NoToPile:
You really are not asking for too much don't let people feel you are. It's not out of place for him to do these things for you.

The problem is economic realities are different. Your husband may not be making as much money as you think he is except you have evidences which I doubt and the business that you should have grown for the past 6 years is being run down consistently by household needs.

I am suspecting it's provision business, you can't have such stuffs in your shop and watch your children suffer food and necessities, it will always be run down once there are needs that are not met it's a cycle in petty provision business.

Even if he is making as much as you think he is it doesn't matter. If you can get something better that will fetch more income, maybe a good salary job do it and ignore his not buying you personal stuffs. Once you can make more money on your own you will be fine.

Lots of men only pay house rent, school fees to drop even feeding money sef na war even if they have the money shey it's those in that category you will ask for hair and cloth money? They have not bought cloth for children is it wife's hair they will pay for?

Try and get something better to do that's all.

dominique:


Go through her post and replies and see that she's having it better than a lot of married women out there. Her husband foots the bills, drops money for weekly upkeep. What is making her upset is that the money is not enough to fund certain lifestyles. Her husband does not have a fixed income yet he never misses out on his responsibilities. This is a man that is not on a fixed income. The economy is at the lowest, everybody is feeling the impact including artisans which her husband happens to be but madam still expects him to be shelling out cash steadily so she can have enough money to buy clothes and fix hair. She needs to be more patient, understanding and considerate.

NoToPile:
Reginaoyah you really are not asking for too much don't let people feel you are. It's not out of place for him to do these things for you.

The problem is economic realities are different. Your husband may not be making as much money as you think he is except you have evidences which I doubt and the business that you should have grown for the past 6 years is being run down consistently by household needs.

I am suspecting it's provision business, you can't have such stuffs in your shop and watch your children suffer food and necessities, it will always be run down once there are needs that are not met it's a cycle in petty provision business.

Even if he is making as much as you think he is it doesn't matter. If you can get something better that will fetch more income, maybe a good salary job do it and ignore his not buying you personal stuffs. Once you can make more money on your own you guys will be fine.

Lots of men only pay house rent, school fees to drop even feeding money sef na war even if they have the money shey it's those in that category you will ask for hair and cloth money?
They have not bought cloth for children is it wife's hair they will pay for?
Heck some don't even do any at all it's their wife carrying all the family burden suffering and smiling.
Some it's alien to them that the wives too need taking care off.
They are in different categories.

So


Try and get something better to do that will bring more income that's all.

NoToPile:


I understand your position, but she said she needs a solution, so she needs to make more money so she can have excess for those stuffs she's lacking.

dominique:


Go through her post and replies and see that she's having it better than a lot of married women out there. Her husband foots the bills, drops money for weekly upkeep. What is making her upset is that the money is not enough to fund certain lifestyles. Her husband does not have a fixed income yet he never misses out on his responsibilities. This is a man that is not on a fixed income. The economy is at the lowest, everybody is feeling the impact including artisans which her husband happens to be but madam still expects him to be shelling out cash steadily so she can have enough money to buy clothes and fix hair. She needs to be more patient, understanding and considerate.

dominique:
You're too fixated on money, you literally wore me out with just one post, I can imagine how exhausted your husband must have gotten over the years from your incessant nagging about money. People hardly change overnight, something or certain situations bring about the change, you need to look inwardly at the role you played in your husband's behaviour towards you and revert.

Reginaoyah:
I only pointed out issues. I have been clothing myself to remove shame from his face because reasonable men do that for their wives plus I no be small pikin. I don't see it as over expectation.

shaybebaby:

God forbid, but if his enemy dies tomorrow, what would you do to survive?

Whatever that is, start doing it today.

Reginaoyah:
What are you saying? For more than 9yrs, I cloth myself. On festive periods, I cloth myself including my hair. I am on low cut now because I cannot afford it. Even a boyfriend will do better not to talk of a man you are married to. And FYI, this is not about lifestyle. It's the basic.

Reginaoyah:
What are you saying? For more than 9yrs, I cloth myself. On festive periods, I cloth myself including my hair. I am on low cut now because I cannot afford it. Even a boyfriend will do better not to talk of a man you are married to. And FYI, this is not about lifestyle. It's the basic.

shaybebaby:

Emancipate yourself from mental slavery.

If you are running a business that cannot generate enough revenue to atleast break even never mind, generate a profit, then that business is not viable.

You either get creative to reduce costs or increase revenue, or you pivot and do something else.

You mentioned shop rent being due, is this something you trade from home, using space you have there? That'll save on costs.

How do you price what you sell? Do you factor in transport costs, rent, utilities into the selling price? Or where you obtained loans, the interest payable? You could be underpricing your goods hence why there is no profit.

When something isn't going the way you wish, first thing you should do is look inwards, " is there something I could do differently, what options do I have, are there opportunities I haven't considered?"

Note I haven't mentioned your husband at all. The fact that you are unable to do basic things for yourself as an adult means there is work to be done on yourself..not for your husbands benefit but yours and the kids.

I speak as divorced mother of 1, who has all her bills on lockdown without needing a red cent from a man. I have a man, but without him or his money, me and my child are good. Because of my daily efforts to make it so and not waiting around for someone else to do it for me.

Strive to be the same.

GrammarNazi1:

She could do things that would destroy her home if she followed this advice.

For some people, whatever advice you give them must be absolutely spelt out.

dominique:


Knowing the kind of person he is (according to you) you should have tried to be as less dependent on him as possible. He is doing the bare minimum, not demanding you must contribute towards the family upkeep from your retail business. If only you knew what some married woman and a lot of single mothers are passing through raising their children, you'd see your situation is a lot better

shaybebaby:

Our thoughts inform our actions.
I recognise your point because I hesitated when I typed that because for some people, that could mean look for another man/ person to provide.

But that is not the lens through which I gave the advice. Because in a similar vein, is that to imply that she can never get her hair done, buy clothes, do things for herself if she is not given those thing?

I find that to be a very depressing and distressing thought personally, and want to believe that she has enough agency, capability and determination to create something good by herself and not be a bystander in the story of her own life.

Sadly, I can only pass my message, I cannot understand it for the recipient.

Reginaoyah:
Ok ma'am. Your whole advise taken even when I know you didn't read to understand. So, how do I get the money to venture into something different because from your analogy, provision business isn't viable which is true? Or will you loan me at least N1.5m

Reginaoyah:
I should support him with what? Carry out his responsibilities that he's failing at?

Reginaoyah:
How do you do something where there's nothing? And don't mention finding a job. I am not in Lagos where there are jobs. Talk is really cheap.

shaybebaby:

I already provided suggestions, could you trade from home and save rental costs?

Have you researched other profitable business es?

Have you considered learning a new skill that can be monetised?

Why are you waiting/ expecting to be GIVEN anything?

Yeah, I get that things are hard, but with you asking belligerently if I may add, I can tell you are not ready to work to bring the change you seek.

If I were your hubby, I wouldn't give you a red cent either..because your mindset is not yet where it needs to be to surmount challenges. This is not about business per se but how we rise to challenges.

You get that on lock down, and then you are ready to run a business.

Reginaoyah:
Still talk is very cheap. You wouldn't do more if you were in my shoes. Just talk. I could go into wholesale which is more profitable if I had the capital. Provision from home; I will be selling to myself. Learning a new skill, are skills learn for free? Thanks for stopping by you don't have the solution.

Reginaoyah:
I noticed that it's mostly the men talking about how ungrateful I am, paying a blind eye to the fact that my husband has not been a good man. How he would never ask me if I want to make my hair, not even for Christmas. How he doesn't know how much my clothes cost. How I could go and kill myself instead of him to give me the least 5k to do something. If any of you were me, you would either feel the same or worse.

Who said plumbers are broke? This man collects contract to wire an entire building. Children will come back from school and would want something from your shop, from the same 100k you were given 6yrs ago?

shaybebaby:

But there is something, you are here on the Internet, using data and typing from a phone.

There are YouTube tutorials on how to learn different skills. With all of your rant, what skills have you got other than thinking the world owes you a living?

Your husband has one, he is a plumber you say. I'd employ him ( I need a new bathroom)

Can you paint? ( I need to commission a couple of oil painting of african art)

Can you make hair? ( I saw some lovely braids on Pinterest that I considered doing, but the chick charges £ 1000, my money no reach that one so I locked up)

Need I go on?

Reginaoyah:
Please I need solutions. No body shld ask me why I brought this here. Na who wear shoe know where e dey pain am.

shaybebaby:

Lol, you are not ready.

None as blind as a person who refuses to see.

Good luck to you and your babies, you are going to need it.

dawnomike:
I don't see him changing anytime soon.
Join a cooperative society where you can be saving monthly and be able to obtain reasonable amount of money to invest and grow your business

Reginaoyah:
You need an understanding of where a person is coming from before offering certain advise. What were you thinking I took a 190k loan for? Clothes? Keep your good luck to yourself. You might need it.

Reginaoyah:
I noticed that it's mostly the men talking about how ungrateful I am, paying a blind eye to the fact that my husband has not been a good man. How he would never ask me if I want to make my hair, not even for Christmas. How he doesn't know how much my clothes cost. How I could go and kill myself instead of him to give me the least 5k to do something. If any of you were me, you would either feel the same or worse.

Who said plumbers are broke? This man collects contract to wire an entire building. Children will come back from school and would want something from your shop, from the same 100k you were given 6yrs ago?

Reginaoyah:
I decided to create this account to stay anonymous. I have been married for 11yrs. My marriage is blessed with 2kids. A boy and a girl ( 10 and 6yrs olds). I will try and make this brief. I was 28yrs old when I married. An orphan who grew up with her older brother's wife. I accepted to marry because all my life, I had known hard labour. My brother's wife used me to raise her kids and work if you understand what I mean. When marriage came, I saw it as an escape route from that lifestyle. Unknown to me that I will be feeling the way that I do now. Few days ago, I thought of killing myself because of what my life has become. My husband was nice before, now I don't know what to tag him . I have prayed and I am tired . He just does not care about me but I know he is not cheating. He gives me no support in the small provision business I do but for like 3yrs now I notice that he has change. The only time that he gave me money to add to my business was when I first started it. Some times as a mother and wife, I take things from the store that we use at home. So whenever this shop runs down, he never gives me money, I am always taking loans to fund, then when I finish repayment, I take again. Never buys my clothes or give me money for my hair. When I ask he says he opened shop for me. I have been taking loans to fund the shop because I don't have a helper but my husband looks the other way. We live in a student environment, a student came to buy pure water and stole my phone, my husband didn't bother or think of buying a new one. He's a plumber, whenever he comes back from work and it's like there's a bill, he tells me he doesn't have money. He hides his phone from me so that I don't see alerts. I wear clothes, ppl see me then praise him assuming that he's responsible for them but this man has not given me money for clothes in years. Not even for pants or pads.

I have reported him to ppl but he comes back even worse. He gives me money for food on Saturdays. So I cook a pot of soup and stew which the money will carry...imagine my kids taking rice and stew to school Monday to Friday because they have to eat eba as dinner. This is where I sometimes secretly take them to the shop to change meals. I complained and he said that they have to eat what he has as they are even lucky to see food.

I asked him if he was ready for marriage and he said YES. He married me well. Did everything. But I hate that I married him.

Please, I don't know what to do. I am overthinking because I am already in a 190k debt I don't know how to pay or when. His brother abroad reads my messages then ignore. My brother is old I can't ask him for anything. I feel I married a wicked man. Now we hardly even talk without quarreling.