raised this issue not because I don't know answer, but because I want us to learn from one another and to realize the problem ravaging our generations.

I am disappointed in most of the postings so far except a few. I want you guys to realize that this problem is a silent problem most of us would not admit in Nigeria. we must never turn it into a joke. I have had the opportunity of meeting people with this problem and I must admit that the posting so far show that many of our graduate are Intellectual ignorants. I am watching as we revel more about ourself to the world.

I also noticed that ladies are shy of contributing their mind. where are the responsible ladies?

+osisi

THAT IS JUST THE RIGHT WORD!

Richyblack:
I dont think theres anything wrong with a woman wanting her man to b succesful and ambitious,we all know the popular saying"Behind every succesful man theres a woman,so y shouldnt she push her man,i'll push him.

Bill clinton and all the other great leaders did not become presidents while they were single