There's difference between love and choice. He loves you but has chosen another person due to circumstance beyond his country. You have to respect his choice and move on or else it will end in regret for you. If you listen to his lies, you are done for. It's a matter of time.

MrBrownJay1:
i guess your parents saw something in him that you didnt, he indeed has NO family values.
its called having your cake and eating it too (or better yet, having a spare tyre for your car) .... and if you let him, thats exactly what you will be (a spare tyre)

BTW since he is planning to japa without you, what future do you guys have together?

. How old are u pls. If it were ur brother would you tell him to keep on waiting for a lady that her family are too greedy.
The guy wanted her but the father wanted an odogwu. Now he saw a way out and u are saying he has no family values

Juliearth:
Don't ever get deceived by his lies. He made his choice. Remember he never planned on telling you. The idea was to string you along while being married. Clearly, this man is lazy and a social climber. Your father may have seen through him.


Don't fall for his cheap lies unless if you want to become a side chick. Cut contact and move on.

you are looking at the man's side without looking at how un welcomed he his. You did not look at time frame of the man. U want him to b doing mumu up and down. Continue

gunners160:
you are looking at the man's side without looking at how in welcomed he his. You did not look at time frame of the man. U want him to b doing mumu up and down. Continue

So men get time frame too..

Interesting

fubongfoodies:
I (29F) have been dating my boyfriend(37M) for 4 years. We met online shortly before COVID lockdown. We grew a lot closer during the lockdown. I worked in Healthcare, he was teaching then. He stayed in the north because he was going to school then for a second degree in an engineering course while i was in lagos. We were each other's support until after lockdown. I was able to get a job working in a Chinese company where I stayed for 3 months before getting a government job where I am currently. Despite many ups and downs in our relationship. Trouble came when I brought him over on a casual visit to my parents.

They didn't like him, especially my Father, they claimed that I could do better and felt he didn't have the right family values. Also that fact that he was currently unemployed then didn't help matters. I stubbornly continued to date him because I felt that he had good character and we were in love. Time continued to go (i had a pregnancy scare, lost a relative, he had bandit threats in his school and had to leave for a while for his life, travelled to a west african country to make money, i tried to write exams to travel abroad and failed which was devastating because it was out plan to japa together and my course was a little easy to do so).

I felt that my father's attitude would soften up with time, But everytime I brought my boyfriend up, my dad would become antagonistic. Saying that my boyfriend was slowing my life down, that I stopped going oit and that I wasn't progressing in life especially career wise since I met him(my father believes in late marriage, especially career first before marriage). A lot Things happened in our relationship. We had our issues but it was mostly about me not calling him frequently because I would be at work. I have just never been much of a calling type and he is a very clingy guy. He could go as far as calling my mom or sisters when he can't get across to me.

Things got to a point when my boyfriend wanted to come over for Christmas, but I wanted to time it to when my father left to avoid confrontation, my boyfriend got wind of it and canceled visiting. My father also told me then that if I brought my boyfriend home, he would never bless the union. The relationship took a bad turn and communication became worse. It got so bad that I didn't know that he had traveled to his hometown until a few days after he got there from lagos. Our conversation was awkward. The next day. He sent me a long breakup message via email. I was quite shocked and replied with an OK and thank you. We didn't speak for a long time after that.

He tried to get in touch with me last week but my phone screen was bad so he called my younger sister who ended up giving me her Phone. I talked to him and told him what was up with my phone. He offered to give me one of his phones and said we should go to computer village to make repairs so I brought my spoilt laptop too. I was with his phone in the repair shop while he went out to get some things, while browsing, I saw his Google search history which read ; list of things for traditional wedding, groom's outfit for traditional, wedding, groom shoes for traditional wedding. I started to snoop into his phone.

I confirmed my fears and found evidence. I even got the lady's number too. He did court marriage with a girl from his hometown and I found pictures of two of them holding the marriage certificate. I was angry, and exhausted at the same time. I finally confronted him and he confirm that it was true and he married a few weeks ago. He claims it was a sham marriage to travel abroad since she got admission into a school and when she gets there she could file to bring him over. I also found out that he planned to continue to hide it from me and he didn't expect me to find out . I was so angry about that, that he offered to escort me home. I fell ill that day and have been ill since. I don't know how to feel. I am not crying, just angry without knowing why. The more I thought about it, the angrier I became. I have been avoiding him but he has been diligent with his phone calls. I feel dead inside. He says that he can have it canceled since I am reacting this way, that I stopped fighting for our relationship which influencedhis choices. That he didn't mean to betray me.

I tried to go to his place today to pick up my fixed devices, I tried once and when back, then tried again, when I saw that the traffic was too much I changed my mind and went back home and told him. He asked if I would still hang out with him and reply that I can't fvck a married man. He says that the marriage is not real that he hasn't done traditional. I told him he was legally binded to the lady. While he continued to beg he got a call from the lady that her visa has been approved. I told him that I was done and wished him well since he has gotten what he wanted. He then told me that he didn't want this at the expense of loosing me. That he will fight for me.

What am I to do? I know I have to move on but don't know how? How do I heal? I am almost 30, he was my first real love. Am I just stupid? I get it, he is not getting any younger and needs to settle down. He also wants to settle with some so that they leave the country together and it seemed that I was taking too much time.

I know that I am not an emotionally expressive person, but I feel that the breakup is my fault. Am I wrong? Why is he still clinging to me when he is married?

Your parents or dad scattered your relationship.

It seems you think the guy has all the time in the world to wait for your father to like him. 4 years of being with him and the relationship is going nowhere, and you expect him to keep waiting for you and your father. Almost 40, no wife, no child because your father does not like him

The deed has been done. Move on with your life. Go out and make friends and settle down and have kids before it's too late. It'll become harder for you to attract male attention the older you get. You're almost 30. Use your sense.

Ur papa follow spoil matter,when the guy travel abroad make am now ur papa go see family value

LandMann:


Your parents or dad scattered your relationship.

It seems you think the guy has all the time in the world to wait for your father to like him. 4 years of being with him and the relationship is going nowhere, and you expect him to keep waiting for you and your father. Almost 40, no wife, no child because your father does not like him

The deed has been done. Move on with your life. Go out and make friends and settle down and have kids before it's too late. It'll become harder for you to attract male attention the older you get. You're almost 30. Use your sense.

When u see a man write, when u c a boy write, you know. I was surprised on the rubbish those people posted on the first page. Gosh, I was so painned. A man of almost 40 years and yet the call him an opportunist because he has looking on how to better himself. God bless u...

gunners160:
. How old are u pls. If it were ur brother would you tell him to keep on waiting for a lady that her family are too greedy.
The guy wanted her but the father wanted an odogwu. Now he saw a way out and u are saying he has no family values

poor soul... the fact the he moved on is NOT the issue here, its the fact that he wants to creep back in from the back door (like a thief in the night), which is the problem. if it was my brotha, i would tell him to never contact that ex gf again and instead to focus on his "supposedly" yeye sham marriage and japa.

Juliearth:






It would be a wild gamble for her to waste her youth hoping he divorces his wife. That may not end well.

Wild gamble?? How...?? I didn't tell her to wait for him....I told her to keep the communication lines open and keep her options open....

...it's no longer a wild gamble since I told her to keep her options open....

gunners160:
When u see a man write, when u c a boy write, you know. I was surprised on the rubbish those people posted on the first page. Gosh, I was so painned. A man of almost 40 years and yet the call him an opportunist because he has looking on how to better himself. God bless u...

ok he has used another person to better himself, why not stay with that person already? How come you are blind to the fact that he would be ruining another person's life in the process? He's trying to have his cake and eat it. What also makes you think this his girlfriend wouldn't be a victim just as his current wife later? How we tend to excuse wickedness and try to make it colorful in this generation is really interesting.
Character is what makes a man. If this lady should go ahead with him, she'll cry bitter tears in that relationship; It's only a matter of time.
Love isn't all that matter in a relationship.

This is witchcraft 🤣

Proserpina:
So men get time frame too..

Interesting

Yeah timeframe to be a man of value. Men timeframe is just different from a woman's own. A man time frame is to be wealthy why a ladies own is to be married.

optm:
ok he has used another person to better himself, why not stay with that person already? How come you are blind to the fact that he would be ruining another person's life in the process? He's trying to have his cake and eat it. What also makes you think this his girlfriend wouldn't be a victim just as his current wife later? How we tend to excuse wickedness and try to make it colorful in this generation is really interesting.
Character is what makes a man. If this lady should go ahead with him, she'll cry bitter tears in that relationship; It's only a matter of time.
Love isn't all that matter in a relationship.

The earlier you know it's about putting yourself first the better. Because people can leave you when you are down(even if they try not to) but you can never leave yourself (unless you want to quit the earth altogether by killing yourself)

Fattprince23:

The earlier you know it's about putting yourself first the better. Because people can leave you when you are down(even if they try not to) but you can never leave yourself (unless you want to quit the earth altogether by killing yourself)

It's ok to put yourself first but not by ruining another person in the process.

EreluRoz:
I don't intend to love any man deeply till after marriage, I intend to grow in love and not all these rubbish Infatuation everywhere. I've never experienced heartbreak because I place strong restrictions to my privacy. Men really don't care about women's emotions they just do anyhow and want to eat their cake and have it.

Count your loses and move on else that man will distablize your life beyond repair. Be very stiff when dealing with men, move at your own pace not at theirs. If you allow emotions to control you then find a bucket by your side kos the tears are imminent.

And women care about men's emotion

dominique:
The guy is an opportunist, you were too blinded by love to notice it. He wanted to use you as a means to travel abroad and when the route didn't work out, he ran to marry someone else. The one he married, he's marrying her as a ticket to travel abroad. He's nothing but a user. A self-centered opportunistic leech and your father is absolutely right, you're better off without him.

See all the adjective you used in describing the guy! If the tables were turned, would you describe the lady in such terms Check the proportion of women that leech on men and marry just to climb up the social ladder compared to men.

I'm even happy that men are beginning to learn the science and art of leeching and gold digging from your gender. It's a good thing! Though I'll personally not marry any lady who's richer than me, but I'll definitely support and encourage any guy who wants to do it.

He loves you so much but made a mockery of you, your self respect, your family, your values,your empathy and you in your rightful sense believe he loves you A man that wants you to be his side chick after he got married on you?let me tell you if you dont know, he sees you as a complete slowpoke and since you defied your father to be with him he knows he has your complete mumu button. young lady give yourself sense

fubongfoodies:
I (29F) have been dating my boyfriend(37M) for 4 years. We met online shortly before COVID lockdown. We grew a lot closer during the lockdown. I worked in Healthcare, he was teaching then. He stayed in the north because he was going to school then for a second degree in an engineering course while i was in lagos. We were each other's support until after lockdown. I was able to get a job working in a Chinese company where I stayed for 3 months before getting a government job where I am currently. Despite many ups and downs in our relationship. Trouble came when I brought him over on a casual visit to my parents.

They didn't like him, especially my Father, they claimed that I could do better and felt he didn't have the right family values. Also that fact that he was currently unemployed then didn't help matters. I stubbornly continued to date him because I felt that he had good character and we were in love. Time continued to go (i had a pregnancy scare, lost a relative, he had bandit threats in his school and had to leave for a while for his life, travelled to a west african country to make money, i tried to write exams to travel abroad and failed which was devastating because it was out plan to japa together and my course was a little easy to do so).

I felt that my father's attitude would soften up with time, But everytime I brought my boyfriend up, my dad would become antagonistic. Saying that my boyfriend was slowing my life down, that I stopped going oit and that I wasn't progressing in life especially career wise since I met him(my father believes in late marriage, especially career first before marriage). A lot Things happened in our relationship. We had our issues but it was mostly about me not calling him frequently because I would be at work. I have just never been much of a calling type and he is a very clingy guy. He could go as far as calling my mom or sisters when he can't get across to me.

Things got to a point when my boyfriend wanted to come over for Christmas, but I wanted to time it to when my father left to avoid confrontation, my boyfriend got wind of it and canceled visiting. [/b]My father also told me then that if I brought my boyfriend home, he would never bless the union. The relationship took a bad turn and communication became worse. It got so bad that I didn't know that he had traveled to his hometown until a few days after he got there from lagos. Our conversation was awkward. The next day. [b]He sent me a long breakup message via email. I was quite shocked and replied with an OK and thank you. We didn't speak for a long time after that.

He tried to get in touch with me last week but my phone screen was bad so he called my younger sister who ended up giving me her Phone. I talked to him and told him what was up with my phone. He offered to give me one of his phones and said we should go to computer village to make repairs so I brought my spoilt laptop too. I was with his phone in the repair shop while he went out to get some things, while browsing, I saw his Google search history which read ; list of things for traditional wedding, groom's outfit for traditional, wedding, groom shoes for traditional wedding. I started to snoop into his phone.

I confirmed my fears and found evidence. I even got the lady's number too. He did court marriage with a girl from his hometown and I found pictures of two of them holding the marriage certificate. I was angry, and exhausted at the same time. I finally confronted him and he confirm that it was true and he married a few weeks ago. He claims it was a sham marriage to travel abroad since she got admission into a school and when she gets there she could file to bring him ove[b]r. I also found out that he planned to continue to hide it from me and he didn't expect me to find out [/b]. I was so angry about that, that he offered to escort me home. I fell ill that day and have been ill since. I don't know how to feel. I am not crying, just angry without knowing why. The more I thought about it, the angrier I became. I have been avoiding him but he has been diligent with his phone calls. I feel dead inside. He says that he can have it canceled since I am reacting this way, that I stopped fighting for our relationship which influencedhis choices. That he didn't mean to betray me.

I tried to go to his place today to pick up my fixed devices, I tried once and when back, then tried again, when I saw that the traffic was too much I changed my mind and went back home and told him. He asked if I would still hang out with him and reply that I can't fvck a married man. He says that the marriage is not real that he hasn't done traditional. I told him he was legally binded to the lady. While he continued to beg he got a call from the lady that her visa has been approved. I told him that I was done and wished him well since he has gotten what he wanted. He then told me that he didn't want this at the expense of loosing me. That he will fight for me.

What am I to do? I know I have to move on but don't know how? How do I heal? I am almost 30, he was my first real love. Am I just stupid? I get it, he is not getting any younger and needs to settle down. He also wants to settle with some so that they leave the country together and it seemed that I was taking too much time.

I know that I am not an emotionally expressive person, but I feel that the breakup is my fault. Am I wrong? Why is he still clinging to me when he is married?

optm:
It's ok to put yourself first but not by ruining another person in the process.

I didn't talk about ruining another person, did I? What if he let's the chance of traveling pass him by and the girl later says she can't marry him because her Dad didn't yield? How will he gain back that opportunity.