This will be quite an epistle, please bear with me

Thank y'all for your kind advices. I appreciate them alot!

Biko, someone should summarize this post .

Thank you!

The greatest sin is Infidelity which you did not accuse her of in your write up coupled with fact that she is from a good family. Forgive her for the sake of your child and continue from where you stopped.

First of all, I’ll blame you for getting her pregnant despite being in a bad place financially at that time. You said age wasn’t on your side but you should have thought of what impact your action would have on your unborn child or children before making that decision. Now you feel you are in a better place financially, you want advice as to whether you should let go of her or continue with her. Why didn’t you let go of her when you were in a bad place financially? Would you be seeking advice right now if things were still rough for you?
My advice is to stick with her now things are looking brighter for you. You brought all this upon yourself in the first place and somehow managed to drag her into it because you knew she had genuine feelings for you. Don’t disappoint her and your child now.

Do not make the mistake of taking that woman outside the country to stay with you.

Here is what you should do, pay attention and carefully follow my instructions;

- Call her on phone and brutally tell her that you were fully aware of her stupid behaviours all these while but chose to remain silent,
- Tell her that you are very much aware that she wanted to leave you because you were struggling,
- Tell her that you were very much aware that she is not the woman you thought she was because she saw that you were struggling,
- Tell her that you are very much aware that she lacks love to give to you because you were struggling that time,
- Tell her that you will be providing for your child because that child is your flesh and your blood.
- Tell her that she is very free to walk out of your life whenever she is tired but make it very clear to her that you will go to any length whatsoever to fight her to have custody of your children.

- Tell her all those things that i instructed you to do up there with authority in your voice like a man that knows his worth and come and give me feedback.

I can assure you, you will see improvements, even your own parents will be testifying about the improvements from her once you follow my instructions.

The highest punishment that you can give urself is taking a 9ja girl abroad.

Never ever mercy her, kindly collect you child (not ur biological child) from her. If you have paid any bride price on her, ask them to return it. Don't look the good of her father, because she is not her father.

Let me tell you the truth for free, that girl has someone keeping her kpekus warm at are home town. Y did u think she quickly left your place to go spend the rest of the two weeks? And that child is not yours. Kindly carry out DNA test, your will be shock what you will discover.

Lastly, never ever forget the past of any woman if you want to live long.

If this story is true, you should consider fiction story writing. You write perfectly well.

BrokenCondom:
This will be quite an

It's better to have a bad wife from a good family background, than having a good wife from a bad family background, some times we eat yam because of palm oil, why some times we eat oil because of yam. But most importantly she didn't at any point cheat on you.

She allowed you to impregnate her at a time u had nothing. It's worth giving a second shot for the sake of your children. Women are not great risk takers and are not emotionally sound to handle responsibilities. If she loved you when it was worse and less demanding, I think you should give life another shot, its obvious she truly love you. Women can be annoying most times.
However, you should keep her in check for at least one year, never ever make a mistake of taking a woman who blocked you for several months abroad, she have the tendency to report you in fututre. I will suggest you reconcile while giving her hope of relocation, see how she reacts to it make your decisions.

Alternatively, make an agreement with both families while you state your policies if you must take her abroad immediately, she should be a memorandum of understanding to keep her in check before relocation. Women are only loyal to their present feelings.

BrokenCondom:
This will be quite an epistle, please bear with me

It's worth a read, take your time

Jennyclay:
Biko, someone should summarize this post .

Thank you!

U might dislike her,to b frank with u no one will wan to stay in a house with nothing inside. U focused on ur travelling and did not balance d equation of family. U both share same fault. See,u av a good in-law n a good wife. In all your write up,she didn't go about sleeping with tom dick n harry. To get such in this era is like finding crude oil in Sahara desert. Reconcile with her n give love a second chance.

BrokenCondom:









She broke the news to me about the pregnancy and i was devastated, but i was already in my mid 30's closing gap on 40. How on earth can i say she should terminate it, im even sure she won't because i was only a month older than this lady.

Is like some people are mad on this platform with their "She knew you were in that condition, yet she allowed you impregnate her" bla bla balablue.

1. Bro! Age was no longer on her side. Unlike you, by then she was already anxious and on the look out. She allowed you impregnate her because at that age she didn't have much options and her parents must be mounting pressures on her.

2. She treated you badly and was rude to you when you were struggling. This is a huge red flag.

3. She disappeared for 12weeks and blocked you on all platforms. Forget it, this lady has no iota of respect and attraction for you.
Who knew whether , she was trying to pin the pregnancy on some other guys but failed during that period?
There is nothing you can tell me.

And to those saying she wasn't sleeping with other guys them. Do you have brain fever?
Would she have told the OP if she was sleeping with them other guys? How would the OP even know since they didn't spend 'nough time together?

My question is: what was she doin for the 12weeks of blocking the OP and why? This is what I expect the OP to have asked.

4. She nagged you to death because she thought you were sending funds to your parents. Bro! Use your kaffa.

This is the reason we told people not to have anything to do with girls above 25. They are manipulators, damaged , bittered and desperate. What she wanted was someone that would carry her baggages off the singles' market, the exact reason she was doin the calling and the "understanding" kinda girlfriend. You should see her in her early twenties, she wouldn't have even looked at a guy like you twice.

Let her stay with your parents. At least, that will enforce her to take good care of your child. Don't ever make the mistake of bringing her with you to the overs. If you wanted your kid, wait until the kid is grown a lil bit before your kid joins you.

This is the reason she was still single at close to 40. Mtcheeeeew! Something must definitely come with the variations of old.

Nonsensical Nonsensicus.

blackbone989:
U might dislike her,to b frank with u no one will wan to stay in a house with nothing inside. U focused on ur travelling and did not balance d equation of family. U both share same fault. See,u av a good in-law n a good wife. In all your write up,she didn't go about sleeping with tom dick n harry. To get such in this era is like finding crude oil in Sahara desert. Reconcile with her n give love a second chance.

This!!!

God forbid you go broke again, what happens?

One sided story, but let me ask, do you involve her in your travel plan? You said she questioned u about the money you are managing but you did not tell us if u gave her an information concerning it. It seems you neglected her in your plans n to be sincere she has the right to be angry. Smile, if she doesn't love you she won't date u n u impregnated her with mat n mp3 n she stays with your parents all through n from your write up, she was a good girl n not like most money oriented girls all over our streets . You complain about conji, do u think she doesn't need your companion? Bros u kept her in the dark.

Jennyclay:
Biko, someone should summarize this post .

Thank you!

Story of your future life. Not that the present is any better.

nani212:
First of all, I’ll blame you for getting her pregnant despite being in a bad place financially at that time. You said age wasn’t on your side but you should have thought of what impact your action would have on your unborn child or children before making that decision. Now you feel you are in a better place financially, you want advice as to whether you should let go of her or continue with her. Why didn’t you let go of her when you were in a bad place financially? Would you be seeking advice right now if things were still rough for you?
My advice is to stick with her now things are looking brighter for you. You brought all this upon yourself in the first place and somehow managed to drag her into it because you knew she had genuine feelings for you. Don’t disappoint her and your child now.

She sit down the guy send her pregnancy through xender give am.

Two people have sex......pregnancy occur you are blaming only the guy.

Pregnancy is an action of two people and two people responsibility.

Thank God you wrote the story just as it happened according to your perspective. Yet, it doesn't in anyway exonerate you.
You were planning japa and didn't involve her even if you wouldn't have to take her along immediately. That's wrong. Her sixth sense also told her you were using money for other things but you kept denying. Who would want to settle down with a man that has just a mat and MP3? Haba, imagine she is your sister nw. At almost 40, your life shud have a clear direction of where it's heading but you only gave her uncertainty. Tell me, if your travel plans had not worked out, wud you be asking us for advice on whether to kick her out? Don't use her age against her. She got pregy for you because she was desperate but didn't think it properly.
I'm not saying you must marry or even bring her abroad but mind you she's the only one you know her true character and she only showed her bad side because of the setting down pressure. My tak is if she's begging for forgiveness, then accept her back. Once she sees that you are no more interested in her, then na your child she go use as bargaining chip.

I read ur story all thru
The girl was getting old nd was looking for who to settle down with,unfortunately u were available nd when she saw u weren't financially buoyant when she visited you she started giving attitude like most girls do

I know that the main reason y u 're considering helping her or taking her back is cox of ur child and desire to be part of ur kids life but pls before that RUN A DNA TEST

BrokenCondom:
This will be quite an epistle, please bear with me

She has a good family, I'm sure she'd have left my sorry ass for a long time but she is afraid of what her father will say or what her family will say. If i send her away now, i pity my baby who is now over a year old.

Please your emotionless advises will be taken seriously. I will be lurking around the comments section.

She was with you through the worst period of your life, got pregnant and got engaged to you. She is from a good home and respects her parents. You have no reason to suspect her cheating and she never bothered you with billings and demands.

The truth is now that you are abroad, you have many options from our girls here who are willing to get married to you at the twinkle of an eye. It is also true that you may never have the same time to study and experience these eager options as the lady that stood with you when you had nothing. In fact to get through the pretense of these new hungry girls ready to marry an "abroad guy" is a major task. If you go and get hooked to any of them by mistake, you may live to regret it because when you have money, everyone is your friend.

My honest advice to you is to get married to the mother of your child and build a happy family. You never kept her in the know of your plans, so she had a right to be angry to know how you were spending your money.

See, no woman is perfect and it is better to get married to a reasonable lady who still respects and obeys her parents than pick from a pool of ladies you can only observe from afar and rely upon third-party reports on the conduct of such ladies. Such ladies will already have their agenda knowing you are already abroad and whatever pretense they need to make is only for a limited time. Don't go and drive yourself into a trap.

Babinski:


She was with you through the worst period of your life, got pregnant and got engaged to you.

Well we all have different definitions of being there in worst period.....

She agreed to date you when you had absolutely nothing, even after you had the baby, your life was still nothing to write home about, yet she stayed and didn't cheat.
Now because you've gone to wherever you believe is your dream land, you've automatically believed that you've arrived bah? Walahi, you're mad.
All you wanted was a mediocre who would have settled with you on your mat in your face-me-I-slap-you apartment? Why didn't you fill her in on your plans?
Werey is asking if he should send her packing.
Futureless mediocre.
I don't even know how you lots convince yourselves that women who don't ask for anything are the best, personally that mindset is stupid. I'm not saying I would ever settle for an extortionist but really? A mediocre who would feel comfortable in a single room apartment in the name of "virtuous woman" is definitely not for me.
What a nonsense.

BrokenCondom:
This will be quite an epistle, please bear with me

When i met my babymama or should i say wife... We met on fb and i was swayed by these two factors... she was a Muslim, despite the fact that i had given up on religion. I also wanted her because she was about my age, i am only a month older than her. Why? I have some unnecessary phobia to marrying a younger lady, someone who may not have seen life enough to stay faithful to her man (prone to taking wrong steps)

My relationship with this lady was not so smooth but manageable. I have a bad attitude of not calling but she is very good at that. I rather chat longer than talking on phone via voice calls. She wasn't unhappy with that and do call me as much as she want. But for me, i was so fed up with her incessant calls, it bore life out of me.

She gave me another vibe then. Back 2018, life was dealing with me, i lost my job, ate my savings and all but since i wasn't married, i was good. That was when i met her, she was never demanding, she wanted my money but knew i nor get, so she didn't bother bothering me about doing much financially for her. I loved her for that.

FF till 2021 during which, in past (2019,2020) we were on and off the relationship of my own bad character of not calling... i had left town to do some menial jobs up north that put a little distance between us... and me not picking calls often?
So fastworward to 2021 when i came back to Lagos, i took a job (not paying much)
I had no GF but i was meaning to settle down, have a good relationship with someone i can settle with. I can assure that im not a bad looking man but i wasn't interested in all these ladies that will be demanding up and down. So i remembered the only relationship that geve me peace of mind, a relationship that wasn't so expensive to manage. I remembered my now babymama.

Let me say this, when i called her... my exact words were "i don't know if you have a serious relationship now but i felt i still love you, i wish you can attain some heights (i.e learn some trades or get a job of your own. As she was managing a family business) before we get married. you already know my weakness and i will try to improve myself too but also know that i still haven't made headwaves in life but i am not lazy too. If you don't mind we Kickstarting the relationship back i won't mind too. I just need you to know i am still struggling and since you are the only one who wasn't asking for much from me, i feel i can trust you. She agreed.

I had rented a room then, although very expensive but it was close to my work place.

In my then room was a mat i bought for 5k and a mp3 for songs. Aside that, nothing more.

When she came to visit, she was disappointed which she didn't say but i felt it. After she left i stoped showing affection because of her attitude just to know if she'll keep the tabs which she did. She still kept calling, so I thought she was excited about me and believed my situation will change. This made me make advances, we kept seeing each other till she got pregnant...

This was the genesis of why i need your advice guys..

She broke the news to me about the pregnancy and i was devastated, but i was already in my mid 30's closing gap on 40. How on earth can i say she should terminate it, im even sure she won't because i was only a month older than this lady.

I was hesitant to tell my parents who will be happy their only male child is doing the needful.
I called her to my house, i told her what could happen and gave her 3 instance

1. Stay with me let's endure together as we can do it. I know it will be very difficult but we can do it if you're not tired of me. I know my place is never comfortable but if we are together in true mind, that shouldn't be a problem

2. I can make arrangements for you to go to my parents place, outside Lagos in one of the neighboring Oyo town. Which i pretty sure will be very good for you because they will take good care of you.

3. You'll stay wherever you like, probably your parents place or whatever you suggest.
So she suggested i get an apartment for her around her current place, not far from her family's business and all. As of that time that would be very difficult to do for me. So i said it to her face that I won't be able to do that.

She left my place in anger that day and blocked me for over 2 ½ months. I tried getting through to her but she didn't want to hear me, i even began to think if i was not responsible for the pregnancy, maybe she was just wondering who to pin it on and all.

But my conscience wouldn't let me be, so i involved my parents who took it on them to visit her parents, was as if they were begging her to settle down. My own parents later arranged an introduction with the parents and we made a palour party after the pregnancy was about 6months.
I guess the father pressured her to move towards her husband. She agreed to move in with my parents as her excuse was that my place was too uncomfortable for her, which i can understand.

Fastforward she gave birth some months later, i went back home did what i can but my parents were so supportive. She started exhibiting some strange attitudes, like always nagging on phone, saying things like " all the money you are making where are you putting it?
Is it that your parents are the ones to yake care of your family?
I regret settling with you
You need to take me out of here (i told her to move in with me) all she wanted is that i rent another place for her at her own choice location. All these while, things are not changing financially for me, it was even getting worse.... Anytime we have issues or arguments my wife will stop chatting me, stop picking my calls for months at times.

I tried talking with her brother whom i took as a friend, to speak with her about the malice she keeps with me. I thought her unhappiness was even the reasons for my woes.

So i made a move for her to come around, at least so that i can freely play with my baby. She came that week in a notion that she'll stay at least 2weeks. My babymama came on Thursday and was already on my neck to leave on Sunday. I pressed her to stay a lil bit and she left on Tuesday. She went to her hometown and used over 2 weeks there before returning to my parent's place. This actually broke my heart into shreads.

Same lady who was cool with me, got pregnant in same house but now don't want anything to do with me. At a time i needed her the most.

Unknowing to her, one reason for my situation then was that i was processing to travel out of the country. So my time and money wasn't just for having a new apartment or impressing her.

I was waiting patiently for the result of the second travel processing in a row, it came late but i was determined that either ways ot come, positive or negative, i will evict her from my parents house and send her back to her parents.

My travel plans was positive and i left the country last year.. now thisnis my dilemma

My wife now wants to remain in my parent's house she once requested to leave and fight me for making her stay.

She now begs me to forgive all her attitudes that she's ready to change

She now wants to make up for all she made me went through

But i must say, anytime i remember that i was never in my baby's life from start till i even traveled i keep resenting that lady i call wife. All the while i will be full of konji and will have to sleep like a frog, i keep feeling i don't need her anymore. Above all, having to think about bringing her here for the sake of my child gives me nightmare of what she may still do to me in future.

I am in a dilemma, to send her packing from my parent's home or to make all my experience with her unimportant?

She has a good family, I'm sure she'd have left my sorry ass for a long time but she is afraid of what her father will say or what her family will say. If i send her away now, i pity my baby who is now over a year old.

Please your emotionless advises will be taken seriously. I will be lurking around the comments section.

Your wife (which you called baby mama) is a good wife and mother. She endured staying with your family because of the love she has for you. I will advise that you process her papers and bring her to where you are staying or if not, establish her in a business and renting a befitting apartment for her for the sake of your child. Once you do either of these two suggestions, you will see the good in her.
Best of luck to the both of you.

Take this advice from a real Nigga


Leave the bitch, the baby isn't yours!

Seriously don't know what advice to give.

Although she was there, her attitude was bad.
Let's not 4get you had nada. No 9ja lady would have stayed, but who knows, she could have been desperate.

Another thing is you didn't carry her along which kinda justifies her action to a point.

For me, ask your parents. Since they were there with her during those times.

They most likely would have known who she truly is.


Anyways abeg come and dash me 17k. Anybody. 9053920228 Opay.

Assuming your story is true, well no one is perfect but the signs are always there. You know why she's begging now and you have to carefully examine your priorities and the things you stand to lose If she goes haywire when you bring her abroad.
For me, I'll never do such even with a gun to my head.

Just let her go cus u can forgive but can't forget.

Like someone mentioned it here, since you've not accused her of infidelity despite many red flags in you, she's your wife. Her only crime was that he wanted you to really step up your hustle, hence started showing she's not satisfied with your brokeness. Now that you've made it remember her!

Wow!
I understand the urge to bring her over because of your kid, but remember it's not your country and you have no parents there to send her to when "shit hits the fan".
For the time being, make sure your kid is well taken care of, and see how it goes from there. Concentrate on improving yourself.

she belittled, disrespected and peppered you, did all these in NIgeria, just imagine what she will do if she travels out!!

we have so many simps and emotional men in Nigeria, even tho God keeps showing them all the signs. that is why paternity fraud is second highest in the world, una no wan get sense!!

BrokenCondom:
This will be quite an epistle, please bear with me

When i met my babymama or should i say wife... We met on fb and i was swayed by these two factors... she was a Muslim, despite the fact that i had given up on religion. I also wanted her because she was about my age, i am only a month older than her. Why? I have some unnecessary phobia to marrying a younger lady, someone who may not have seen life enough to stay faithful to her man (prone to taking wrong steps)

My relationship with this lady was not so smooth but manageable. I have a bad attitude of not calling but she is very good at that. I rather chat longer than talking on phone via voice calls. She wasn't unhappy with that and do call me as much as she want. But for me, i was so fed up with her incessant calls, it bore life out of me.

She gave me another vibe then. Back 2018, life was dealing with me, i lost my job, ate my savings and all but since i wasn't married, i was good. That was when i met her, she was never demanding, she wanted my money but knew i nor get, so she didn't bother bothering me about doing much financially for her. I loved her for that.

FF till 2021 during which, in past (2019,2020) we were on and off the relationship of my own bad character of not calling... i had left town to do some menial jobs up north that put a little distance between us... and me not picking calls often?
So fastworward to 2021 when i came back to Lagos, i took a job (not paying much)
I had no GF but i was meaning to settle down, have a good relationship with someone i can settle with. I can assure that im not a bad looking man but i wasn't interested in all these ladies that will be demanding up and down. So i remembered the only relationship that geve me peace of mind, a relationship that wasn't so expensive to manage. I remembered my now babymama.

Let me say this, when i called her... my exact words were "i don't know if you have a serious relationship now but i felt i still love you, i wish you can attain some heights (i.e learn some trades or get a job of your own. As she was managing a family business) before we get married. you already know my weakness and i will try to improve myself too but also know that i still haven't made headwaves in life but i am not lazy too. If you don't mind we Kickstarting the relationship back i won't mind too. I just need you to know i am still struggling and since you are the only one who wasn't asking for much from me, i feel i can trust you. She agreed.

I had rented a room then, although very expensive but it was close to my work place.

In my then room was a mat i bought for 5k and a mp3 for songs. Aside that, nothing more.

When she came to visit, she was disappointed which she didn't say but i felt it. After she left i stoped showing affection because of her attitude just to know if she'll keep the tabs which she did. She still kept calling, so I thought she was excited about me and believed my situation will change. This made me make advances, we kept seeing each other till she got pregnant...

This was the genesis of why i need your advice guys..

She broke the news to me about the pregnancy and i was devastated, but i was already in my mid 30's closing gap on 40. How on earth can i say she should terminate it, im even sure she won't because i was only a month older than this lady.

I was hesitant to tell my parents who will be happy their only male child is doing the needful.
I called her to my house, i told her what could happen and gave her 3 instance

1. Stay with me let's endure together as we can do it. I know it will be very difficult but we can do it if you're not tired of me. I know my place is never comfortable but if we are together in true mind, that shouldn't be a problem

2. I can make arrangements for you to go to my parents place, outside Lagos in one of the neighboring Oyo town. Which i pretty sure will be very good for you because they will take good care of you.

3. You'll stay wherever you like, probably your parents place or whatever you suggest.
So she suggested i get an apartment for her around her current place, not far from her family's business and all. As of that time that would be very difficult to do for me. So i said it to her face that I won't be able to do that.

She left my place in anger that day and blocked me for over 2 ½ months. I tried getting through to her but she didn't want to hear me, i even began to think if i was not responsible for the pregnancy, maybe she was just wondering who to pin it on and all.

But my conscience wouldn't let me be, so i involved my parents who took it on them to visit her parents, was as if they were begging her to settle down. My own parents later arranged an introduction with the parents and we made a palour party after the pregnancy was about 6months.
I guess the father pressured her to move towards her husband. She agreed to move in with my parents as her excuse was that my place was too uncomfortable for her, which i can understand.

Fastforward she gave birth some months later, i went back home did what i can but my parents were so supportive. She started exhibiting some strange attitudes, like always nagging on phone, saying things like " all the money you are making where are you putting it?
Is it that your parents are the ones to yake care of your family?
I regret settling with you
You need to take me out of here (i told her to move in with me) all she wanted is that i rent another place for her at her own choice location. All these while, things are not changing financially for me, it was even getting worse.... Anytime we have issues or arguments my wife will stop chatting me, stop picking my calls for months at times.

I tried talking with her brother whom i took as a friend, to speak with her about the malice she keeps with me. I thought her unhappiness was even the reasons for my woes.

So i made a move for her to come around, at least so that i can freely play with my baby. She came that week in a notion that she'll stay at least 2weeks. My babymama came on Thursday and was already on my neck to leave on Sunday. I pressed her to stay a lil bit and she left on Tuesday. She went to her hometown and used over 2 weeks there before returning to my parent's place. This actually broke my heart into shreads.

Same lady who was cool with me, got pregnant in same house but now don't want anything to do with me. At a time i needed her the most.

Unknowing to her, one reason for my situation then was that i was processing to travel out of the country. So my time and money wasn't just for having a new apartment or impressing her.

I was waiting patiently for the result of the second travel processing in a row, it came late but i was determined that either ways ot come, positive or negative, i will evict her from my parents house and send her back to her parents.

My travel plans was positive and i left the country last year.. now thisnis my dilemma

My wife now wants to remain in my parent's house she once requested to leave and fight me for making her stay.

She now begs me to forgive all her attitudes that she's ready to change

She now wants to make up for all she made me went through

But i must say, anytime i remember that i was never in my baby's life from start till i even traveled i keep resenting that lady i call wife. All the while i will be full of konji and will have to sleep like a frog, i keep feeling i don't need her anymore. Above all, having to think about bringing her here for the sake of my child gives me nightmare of what she may still do to me in future.

I am in a dilemma, to send her packing from my parent's home or to make all my experience with her unimportant?

She has a good family, I'm sure she'd have left my sorry ass for a long time but she is afraid of what her father will say or what her family will say. If i send her away now, i pity my baby who is now over a year old.

Please your emotionless advises will be taken seriously. I will be lurking around the comments section.

First run DNA to be sure the child is yours. If the child is yours you can start to rebuild your relationship with her and your child. Let go of the bitterness and just concentrate on how you can build your little family, especially your child, if the child is yours.

Your wife
Your baby mama

The truth is that you're a confused man.

Never should the thought of bringing her over cross Your mind for a leopard doesn't change its spot.
She's only seeing you as an opportunity to leave this country and the moment you give her that chance, get ready to be deported.